Written by Polly Angel, Founder of The Angel Path Polly Angel is the founder of The Angel Path and creator of the "Meet Your Inner Team" emotional intelligence system. As a Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) practitioner and somatic coach informed by trauma awareness, she specializes in helping women overcome generational patterns whilst teaching emotional intelligence to young people. Think about the part of you that you’d most like to get rid of. Maybe it’s the voice that tells you you’re not good enough. The habit of saying yes when you mean no. The way you shut down in an argument. The snacking late at night, the endless scrolling, the overthinking that steals your sleep. Most of us have at least one. Most of us have spent years trying to beat it. What if that part isn’t your enemy at all? What if it’s one of the most loyal members of your team? Every part has a job In my work, I use a framework called Meet Your Inner Team. It’s rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, which sees the mind as made up of many parts rather than one single self. One of the most freeing ideas in IFS is this: there are no bad parts. Every part of you, even the ones that cause you trouble, took on its job for a reason. Usually, that reason was to protect you. Usually, that job began when you were young. The inner voice that criticises you before anyone else can? It may have learned that if it pointed out your mistakes first, it would hurt less when others did. The part that keeps the peace at your own expense? It may have learned that conflict at home wasn’t safe and that staying small kept you out of trouble. The part that soothes you with food, shopping or a glass of wine? It may have been the only comfort available when big feelings had nowhere else to go. These parts aren’t problems. They’re protectors. In the Meet Your Inner Team deck, there are 32 characters in four groups. The Guardians, like the Perfectionist, the Controller and the Worrier, try to keep us safe by staying in control. The Reactors, like the Exploder, the Escapist and the Soother, jump in when feelings get too big. The Hidden Hearts, like the Lonely One and the Frightened One, carry the old hurts the others are protecting. The Wise Guides, like the Calm One, the Brave One, and the Wise Self, are there to lead the whole team once the protectors feel safe enough to step back. The Worrier’s story Here’s how I explain this to children, and it works just as well for adults. Imagine a little girl with a curious part called Wonder. Wonder loves questions. What’s under that stone? What’s at the top of that hill? One day, Wonder leads her up the tallest slide in the park. She slips, grazes her knee, and the bigger children laugh. That night, Wonder makes a promise. “Never again. From now on, I’ll think of everything, so nothing can ever go wrong.” So Wonder starts thinking of everything. What if it rains? What if I get the answer wrong? What if everyone laughs? Wonder stops wondering and starts worrying. It becomes the Worrier, standing guard day and night like a warrior. The Worrier isn’t trying to ruin her life. It’s trying to keep her safe. It just never got the message that the danger has passed. Why fighting your parts doesn’t work When we treat a protector as a problem, we try to silence it, shame it or force it into line. It pushes back. Of course it does. From its point of view, it’s protecting you from something terrible. If you try to stop it, it simply works harder. That’s why willpower alone so rarely changes a pattern for good. You’re fighting a part of yourself that believes your safety depends on it winning. A different way: Meet, thank, upgrade The approach I teach is gentler and, in my experience, far more effective. First, meet the part. Notice it when it shows up and give it a name. “That’s my Worrier.” “That’s my Critic.” This alone creates a little space between you and it. Second, ask what job it took on. Get curious, not cross. What is it afraid would happen if it stopped? When did it first start doing this? Third, thank it. Really thank it. It’s been working hard for you for years, usually without a single word of appreciation. Fourth, retire the old job. Let it know you’re not that child anymore. You’re grown now, and you have other resources. Fifth, upgrade it. Every protector has a healthy version of its role. The Worrier can become a wise planner who prepares without panicking. The Critic can become a supportive coach who helps you grow. The Peacekeeper can learn to keep the peace inside you, rather than at your expense. Your enemies become your allies Something remarkable happens when people stop fighting themselves. The parts that once held them back become some of their greatest strengths. The woman who worried about everything becomes the calm, prepared one in a crisis. The man whose Critic drove him to exhaustion learns to channel that same drive into something sustainable. The woman whose Peacekeeper said yes to everything discovers she still cares deeply about others but no longer abandons herself to do it. Nothing about who they are has been removed. It’s been rebalanced. So the next time that part of you shows up, the one you’ve been trying to get rid of for years, try something different. Put a hand on your heart and say, “Thank you. I know you’re trying to help.” Then listen. It may have been waiting a very long time to be heard. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, or visit my website for more info! Read more from Polly Angel Polly Angel, Founder of The Angel Path Polly Angel is a RTT practitioner, Internal Family Systems (IFS) and somatic coach with a trauma-informed approach, and founder of The Angel Path, Guidance toward Wellness. After her own transformative healing journey from chronic people-pleasing and debilitating migraines, she became passionate about helping others break free from limiting patterns. She specialises in working with women who appear strong on the outside but feel exhausted from putting everyone else first. Through The Angel Path, Polly offers individual RTT sessions and has created "Meet Your Inner Team," a revolutionary emotional intelligence system for all ages. Her mission: understanding is power, and every person deserves to understand their own emotional wisdom.

Written by Chameleon Skills Coaching, Ecosystemic Team & Organisational Coaches Real organisational change isn't just about strategy, it's about people. Chameleon Skills Coaching partners with organisations to help individuals and teams perform and thrive. Would you trust yourself to do what you expect of others? It's a question that might make us a little uncomfortable, but perhaps that's exactly why it's worth exploring. In this article, we invite you to consider how everyday choices and behaviours build, strengthen or undermine trust in ourselves, our teams and our organisations. We also offer a practical challenge to help you explore the gap between your intentions and your actions. Stay curious. Trust is one of those words we hear constantly in organisations. We talk about building trust, creating trusting relationships and developing cultures of trust. It appears in company values, leadership programmes and employee engagement surveys. But how often do we stop and ask ourselves a rather uncomfortable question? Would I trust me? Would I trust myself to do what I say I will do? Would my colleagues trust me to follow through on a commitment? Would my team feel comfortable telling me something I might not want to hear? Trust is easy to expect from others. It can be rather more challenging to examine in ourselves. Perhaps that is where the conversation needs to begin. Trust starts with you We often think of trust as something that exists between people. Yet the relationship we have with ourselves is equally important. Do you trust yourself to make decisions? To acknowledge when you have made a mistake? To follow through on the goals you set? Trust in yourself is not about always being right or having all the answers. It is about developing confidence in your ability to act with integrity, learn from experience and take responsibility for your choices. Every time we make a promise to ourselves and keep it, we strengthen that trust. Every time we avoid a difficult decision, ignore our own values or repeatedly fail to follow through, we risk undermining it. Of course, life happens. Priorities change and circumstances sometimes prevent us from doing what we intended. Trust is not about perfection. It is about being honest with ourselves and taking responsibility for what happens next. If you cannot rely on yourself, how confidently can you expect others to rely on you? Trust within your team Now consider the people you work with. Trust is rarely built through grand gestures. More often, it develops through everyday interactions. It is the colleague who delivers what they promised. The manager who admits they got something wrong. The team member who raises a concern rather than allowing a problem to grow. It is also about creating an environment where people feel able to speak openly, challenge ideas and acknowledge uncertainty without fear of embarrassment or punishment. As leaders, we sometimes assume that because our doors are open, people will walk through them. But an open door does not necessarily mean an open conversation. If someone disagrees with you, how do you respond? Do you become defensive, or do you remain curious? When something goes wrong, do you look for someone to blame, or do you explore what can be learned? People notice these responses. Over time, they determine whether trust grows or diminishes. Trust is reciprocal. We cannot reasonably expect our teams to be transparent with us if we are unwilling to demonstrate transparency ourselves. Trust across the organisation The third layer takes us beyond individual relationships into the wider organisational system. Organisations frequently identify integrity, accountability and transparency as core values. But values written on a wall mean very little unless they are reflected in everyday behaviour. Consider an organisation that promotes openness but discourages employees from questioning decisions. Or one that talks about accountability but regularly shifts responsibility when things go wrong. Perhaps leaders announce ambitious goals but fail to communicate when priorities change or promises cannot be kept. The gap between what an organisation says and what people experience is where trust can begin to erode. Organisational trust is built through consistency between words, decisions and actions. This does not mean that leaders must share every piece of information or that every decision will be popular. It means explaining the reasoning behind decisions where possible, acknowledging uncertainty and treating people with respect. Sometimes the most powerful words a leader can say to build trust are: "I don't know yet, but I will find out." Or even: "We got that wrong, and this is what we are going to do about it." When integrity, transparency and accountability become part of how an organisation operates, rather than simply what it claims to value, trust has an opportunity to flourish. The trust challenge: Would you trust you? Rather than simply thinking about trust as an abstract concept, why not take a few minutes to examine your own behaviour? Rate yourself against the following statements using a scale of 1 to 5: 1 = Rarely true of me | 5 = Consistently true of me Trust in yourself: I follow through on the commitments and goals I set for myself. I make decisions that are consistent with my values, even when they are difficult. I acknowledge my mistakes and take responsibility for learning from them. I have confidence in my ability to navigate uncertainty and change. Trust within your team: I keep my promises and communicate when circumstances prevent me from doing so. I encourage people to express different opinions, even when they challenge my own. I am open and honest in my communication, including when conversations are uncomfortable. I demonstrate trust in others by giving them appropriate responsibility and autonomy. Trust in your organisation: My actions are consistent with the values I expect others to demonstrate. I communicate decisions and changes as transparently as circumstances allow. I take responsibility for my contribution to the wider organisation, not just my immediate role. I challenge behaviours or practices that undermine trust, even when doing so is uncomfortable. What does your score tell you? Add up your scores for each section. Each has a possible total of 20. 16 to 20: Behaviours that build trust appear to be a consistent strength. 11 to 15: A reasonable foundation, with opportunities to strengthen consistency. 6 to 10: Some behaviours may be undermining trust and deserve closer attention. 4 to 5: This may be an important area for reflection and development. This is not a scientifically validated assessment, nor is it intended to label you as trustworthy or untrustworthy. It is simply an invitation to pause and reflect. To stay curious about what your responses might reveal. Perhaps the most useful question is not "How well did I score?" but rather: "Where is the gap between my intentions and my behaviour?" From reflection to action Trust is not something we establish once and then forget about. It needs attention, particularly when circumstances become challenging. Think about one relationship, one commitment or one behaviour where you could make a difference. Perhaps it is following through on something you have been putting off. Perhaps it is having a conversation you have been avoiding. Or perhaps it is giving someone the opportunity to demonstrate that they can be trusted. Small actions, repeated consistently, can change the quality of our relationships and the environments in which we work. Remember, trust can be damaged quickly, but rebuilding it usually requires time, honesty and consistent behaviour. So, before asking whether you can trust your colleagues, your team or your organisation, consider starting with a more personal question. Would you trust you? If your answer is "not always", what might you choose to do differently tomorrow? Trust is built through everyday choices, conversations and relationships. At Chameleon Skills Coaching, we work with leaders and teams to explore the patterns that strengthen or undermine trust, and what becomes possible when those patterns begin to shift. If you'd like to explore what this might mean for you or your team, we'd welcome a conversation. Visit our website for more info! Read more from Chameleon Skills Coaching Chameleon Skills Coaching, Ecosystemic Team & Organisational Coaches At Chameleon Skills Coaching, we believe that organisations change when people do. Since 2006, we've partnered with leaders and teams to navigate complexity, strengthen relationships, and build workplace cultures where people and performance can thrive. Our ecosystemic approach combines coaching, leadership development, and practical insight into the human dynamics that shape every organisation.

