Your Relationship with Yourself Is the Key to Healthy Relationships
- Apr 24
- 9 min read
Written by Michal Ravid Vrabel, Lawyer & Life Coach
Michal is a lawyer and a life coach. A former criminal defense attorney, who spent the vast majority of her professional life in courtrooms, she has encountered all walks of life. The founder of Pathways Life Coaching, she now focuses extensively on success mindset coaching, personal and professional relationship coaching, and end-of-life coaching.
Relationships and the connections we create and nourish with those around us are among the most significant factors in human emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Relationships can be a major source of pleasure and joy throughout our life's journey and a crucial layer for one’s personal and professional development. Unfortunately, relationships can also negatively influence our state of mind, hinder our progress and development, and become obstacles in our life’s journey, as they pose various challenges and turmoil.
Ask yourself, "How often do you ponder the state of your relationships, whether it be with your partner, your parents, your kids, or your friends? How often do concerns arise over the status of your relationships with your colleagues, your boss, your employees, or your clients?"
Now, with the same introspective questioning, think about the following, "How often do you spend time thinking about your relationship with yourself? Do you like who you are? Do you appreciate your attributes? Do you recognize your flaws?"
I would argue that there is a significant imbalance between the time we spend thinking about and analyzing relationships outwardly and the time we spend reflecting on our relationship with ourselves, as the former receives more attention than the latter. Thus, I cannot help but wonder, "How do we modify this imbalance in a way that will positively affect our relationships across the boards? More so, is the relationship with ourselves the key to unlocking our success in our relationships with others?"
The importance of external sphere relationships
We all share the desire to connect and belong. We wish to be loved and appreciated. We long to form meaningful relationships with others. As the ultra-social creatures that we are, we have been seeking connections and relationships since the dawn of time, forming social networks and relying on interactions with others in our everyday lives. If initially, forming relationships with others was a survival instinct, a crucial component in preventing isolation, better management of resources, and providing security and care for offspring, the progression soon followed. The extension of social networks flourished in the pursuit of an overall better existence, not only in a selfless way but more so, in a self-sacrificial manner, as we wished to improve our societies as a whole.
There is no doubt that our relationships in the external sphere provide many benefits for us as individuals, from cognitive and brain development, starting in early childhood and carried throughout our lives, to meeting psychological needs like empathy and emotional support, and to facilitating resources and growth in the professional arena.
Challenges that arise from external relationships
As relationships with others develop and expand, as fruitful and satisfying as they can be, external relationships can also be a significant source of heartaches and disturbances in our overall well-being, as well as a hindrance to our self-growth and development, diminishing our sense of happiness and joy throughout our life journey.
It is important to note that when we think about the concept of relationships, the common association is an intimate relationship, such as marriage, a love interest, or a relationship with someone connected to us by blood. Despite this common thread of thought or association, it is essential for me to emphasize the other relationships we experience in the external sphere, with friends, neighbors, acquaintances, as well as relationships within our workplaces, with peers, employees, partners, clients, or our superiors.
It is crucial to understand that personal and professional realms do not exist in a vacuum. They feed off each other, they impact one another. Hence, the quality and state of our relationships in each one will affect the relationships within the other.
Indeed, we have all struggled, at least once in our lives, if we are so lucky, with relationships in the external sphere and felt the roller coaster of emotions set in motion as we face the challenges within them.
I am no stranger, and none of us are, to these struggles or the turmoil of emotions that stem from relationships and the challenges they present. I have experienced the heartbreaks of romantic relationships, the challenges in nourishing and maintaining a healthy relationship with my life partner, the trials and tribulations that dealing with aging parents can present, I am still going through the peaks and valleys of raising my kids, now teenagers, who at times feel as if they are going on 30, and, in the professional world, I have had my fair share of emotional roller coasters as I dealt with different personalities around me, colleagues, employees, clients from all walks of life, and with my own insecurities, that at times challenged my abilities to stand up for myself in front of my superiors.
