Written by: Kate Bixler, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. 1. “It’s too expensive” — Someday I will make more money. My self-care exists someday in the future when I am willing to pay for massages, buy only organic food, sign up for yoga classes, maybe even hire a personal trainer, and consider getting that plastic surgery procedure that I want. Try This: It all starts with what you believe about taking good care of yourself. Self-care is an investment in someone- and someone that you have control over and can count on! When you take the best care of yourself that you can, your potential to make more income and take even better care of yourself is unlimited. Which self-care strategies can you afford right now? 2. “That’s what confident women do” — Women who have it all do those things. They are those people. They feel comfortable at the gym and in a Pilates class. They are known by name at the salon and how they like their hair cut, colored, and curled. That’s just not me. Try This: Everyone has their ‘first day at school.’ We get comfortable in a situation because we took it on in the first place, sometimes feeling out of our element the very first time. The only way to get familiar and confident with different experiences is to have them. How many new 'firsts' are you willing to try to become that confident person? 3. “Good girls practice self-sacrifice” — When I put everyone else first, it is proof to my brain that I am a good person. I put my partner’s needs and my children’s needs before my own. I know that I should take care of myself to be at my best for my family, but I still sometimes put my needs at the bottom of the list. Try This: Women who take the best care of others are those that regularly practice self-care. Up-level your service to others by being well-rested, well-fed, and in a cared-for state of mind. In what ways would your care for others be even better if you cared for yourself first? 4. “I would feel guilty” — If I try my best, dress up, and put on makeup, someone else might think that I am prideful and boasting. I know that I can’t control what others think, but if I am consistently the ‘same ol’ me’ then I may avoid the shame that I would feel if others are judging me. Try This: Whether you take care of yourself or not, the reality is that other people will think things about you all of the time. It feels like we have some control over this if we try not to stand out. Whatever we worry that someone else could think is usually a projection of what we might think. So, if you can get behind the idea of looking and feeling your best, then you could just allow everyone else to have the freedom of choosing their thoughts. If you let go of this worry about others, what things would you do for yourself instead of holding back? 5. “If only I had time” — I feel like time is in a limited supply. Self-care is an extravagance that belongs in the column of ‘things to do when there is extra time.’ I may have an indulgence when I am on vacation or for my birthday. Self-care just doesn’t fit into my ordinary, day-to-day routine. Try This: I am particularly guilty of this one: doing all low-priority tasks first and running out of time for high-priority tasks and then blaming it all on ‘time.’ The truth is: time is going by, whether we are managing ourselves well or not. We can’t manage time. It just keeps marching on, no matter what we do or don’t do. If you hired yourself and you were the most effective manager of yourself that you could be, what would you, the employee, get done that you have been putting off? 6. “I’m afraid that I might fail” — If I try, there is a chance that I might fail. This might come from someone else’s judgment: if I put all of my efforts into being my best and then my partner acts unimpressed, that might hurt. It might come from my own judgment: if I don’t meet the expectations I have, there will be a disappointment. My brain tells me it’s safer to fail ahead of time, by not trying, than to risk letting myself or someone else down. Try This: Realize that if we decide not to try something, we choose a 100% fail rate. Those are terrible odds. When we try something very safe and comfortable, we also don't grow much with a close-to-0% fail rate. Pay attention to the things that you want in life. Notice what you wish that ‘Future-You’ has that you don’t. This is your map for where you want to go and what you want to try. Take on the risk of something new, and realize that whatever chance you have of succeeding is a much bigger chance than not trying at all. What are the things that you would go for if you knew that you couldn’t fail? 7. “I have some hidden anger or resentment for others” — Someone else wants me to take care of myself, be my best, look like the best version of myself. But that person may not do the things that I want him/ her to do, or take care of me in the way that I want. Rather than do the work of addressing that problem or work on my feelings about that situation, I can get a little sense of relief through the passive/ aggressive revenge that I get from not taking care of myself and withholding that gift from the person not meeting my expectations. Try This: Learning to take off those ‘victim’ clothes and put on the ‘suit of responsibility’ seems like a hard thing to do. When we have expectations of others, and they let us down, it seems more comfortable to point the finger outward for our disappointment. But the truth is, when we take responsibility for our feelings, it will set us free. We will be able to give grace to others and to focus on our actions instead of on what others do. We can then claim control over how we take care of ourselves. What are the things that you would do for yourself if other people were not treated as a barrier? 8. “I just don’t like to set my plans in stone” — I want to go with the flow. I don’t like to follow a strict daily routine. That just covers up the fact that I don’t feel like it. When it comes time to take that 30-minute walk, make a salad for lunch, do 10 minutes of meditation and 20 minutes of reading, I just don’t feel like it. Big changes will happen with small steps, but if we aren’t disciplined and we don’t have that mental toughness to follow through with our plans, then we will never start and never get the results that we wish we could instantly have. Try This: I don’t take up a lot of brain space with the things that I accomplish on automatic pilot. Brushing my teeth is a great example. I never write it on my calendar or to-do list because it just happens: same times every day. It’s not a problem when I wake up early or get to bed late- the time just gets adjusted, and it still happens. How many tasks can you take off of your ‘worry’ list, put onto auto-pilot, and begin changing the results that you get in your life? 9. “I will start as soon as I can find my motivation” — This is a common myth. If I can just get into the right mindset, then I will want to do all of the things on my self-care list. I will be smiling on the way to the gym. I will be delighted to eat my salad instead of a piece of cake. And I will be happy to meditate while the children are yelling in the room next door. The truth is that it may feel a whole lot better once we are done with a self-care step than it does to begin it. If we wait for motivation to come along and grab our hand, we may be waiting for something that will never happen. Try This: Change your expectation of what it feels like to start a task. Expect that it’s going to feel TERRIBLE to start it and amazing to finish it. Just start the task, regardless of how you feel about it. You get bonus points if you get yourself to a neutral feeling and extra bonus points if you can find a way to look forward to the task, but it isn't necessary. How many more tasks would you take on in your self-care routine if you stopped waiting for motivation to come to you first? 10. “I spend a lot of brain time thinking about it, which is almost as good as doing it” — Women often feel like worrying is a necessary step in planning our lives. We can give a whole lot of airtime to thinking and planning and never get to the doing. Thinking about self-care may prove to your brain that you prioritize it and deem it important. However, it does lack the RESULTS that come from taking the self-care actions. Try This: Lower your expectations of how your self-care activities will go. When you begin to think about it, either does the task right then and there or put it on your calendar. Eliminate the ‘worry’ time and just take on a task with the anticipation that you will do it terribly but have the experience of doing it. Go for a walk and tell yourself that you will probably hate it. Drink that water and don’t expect that it will taste good. The less you expect, the more often you will be surprised when it isn’t as bad as anticipated. The less you worry, and the more that you do, the greater the feeling of accomplishment that you will have. The ultimate goal is to be someone that is well-cared for. How soon will you commit to stop worrying about your self-care and start taking action? Want more from Kate? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin, or visit her website now. Kate Bixler, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Kate Bixler is the certified weight-loss and life coach that women turn to when they are tired of struggling to lose weight on their own. She has a Master's Degree in Educational Leadership and has 30+ years of experience teaching, presenting at conferences, and training teachers to be the best version of themselves. She combines her personal experience of losing 40+ lbs. and coaching expertise to help women transform their current identity into the future self that they dream of, leaving their struggle with weight loss behind.