Written by Dr. Špela Peternel, Doula, DreamBirth® Practitioner & Doula Trainer Dr. Špela Peternel is recognized doula and DreamBirth practitioner. She is a TEDx speaker, and her focus is always on the wellbeing and support for pregnant mothers and their families. Her belief is, that everyone should listen to their own intuition. Pregnancy and childbirth are profound physical, emotional, and psychological transitions. While medical care often focuses only on birth physiology and the health of both the mother and the baby, doulas know from experience that parents’ fears, beliefs, and expectations also greatly affect the birth and thus deserve attention. Not only the baby but also the mother and father are born during the birth of the child. In my doula practice, I’ve supported more than 1,000 families through pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period. Since I started using DreamBirth®, the births I attend have been quicker, with fewer complications, and bonding with babies and transitioning into parenthood have been easier and less stressful. What is DreamBirth®? DreamBirth® is an imagery method created by Dr. Catherine Shainberg (School of Images), in collaboration with birth professionals. Doula Claudia Rosenhouse Raiken initiated the collaboration and brought together Shainberg’s knowledge of imagery with the practical experiences and questions of birth professionals.[2] The resulting method consists of hundreds of brief imagery exercises addressing different aspects of conception, pregnancy, birth, and early parenting.[1] The majority of exercises take less than a minute and can be integrated into everyday life. They combine slow breathing with a simple inner picture. Because each one stands alone, a mother, doula, midwife, or partner can pick up a single exercise for a particular challenge, whether that is morning sickness, a medical test, or a long night of labour. The method has also been carried forward by certified practitioners and childbirth educators, who weave it into classes, doula work, and bodywork. Imagery as a language of the body Imagery is the language the body already speaks. When we picture a lemon, we may notice our mouth responding; when we remember a safe place, our shoulders often drop. For example, a person might imagine the body becoming softer, flowing like water, or opening like a flower. Most pregnancy visualisations describe what we need to imagine. DreamBirth® exercises, on the other hand, do not describe what we see and feel; they ask us what is happening in the image as well as in the body. A person who pictures a tight, anxious belly softening or a path opening is rehearsing a different relationship to the experience. That rehearsal does not promise a particular outcome, but it gives the mind and body something calm and familiar to return to when things feel intense or uncertain. DreamBirth® builds on this everyday link between inner pictures and bodily response, inviting parents to “communicate with the body as well as with the baby” through images rather than only through instructions or information. Imagery may also provide a means of approaching fear, frustration, sadness, or uncertainty without requiring every feeling to be explained intellectually. A practitioner can invite a client to explore an image, notice its associations, and discover whether another image feels more supportive. How can DreamBirth® help me during pregnancy? Pregnancy brings physical, but also intense psychological, change for a woman. The unknown often brings new questions to the surface, along with a fair amount of worry. DreamBirth® offers practices for each stage of this transition into motherhood, including: Comfort: Imagery for easing everyday discomfort and morning sickness. Tuning in: Listening to what the body needs and getting to know the baby. Calming worry: Images for dissolving anxiety about birth and for moments such as medical tests or procedures. Help with pregnancy or birth complications: Imagining correcting complications can empower the mother, but it can also actually help to change the outcome. Rehearsal: Imagining the stages of labour ahead of time so that they feel more familiar. Connecting with the baby before birth In her book Messages from the Womb, Claudia Raiken describes many stories of how her clients were able to use imagery to create a relationship between parents and their baby during pregnancy. I also see this regularly in my doula practice. With the “Going into the Womb” exercise, parents imagine visiting the baby and communicating with them. This experience is a moment of attention to the baby, but it also creates an emotional connection. Parents can express their love, curiosity, and hopes to the baby, but also their concerns. Because the baby feels all the emotions the mother feels in her body, she can reassure the baby that they are not responsible for her stress and fears. All of this can help them reflect on their emerging identity as parents and the relationship they wish to build with their child. DreamBirth® also enables parents to communicate through imagery with a baby who has not yet been conceived. These experiences help build trust in their bodies and facilitate the conception process. Because DreamBirth® imagery enables us to connect to our intuition, I also often observe how parents gain insight into what they would like to change in their lives so that they will be able to conceive. DreamBirth® also helps us through the grieving process after a pregnancy loss, as it did in my own experience. I gained insight into why the baby did not stay, and through the grieving process, I was able to process my grief and loss and came out on the other end stronger and empowered, instead of blaming myself for what happened and questioning whether my thoughts, fears, something I did, or something I ate caused a miscarriage. Rehearsing the birth with DreamBirth® Another important exercise is “Rehearsing the Birth,” in which parents can imagine the baby taking the optimal position for the beginning of labour and then rehearse the birth. The exercise uses symbolic and poetic images rather than requiring a medically detailed mental picture. The purpose is to help parents develop a personally meaningful image of birth and become familiar with feelings of openness, movement, and confidence. What I find fascinating is that every parent describes what they saw differently. But when they describe what was happening during the exercise, and then when I am with them in the birth room, if they saw the labour and birth as smooth, they usually have that experience. On the other hand, I have also had parents who wanted to prepare for a natural birth but whose image showed the baby being born by C-section, allowing them to prepare for different options. DreamBirth® can’t guarantee an intervention-free birth, prevent tears, or ensure a particular mode of birth, but it can help parents prepare for the birth, trust, feel calmer, and accept and adapt to what is happening instead of unbendingly sticking to their birth wishes. Emotional preparation and transforming fear Pregnancy often brings unresolved emotions and previous experiences into awareness. Previous birth experiences, pregnancy loss, family relationships, cultural expectations, and frightening stories may influence how a woman anticipates labour. DreamBirth® provides exercises intended to explore these emotional responses through imagery. Our clients often experience challenges in relationships, practical stress, uncertainty, and fear of labour. With the exercises, we invite the woman to acknowledge the feeling, notice its associated image, and explore an alternative that feels more supportive. We have exercises to address fear, anger, and guilt and transform them into strength. Working with every person is different; this really is individualised support, where each woman can address her concerns and be supported through her pregnancy based on what she needs. Some women find visualisations challenging and prefer verbal reflection, movement, music, breathing, or other forms of support. The DreamBirth® method is flexible and responsive to each person’s needs. Imagery during labour DreamBirth® can also be used during labour as a familiar source of emotional support. Parents can recall images of flowing water, softening, a flower opening, or waves moving through the body. A doula or partner can gently remind the labouring person of an image they have practised during pregnancy. In my practice, when I am at a birth and the labour becomes challenging, I always remind the mother of the image of the birth she rehearsed. This always helps her refocus and find the additional strength she needs at that time. Reminding her of the image of water lengthening her body also helps reduce unnecessary tension and supports relaxation. Since I began helping women prepare for birth with DreamBirth® imagery, I have seen that they appear calmer and more trusting during labour and seem more prepared to cope with situations that do not go as planned. As a doula, I find it especially satisfying that they are usually very satisfied with their experiences, even when the birth does not follow their wishes. This illustrates the potential value of having an individualised coping strategy. The role of the doula As a doula, I find DreamBirth® an invaluable complement, as it offers a practical way to support individualised emotional preparation before labour and provides familiar cues during birth. The doula’s role remains grounded in continuous emotional, informational, and practical support. Imagery may become one tool among many, alongside comfort measures, movement, position changes, breathing, communication, and support for informed decision-making. Imagery will not prevent complications or guarantee an uncomplicated birth. Women may still require medication, assisted birth, or caesarean birth regardless of their preparation. However, DreamBirth® can support emotional readiness for different possibilities rather than reinforcing the idea that only one type of birth represents success. Scientific evidence and limitations Research into related psychological interventions provides a useful context for understanding the possible role of imagery in childbirth preparation. A 2023 systematic review and meta-analysis examined the effectiveness of psychological interventions in reducing symptoms of both anxiety and depression during the antenatal and postnatal periods.[3] Another 2022 randomised trial studied the effects of hypnobirthing training on fear of childbirth, birth pain, birth satisfaction, and birth outcomes. The researchers found that the hypnobirthing group had a significantly lower intervention rate and shorter delivery periods.[4] These findings cannot be directly applied to DreamBirth®. However, the results we are observing with our clients show the same pattern: more relaxed and satisfied mums, shorter labours, and often very awake and responsive babies. More studies of the technique would help clarify its effects on childbirth-related anxiety, emotional wellbeing, perceived control, birth satisfaction, and postpartum adjustment. Conclusion The experience of a person or a family cannot be described in numbers, but in satisfaction. DreamBirth® offers an imaginative approach to emotional preparation for pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood. By encouraging women to explore their inner experiences, fears, expectations, and personal resources, it can complement established childbirth education and supportive birth care. Its value lies in creating space for reflection, emotional awareness, and individual preparation, while respecting the unpredictability of birth and the importance of informed medical care. When used thoughtfully and without promises of guaranteed outcomes, imagery can be one element of a compassionate, holistic approach that supports women and families through one of life’s most significant transitions. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Dr. Špela Peternel Dr. Špela Peternel, Doula, DreamBirth® Practitioner & Doula Trainer Dr. Špela Peternel is a well-known doula, childbirth educator, and DONA International doula trainer. After her 3 births, she realized that in the current birth system, the understanding of the birth process is lacking and the needs of the birthing person are often neglected; therefore, she became a doula and a researcher at the European Doula Network. She is striving for professionalization and recognition of the doula profession. But her focus is always on the families and the support they need. Her belief is that everyone should listen to their own intuition. References: [1] Shainberg, C. DreamBirth: Transforming the Journey of Childbirth Through Imagery (Sounds True, 2014). [2] Rosenhouse Raiken, C. Messages from the Womb: Babies Talk Through Guided Visualizations Expanding Our Hearts and Minds (IML Publications LLC, 2024). [3] Clinkscales, N., Golds, L., Berlouis, K., & MacBeth, A. (2023). The effectiveness of psychological interventions for anxiety in the perinatal period: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 96(2), 296-327. https://doi.org/10.1111/papt.12441 [4] Buran, G., & Aksu, H. (2022). Effect of hypnobirthing training on fear, pain, satisfaction related to birth, and birth outcomes: A randomized controlled trial. Clinical Nursing Research, 31(5), 918-930. https://doi.org/10.1177/10547738211073394. Epub 2022 Jan 27. PMID: 35083920.

