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Without Self-Esteem And Self-Confidence, We Are Going Nowhere

Written by: Jane Morales, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


Having self-confidence takes part in the way we communicate. It is the ability to defend oneself honestly and respectfully. Every day, we face situations in which having confidence and security in us can be of great help; for example, when requesting an appointment with someone for a life-altering proposition, when approaching a teacher to ask a question, or showing up for an interview for the university or a job.

Having self-esteem and self-confidence is also a way of feeling safe, along with the following:

  • You can express an opinion or say how you feel.

  • You can order what you want or need.

  • You can express your disagreement respectfully.

  • You can make suggestions or make your ideas known.

  • You can say "no" without feeling guilty.

  • You can defend someone else.

People who speak with confidence and certainty show that they believe in themselves. They are neither shy nor know when not to be overwhelming. They recognize that their ideas and feelings are essential. They are confident.

People who are sure of themselves tend to make friends easily. They communicate with respect for the needs of other people and their own needs. They are usually good at resolving conflicts and disagreements. They respect others and, in turn, are also appreciated.

Genuine trust and self-understanding requires you to identify the origin of your insecurities since no one like you knows your strengths and weaknesses. Throughout the day, we constantly send negative messages about ourselves like "you see, you've done it again," "you're a disaster," "if you're stupid," and "what a disaster, how clumsy." We do not believe everything we read in the newspapers or everything we see on television, but these messages, as they sound with our voice, do consider them valid. What we say to ourselves becomes a reality.

Don't be labeled

What you are doing to label yourself is creating a caricature that exaggerates your weaknesses! Also, do you think it's possible to be "something" all the time? Let's take the example of the label "I'm clumsy" is it possible to be clumsy 24 hours a day?

If we had to imagine a clumsy person all the time, it would be someone who drops one thing after another, stumbles, loses things, is dressed in stains because he throws the soup on top, makes inappropriate comments, and makes the wrong direction.

To have self-confidence means knowing that whatever comes, you will be able to do it, to be convinced that your strengths will always be greater than your difficulties. You'll not have confidence in yourself until you stop labeling yourself: "I'm a mess" or "I'm stupid. All these are limiting labels you have put on so far. Have they helped you succeed? They support nothing in our lives. However, you continue to use them as if they were true.

When we put on generalizing and limiting labels, we are doing a disservice to ourselves. What we believe becomes an exaggeration in our lives. What we say to ourselves manifests in our daily lives and what we believe turns into reality.

Identify your strengths

Everyone knows that we can't be good at everything. That's impossible. Perfection doesn't exist, but we have specific innate characteristics that stand out from others. Do you know what yours are? It is essential to understand what you are good at, get the most out of yourself, and put it into practice.

Work on your self-esteem

Insecure people need to work on their self-esteem, so they will be able to improve it and gain security. And it is that behind an insecure person or who lacks confidence, on many occasions, we find low and touched self-esteem. These people are exaggeratedly afraid of making a fool of themselves, of not being understood and accepted, of provoking mockery and laughter in their closest environment, etc.

We can link self-confidence to possessing specific knowledge, skills, and abilities. Many people lack confidence because they feel that they lack a particular competence. For example, if you need more confidence about your role in a job, it may be because you need more training, information, and knowledge to perform well. On the other hand, people with a high level of competence in a given area often develop great self-confidence in that area as a result.

Education, work, reading, and practice can continuously develop more competence. For example, if you play sports and are preparing for a competition, you should train every day. If it is a presentation or public speaking, practice continuously in front of different audiences to develop your skills. Finally, you will find yourself so competent in that area that you will naturally feel confident.

Developing it requires being honest about who we are without making value judgments or wanting to change to fit into other people's ideals. When we know who we are and learn to trust ourselves, we reach a new level of intimacy.

Trust is a powerful force that resides within every human being. It provides a feeling of greater control over one's life and the ability to accept its challenges.

Own your experiences, they can be of great benefit

  • Experiences develop a better ability to think and face the fundamental challenges of life.

  • The feeling of being worthy, deserving, and having the right to affirm one's own needs.

  • Internal growth predisposition to achieving more demanding objectives that imply greater personal satisfaction.

  • Greater self-knowledge, greater self-esteem. Full acceptance of one's defects and limitations, with the sober recognition of aptitudes and abilities.

Cultivate confidence

Confidence brings a certain amount of intuition that the best is yet to come. However, cultivating it requires having a receptive attitude toward the unexpected.

Interest in oneself

Although altruism and caring for others are necessary, at certain times or situations, the interest in oneself should be superior to the claim given to others.

Social interest

We live in a community, and an essential part of our gratifications derives from social interaction; it is necessary to act morally and defend and respect the rights of others.


Healthy people usually take responsibility for directing and governing their own lives without constantly "needing" the support of others. The ultimate responsibility for your life is yourself.

Tolerance to frustration

It is necessary to grant oneself and others the right to have things follow a different course than desired. You don't have to issue sentences of condemnation when that happens. Instead, changing how negative emotions are experienced and accepting their unpleasant side is better.

Creative commitment

People tend to feel healthier when they are vitally involved in a project alien to them and assume some important human obligation.

To be accepted

The happiness of being alive reflects in people whose esteem and trust are positive. They are esteemed and can have fun. They do not make global assessments of themselves based on their external achievements or the judgment of others. Instead, they choose to accept each other unconditionally.

Take risks

It is essential to know how to take the risks that sometimes accompany the achievement of specific objectives even though, often, there is a possibility of failure. Failure should be the motivation to adjust and continue fighting for your goals. In the process, we learn how to deal with dreams, strategies, disappointments, and achievements. It is all part of developing solid confidence and healthy self-esteem. But, unfortunately, you do not always get everything you want, and it is impossible to avoid sometimes feeling suffering or pain. Therefore, accept the pain and suffering. In this process, we grow when we learn how to take it and develop new skills in life, such as the need to persevere, mental strength, and inner power to carry on, push through and never give up.

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Jane Morales, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Jane Morales is a Human Development, Leadership, and Assertiveness Coach, Meditation Master, Writer, and Public Speaker. She holds a BS in Marketing from Bentley University in Boston and a Master of Science in Communications from Boston University. In addition to her higher education, she is trained in The Power of Intention, Positive Affirmations, and Living your own Success. She completed a higher degree in Psychosynthesis Psychology which expands the boundaries of human potential exploring values and purpose in life.



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