Written by: Sharna Southan, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. How can there be any meaning in your challenges or losses… right? Life is happening to us, and it is just unfair! If someone said there was meaning within my pregnancy loss after I had experienced it (which I’m pretty sure they did), It would have hurt like hell! “Why would they say something so insensitive?” In this article, I want to say, Society & External Triggers are inevitable. We cannot control what other people do or say to us. It is entirely up to us to control our reaction to the said trigger. It's important to note as well that life is not happening to you, it is happening for you. Our life's journey is already predetermined before birth & our challenges the hardships are an opportunity for you to grow your soul. To grow into the person, you are destined to be. There are a few things to consider when dealing with our emotions after loss (and triggers come under that emotional umbrella). I want you first to consider where you are within your grieving. There are 7-Stages to the Grieving Cycle. Can you place where you are within the Kubler-Ross 7-Stages of the Grieving Cycle? There are multiple & different ways grief can be felt. Are you aware there are 18 Types of Grief? An important thing to note here while we are on the topic of grief is that it does not come in the set stages. You will experience grief in all its stages at different times throughout your life. And grief does not just go away. You learn to live with & understand that grief & joy can coexist in your life. Grief is love & through understanding grief, you can understand joy so much deeper. Now you are aware of how you are grieving; the next step is to understand how your emotions are presenting and what you are doing when they do. It is oh so easy to sweep them to the side and say they are too uncomfortable to deal with when they come up. Although everything in our body is energy, all our cells are energy & our emotions are energy. Not everything we feel will be positive, and that's okay. When we can acknowledge the light & dark within ourselves, then & only then are we living in our Wholeness, in our oneness. The light in us is when we can invite positive experiences & emotions, feelings into our lives. The dark in us is the uncomfortable, the pain & the negative emotions, or feelings, although these are to be invited in as well. And I say to invite the ‘Positive’ & ‘Negative’ because even in saying ‘negative’ emotions, they are not negative. They are coming to show you something. They are coming to be acknowledged and want to be released. It is only our perception of them that is ‘Negative.’ But for the sake of this article, I will refer to them as positive & negative emotions. It is super important to understand this duality within us & be able to acknowledge both sides. So your emotions are just energy. They may be uncomfortable to feel, but they are necessary for your emotional, mental & physical health. We cannot ignore one part of us and expect to be authentically & wholly ourselves. To ignore one part of us is to ignore our whole self. Instead of trying to resist the dark & strive for the light, coming to a place of neutrality within our days allows us to experience life more harmoniously. Acknowledging all aspects and finding a way to work together, so it’s not one huge rollercoaster of emotions, with high highs & low lows. Emotions that are not felt, acknowledged, and released will become stuck within the body & will present as a physical ailment or illness. When we experience ‘positive’ emotions, to release we rarely give them a second thought. We are happy, we are blissful, soaking them up & life in all its glory! But when we experience ‘negative’ emotions, we want to push them aside or rush through them. We don’t want to feel them or soak them up. This is to our detriment! Ways you can start to acknowledge the hard & painful emotions: Name your emotion. It is really easy to ignore it and not look at it because it is too painful, but as I said, to heal it, you must first feel it. And to feel it, you must know what it is that is coming to you. So in a journal or just a piece of paper, what is it that you are feeling? Know what is an emotion & what is a reaction. So your emotions could be hatred, fear, sadness, jealousy, worry, anxiety, shame, or on the other end of the scale, they can be joy, enthusiasm, happiness, hopefulness, appreciation. 2. What does it mean to you? Give yourself time & space with this to really understand what it means. Now you know your emotion, what is that emotion coming to you for? What triggered it? Was it something said or done? What do you feel it means to you? When you feel like you have got out a response, I want you to ask yourself “what else” and just wait for what comes to you. Your initial response will be from your Conscious mind & it’ll be your surface reaction “Because they said something horrible!” So asking “what else” is going to trigger the subconscious mind. This will start to uncover what that emotion is trying to show you to be released. 3. Show it compassion & release it. Show your emotion, compassion & kindness. It is, after all, part of you, so you are ultimately showing yourself compassion by loving on this emotion. Acknowledge this emotion, thank it for coming to you today & release it. It will present itself again, but the next time it does, you will be much better equipped to process it & it won’t be all-consuming. It won’t knock you off your feet & you will have internal tools to cope. When you can embrace the painful emotions, you will feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders & a massive shift in how you perceive yourself & your life. Moving through your emotions isn’t easy, but it will allow you to release the heavy emotions and receive beautiful experiences & emotions in your life. When you release what isn't serving you, you make room for what can serve you. When you can acknowledge & process your emotions, you will start to experience a mindset shift; life won’t be so dark and gloomy & full of intense emotions of grief & sadness. You can start to come to a place of acceptance within your story, create peace in your heart and find some meaning within it too. Your external environment reflects your internal environment. Shift your internal environment & your external will shift as well by default. So it’s not as simple as someone saying, “There is meaning within your adversity” or “Everything happens for a reason,” and you’re just meant to be ok with it. These will not be helpful to you at all until you can start to process your emotions. Until you can reestablish a connection back to yourself, your identity & what you value in your life. Then you will see for yourself that it didn't happen to you; it is happening for you. At every given moment, you have an opportunity to grow through what you are going through or stay frozen at that moment in time. Choose growth & your life will start to change. Your life will blossom like a flower in the spring. You will never forget your baby by processing your thoughts & emotions. By choosing that, life does go on. It will always be written in the chapters of your life. It is your time now to start doing something for yourself. As a good book goes, you cannot have the chapters not follow from before. Your loss is part of your book, which will create the content of the chapters to follow it. The rest of your book will depend on how you chose to move through your experience. A more empowered & awakened You? Or one that wants to stay frozen in time? In the end, it’s your choice, and we all have a choice! Want more from Sharna? Subscribe to her Youtube Channel and follow her on Facebook and Instagram. Sharna Southan, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Sharna is an ICF-certified Coach & Self Healing Spiral Practitioner. After her experience with Grief through the Loss of her Dad & a Miscarriage, Sharna knew this was an opportunity to grow her soul & designed ways to heal through the different types of grief. Sharna saw the need for more support in the Pregnancy Loss space. She Founded 'The Institute of Healing through Pregnancy Loss' & became a Business Mentor for women who have experienced Pregnancy or Infant loss & had an inner knowing they are destined for more. So women can uncover their purpose (soul's blueprint), step into their power, create values & soul-aligned business & live a life true to their heart & higher calling in life. Sharna has designed a method to uncovering your purpose & teaches her signature healing through a loss framework alongside a business model to monetize your purpose. Teaching a values-aligned business model & signature healing framework create more empowered women leaders who can provide a safe space for women to reconnect to their divine self & start their healing after Pregnancy or Infant loss. Her mission is to create more accessible support for women to heal specific to pregnancy or infant loss.