Written by Lara Dawn, CEO & Founder of The ADHD Village Lara Dawn, founder of The ADHD Village and ADHD Warrior Mamas, is a 25-year teacher on a mission to transform children's mental health by empowering mothers. She believes parenting is spiritual work, ADHD is a design, not a deficit, and neurodivergent strengths are essential to our AI-driven future. Your lights can be off while the rest of the world thinks you're shining. Behind successful careers, beautiful families and extraordinary accomplishments are human beings quietly navigating anxiety, burnout, trauma and emotional struggles. What if mental health isn't about avoiding darkness, but learning how to find our light again? Are you a warrior in a garden or a gardener in a war? There's a saying I love: "It's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war." To me, this is a powerful metaphor for mental health. A Warrior doesn't spend every moment fighting. She develops the strength, wisdom and tools to navigate life's challenges, but she also understands the importance of tending her garden. Her physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Yet so many of us are living as though we're constantly at war. We're juggling careers, families, relationships, expectations and responsibilities, often neglecting the very things that allow us to thrive. We become so focused on surviving that we forget what it feels like to truly live. This realization inspired me to create Turn Your Lights On: A Warrior Mama Experience, a free virtual mental health experience taking place November 9-13, 2026. I'm bringing together extraordinary Warriors who have experienced their own darkness and discovered powerful tools for navigating life's challenges. But this isn't simply an opportunity to hear inspiring stories. Each Warrior is sharing a personal "weapon" for mental health and guiding participants through an experience so they can try the tool for themselves. Because knowing what to do and knowing how to access those tools when life becomes overwhelming are two very different things. I know that from personal experience. When the world thinks you have it all together For much of my adult life, I believed life was simply harder for me than it was for everyone else. I was a successful elementary school teacher and special education specialist. I was compassionate, patient, highly capable and deeply committed to the children in my classroom. I was also a wife and mother raising two little boys. From the outside, I appeared to have everything together. Behind the scenes, however, I was exhausted. I would wake up feeling as though I hadn't slept, push myself through another demanding day and return home with very little patience or energy left for the people I loved most. I could manage a classroom full of children with diverse learning needs, yet I couldn't understand why managing life at home with my own boys felt so much harder. I often imagined myself riding a unicycle across a tightrope while juggling dozens of balls. My career, my children, my marriage, my responsibilities and my own wellbeing were all competing for the same limited energy. Eventually, everything came crashing down. I experienced burnout so severe that I could no longer continue working. I'd spent years taking care of everyone else while completely neglecting myself. Perhaps the saddest part was that I'd convinced myself this was simply what my life was supposed to feel like. The first light was understanding myself At 40, I received an ADHD diagnosis. Suddenly, pieces of a puzzle I'd been trying to solve for decades began falling into place. I learned more about the connection between ADHD and emotional regulation and began understanding why certain emotions felt so intense and difficult to manage. A 2020 meta-analysis published in BMC Psychiatry found significantly greater difficulties with emotional regulation among adults with ADHD compared with adults without ADHD. For years, I'd interpreted my emotional struggles as personal failures, despite being highly capable in so many other areas of my life. My diagnosis gave me a new perspective. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental difference. I couldn't simply will my brain to function differently, but I could learn strategies to support it. I could seek appropriate treatment, understand my nervous system and begin treating myself with the compassion I so freely offered everyone else. For the first time, I stopped asking, "What's wrong with me?" Instead, I began asking, "What do I need?" That was my first light: understanding myself. Why self-care is one of the least selfish things we can do Before my burnout, I believed self-care was something I earned after everything else was finished. When the lesson plans were complete, the children were cared for, the house was running smoothly and everyone else's needs had been met, perhaps then I could go for a walk, exercise or do something that brought me joy. Of course, that moment rarely arrived. Eventually, I began recognizing patterns. When I slept well, drank enough water, moved my body, spent time outdoors and nourished myself properly, my emotional regulation and overall wellbeing improved. I also began recognizing how hormonal changes influenced my ADHD symptoms and emotional wellbeing. I'd spent years treating these essential practices as luxuries. Now I understand that self-care isn't selfish. In fact, it's one of the least selfish things we can do. When we nurture ourselves, we have greater capacity to show up for the people we love. This matters enormously when we're raising children who are struggling with their own mental health. Why we need a different conversation about family mental health After 25 years as a teacher, including a decade in special education, and years supporting families raising children with ADHD, autism, learning disabilities and mental health challenges, I've become increasingly concerned about the emotional wellbeing of both children and their parents. According to the World Health Organization, approximately one in seven adolescents worldwide experiences a mental health disorder. The adults raising them are struggling, too. In 2024, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory on parental mental health, reporting that 48% of parents surveyed experienced overwhelming stress on most days, compared with 26% of other adults. For parents raising children with invisible disabilities, there's often another layer of responsibility. The advocacy. The appointments. The school meetings. The interrupted sleep. The emotional support. The constant effort to anticipate challenges and help a child navigate a world that may not understand their needs. Because ADHD and certain other neurodevelopmental and mental health conditions can run in families, parents may also be navigating similar challenges themselves. Yet we continue asking these already overwhelmed parents to remain endlessly patient, calm and emotionally available. I remember speaking with a father who told me his family hadn't had a good day in eight years. Eight years. I could hear the exhaustion in his voice. His lights had gone out, and I understood because I'd experienced that darkness myself. We cannot have meaningful conversations about children's mental health without including the wellbeing of the adults raising them. What extraordinary Warriors can teach us about mental health Over the years, I've had the privilege of meeting extraordinary people from many different backgrounds. Doctors, entrepreneurs, speakers, therapists, healers, coaches and leaders who have accomplished remarkable things in their professional and personal lives. From the outside, many appear to have everything figured out. But their accomplishments tell only part of their stories. I've met people who were silenced as children and now use their voices to inspire thousands. People who grew up feeling unwanted and have dedicated their lives to helping others feel seen. People who survived abuse, illness, rejection and profound personal challenges, then transformed those experiences into meaningful work. They have alchemized pain into purpose. What connects these extraordinary individuals isn't that they've lived perfect lives. It's that they've discovered ways to navigate their struggles, nurture their wellbeing and use their experiences to help others. That's what makes them Warriors. But here's what I find most fascinating: Behind their accomplishments are practices and strategies that most of us never see. The things they do when they're overwhelmed. The tools they use to regulate their emotions. The rituals that help them reconnect with themselves when life becomes difficult. Those are the weapons I want to bring into the light. That's why Turn Your Lights On is experiential. Each Warrior shares their story, introduces a personal mental health weapon and guides participants through an opportunity to experience it. Not simply to understand the idea intellectually, but to begin discovering what it feels like in their own bodies and lives. Because inspiration can open the door, but practice is what helps us create meaningful change. Why sharing our stories helps us move beyond shame We live in a world filled with messages reminding us that mental health matters. Yet shame remains. People still hesitate to talk about emotional dysregulation, depression, relationship difficulties, parenting struggles and trauma, particularly when the outside world sees them as successful. I know that shame intimately. But something extraordinary happened when I started sharing my own stories more vulnerably. Other people began sharing theirs. Women told me they experienced the same overwhelming emotions. Parents admitted they sometimes lost patience with their children. Successful professionals revealed that they, too, were struggling behind closed doors. The more we shared, the more we recognized that our experiences weren't evidence of personal failure. They were part of being human. A 2023 meta-analysis of 56 randomized controlled trials found that self-compassion interventions can help reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety and stress, although researchers noted limitations in the available evidence. For me, self-compassion began with understanding that my struggles weren't character flaws. They were experiences deserving of curiosity, care and support. Sometimes, hearing another person's story is the beginning of giving ourselves permission to seek help. Turning your lights on isn't about eliminating darkness I've witnessed extraordinary transformations inside my ADHD Warrior Mamas community. Women arrive feeling completely burnt out, overwhelmed and disconnected from themselves. Many are struggling to support children with significant emotional or mental health needs while neglecting their own wellbeing. Their lights are off. Through understanding their nervous systems, processing emotions, practising self-compassion and developing practical strategies, they begin reconnecting with themselves. They learn that they can experience difficult emotions without being defined by them. They discover how to pause, regulate, ask for support and make choices that align with their values. They begin experiencing joy again. Not because their children's challenges magically disappear or life becomes perfect, but because they've developed a greater capacity to navigate life's difficulties. Some have even gone on to become coaches themselves, sharing practices that once felt impossible to them. Watching these transformations has reinforced something I believe deeply: You do not have to accept the way you feel today as the way you will always feel. Change is possible. Support is available. Learning to care for yourself can transform the way you experience your life. It's time to turn your lights on Remember the Warrior in the garden? A Warrior doesn't spend every moment fighting. She knows when to stand strong, when to ask for support and when to put down her sword and tend to what matters most. That's what I want for every person who joins us for Turn Your Lights On: A Warrior Mama Experience, November 9-13, 2026. Not simply five days of inspiration, but five days of experiencing practical tools that can support your mental health long after the event ends. You'll hear authentic stories from extraordinary Warriors, discover the personal weapons they use to navigate life's challenges and have the opportunity to practise those tools for yourself. Because you have a Warrior within you. No matter how long your lights have been dimmed, you deserve the opportunity to shine again. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Lara Dawn Lara Dawn, CEO & Founder of The ADHD Village Lara Dawn is the founder of The ADHD Village and visionary behind ADHD Warrior Mamas, a global movement transforming children's mental health by empowering mothers. A teacher for 25 years with a degree in Psychology and expertise in Special Education, emotional intelligence, women's positive psychology, somatic healing, and neuro transformation, she bridges science and spirituality. Diagnosed with ADHD at 40, Lara challenges conventional parenting beliefs with a bold philosophy: Parenting is spiritual work, and ADHD is a design, not a deficit. She champions neurodivergent creativity and innovation as essential strengths in our AI-driven future. Her mission is to awaken mothers' inner wisdom and redefine parenting for generations to come.