Written by: Victoria Chardon, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. I push the front door again. Five times. I count each time I hear the door straining in its frame. It’s definitely locked. I turn away, but somewhere in my mind, a voice asks me, are you sure? Is it safe? I push the door again. Always five times. It’s locked. It’s safe. I say it out loud this time. I take out my phone camera, take a photograph of myself pushing the door. I film myself checking it’s locked. I send a photo of the door to my husband. But it’s still not enough. The voice is there, asking me, "Are you sure, are you sure?" I have prickly heat under my arms by now and a mild sense of panic. I’m running late for an appointment, and I’ve been standing at my front door for nearly ten minutes. Before this, I had to do the ritual of checking inside the house; the candles are out, the windows are shut, the oven is off, the cooker, the lights, the taps. Making it all safe. Living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is exhausting. I go through some form of this routine every day and have done so since 2006, when it developed out of the blue. A switch in my brain flipped to ‘OCD enabled’ and has been stuck on that setting ever since. I often hear people use the term ‘OCD’ flippantly, without understanding the debilitating anxiety condition behind it. ‘Obsessive’ refers to negative, intrusive thoughts that won’t go away. These thoughts persist until the person feels they can only extinguish them with an action of some kind. This is the ‘Compulsive’ part. A person with OCD becomes trapped in an endless pattern of intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. You try harder and harder to use the action to dismiss the thought, but something in your head is telling you it’s not enough - and so it goes on. When I developed OCD, I didn’t understand what was happening. I was suddenly and inexplicably plagued with thoughts that when I went out, something awful would happen to the house. This led to compulsive checking, which quickly became uncontrollable. I’d never suffered anxiety or panic attacks before; suddenly, I had them every time I tried to go out. It reached the point where my rituals were taking hours. I was skipping classes at University or phoning my best friend to come and help me leave. I received a warning about my attendance. When I entered the workforce, I would lie about why I was late to the office so often. I was trapped in a prison of my own thoughts. Trust me; there is nothing more terrifying than realizing you cannot control your own mind. I was becoming desperate to find an off switch, but luckily I didn’t get that far. My wonderful friends persuaded me to see a doctor, and when she diagnosed OCD and said there were ways to treat it, I cried with relief. There was a name for this thing. It turned out that it isn't even that uncommon - 1 in 50 people have OCD, which means several of you reading this will relate to my story. And thus began an arduous journey through therapy, which I continued to hide from my employer, as well as from many of my friends and family members. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Throughout this month, you’ve no doubt seen posts about mental health on social media. I feel encouraged that finally, this topic is being talked about more. But it’s still not enough. You don’t read many stories as open as mine because so much stigma remains. Many continue to suffer in silence as a result of the shame they feel. In particular, people are afraid they will be judged, and unfortunately, in some cases, we are. I was turned down as a volunteer with St John Ambulance because I had both OCD and a mental health assessment in my medical record, even though it would have had no impact on the tasks I would have been required to perform. It is imperative that we continue to challenge this stigma in society and at work. If you are a team manager, no matter how big or small, I urge you to make space for your employees to be open with you so that they feel more supported. Challenges with mental health come in so many different forms. Some people will have been diagnosed with a condition that they’re too scared to tell you about and are struggling to hide from you. Others will be close to burnout or feeling anxious. It is not your job as a leader to diagnose or to fix the mental health of your employees, but there is a lot to be said for adopting an empathic and open leadership style that allows for authentic conversations about what people are going through. When you ask your employees how they’re feeling, mean it. Tell them the truth about how you’re feeling, too. This is especially important right now, after months of lockdowns and uncertainty. Our default setting is ‘I’m fine.’ But how fine are we, really? As a leader, the best thing you can do right now for your team is to invite openness, listen actively, and ask them what they need. Do your best to support them with whatever that need is - a little more flexibility in working hours, time off for visits to a therapist, help reprioritizing, an extended leave of absence. We don’t think twice about supporting our employees if they have a physical illness or injury. We need to treat mental health as health in exactly the same way. I’ve made a personal commitment to be vocal and raise awareness of this topic as a leader now myself because it’s what I wish I’d had when I was in my darkest place. These days my OCD is manageable. I’m happy to say that it no longer controls me, and it hasn’t been done for some years. My rituals take ten minutes instead of two hours. It was a difficult road to get here, and there’s always a fear of relapse at the back of my mind. I went through a period of hating myself, of trying to wish it away. Now I accept it’s simply another part of what makes me human, and there’s no shame in that. For more information, follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn and visit my website! Read more from Victoria! Victoria Chardon, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Victoria Chardon specializes in fulfillment, confidence-building, and making big dreams become a reality. As well as being a Google leader who manages an international team, she is the co-founder of Rising Star Leadership, a consultancy that creates personalized coaching programs for groups, individuals, and corporations. Victoria helps people to connect with themselves on a deeper level than they usually would, pulling them away from life on the surface' and helping them claim their powerful, unique individuality. She also works with leaders to help them incorporate vulnerability and compassion into their leadership style. She is a vocal advocate on wellbeing and mental health and has taken to the stage on several occasions to share her personal journey and break down the stigma of mental health in the workplace.

Written by: Debbie Debonaire, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. How can one woman's dream change the lives of so many other peoples across the world? Sounds crazy, right? Well, let me tell you about my dream. Hi, I am Debbie Debonaire, an Emotional Resilience Builder and Transformational Specialist. Founder of HeartACT and creator of HeartACT Theaterapy, an innovative process that marries together holistic strategies and the essence and inspiration of the theatrical world. I am a survivor of Clinical Depression and the failure of three attempts at suicide. Yes, five years ago I had a dream that today is about to make a difference in people’s lives across the world, in fact, it has already changed the lives of at least two people, but I will tell you more about that in a moment. So let’s invite you to my dream. How did it come about, and how will it change lives? My dream evolved from thoughts that I had around the same time, thoughts of bringing together ten women, including myself who had failed suicide, to collaborate in writing a book called Alive to Thrive, Failing Suicide Gives You the Gift of Life. The dream was so vivid. I saw the women from across the world discussing the book, sitting and writing at desks, creating images for the front cover, and standing on stages sharing the messages within the book. Many of these courageous women failed suicide more than once to now be thriving in life. Their stories are of courage, strength, and resilience. They will help change the lives of those across the world who find themselves in similar situations by showing them that they can overcome challenges, adversities, and suicidal thoughts/tendencies to thrive in their own true potential and uniqueness. To reveal to them that suicide is not the answer, that they have the gift of life in which to flourish. As I mentioned earlier, the book has already changed the lives of two people, two of the authors who have never embarked on telling their whole story before, never mind getting it in print. Scary for them, I would suggest all of us who have our part to play in this amazing venture! Hell yes! This book is powerful, inspirational, and encouraging and needs to be spread across the world. The stories that we share will inspire, empower and encourage those who read them to move forward in their lives, away from where they are today. Away from the darkness into the light. Stories of mental and physical abuse, rape, sex trafficking, prostitution, drug and alcohol addiction, bullying, torment, cancer, and so much more. Stories that happened for these women to make them the strong individuals they are today, the advocates and guides sent to make a difference in this world. These women come from across the world, and we aim to get the book in as many households, charities, shelters, communities, and more across the world. Bringing these women and their stories together is indeed a dream come true, but support is needed to bring this book and our mission to fruition. We are looking for people to sponsor a copy of the book, which I will ship to a charity, shelter, household, or community, or anywhere in the world of your choosing after it is published on 30th July. To sponsor a book, please click here (don’t forget to let us know where you want the book sent to). Your support will be greatly appreciated. If you feel like this is something you would like to support, then go here to find out more about the book and what it will take to get it into print and across the world. I want to take this opportunity to thank you for being part of my dream for reading this article and saying thank you in anticipation for supporting the dream to come to fruition so we can change people's lives for the better. One woman's dream can change the lives of others! Follow me on Facebook , LinkedIn , Instagram and visit my webs ite ! Read more from De bbie ! Debbie Debonaire, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Debbie Debonaire is a Global Emotional Resilience Consultant and Holistic Counsellor who has transformed her life to become a beacon of light to help others suffering in adversity, fear, severe lack of self-confidence, and self-esteem. She failed suicide three times, overcame extreme clinical depression and prolonged mental domestic abuse, so she knows what it takes to take back control and transform one's life. Her story is one of extreme courage and focus and has resulted in a complete transformation that has seen her rise to become a highly esteemed expert on contemporary emotional and trauma recovery. Debbie brings solutions, inspiration, and change through her innovative process, the HeartAct Approach™, to guide career women (and men) from negative life patterns to triumphant transformation and empowerment. This gives them the courage to take back their control and live life on their own terms so that they can thrive to their true potential and live the life they desire and deserve.