Written by Sonia Maslovskaya, Public Speaking & Communication Coach Sonia Maslovskaya is an award-winning public speaking and communication coach, marketing executive, and Fractional CMO. With a background in linguistics and intercultural communication, she combines storytelling, strategic messaging, and business leadership to help people communicate with confidence and impact. When you have a speech or presentation coming up, it's tempting to open ChatGPT, Gemini, Claude, or another AI chatbot and ask it to write everything for you. Why spend hours working on a speech when AI can produce one in seconds? I understand the temptation. We're constantly told to work smarter, not harder, and AI can save us time. But as a public speaking coach, I want people to think twice before handing over their speeches to a chatbot. The danger isn't that AI will produce a bad speech. It might produce a perfectly competent one. The problem is that its language and ideas can sound familiar, even when the subject is deeply personal. AI may produce a perfectly coherent and polished speech, but will anyone remember it? And, more importantly, will they remember you? Where do your ideas come from? In an essay published by the University of Oxford's Institute for Ethics in AI, Xiaolan Deng explores two forms of creativity: original and associative creativity. Associative creativity involves connecting existing ideas in new ways. AI can do this remarkably well. It can suggest unexpected metaphors, connect seemingly unrelated concepts, and find fresh ways to structure an argument. Original creativity, as Deng defines it, involves something different. It comes from subjective experience and intentionality: the personal experiences, qualia, emotions, and deliberate choices that are uniquely yours. Consider what this means for public speaking. AI can write a speech about overcoming adversity. It can construct a compelling narrative and suggest a memorable closing line. But it doesn't know what you went through, what the experience taught you, or how it changed your understanding of the world. Unless you bring those details into the process, the speech will rely on general ideas about adversity rather than the lessons you personally learned. Your audience can find general advice almost anywhere. What they cannot get from anyone else is your particular perspective and the conclusions you've reached through your own experience. If you want your speech to stand out, don't ask AI to supply the substance. Give it your substance, and let it help you structure it. Before you ask AI to write your speech, get clear on your intention When I coach someone on public speaking, the first thing I want them to do is get exceptionally clear on the intention behind their speech. Do you want to educate, motivate, inspire, persuade, entertain, or transform your audience in some way? What is the purpose of your presentation? What do you want it to accomplish? Many speakers start writing or designing slides before they have answered these questions. AI makes it even easier to skip this step. Enter a topic, and within seconds you can have an outline, a script, and a polished presentation. But a topic is very different from a message. Here's an exercise I use with my clients. Imagine you've been promised 30 minutes on stage. Just before your presentation, the organizers approach you with an apology. They're running behind schedule, and they can give you only five minutes. What would you say? More importantly, what is the one thing you want your audience to remember after you've left the stage? Your answer is the core message of your speech. Once we identify it, we can build the speech around it rather than trying to make every interesting thought fit. My approach is to write the conclusion first. What do you want your audience to understand, believe, or do by the time you finish speaking? Once that is clear, we develop an opening that complements the conclusion and draws people into the message. Only then do we build the supporting points. There's another principle I teach my clients: in every presentation, the audience is the main character. You, as the speaker, are the co-star. Your slides? They're the supporting cast. Your job isn't to prove how much you know. It's to take your audience somewhere. You might want them to reconsider a belief, understand something in a new way, or feel compelled to act. Once you understand that, your preparation changes. Instead of asking, "What do I want to say?" you start asking, "What does my audience need to hear?" AI can help you organize your ideas, but it cannot decide your intention for you. That responsibility belongs to the speaker. When your speech is a story, start with your experience Personal storytelling requires a different kind of preparation. When I work with a client who wants to tell a personal story, I ask them to write freely about their memories, thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I don't want them worrying about chronology, the perfect opening, or whether every sentence sounds polished. At this stage, editing can get in the way. I want the raw material first. Only then do we decide how to shape it. A story might unfold chronologically, following events in the order they happened. It might build toward a pivotal moment, like a mountain rising toward its peak. Or it might follow a rise, fall, rise structure, showing how a setback led to a different kind of strength or understanding. The structure should serve the story, not the other way around. Once you've captured your thoughts and experiences, AI can help you explore different narrative structures, identify a turning point, or determine which details best support your message. But it shouldn't invent the emotional substance of your story. What happened, what you felt, what you learned, and how the experience changed you are yours to provide. One rule I always follow with my clients: we don't touch the slides until we're crystal clear on the content and flow of the speech. Visuals should support the speech, not become a crutch or a teleprompter. Where AI can be useful None of this means you need to do everything yourself. AI can be an incredibly useful tool, particularly when it comes to research. If you're preparing a presentation that requires statistics, industry insights, or academic research, AI can help you find relevant sources, summarize research papers, compare findings, and analyze data. It can also help you explore an unfamiliar subject and identify questions worth investigating. This can save hours of work. But don't confuse a useful research assistant with an infallible source of information. AI tools can misrepresent findings, produce inaccurate citations, or confidently present incorrect facts. Check the original sources, verify statistics and quotations, and make sure the evidence actually supports your argument. Use AI to accelerate your research, not to eliminate your responsibility for getting the facts right. AI can also help you structure a speech, strengthen transitions, explore metaphors and alliteration, and develop different ways to open a presentation. You can ask it to challenge your reasoning, identify gaps in your argument, or suggest alternatives when a section isn't working. The key is to treat its suggestions as options, not instructions. You remain responsible for deciding what belongs in your speech and what doesn't. In the age of AI, your humanity is your advantage The appeal of AI is efficiency. It can organize thoughts, strengthen arguments, and take hours of research off your hands. Used thoughtfully, it can make you a more effective communicator. But the pursuit of the perfect speech can become a distraction from the reason people listen in the first place. Audiences want a perspective that makes them think, a story that makes them feel, or an insight that changes how they see the world. They want to hear from someone who has lived, learned, struggled, made mistakes, and found something worth sharing in the process. That doesn't require a flawless performance. Often, the moments that connect a speaker with an audience are the ones that feel least rehearsed: an admission the speaker hesitated to make, a lesson learned the hard way, an unexpected laugh, or a personal detail that seemed too raw to share. So by all means, use AI. Let it challenge your thinking, help you find the structure, and take some of the busywork off your hands. Just don't hand over the part that matters most. In a world where everyone can generate the perfect words, the courage to share something vulnerable and the willingness to speak from real human experience, even when it's messy or imperfect, are what make people listen. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Sonia Maslovskaya Sonia Maslovskaya, Public Speaking & Communication Coach Sonia Maslovskaya is a public speaking and communication coach, marketing executive, and Fractional CMO who helps professionals and business leaders communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact. With a master's degree in Linguistics and Intercultural Communications, she combines expertise in language, storytelling, and audience engagement with hands-on business leadership experience. She previously served as Member Leader of the Forbes Coaches Council Public Speaking Group and received the Forbes Coaches Council Member Leader Award for Best Group Event in 2021. Her recognitions also include the Los Angeles Tribune Citation of Excellence Award in 2025 and Marquis Who's Who Honored Listee status in 2024.

Written by Rita Baki, Human Performance & EQ Consultant Rita Baki is a certified coach and emotional intelligence specialist who works at the intersection of neuroscience, somatic psychology, and emotional resilience. She supports executives and emerging leaders through evidence-based coaching and tailored programs that strengthen leadership, well-being, and human performance. Sometimes, words of longing lodge in your throat. You hesitate, questioning whether you even have the right to miss the one person who everyone around you insists you shouldn’t. Yet, you do miss them. It’s as simple, and as heavy, as that. There is no logic in emotions The question arises, "Why?" It’s one short word, but it carries so much need. It’s as if this question stands in the way of acceptance. If we can just have this one answer, then maybe all those feelings of sadness, guilt and shame can finally vanish and melt into non-existence. But when have our emotions ever disappeared? Your pain is real. The burn in your chest comes with the need to send that text. As an emotional intelligence coach, I’ve had people reach out to rid themselves of this uncomfortable feeling. But true liberation comes from being able to hold these emotions, name them and let them pass like waves in the ocean. Today’s newsletter is dedicated to those who are missing someone they know wasn’t right for them. We’re missing more than just the person 1. We miss the rush You may have heard of dopamine, the brain chemical often called the “feel-good chemical.” What it really does is activate the brain’s reward system. It creates the feeling of wanting. Relationships can set this system off strongly, especially when they are unpredictable, and the brain learns to chase the next high. When the relationship ends suddenly, so does the dopamine high. The brain keeps looking for it, and that can feel a lot like restlessness, obsessive thoughts and the urge to check their profile or reach out. What I tell my clients: Give it time. The reward system may miss this specific relationship. However, just like everything in the brain, we can learn to rewire what it reaches for. 2. We miss who we were with them The famous psychologist Carl Jung captured the essence of relationships: “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” Different relationships bring out inner experiences we may not have had access to. As we experience loss, we are ultimately feeling the potential loss of these inner experiences, the parts of us that came alive around them. What I tell my clients: What did you feel with this person? How did you feel different? Once you name the dynamic, you can look for ways to bring the feeling into your life without them, through other people, activities or even time alone. 3. We miss who we wanted them to be Sometimes, we miss the version of the person they could’ve become. We remember the good moments more strongly (this is called rosy retrospection), and we focus on their potential instead of how they actually treated us. Slowly, we start missing a fantasy. What I tell my clients: Keep two lists. On one list, write what was real. On the other, write what you hoped for. When the longing gets loud, read both. 4. We miss what we lost in the past How we respond to heartache is impacted by our earlier experiences, and attachment theory explains this well. As children, the bonds we form with our caregivers affect how we create connections, cope with distress and handle loss as adults. What I tell my clients: Noticing your pattern is empowering. You can see your distress coming, understand your urges and plan what can comfort you during this time. To love and hope You probably don’t plan on going back. Perhaps this is the most painful of it all. It is knowing you won’t return, and still not being able to rid yourself of this heartache. Missing someone? That’s just you being a human. It’s you having the capacity to have loved and hoped. Honor that feeling, and still protect yourself. You can do both. Eventually, the wave will pass. Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Rita Baki Rita Baki, Human Performance & EQ Consultant Rita Baki is a certified coach and emotional intelligence specialist who works at the intersection of neuroscience, somatic psychology, and emotional resilience. She collaborates with individuals, couples, and medical professionals to address the psychological dimensions that influence recovery and quality of life. Rita recognizes that every path to healing is unique, and her own inner journey ignited her passion to help others find their own path. Her work is anchored in a simple yet powerful philosophy: Meaningful, sustainable change begins with inner alignment. References: https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-brain https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4845754/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10159446/ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2468749924000334

Written by Carla Madeleine Kupe, Executive Leadership Advisor Carla Madeleine is an attorney, executive leader, and advisor who guides executives in integrating unexamined inner aspects so their leadership becomes examined rather than reactive. Her work bridges authority, authenticity, and inner transformation, particularly during moments of personal and organizational transition. There are moments when the lives we have built no longer fit us in quite the same way. Sometimes the change is unmistakable. A career ends, a relationship shifts, a loss rearranges our understanding of ourselves, or circumstances force us to reconsider what we thought was certain. Other times, the change is quieter. We continue fulfilling our responsibilities, occupying familiar roles, and moving through routines that once made sense, while becoming increasingly aware that something has shifted. We may know that we cannot continue exactly as we have been. What we do not necessarily know is what comes next. That space between what is ending and what has not yet emerged can be profoundly uncomfortable. Our discomfort with the unknown Much of our sense of self is organized around identities we have spent years, sometimes decades, developing. We become the capable leader, the dependable partner, the caregiver, the problem-solver, the person who always knows what to do. These identities are not necessarily false. They may reflect meaningful parts of who we are, the experiences that have shaped us, and the contributions we have made. But they can also become so familiar that we struggle to distinguish who we are from the roles we have learned to perform. When those roles begin to loosen or become draining, especially as we age, we may find ourselves confronting an unsettling question: Who am I if I am no longer who I have been? There can be a kind of darkness in that question. Not necessarily a darkness of despair, but one of unfamiliarity. We cannot yet see the contours of what is emerging, and the absence of a recognizable future can feel like an absence of direction, purpose, or even identity. Our reflex is often to escape that discomfort as quickly as possible. We search for the next job, the next relationship, the next project, the next version of ourselves. We begin planning, solving, and moving, sometimes before we have fully understood what is changing within us. Movement offers relief. It gives us something to do, something to pursue, something recognizable to become. But movement and possibility are not necessarily the same thing. When the familiar disguises itself as the future One of the more subtle ways we limit our futures is by imagining them almost entirely through the lens of our past. When contemplating a career change, we may immediately search for another position that uses the same skills, carries a similar title, or affirms an identity we have worked hard to establish. When a relationship no longer works, we may imagine a different partner without examining the patterns we bring into relationships. When an organization confronts the limits of its existing practices, its first instinct may be to improve those practices rather than question the assumptions underlying them. We may be reaching toward something new while remaining firmly within the boundaries of what we already know. Sometimes, even when we recognize that a familiar way of living is no longer sustainable, its familiarity makes it feel safer than the uncertainty of alternatives. This raises a question worth sitting with, "Are we choosing what comes next because it reflects who we are becoming, or because we recognize who we have been?" The distinction is not always obvious. Nor does it mean that familiar paths are inherently wrong. It means that familiarity alone may not be a sufficient basis for choosing our futures. What becomes possible when we pause? What if, rather than immediately filling the space left by an ending, we allowed ourselves to inhabit it for a while? Not indefinitely. Not as an exercise in withdrawing from life or ignoring the practical demands that continue around us. But long enough to notice what is happening beneath our urgency to move forward. What are we afraid might happen if we do not immediately know what comes next? What identities or expectations are we reluctant to release? What have we come to believe we must continue being, even as something within us is asking for a different relationship with ourselves? The pause creates an opportunity to examine the assumptions that shape our sense of possibility. This examination is rarely linear. I think of it as running water through a sieve. We return again and again, allowing the water to move through what we have accumulated over time: expectations, fears, responsibilities, inherited narratives, desires, and beliefs about who we are supposed to be. Some things begin to loosen. Others remain. We recognize aspects of ourselves that are still deeply true, even as we discover how much has shifted. Sometimes we uncover something we had forgotten. Other times, something entirely unexpected catches the light. We notice, discern, reconsider, and notice again. The purpose is not to emerge with a completely new identity. It is to become more aware of what is genuinely ours, what has changed, and what might now be possible. Giving ourselves permission to imagine There is another difficulty we encounter when considering unfamiliar futures: we often subject them to the demands of practicality before we have even allowed ourselves to imagine them. An unexpected desire surfaces, and almost immediately we begin explaining why it cannot happen. It would require too much change. We are too old, too established, too responsible. We have invested too much in the life we already know. Other people depend on us. We do not have the resources, qualifications, connections, or certainty. People will think that we have lost our minds. Some of these concerns reflect real circumstances and constraints. Others may be assumptions we have carried for so long that we no longer recognize them as assumptions. But what if we did not require every imagined possibility to arrive with a plan? What if we allowed ourselves to wonder about lives we have never seriously considered, places we have never imagined belonging, ways of contributing that do not resemble our current roles, or relationships with ourselves and others that operate differently from those we have known? Imagining a possibility does not obligate us to pursue it. It does not require us to abandon our responsibilities, deny structural realities, or pretend that every future is equally accessible. It simply allows us to encounter a wider range of possibilities before deciding which ones deserve our attention, which resonate with who we are now, and what it might take to bring them into being. Discernment and practical considerations have an important place in that process. But when we demand feasibility before imagination, we risk allowing the limits of our past programming and present circumstances to determine the boundaries of our future. Beyond the futures we already know This inquiry is not limited to individual lives. Communities, organizations, and societies also inherit ideas about what is normal, necessary, realistic, or possible. When familiar systems cease to serve us, we often attempt to repair or reproduce them without first examining the assumptions that shaped them. Our collective imagination can become constrained by the same attachment to familiarity that shapes our personal choices. What might become visible if we allowed ourselves to question not only how our existing arrangements could work better, but what other arrangements we have not yet given ourselves permission to envision? There are no guarantees that pausing will produce clarity, or that every possibility we discover will become a life we choose to live. Sometimes we will return to familiar paths with a different understanding of why they matter. Sometimes we will recognize that something once central to our identity no longer belongs in the same place. Sometimes we may begin moving toward a future we could not previously have imagined. Perhaps the invitation is not to know what comes next. Perhaps it is to become curious about how much of what we believe is possible has been shaped by what we already know. To ask ourselves, "What futures might become imaginable if we gave ourselves permission not to know who we are becoming just yet?" Follow me on LinkedIn and visit my website for more info! Read more from Carla Madeleine Kupe Carla Madeleine Kupe, Executive Leadership Advisor Carla Madeleine is an attorney, executive leader, and trusted advisor who works with leaders navigating power, responsibility, and transition. With a background in law, executive leadership, and organizational change, she helps individuals identify and integrate unexamined inner patterns that quietly shape decision-making, authority, and trust, particularly during periods of uncertainty, contraction, and reimagination. Carla writes at the intersection of leadership, inner work, and change, offering grounded insight for those shaping the future.