Written by: Kim Conway, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. The best parts of us are hidden in plain sight. We live within the endless chatter of our conscious minds. This chatter commands our focus, yet it distracts us from our true essence because it is so strong. We decide this chatter must be the true representation of ourselves. Our truth. The definition of us. The truth lies within, And as we discover it, We can’t help but grin. For the truth is what we have always desired, And the search is so easy we will not grow tired. Think for a moment, what does your mind say when you ask, “Who am I?” For most of us, we will receive a list of adjectives—kind, compassionate, shy, fearful, trusting, distrusting, unworthy, worthy. This list can be infinite and often derived from what others have told us we are. But what does it really say about our depth? Our conscious minds have an important job. They are meant to distract us from our true essence. This is how they lead us in our life as humans. The chatter makes us forget about our souls and spirit. Our bodies also distract us. They distract us with physical sensations, pain, illness, hunger, and our body and self-image. We often then define ourselves by our relationship with our bodies—I am female, young, old, attractive, unattractive, healthy, unhealthy. This, too, is an endless list. Inside of our souls Lives our truth, so strong and sound. The truth is our spirit, Is our fraction of God. Our spirits are resilient and strong And lead by Great Spirit So kind, loving, and pure, And it is here we have all resided so long. How do we connect with our souls? This connection to our bodies and minds overpowers us. It blocks the third and most important part of us—our souls and spirit. Because of the power of our minds and bodies, we feel disconnected from our souls. In my work, people ask me all of the time, “How can I know my soul?” This is a mystery to many of us. We must become quiet to connect. We must use our hearts and our belief systems to connect. We must put in the effort. It is the cracking open of our minds, beliefs, and a relaxation of our bodies necessary to begin this relationship with our souls. And as we discover our spirits, Our souls do ignite, And it is our spirits That shine so brilliant and bright, And as they do, The world around us is illuminated And begins to glow. This is the truth, we all actually know. If we looked at an egg and never cracked it open, we would not know its contents. We would never know about its nutrition and its ingredients to produce life. The egg hides its golden yoke in plain sight. Just as our souls and spirits are always within us, hiding behind the chatter of our conscious minds, in plain sight but unseen. Our souls and spirit are much like the yoke. For this truth is the foundation Of all living creations. It resides inside of us. It resides inside all animals. And plants and flowers, And it flies around with the birds and the bees. For each living creature Holds within it this grace. How does connecting with our souls change us? We must work to have this relationship with our souls; Once we begin, it is easy. We begin to listen to our minds in a different way. We challenge our own minds. We forgive our bodies for their weaknesses. We begin to know our true essence. This essence is always love. Each of us supported by universal love, Each of us within God’s grace, Each of us a fraction of this universal love, Each of us with a power to heal, Each of us with a power to transform. This is the truth we hold within The truth we do know. The best part of us is hidden in plain sight, just as the golden yoke is hidden within the shell and white of the egg. We think of eggs as a valuable source of nutrition. It is the same with our souls and spirit. They are essential in guiding us on our spiritual growth and personal development. So, for today, Reach deep inside And find your soul, And find your spirit, And awaken to understand they do not hide. For they are within your grasp, And their love is true and unconditional And will forever last. For more info, follow me on Facebook, Instagram and visit my website! Read more from Kim! Kim Conway, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Kim Conway, LICSW, Coach, Medium, Reiki Master. Kim believes we all have the capacity to overcome our struggles and that our souls are the most powerful healers and our greatest guide. Her approach is spiritual, helping clients develop a relationship with their souls, which supports us in every aspect of our lives and helps us heal, evolve, and grow. She incorporates intuitive work, energy healing, and education in her soul coaching program to help you discover and know your soul for personal development, guidance, and healing. Kim is a LICSW, developed spiritual medium, and Reiki Master Teacher who offers soul coaching, mediumship, intuitive and Oracle card readings, meditations, energy healing, and spiritual and intuitive development classes. You can listen to her Podcast, Soul Inspirations, meditation album, Soul Journeys for inspiration and healing. Kim is the Entrepreneuress of Kim Conway, LLC.