Written by Safiya Abidali, Neuroscientist & Professional Coach Safiya Abidali is a neuroscientist and professional coach specialising in behaviour change, resilience, and emotional regulation. She takes neuroscience research to develop practical tools for sustainable habits and mental well-being. We are investing more than ever in understanding ourselves. We take personality assessments, journal, reflect on our triggers and talk openly about our patterns. Self-awareness has become one of the most valued skills in personal development and leadership. Yet many of us know the experience of getting it right on the inside and still getting it wrong with the people around us. We know exactly what we meant. We chose our words carefully. The person in front of us heard something else entirely. For a long time I didn’t have a word for the skill that closes that gap. So I’ve coined one: allocognition. The word brings together two parts. Allo comes from the Greek allos, meaning “other”. Cognition comes from the Latin cognitio, from cognoscere, meaning “to get to know”; in psychology, it refers to the mental processes of thinking, knowing and understanding. Put together, allocognition means getting to know and understand the other person. What is allocognition? Psychologists use the term metacognition, introduced by John Flavell in the 1970s, to describe thinking about our own thinking. It’s the foundation of self-awareness, and much of modern coaching is built on it. Allocognition is its counterpart. It is understanding the other person: what they are feeling, what their personality is, what experiences they bring into the moment, and how I can communicate what I want to say so that it lands positively and effectively with them. Metacognition asks, “What is going on in me?” Allocognition asks, “What is going on in you, and what does that mean for how I speak to you?” I see allocognition working at two levels. Level 1: Awareness of who is in the room Allocognition is something I’ve been practising for a long time, often without naming it. I’ve also come to notice when it’s missing. Picture a group of friends where someone is venting about how annoying their spouse has been, or excitedly planning an anniversary, while a friend sitting with them has recently been through a divorce. Or someone who talks constantly about their children in front of a friend who has been trying to get pregnant. None of these people is being unkind. They’re simply talking about their lives. Allocognition doesn’t mean hiding your life or tiptoeing around everyone. It means being aware of who is around you and how what you’re saying might sit with them. Sometimes that changes what you say. Sometimes it only changes how much, when or what you choose to say afterwards. Level 2: Adapting how you communicate The next level is choosing your words and delivery according to the person in front of you. I see this clearly as a parent. I can say the same words to two of my children and get two completely different reactions. One hears a gentle nudge. The other hears criticism. The words haven’t changed. The listener has. At this level, allocognition is less about what you say and more about how you say it: the tone, the timing, the framing and how much context someone needs before they can really hear you. Why this doesn’t come naturally If allocognition sounds obvious, it’s worth knowing that the brain doesn’t make it easy. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s work on the predictive brain suggests that we don’t simply receive words. We interpret them through predictions built from our own past experience. So two people can hear the same sentence and take very different meanings from it. We also tend to overestimate how clearly we come across. Research by Nicholas Epley and colleagues found that when we try to see things from someone else’s point of view, we start from our own and don’t adjust far enough. In one study, people wrote short emails, some meant seriously and some sarcastically, and predicted that the reader would easily tell which was which. In reality, readers got it right only a little more often than if they had guessed. Our brains naturally start from our own perspective, so we often assume others understand us better than they do. Allocognition is the deliberate effort to step beyond that perspective. What allocognition is not Allocognition isn’t the same as empathy. Empathy is largely about feeling with someone. Allocognition takes that understanding into action by shaping what we say and how we say it. It also isn’t people-pleasing. The aim isn’t to dilute what you mean or avoid difficult conversations. It’s to deliver your message so that what you mean actually arrives. Why this matters for high achievers Many of the people I work with are highly self-aware. They know their strengths, their stress responses and their leadership style. Yet they still find feedback misfiring, teams disengaging or conversations at home going in circles. Often the issue isn’t a lack of self-knowledge. It’s that they communicate the way they would want to be spoken to. Direct people deliver directness to colleagues who need context first. Reflective people offer space to someone who needs a clear answer. A leader who adapts their message for two very different team members isn’t being inconsistent. They’re practising allocognition. Building allocognition in everyday life Scan the room before you share. Take a moment to consider who is listening and what they might be carrying right now. Separate the message from the delivery. Decide what needs to be said, then think separately about how this particular person is most likely to hear it. Notice patterns over time. Pay attention to how the people closest to you respond to feedback, praise, pressure and change. These patterns are information you can use. Check what landed. A simple “What did you take from that?” can reveal a gap between your intention and their experience. Regulate yourself first. It’s hard to read someone else when your own stress response is running the conversation. This is where metacognition and allocognition work together. Two halves of the same skill Self-awareness helps us become the people we want to be. Allocognition helps the people around us experience us that way. Both matter, and the second is the one we’re rarely taught. Healthy relationships aren’t built on always saying the right thing. They’re built on understanding the person in front of you well enough to say it in a way they can hear. Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Safiya Abidali Safiya Abidali, Neuroscientist & Professional Coach Safiya Abidali is a neuroscientist and professional coach specialising in behaviour change, resilience, and emotional regulation. With a background in social anthropology and applied neuroscience, she bridges brain science and behaviour with lived experience. Safiya writes about motivation, uncertainty, habit formation, and mental resilience. She is the founder of Neuropath Coaching, a neuroscience-informed coaching practice.

Nottingham, United Kingdom – 2 November 2026 – Independent author and survivor-scholar Toren Ylfa announces the release of their debut book, Sigil of the Mind: Reclaiming Mental Health Through Myth, Science and Survivorhood, an exploration of how psychology, neuroscience, mythology and lived experience can reshape our understanding of mental health. Book available here. At a time when conversations about psychological wellbeing often revolve around diagnoses, treatments and recovery, Ylfa offers a different perspective: one that recognises the importance of scientific understanding while questioning whether human experiences can ever be fully explained through clinical terminology alone. Sigil of the Mind brings together contemporary psychological thinking, neuroscience, ancestral storytelling and personal reflection to explore identity, trauma, resilience and the complexities of being human. Rather than presenting mental health as something that must always be fixed, the book invites readers to consider the possibility of reclaiming their own narratives, recognising their agency and understanding themselves beyond the limitations of labels. Beyond diagnosis: Reclaiming the human experience For Ylfa, this book is more than an academic exploration. It emerges from lived experience, personal challenges and an ongoing commitment to understanding the relationship between the mind, identity and survival. Writing as a survivor-scholar, Ylfa places personal experience at the forefront while drawing upon interdisciplinary study to examine how scientific knowledge and mythology can complement, challenge and illuminate one another. The book does not reject modern psychology or clinical science. Instead, it encourages a more expansive conversation, one that acknowledges the value of evidence while recognising the significance of individual experience. Central to Ylfa's approach is the Socratic principle, “I know that I know nothing.” This philosophy reflects an openness to questioning established assumptions, challenging certainty and approaching the human mind with intellectual curiosity and humility. A voice for survivors and independent thinkers Through Sigil of the Mind, Ylfa seeks to contribute to conversations surrounding mental health, survivorhood and the importance of personal agency. Their work speaks to readers interested in psychology, mythology, neuroscience and the intersection between scientific understanding and lived experience. As an independent author, Ylfa also represents a growing movement of writers bringing personal perspectives into wider discussions about mental health and identity. The publication marks an important milestone in their development as an author, extending their commitment to public education, thoughtful discussion and survivor-centred storytelling. About the Toren Ylfa Toren Ylfa is a UK-based author and survivor-scholar whose writing explores psychology, neuroscience, mythology and the complexities of mental health through science and lived experience. Their work encourages curiosity, critical thinking and a more compassionate understanding of human experiences. Sigil of the Mind is their debut book. Media contact Toren Ylfa Tattooed Alkhemist Twitter/X Instagram Bluesky Mastodon

Written by Joanna Hulton, Ph.D., Family Therapist, Author & Educator Joanna Hulton, Ph.D., practices and teaches eclectic parenting psychotherapy, integrating psychoanalytic psychotherapy, attachment theory, and brain development. Joanna Hulton, Ph.D. has dedicated herself for the past 35 years as a teacher, workshop leader, and practicing psychoanalyst. Parenting can leave adults feeling exhausted, especially when a child’s emotions stir up their own unmet needs. Learning to listen, accept feelings, and set limits can help children develop a stronger sense of self while helping parents grow more self-aware. “Parents and teachers need to eradicate the insanities so insidiously hidden in their everyday speech, the messages that tell a child to distrust his perception, disown his feelings, and doubt his worth. The prevalent, so-called “normal” talk drives children crazy, the blaming and the shaming, preaching and moralizing, ordering and bossing, admonishing and accusing, ridiculing and belittling, threatening and bribing, diagnosing and prognosing.” – Haim Ginott This quote, taken from a book first published in 1972, captures my attention in a new way. Always a fan of Dr. Ginott, I realize that his efforts at that time to educate adults around the needs of children left an essential gap. How do we help parents and teachers eradicate these insanities? If sanity depends on trusting one's inner reality, aren't we forgetting something essential? Are we asking adults to understand children without having been fully understood themselves? What should we do? The need to be understood Being human is not so easy, especially when one feels misunderstood. As children, we awake each morning ready to take on the essential task of early childhood: to be known. It sounds simple, but, alas, many things may have prevented it from happening genuinely. So many of us grew into adulthood with inauthentic selves, not even aware of how that may have happened. How is it that so many of us lose ourselves while growing up? An adult patient once declared, “I need you to understand me so that I will know who I am.” Understanding ourselves comes from feeling understood as children, but being understood can be quite difficult if one's parents are not fluent in “childrenese,” or if they are overwhelmed with their own parenting agenda. For parents, “the days are long, the years are short,” as one mother put it. Parents themselves are challenged each day as they prepare their children for school and beyond. Every day brings new tasks and conflicts that require us to dig deep, a process one parent describes as the continual opportunity to “kick open the doors to the primordial stuff of my own childhood.” In my previous article, I described how everyday experiences in your early childhood created the template that you use daily to solve the challenges of parenting. Most of these experiences lie waiting for reactivation in your unconscious. “The unconscious mind,” as David Brooks describes it in The Social Animal, “is most of the mind − not a dark, vestigial place but a creative and enchanted one, where most of the brain's work gets done . . . the realm where character is formed and where our most important life decisions are made.” Over time, you will discover that the daily interactions with and efforts to understand your children will influence you both consciously and unconsciously, uniquely enabling you to become more self-aware. The ultimate achievement of this greater self-awareness is the opportunity for you to know your most authentic self. Feeling happy, sad, angry and afraid A prerequisite to authentic humanity is the full expression of the four basic emotions − happy, sad, angry and afraid. Much of our current culture readily supports only one emotion, being happy. Children are rarely told that happiness is something they should not feel. Instead, this emotion or feeling state is usually accepted, many times allowing parents the opportunity to feel competent and happy themselves. (An exception to this rule: a child's expression of happiness is not welcome if it leads to over-excitement or unbridled expansiveness, which I will address in a future article.) But it is when children bump into experiences that induce sadness, anger and fear that parents resort to responses that can inhibit authenticity. How many times have we heard or said, “Don't be scared, there is nothing to be afraid of,” or “You are angry over that? I'll give you something to be angry at!” and “Why are you so sad, will this make you feel better?” Reflecting on your own past Take some time to reflect on your earliest memories concerning the four basic human emotions. There is a good chance that you were not encouraged to express all your feeling states as you were growing up. We inherited the widely accepted conventional wisdom: “Children are to be seen and not heard.” And as a result, many of us had little encouragement to talk about our feelings. The parenting wisdom passed down to us may be causing conflicts: On the one hand, we want our children to express themselves; on the other, we may worry that they are too precocious or disrespectful. I before we As it is for many children, the expression of true feelings, happy, sad, angry and afraid, is compromised by adults who are unable to tolerate the idea that children may have feelings separate from them. Many worry that they may be failing if kids don't see the world through a similar lens. Children must have opportunities that help them express feelings of their own in order to navigate their world. The expression of authentic feelings, fully felt, helps us know who we are so that we can become our own best authority. Children need to be able to confidently articulate a sense of “I” before they can successfully engage in the cooperative experience of “We.” I said no! Here is where it begins. With the word “No,” the typical two-year-old, with increased motor skills and a need for independence, begins practicing over and over again, trying to be a separate person with his own ideas. Seemingly overnight, the adorable child becomes a terrible tyrant − defiant, uncooperative and intolerant of frustration and disappointment. The word “NO!” becomes the toddler's all-important cry for independence. Our need for control starts in toddlerhood as we attempt to separate and individuate from our parents. It is during this developmental stage that children declare their autonomy. “No, I do myself. Let me.” Having opposing feelings is an excellent way to initiate separation and individuation. The parent who accepts and understands feelings while limiting behavior remains reliably there, as the child shores up a sense of self. It is here that the confounding conflicts with our kids require us to dig deep. What you resist will persist As mentioned before, children use the word “I” so that they can comfortably engage in the cooperative experience of “We.” Each and every time we tell a child to stop feeling what they are feeling, we invite temper tantrums, enabling them to fight for what they believe in the moment. A steady denial of feelings causes a lack of confidence and worry. Do I really know what I am feeling? How am I supposed to express myself? Who am I? And because kids have a ferocious need for self-identity, they will persist in getting you to understand them. The more resistance to their opinions, the longer the meltdowns. In the absolutely brilliant book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, students of Ginott, thoroughly explain, step by step, how to communicate effectively so that kids will listen and cooperate. A powerful 3-step process successfully acknowledges feelings without having to necessarily agree with them: Listen to all feelings Accept all feelings as valid, give the child what they want in fantasy. Limit behavior Yet, even with the best information and intentions, we resist. We decide that the way we have been taught is the only and correct way to be. Many of us are still under the spell of the autocratic parenting we inherited. At the same time, our children's emotions force us to look at our own human needs for acceptance as we struggle to be authentic. Consider how many times today your adult feelings may have been expressed and then denied by a spouse, boss, parent or even your own child. Well-meaning others trying to help in all the wrong ways can leave you feeling more frustrated than if they hadn't tried to help at all. It might have sounded like this: That's crazy, you are being ridiculous, try being more positive, you are making a mountain out of a molehill, get over it, act your age, you are always complaining, you are overreacting, you don't know what you are talking about, you are too sensitive. As it is with kids, a steady denial of our feelings can cause a lack of confidence, worry and even anger. Do I really know what I am feeling? How am I supposed to express myself? Who am I? And because kids are actively seeking self-identity, they will persist in getting you to understand them even when you are struggling to feel understood yourself. It is easy to understand why so many of us are floundering and exhausted as parents. Let's talk. Sending me your comments at JoannaHulton@thechildrenspeaceinitiative.org will guide future articles as we combat parent fatigue together. Visit my website for more info! Read more from Joanna Hulton, Ph.D. Joanna Hulton, Ph.D., Family Therapist, Author & Educator Joanna Hulton, Ph.D. has dedicated herself for the past 35 years as a teacher, workshop leader, and practicing psychoanalyst. She is committed to improving children's self-esteem, feelings of personal efficacy, and ability to learn by transforming the role of family, school, and community. Her interdisciplinary approach inspires her ongoing commitment to exploring ideas and issues from multiple perspectives. As such, her mission is to support the implementation of community programs that promote the mental health of children, as well as the adults in their lives.

Written by Faye Lao, Intuitive Energy Consultant Faye Lao is an intuitive energy consultant and certified grief educator who blends intuitive insight, energy healing, and life coaching to help individuals navigate life's challenges, embrace self-healing, and live with greater clarity, balance, and purpose. Faye brings a unique perspective that bridges practical wisdom with spiritual understanding. Political differences don’t disappear when we walk through the workplace door. But what happens when disagreements turn into tension, exclusion, or hostility? Drawing on over 20 years of HR experience, Faye Lao explores how we can disagree politically while preserving respect, professionalism, and collaboration in our shared organizational sandbox. May you live in interesting times “May you live in interesting times” is an old saying, often described as a curse disguised as a blessing. Judging by today's political climate, I believe we are all abundantly blessed. Many of us grew up hearing that sex, politics, and religion were inappropriate dinner-table conversations. Well, that could make dinner rather dull, couldn't it? But in today's passionately charged social environment, those conversations don't necessarily stop at the dinner table. They follow us into workplaces, where people with different beliefs, values, and opinions must work together. After all, how boring would life be if we all thought alike? Besides, who needs more groupthink? Diverse ideas can inspire innovations in products, processes, and services. A friendly, collaborative workplace welcomes different perspectives. Political differences are inevitable, but workplace hostility doesn't have to be. I'm not interested in which team you choose; I'm interested in what happens when the teams start throwing sand at each other. "I'm not interested in which team you choose; I'm interested in what happens when the teams start throwing sand at each other." Different jerseys, same sandbox Consider sports rivalries. People can be fiercely loyal to their favorite teams. Friends argue, families tease one another, and occasionally friendly competition becomes anything but friendly. Now substitute political teams for sports teams. Political beliefs often involve deeply held convictions about morality, identity, economics, and society. Naturally, emotions can run high. But here's the workplace reality: whether you're on the red team, blue team, or neither, everyone occupies the same organizational sandbox. We have customers to serve, problems to solve, deadlines to meet, and responsibilities to fulfill. Throwing sand at one another doesn't help anyone build a better sandbox. When disagreement becomes workplace dysfunction Respectful political disagreement isn't necessarily a workplace problem. Trouble begins when differences in opinion change how employees treat one another. An employee deliberately delays responding to a colleague's request. Important information isn't shared. Cooperation becomes selective. Ordinary management decisions can be interpreted as politically motivated. One employee might think, “I'll make that person wait,” without considering how seemingly insignificant acts of noncooperation accumulate. Employees may also become reluctant to speak up. Someone uncomfortable expressing a political opinion might hesitate to challenge a questionable business decision. When employees fear disagreement and stay silent, organizations risk losing valuable ideas, honest feedback, and opportunities for improvement. "Political division can damage a workplace without anyone ever raising their voice." When politics divides, we see: Cliques and ostracism Distrust and stereotypes Reduced cooperation Politicizing routine decisions Deliberate noncooperation Lower morale and performance Leadership: Authority changes the conversation Managers have an important yet delicate responsibility. A manager may believe they're simply enjoying a friendly political discussion. But the employee listening may feel differently. After all, that manager influences performance evaluations, promotions, compensation, work assignments, and career opportunities. Would an employee feel comfortable disagreeing with someone who influences their career? Maybe. Maybe not. Even without an actual threat of retaliation, employees may feel pressured to agree, laugh politely, or remain silent. A subordinate's silence does not necessarily mean agreement. Let's face it, people sometimes act differently around the boss. They may become quieter, more cautious, or even pretend to agree rather than risk upsetting the person who signs their performance review. It's a good idea for managers to pay attention to coffee bar conversations, not to spy or eavesdrop, but to take the pulse of the workplace and recognize early warning signs of friction: exclusion, hostility, deliberate noncooperation, or politically charged remarks that turn into personal attacks. The goal isn't to police everyone's political opinions. It's to protect working relationships so employees can discuss sensitive topics respectfully and still work productively