Written by: Jo Uff, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Why is it that sometimes we go through a day, thinking and feeling positive, whilst on other days we seem to be constantly triggered with negative thoughts and emotions? In this blog, I share my thoughts about why we think, feel, and behave the way we do, how we give meaning to events, and how we can ensure those meanings are positive. I also look at how we can begin to shift our focus towards what we want to notice, so that we can maintain a positive mindset and get the results we want. Let’s start with a definition of mental or psychological wellbeing: according to Mind (a registered charity in England and Wales), “we might use it to talk about how we feel, how well we're coping with daily life or what we feel is possible at the moment.” One aspect of good mental or psychological wellbeing is having a positive mindset. That doesn’t mean being happy all the time and it certainly doesn’t mean that negative emotions are bad or wrong. All emotions are an essential part of us as individuals and expressing these emotions is fundamental to our wellbeing. Sometimes though, our negative emotions are unwarranted, and if they pop up frequently, they can get in the way of our happiness. They can ruin the next hour, day or even longer and often, quite unnecessarily. They also make responding reasonably to a situation almost impossible, as we become irrational.Having a positive mindset is about taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, being able to create empowering rather than disempowering thoughts, and letting go of unwarranted negative emotions. Maintaining a positive mindset all the time is virtually impossible, however, we can begin to move towards it if we can change the meaning we give to events that happen in our lives. Why we behave the way we do Have you ever been cut up on a roundabout? What was the first conclusion that you jumped to? How did that make you feel as a result? And what did you do? It’s something most of us can relate to, right? And it can impact us for the next few minutes, hours, or even the rest of the day! Here’s how it works: Information comes into our brain as a result of the events we experience; in fact, we are bombarded with around 2 million bits of information every second, only a fraction of which we are able to process. The information which makes it through will be linked to significant events that occur, experiences that draw our attention, or things our subconscious mind is focused on. When an event occurs, we automatically give meaning to it. This happens so fast that we are not even aware of it. To give it meaning, our brain will do three things: Firstly, it will delete information that does not fit with what we already know and believe to be true. Then it will generalize the information, stopping us from looking for other explanations; it doesn’t have time to search for what else it might be, so it links it back to something we already know, have experienced, or to the beliefs, we have about ourselves. Thirdly, it distorts the information, forcing things to fit with our beliefs and experiences to date by actually changing what we are seeing, hearing, or experiencing. This stops us from being shocked or surprised by new information and enables it to fit with what we expect or believe the world to be. This creates the meaning we give to something, which impacts how we feel and generates an emotion or state that drives our behavior. Our behavior then often determines the result we get. Giving empowering meanings to the events that happen The first way we can give positive or empowering meanings to events that happen is to differentiate between a mind read and reality. A mind read is something we assume to be true rather than know is the reality. For example, I may decide that someone doesn’t like me because of the way they are behaving, but unless they have actually told me, it’s just a mind read! And if it is a mind read, we may as well feel in a good place by creating an empowering, rather than a disempowering meaning. If you find yourself giving something a negative or unhelpful meaning, ask the following questions: What am I feeling right now? What has made me feel like this, and what meaning have I given the situation? How do I know that is true? What else could it be? Maybe… Decide what else it could be and choose to give it a different meaning. So, for my roundabout example: maybe they were in a hurry to get to the hospital or the vets; maybe something unfortunate had happened, and they were in a rush to get to a particular place, or person. Giving the situation a new meaning allows us to maintain a positive state and get on with the rest of our day. Another way to maintain a positive mindset is to take ownership of how you are feeling; no one else made or forced you to feel a particular way! You have chosen to, based on the meaning you have given the situation and how you are choosing to respond. Shifting our focus towards the things we want to notice, to maintain a positive mindset and get the results we want We focus on the things we have strong emotions, thoughts, or beliefs about, and the rest goes into those buckets I talked about earlier, of being deleted, distorted, or generalized. That works well in some instances if we are clear about what we want. However, if our focus is on less positive things, we’ll notice more of these too! That’s why it can be so helpful to set goals. When we do this, we give our brain clear and positive thoughts and feelings to focus on, which will mean we are more likely to notice the resources and information that will help us work towards it rather than delete, distort, or generalize that information. I mentioned clear and positive thoughts and feelings; our brain cannot deal with negatives straight away and will process the affirmative first (do NOT think of a pink elephant!), so if you find yourself saying ‘I don’t want…’, ask yourself what you want instead and give your brain something positive to focus on. So, setting goals or outcomes can be extremely helpful in focusing our mind on the things we want to notice AND making sure those things are positive, helping us to maintain a positive mindset. -------------------- I’m off to set my goals for the next month. Next time you are having a day of being triggered with negative thoughts and emotions, try changing the meaning and see how it changes the result you get… Follow me on Facebook , LinkedIn and visit my website for more info! Read more from Jo Uff! Jo Uff, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Jo has been coaching and leading individuals and teams to achieve successful, transformational change since 2007. Following a 30-year career within corporate organizations across various sectors, Jo established her own coaching business, dedicated to strengthening positive mindset and wellbeing. She is a certified NLP Master Practitioner and Coach. Having overcome her struggles, she is passionate about the importance of good psychological wellbeing and helping people rediscover the joy and embrace life as an adventure. As a mum to two teenagers, Jo appreciates the challenges of juggling a career alongside raising a family. She enjoys running regularly to support her overall well-being. As a personal well-being coach, Jo helps women feel positive, confident, and full of energy to be, do, and have more of what they want in their personal and professional lives. She does this by working as their guide to altering the beliefs, behaviors, and values that are disempowering and no longer serve them. Jo continues to work with organizations as a business coach and mentor, empowering individuals and teams to increase performance, achieve goals, and overcome challenges affecting their wellbeing and success.

Written by: Lynn MacDonald, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. “Thought is the divine tool, nothing more, nothing less, only a tool. A wise person, like a good tradesman, uses this tool to the best of his or her ability” — Syd Banks. What do playdough and the gift of thought have in common? I will get back to the question shortly, but my guess is you will begin to understand the commonality of play dough and the gift of thought. I invite you to a whole new way of thinking about suffering and entertaining the possibility of eliminating most suffering by the time you get to the end of this blog. It sounds crazy but just be open to seeing something fresh and new, no pressure. I have a different understanding of suffering now as I see the world through a new set of lenses of how our felt experience is created and how reality works instead of how I think it worked. All suffering is caused is by one thing, the innocent misuse of the gift of thought. The gift of thought is rarely talked about. It gives you the freedom to create unlimited potential like playdough from which everything in the universe is created. The gift of thought is made of spiritual energy, you can’t see it, and it comes with neutrality. It gives you the ability to think. Every felt experience you imagine begins in thought, a gift upon your arrival on planet earth. Because the spiritual gift of thought is rarely discussed, it looks like a good idea to try to change, control, or monitor “good” or “bad” thoughts or think positive. What’s needed to move away from suffering is understanding the gift of thought and the freedom it provides for thinking to change on its’ own. Like playdough, the best part is to do anything you want with it. Use it any way you want. You can use playdough the same to create beautiful flowers, scary dragons, or monsters. At the end of the day, it still just playdough, a tool to use to create unlimited potential. Because you tend not to notice how much you think, you may think you don’t think much, but yes, you do. You are thinking 24/7 as your experience of life is brought to you by the gift of thought. A fish isn’t aware that it lives in water. It doesn’t notice. Like you, you don’t notice you live in thought. It’s easy to misuse the gift of thought innocently. You think innocently again. It’s not me. It’s the flowers. It’s the dragon or the monsters. It’s my past, my spouse, my job, the weather, the traffic. When you believe your felt experience of life comes from anywhere else other than the gift of thought, you suffer innocently because you think you have to change something to feel better, blame someone or something for how you feel, or create a habit to relax. You have created that experience through the gift of thought, and if you are not aware you are creating it, you use it against yourself. You unintentionally harm yourself with your own thinking, innocently misusing the gift of Thought. All suffering is the innocent misuse of thought. The more you become aware of it by not beating yourself up, you can start to notice whether you use the gift of thought to create heaven or hell. You can use the gift of thought to create beautiful feelings or to create dark low mood experiences. You’ll start to see it for what it is, an option. You don’t have control, but you have freedom around it. You become less and less likely to use the gift of thought against yourself, as it no longer looks like a good idea. Built into your system from birth is a fool-proof use or misuse Thought Detector. You know you’re using the gift of thought against yourself because it feels horrible, anxious, scary, and uncomfortable. It’s a habit of thinking, nothing more, just noticing when you feel that way, leave it alone, and it will fade as feelings are only temporary. Stay away from trying to figure out reasons why you feel the way you do. You only look to something or someone to blame. This takes you further away from mental health and into suffering. You know you’re using the gift of thought to express your true essence when you are living from a good feeling, feeling happy, peaceful, curious, compassionate, and loving. You can eliminate the vast majority of your suffering because without the innocent misuse of the gift of thought. There is no suffering. If you are not thinking it, you are not feeling it. Once you catch onto this, suffering begins to go away by itself. There’s a reason you don’t misuse a hammer to bang on your head. At some point, you know it hurts, and it’s a bad idea. When you notice you are hammering yourself with the gift of thought, you’ll stop doing it as much. It will become an occasional occurrence and happens less often. It’s in your awareness now. You’ll begin to see it more. There’s nothing to do, there’s no pressure to put on yourself, and there’s no strategy, simply becoming aware when you are in the habit of suffering thinking. Okay, back to the question, what do playdough and the gift of thought have in common? I know you know the answer to the question. If you can’t find the words, that is okay; notice if you are feeling good. You are designed perfectly; you are fundamentally well, and you are built for reality. Your divine inheritance is well-being. You can create any experience in life you want! With Gratitude, Lynn Follow me on Facebook for more information! Read more from Lynn! Lynn MacDonald, Executive Contributor, Brainz Magazine I’ve been a corporate trainer for a Fortune 500 company. I’ve been a yoga teacher with consistently sold-out classes and a professional hypnotherapist, successfully curing some of the biggest fears and phobias people have. All of this, plus studying with some of the highest level teachers on the planet, has led me to understand human nature to help strengthen professional women, shed their old beliefs, and become the potent, prosperous leaders they’re here to be.