together. Freedom to disagree, responsibility to behave Freedom of speech is an important principle. However, workplace speech rights and employer policies vary depending on industry, a company’s chosen culture, and applicable labor laws. Employees should know what's expected when discussing sensitive topics. Having different opinions is one thing. Getting on a soapbox and making the workplace miserable for everyone else is another. Employees can hold strong political convictions while still remaining accountable for their professional conduct. Two coworkers can have different political opinions, talk about them respectfully, and still agree to disagree. That's fine. The trouble starts when someone pressures others to join the conversation, makes personal insults, or lets political differences get in the way of working together. "Now more sand gets thrown. More tears and hurt feelings all around." Disagreement is permitted, disrespect isn't Organizations should communicate clear expectations for workplace conduct and apply rules of conduct and policies fairly and consistently. Employees deserve dignity and professional treatment regardless of their political beliefs, and leaders should address inappropriate behavior based on conduct, not political affiliation. "Correct the conduct, not the political viewpoint." How can we play nice at work? We don't need complicated rules to remember basic professional courtesies. We can: Disagree respectfully Listen with curiosity Focus on shared goals Work together professionally Keep the sandbox clean We should avoid: Pressuring others Ridiculing or stereotyping Assuming political motives Letting conflicts escalate Leaders must model these expectations consistently. Employees must take responsibility for how their behavior affects coworkers and organizational performance. "Professionalism requires accountability." Keeping our shared sandbox clean Organizations don't exist to achieve political consensus. They exist to accomplish a shared mission. When we play nice, we build: Respectful conversations Psychological safety Stronger collaboration Better problem-solving A healthier workplace culture Greater organizational performance Respect is not agreement. Civility is not weakness. Leaders and employees can build bridges together, even when the sandbox gets a little messy. A cohesive workplace doesn't require ideological cohesion. It requires organizational cohesion. Red team. Blue team. Different jerseys. But at work, we're all part of Team Organization. We can spend our time throwing sand at one another, or use that same sandbox to build something worthwhile together. Remember, whatever happens in the political arena, we still have to come back tomorrow and work in the same sandbox together. A sweeter way to disagree You like chocolate cake. I prefer chocolate pie. Do we really need to argue over which is better? Let's trade a slice and enjoy both! After all, it's still chocolate, just made differently. We all love chocolate, and nobody needs to throw dessert at anybody! If this message resonates with you, I invite you to stay in touch. Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, or visit my website or email at fayeinspiredhealing@outlook.com to explore more resources and reflections. Let’s continue the journey together. Read more from Faye Lao Faye Lao, Intuitive Energy Consultant Faye Lao is an intuitive energy consultant and certified grief educator who blends intuitive insight, energy healing, and practical wisdom to inspire personal transformation and emotional well-being. With over two decades of experience in corporate Human Resources, higher education, and professional training, she bridges practical knowledge with spiritual understanding. Drawing on energy healing, hypnosis, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and life coaching, Faye helps individuals navigate life's challenges, release limiting beliefs, and reconnect with their authentic selves.

Written by Nadija Bajrami, Strategic Hypnotherapist & Mind Coach Nadija is a multi-award-winning trauma and empowerment specialist with a double diploma in hypnotherapy, mind coaching, and online therapy. She is also a Reiki Master and a grief educator, and she has been trained by international grief specialist and best-selling author David Kessler. Nadija is also an end-of-life doula. What if some of the things you criticise yourself for are not character flaws, but learned responses to experiences you once had to survive? What if your need to please everyone, your difficulty saying no, your constant overthinking or your tendency to push people away when they get too close have a story behind them? What if the first step towards change was not to fight yourself harder, but to understand yourself more compassionately? Trauma is often associated with major life-threatening events, but its effects can be more subtle. Difficult experiences, prolonged insecurity, neglect, betrayal, grief or feeling powerless can influence how we see ourselves, relate to others and navigate the world. Trauma is not simply about what happened to us. It is also about how we experienced it, how it affected us, and what we learned to do to cope. Not everyone who experiences adversity develops lasting trauma-related difficulties, and not every struggle is a trauma response. However, recognising our patterns can help us understand ourselves and discover new ways forward. 1. Trauma doesn’t always look like trauma Sometimes, trauma looks like being the person everyone relies on while secretly feeling unable to rely on anyone else. It can look like apologising for having needs, feeling guilty when resting, overthinking a text message, struggling to trust others or becoming uncomfortable when life finally feels peaceful. Sometimes, it looks like success. You may be ambitious, productive and exceptionally capable. Yet if slowing down makes you anxious, mistakes feel catastrophic or your self-worth depends entirely on achievement, it may be worth exploring whether fear is driving some of your behaviour. Being high-functioning does not automatically mean you are emotionally well. Your pain is no less real because you appear to have everything together. 2. The hidden responses we often mistake for personality flaws Our minds and bodies can develop protective responses to overwhelming experiences. Fight, flight, freeze and fawn are commonly used terms to describe different reactions to perceived danger. Here is how some patterns may appear in everyday life: The people-pleaser: You struggle to say no because disappointing others feels frightening. Remember, kindness without boundaries can become self-abandonment. The perfectionist: You overprepare, overthink and fear making mistakes. Perhaps achievement has become a way to feel safe or worthy. You do not have to earn your right to rest by exhausting yourself first. The overthinker: You replay conversations and anticipate every possible outcome, hoping to prevent future pain. Ask yourself: Am I solving a real problem, or trying to control something uncertain? The fiercely independent person: You handle everything alone and struggle to accept help. Independence is a strength, but you can be capable and self-reliant while allowing trustworthy people to support you. The person who shuts down: You withdraw, feel numb or struggle to begin tasks when overwhelmed. Rather than immediately labelling yourself lazy, consider what support or space you might need. The person who pushes others away: You long for connection but fear vulnerability or rejection. Past experiences can influence how safe closeness feels, but they do not have to determine every future relationship. These patterns are not diagnoses, and they do not automatically indicate trauma. They are opportunities to become curious about yourself rather than judge yourself. 3. Your reactions make sense, but they don’t have to define you Understanding a behaviour does not mean excusing every consequence. Our experiences may help explain why we become defensive, avoid difficult conversations or struggle to trust. Healing also invites us to take responsibility for how we treat ourselves and others today. We can acknowledge why we developed a protective response while recognising that it may no longer serve us. We can say, “I understand why I react this way, and I am willing to learn another way.” You are not broken. You are a human being with a history, the capacity to learn, and the possibility of change. 4. Your gentle guide to beginning healing Notice without judging. Instead of asking, “What's wrong with me?”, ask, “What has this situation brought up for me?” Curiosity creates space for understanding. Recognise your triggers. When you feel overwhelmed, pause if possible. Feel your feet against the floor, look around and reconnect with the present. You do not have to force yourself to calm down instantly. Practise self-compassion. Replace “I am so stupid for reacting like this” with “Something about this feels difficult, and I can take the time to understand why.” Compassion is not weakness; it is a kinder starting point for change. Take small steps. Practise saying no, expressing your needs or allowing yourself to rest before everything is finished. You do not have to transform your entire life by Monday morning. This is healing, not a performance review! Allow yourself support. A qualified professional with appropriate trauma training can help you explore your experiences and suitable treatment options, which may include trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy, EMDR or trauma-focused hypnotherapy. Coaching may complement personal development when appropriate but should not replace necessary mental health assessment or treatment. You never need to force yourself to revisit painful memories before you feel ready. You do not have to reach breaking point before you deserve help. 5. You can honour your past life without living in it You may have learned to stay silent to avoid conflict. Today, you can practise expressing yourself respectfully. You may have learned to earn love through achievement. Today, you can recognise your worth beyond what you accomplish. You may have learned to expect disappointment. Today, you can allow trustworthy people to show you that relationships can be different. Healing does not erase your history. It helps you develop a different relationship with it. You can honour the person who got you through difficult times without asking that version of yourself to carry everything forever. Your reminder: Meet yourself with kindness If you recognise yourself in these examples, please do not turn this article into another reason to criticise yourself. You do not need to diagnose yourself or find trauma in every difficult experience. As someone who works in empowerment, grief and trauma, I believe in helping people recognise their own strengths, awareness and resources. My role is not to fix people, because human beings are not broken objects in need of repair. It is to support them as they explore their experiences and discover possibilities for moving forward. We cannot always choose what happened to us, but with understanding, appropriate support and time, we can begin to influence how we relate to those experiences today. You are more than the things you learned to do to survive. You are also the person you are becoming as you learn that you have choices. Be patient with yourself. Be honest with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Healing is not about becoming someone else. It is about creating the space to live more fully as yourself. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Nadija Bajrami Nadija Bajrami, Strategic Hypnotherapist & Mind Coach French by birth, Nadija lived in Scotland for seven years and travelled the world. After recovering from some serious health issues, Nadija had a wake-up call and came to Ireland to find her path. She has been living in Dublin since 2017. Nadija works mostly online worldwide and shares her time between Ireland, France, and Switzerland. Nadija is a multi-award-winning trauma and empowerment specialist with a double diploma in hypnotherapy, mind coaching, and online therapy. She is also a Reiki Master and a grief educator, and she has been trained by international grief specialist and best-selling author David Kessler. Nadija is also an end-of-life doula. She is dedicated to helping her clients get empowered, supercharge their confidence and self-esteem, overcome their limiting beliefs, and manage anxiety and trauma responses. She also helps people on their grief and healing journeys through her therapy, coaching, grief education and support programmes, and spiritual work.