Written by: Dez Stephens, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Making decisions in your business can either be easy or challenging. It’s easy when you “know” what to do, and it’s challenging when you feel fuzzy on what to do. Being an effective decision-maker is considered a coveted skill in business, but we don’t always feel sure about our decisions. Inherently, you are the absolute best person to decide on something in your business because your business is a literal reflection of you. Who else is better suited to making decisions in your business than you? Sure, we get advice from business consultants and advisors. We seek guidance from our colleagues and sometimes even from our family and friends. This can distract us. What they would do or suggest is not necessarily what you should do. Our physical bodies can intuitively serve us well when making decisions. Our bodies are always giving us information. Fatigue reminds us to slow down. Hyperactivity reminds us to drink less coffee. A stomachache reminds us to eat better. A sore back reminds us to use better posture. It’s easy to go to the body for information. Your physical body knows things. All the things. Your emotions and thoughts are not as helpful when making decisions because these are fleeting. One moment you’re feeling this way, and another moment, you’re feeling something entirely different. Thoughts come and go quickly, making it hard for us to grab onto them. Instead, using our body as a pendulum is highly effective for making “yes” or “no” decisions. This somatic exercise is easy to learn and easy to implement. First, stand or sit upright with your eyes closed. Relax and find what feels like your center. Then, ask your body to give you a “yes” while leaning forward just a bit. In other words, you’re telling your body what a “yes” feels like. Then do this for a “no” by leaning your body back a bit, training your body that this is a “no” for you. Now test it. With your eyes closed, ask a question in your head (or out loud) like, “My name is Dez,” and see which way your body leans. [Use your first name instead.] If your body leans forward, even as a micro-lean, then you know that you can now ask your body a “no” question to confirm it. Try using someone else’s name like, “My name is Fred,” and notice which way your body leans. Once you determine a solid “yes or no” system, you can now ask your body anything that can be answered with a “yes” or “no” statement. “Should I do business with so-and-so?” “It is the right time to bring on another team member?” “Is Tuesday the best day for this meeting?” “Is it time to sell my shares?” You can even use this technique in your personal life. “Is this vitamin what my body needs right now?” “Is it time to end this romantic relationship?” “Will I benefit from having a child this year?” This somatic technique is effective because you are asking YOU questions. Your physical body is an amalgamated version of your spiritual, mental, and emotional bodies. There is a deep knowing in your body. Your cells know exactly who you are and what is best for you. Trust your body. Next thing you know, you’ll be doing this at the grocery store, deciding what to make for dinner! For more information, follow Dez on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn and visit her YouTube-Channel and website! Read more from Dez! Dez Stephens, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dez Stephens is the Founder + CEO of Radiant Coaches Academy, a social enterprise and prominent international coach training school that certifies individuals to create vibrant, professional, private practices as holistic life coaches, wellness coaches, and business coaches. She is a certified + credentialed coach, master trainer, and marketing strategist. Dez is a social justice entrepreneur, a people's advocate, and planetary activist. She is a co-executive producer of the documentary film "End of the Line: The Women of Standing Rock," highlighting Native women fighting to keep clean water on their Native lands in North Dakota and beyond. She is both passionate and sincere in helping people live more meaningful lives as a dedicated global humanitarian and social entrepreneur.

Written by: Rose Burnett, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. The Inner Child can be a representation of you as a small child to an adolescent and the experiences that shaped you. It can also represent our sense of fun, playfulness, adventure, creativity, and innovation. Many of the negative influences that damage the Inner Child are karmic, related to family, and generational karmic imprints and patterning. Which can include early childhood trauma , neglect, and negative life experiences. This can create issues in how we relate and form relationships as adults and how we feel about ourselves and our self-worth. We can have a fear of abandonment, rejection and feel insecure and vulnerable in love relationships and with family and friends. Resulting in self-sabotaging behaviors in relationships because of how vulnerable we feel. We can internalize feelings of guilt and shame in asking for our needs to be met because they were regularly denied as a child. Making you feel unworthy or fearful of getting your needs met as an adult. You may also have an inability to set healthy boundaries with others because your boundaries were regularly crossed by others, no matter how many times you tried to put them in place. You can find yourself agreeing to do things that make you feel uncomfortable and go against your values. You may fail to speak up for yourself and put up with things in relationships for fear of abandonment, criticism, shaming, judgment, or rejection. Or worse still, change yourself to be loved and accepted. There may be suppressed anger and sadness over not having your needs met as a child that you still carry with you today. How do we reverse the effects of childhood trauma? Healing the Inner Child involves an awareness of how your early childhood experiences are subconsciously playing out in your relationships and life. Some of the things that can help heal the Inner Child are: Counselling, psychology, timeline regression, and journaling. Reiki energy healing, natural therapies, sound therapy, music, and guided meditations. Releasing and healing from the past through forgiveness and consciously choosing not to let the past affect your present. Being consciously aware of self-sabotaging behaviors and their triggers and finding healthy ways to calm your energy in these situations. So that you respond, rather than react. Setting healthy boundaries and reinforcing those boundaries until they are respected. Building up your sense of self-worth and self-love through positive self-talk, gratitude practices, and doing things that nurture and pamper yourself. Doing creative things that light up your Soul. Dance, yoga, getting out in nature. Doing adventurous and fun things that bring out your inner child. Healing relationships with others, particularly family. Connecting with friends, partners, children, and family in a fun, positive way. How our masculine energy can protect the Inner Child? The Inner Child may need healing and protection from our masculine energy, to be fully expressed in the world. When our Inner Child feels safe, protected, and loved, we can: Express ourselves truthfully in the world, without fear. Ask for and expect our needs to be met healthily in relationships. Accept and love ourselves, we have a good sense of self-esteem and body image. Embrace our Divine Gifts and Talents, ideas, and creativity and use them confidently in the world to pursue our passions. Set healthy boundaries with others that protect our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing. Feel safe being emotionally vulnerable with others. Form loving, trustworthy relationships with others and make decisions by following our values and what has meaning for us. And remember, everyone deserves to feel loveable, safe, and protected. For more info, follow me on Facebook , Instagram , YouTube , and visit my webs ite ! Rose Burnett, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Rose Burnett is a Certified Transformational Coach, Leader, and NLP Practitioner. An Advanced Usui Reiki Practitioner and specializes in Mind Body Soul Balance. With a keen interest in fitness, diet, and nutrition, mind-body-soul connection, and spirituality. Rose works with clients all around the world in Transformational coaching, Empowerment, chakra healing and balance, revitalization of Chi Energy, Soul Light, and Inner Child Healing from Emotional and Karmic Trauma. Rose has a large Astrology & Inspirational YouTube Channel and is the Founder, Warrior Spirit Activewear for Women.

Written by: Cynthia Jones, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Positive thinking is more than just fluffy words. But research has shown that positive thoughts will create real value in your life and help you build skills that last much longer than a smile. Some of the results are less stress, better overall physical and emotional health, longer life span, and better-coping skills. Other benefits include better problem-solving skills, better decisions, take more risks, assert yourself, and strive to meet personal goals. Understanding that thoughts are a part of positive thinking and becoming aware of your positive and negative thoughts is essential in developing positive thinking. If you are not sure about developing this type of thinking, keep reading to discover tips on how to improve your thoughts and life. Here are 7 ways to create positive thinking: Decide to be happy! Yes, you can. It seems easy but can be challenging. How do you feel happy when bad things are happening? Well, you can begin to count your blessings. Gratitude is a part of your life that must be well developed. If you have not started by now, begin writing every night before bed 3 things you are grateful for. You can start right there. Establish and work toward goals. Do you a goal you are achieving daily. I am to the point that I have six goals that I am working towards daily in my career and business. I know that working towards my goals brings me the life I desire. For many years I had the desire to develop my career as a Cybersecurity professional. With working within my goals, I was able to create a lovely career for myself and my family. Spend time with other positive people. Have you heard the saying birds of a feather flock together? Well, it is true. I know you never have or rarely seen poor people hanging out with rich people or smart people hanging out with people who don’t want to apply themselves. It just doesn’t work. Now, if you are looking to become positive, then start to look for other people who are already there and then begin to make friends with them. If you don’t have anyone close by, you can always jump on social media and make friends and join groups to help, ensure you become positive. Positive people expect their plans to work. Expectation will always set the stage for the outcome. Have you ever thought this will not work? Were you surprised when it didn’t work, or did you know that already? Well, the same is true for positive thinking. Start with the expectation of it working out or you will not fail and watch the success and positive outcome you achieve. Improvement and growth are necessary for developing positive thinking. At any given time, you are either growing or dying. Nothing stays the same. If you look outside, what do you see? Either the trees are growing or dying. What is it you want to do? I know you will choose to grow. So, make it a point to read, meditate, and seek a coach to help you grow. The life you are desiring is definitely waiting for you, but it will take your future self through growth to maintain it. Positive people learn to let go. Holding on to past mistakes and events only allows you to live in the past. You want to live in the present as much as possible. Living in the past will also allow you to hold on to negative thoughts and worries. So let go of those heavy thoughts and embrace all that life has to wait for you. Positive people don’t complain. What are the results you achieve with complaining? Complain and remain the same. I know it’s difficult not to say anything when things seem to be going wrong. But instead of looking at everything that is going wrong, start to look at what is going right. Change your perspective and change your life. Developing positive thinking will change your life in more ways than one. Positive thinking will broaden your attention, fuel your resilience, and give you overall well-being. When you don’t have enough positive thinking, you become stuck in life. But when positive thinking is ample, watch how your life will soar! Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and visit my website for more info! Read more from Cynthia! Cynthia Jones, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine As a first-generation college student, Cynthia began her career in Cybersecurity with a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a double masters in Information Assurance and Cybersecurity Policy. She worked her way through college with limited support. Fortunately, she had her husband by her side as she completed her master's degrees. As she entered the male-dominated field of cybersecurity, Cynthia had to learn how to show up with confidence to avoid dismissal, which many women struggle with. At this job, she realized her ability to empower other women to become fearless in pursuing their purpose. She now has accumulated 20 years of experience in mindset coaching and has helped many women on and offline pursue their goals with courage and continues to watch them succeed.

Written by: Dr. Donna Vallese, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Sometimes leading adults can feel like herding cats. You may be thinking, “Herding cats?!?” Yes. Have you ever tried to get a group of cats into one area? It is nearly impossible. They are independent, persistent, and always want to go in different directions, just like humans. Change is inevitable, but adults do not always like change. As a leader, getting all of your staff on board is not an automatic process that works by just announcing the change. It is common for some adults to resist. If you have ever watched an orchestra, the musicians are all in sync, everything seems perfect, and the result is a beautiful symphony. However, it is important to realize that it took practice, hard work, persistence, patience, feedback, repetition, and fine-tuning to get to the point where they could perform for you. Watching the conductor of an orchestra makes leading a team look easy, but it is not always so simple. To successfully initiate change, you must understand why the adults on your team may resist that change. When you begin the change process, it could feel a bit like herding cats. If you attend to the reasons for resistance, before you know it, that change will feel more like you are leading the orchestra. Why adults resist? Resistance can happen for many reasons, but most fall into one of three categories: limiting beliefs, assumptions, or interpretations. A limiting belief is a belief that you have had for a very long time that can impact the outcome of a situation. An assumption is when you decide that something will definitely happen again based on experiences. An interpretation is when you make a judgment about something that you believe will be true. The leader's challenge is to identify what is causing the resistance so that you can support your entire team in fully embracing the new initiative or change you are trying to implement. Fear Fear is a strong and common emotion that can prevent adults from trying new things or moving forward. Leaders may think that there is nothing for their team to fear, but that is not enough to prevent fear. When you implement change, your team may be concerned about failure or losing control of the situation. They may also fear that the benefits of the change will not outweigh what they will be giving up to make the change happen. Lack of Competence Adults find it challenging to admit when they do not know something or know how to do something. Sometimes adults do not even realize what they do not know. It feels easier for most adults to resist change rather than admit that they may be lacking the skillset or knowledge base required for success. Our culture has helped mold the idea that adults should be competent in all they do, no matter how unrealistic that expectation is. This makes it important for you as the leader to provide training and support to help your team learn the skills they need for the task at hand. Lack of Trust Before initiating a change, it is important to reflect on the level of trust that has been established with the team. If your organization is continuously pivoting and implementing changes, your team may experience initiative overload. Initiative overload causes teams to feel a lack of trust that whatever they put time and effort into will not stay in place and is therefore not worth the energy. In addition, if your team has experienced any leader who does not uphold their word and follow through with what they say, that lack of trust can also create resistance. Misunderstanding the Purpose or need to Change Human beings naturally are habitual and cling to their routines. They become comfortable with how things are regularly and eventually attach themselves to the status quo. When someone is pushed out of their comfort zone, a sense of apathy and frustration if s(he) does not fully understand why the change is necessary or the initiative's purpose. Another way resistance shows up is by claiming they do not have enough time to learn something new. This can be the case when busy adults have gotten used to their routines and cannot see the benefit of making the change. Emotionally Connected to the old way For a long time, team members who have been in the organization can feel a sense of pride for what has been accomplished during their tenure. Sometimes these team members have been a part of building the culture, processes, and work you are trying to change. If you are changing something they have worked hard on creating, they may feel that they should be consulted about the change because they know the most about why things are the way they are. Conflict with Values We all have values, whether we realize it or not. Some are stronger than others. You may value family, honesty, love, empathy, dedication, and the list goes on and on. Sometimes the changes that a leader is striving to implement press on someone’s values which create resistance. Honoring values and having conversations about them and how they relate to the change or initiative is important. Key Mindsets to Navigate Change Because change takes work, here are a few mindsets and actions to help you navigate the change: Leadership is not positional; It is a set of orchestrated actions that motivate others. Honor the perspectives of each team member to help them feel valued. Problem-solve with your team and ask them for feedback, so they feel a sense of ownership. Do not avoid nay-sayers. Rather, hear them out because they will help you navigate the challenges your initiative will face. Clearly and powerfully communicate the purpose and need for change to help them understand the need. Offer support and patience as the change is initiated to help your team work through their resistance. Knowing your team at a deeper level than just their work at face value helps you understand what drives them. Coaching will get you further with your team than insisting or ordering them to do something. Leading change can feel like the loneliest job on the planet, just like the cat herder. It does not have to be. Utilize your team's strengths and work with them through the change to embrace the word team, just like the orchestra conductor does. An orchestra does not stay together without the conductor, and the conductor cannot make music without the orchestra. Note : For more information on implementing change in your organization, Inspiring Leaders LLC offers a free consultation. For more info, follow me on Facebook , LinkedIn , or visit my web site ! Dr. Donna Vallese, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dr. Donna Vallese is a Leadership Coach and Founder of Inspiring Leaders LLC. Her coaching focuses on building transformative leadership skills to impact team engagement, outcomes, and retention, leading to mission and vision becoming attained. Dr. Donna has spent most of her career as an innovative educator and educational leader with a Ph.D. in Curriculum and Instruction. Her extensive background brings a unique perspective to coaching leaders focusing on learning theory, supporting and developing a team, and equity. She brings experience from working with start-up, established, and turnaround settings. Music also plays a large role in Dr. Donna’s life as she plays piccolo in a non-profit activist street band called UNiTY Street Band. The arts also play a large role in how she approaches coaching, supporting, and developing people as she has the ability to think outside of the box to solve problems innovatively and creatively.

Written by: Kristen Bilodeau, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Marriages and partnerships can often feel like a dance- two adults orchestrating a life together that is filled with joys and challenges, fulfillment of needs and obligations, responsibilities to each themselves, each other, and the life they created. They do this while trying to maintain their own sense of identity and growth and stay connected to each other. This is a tall order, especially if you are also trying to be a parent and raise a family. The idea of “compromise” in marriage is a word that always felt heavy for me - whether it be individual or collective compromise. I watched my own parents compromise their own dreams only to never see them to fruition. I have seen couples sacrifice parts of themselves to please their partner or “make it work,” but this is a destructive plan in the long term. A compromise comes with a feeling of sacrifice. A sacrifice where you had to step away from yourself or undermine a value, feeling, or belief that is important to you to make someone else happy. Compromise can leave the feeling of someone winning and someone losing. It comes with a sense of obligation and ownership. Often, it comes with a power struggle and power plays. Compromise can often arise in moments or situations of high importance to one or both partners. If one partner is compromising, it leaves that sense of imbalance and, often, fuels or deepens resentment. If both couples compromise some aspect of their wants and values, then those desires remain unspoken for; again lead to unmet needs. It's high time that we make the transition to collaboration in our marriages and partnerships. There will not always be agreement; that is to be expected. If couples do the work to collaborate, they embrace the communication and contribution they can bring to the table rather than compromise. A collaboration comes with the premise of acceptance for who you are and who your partner is. It should come with the understanding that we are evolving beings whose feelings, beliefs, and situations are constantly evolving. By communicating from a place of acceptance, love, compassion, and truth, we don’t run the risk of compromising the values we hold while showing respect and honoring the perspective and feelings of our partner. It is solution-oriented, not consequence-oriented. Couples let themselves and each other be seen and heard. They hold space for the voice and feelings of the other. They open channels of communication rather than silence or block their own desires to appease the other. Collaboration gives both partners a sense of appreciation and ownership - rather than conceding to arrive at a solution that can lead one partner to feel unappreciated, misunderstood, or powerless. In collaboration, partners' contribution comes after each partner has reached that clarity of the other’s perspective and does not see the situation as linear, black and white, or right or wrong. When emotional charges are triggered often, we don’t feel seen or heard, and often they don't see the forest through the trees in these moments. Reaching the point of contributing does not mean that a partner has to concede to the other’s view wholeheartedly, but rather to see that situations are multidimensional and fluid, embracing growth rather than a fixed mindset towards resolving issues and conflicts. Collaborating entails doing the work; it won’t always be perfect, seamless, or accomplished with ease, but it will give each partner a sense of value and agency in decisions and actions. Compromise can feel like walking away empty-handed. Collaboration feels like moving toward a common goal with a foundation of respect and appreciation. The most important piece of collaboration is communication, not assuming your partner has clarity on your wants, needs, or perspective and vice versa. We all experience situations differently; it is important to communicate how and why you feel the way you do. Differences in perspective are what allows couples to learn and grow together. Level the playing field - instead of a compromise where one always feels like they went home defeated, play for the same team. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , and visit my website for more info! Kristen Bilodeau, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine As a Personal Development and Marriage Coach, Kristen Bilodeau leads women through their own personal journey of finding their voice, healing their marriage, and releasing their inner wild woman. As a woman who struggled in her own journey to self-awareness and truth in her life and marriage, Kristen uses the power of a woman’s story as the tool and catalyst for change, healing, and growth. She helps women uncover their truth through questioning and reflection so that they are able to be the creator of their experiences and thrive as the woman they were meant to be.