The one revelation that I have had throughout the years, as I grew older and matured, a revelation that presented itself time and time again, in my own personal life or in my lines of work as a lawyer and a life coach, is that, as important as external relationships are, we should not overlook the relationship with ourselves! A healthy and beneficial balance between the two, a balance between the time, focus, and energy we allocate to external relationships in comparison to that we spend on our internal relationship with ourselves, has to be reached! Last but not least, the relationship we have with ourselves, and the way we view ourselves, for better or for worse, is crucial to our success, or lack thereof, in our relationships with others.
The internal relationship with yourself is the key
As I mentioned above my own struggles with different relationships throughout my life, I can also attest that the true change that led to significant improvement in the state of those relationships came along as I learned to love myself, to be grateful for who I am, accept and respect my true authentic self, and appreciate myself for all my attributes and qualities, while also recognizing and becoming aware of my weak spots.
I am a strong believer that before we dive into understanding the meaning of our relationships with others, in the personal or professional realms, and before we try to figure out how to improve these relationships, we should ask ourselves the truly important question, "What is our relationship with ourselves?"
To enhance our social experiences and create meaningful, successful relationships, we should come to terms with ourselves. We should learn self-gratitude, accept who we are, embrace our strengths, and work on our flaws. It does not happen overnight, instead, it is quite a journey, but one that is worth taking.
As a music lover, I often like to remind myself, and my loved ones, of Louis Armstrong, as he sang, “When you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you.” There is so much truth in that, and to the ripple effects of positive energy we project outwards. Yet, to be genuinely happy and smile, I believe one should find the courage to look inwards, embrace one’s true, authentic self, and cultivate self-gratitude and self-acceptance.
The benefits of a healthy and good relationship with yourself
As we gain the self-gratitude we so deserve and learn to embrace ourselves for who we are, we will notice the benefits and positive impact on our external relationships. Here are a few of those benefits:
Enhance confidence and self-esteem
As you learn to love and accept yourself, while also working on your flaws, you will gain confidence and enhance your self-esteem. You will walk taller, and fears that might have taken hold of you will naturally evaporate as self-love and gratitude strengthen your belief in yourself and your journey.
Promote authenticity
As you learn to accept who you are, there is no longer a need to pretend or act with a façade that does not truly represent your authentic self. Hence, the pressure you might feel as you try to present a different persona is lifted, and an exhilarating feeling of comfort and ease follows.
It is worth noting that you will also be in control of how you present yourself to others across different settings and relationships in your life. Still, when you know who you are, the authenticity will shine brightly and enhance the connections you make, even if you do not expose yourself fully to others.
Eliminate insecurity and neediness
When you enter a relationship feeling satisfied and happy with yourself, you will be able to share that happiness rather than be dependent on another person to complete it within you.
Set the standard for treatment
Learning to love yourself dictates how you allow others to treat you. It sets a benchmark for respect and boundaries in both personal relationships and the professional workplace.
Better relationships with others
I am a big advocate of the practice of self-acceptance. I believe that only when you accept and love yourself will you be acceptable, loved, respected, and appreciated by others. A similar notion and chain of reactions will follow in the professional realm. When you love yourself, you appreciate your value and contribution, which can help you connect better with clients and peers, advocate more effectively with superiors, and communicate more clearly with employees.
Promote mental clarity and carve pathways to your desired goals
The beauty of self-love and gratitude is that they remove mental clutter, enhancing your focus and drive to achieve your goals in promising and successful ways. A better relationship with yourself should clear the way for you to pursue your dreams without self-doubt and self-criticism. With less inhibition, you can overcome obstacles in your relationships with others and gain a better view of the external relationships in your life, with a newfound understanding of what you want and need in your journey, and what you don’t.
How to reach self-gratitude, self-acceptance, and self-love
Allocating time and attention to our internal relationship with ourselves and gaining the desired insights is easier said than done. It is an introspective journey that requires honesty, self-questioning, compassion, and patience.
There is no one roadmap that fits all when it comes to working on self-gratitude, self-acceptance, and self-love. Some might dedicate specific time in the day for these practices, while others will choose to do this introspective work indoors, and some will find nature more inspiring. Meditation can be useful for some, while others might find the insights more effective when more active. No matter what setting you choose, it is a journey worth taking.
Here are some of the vital practices and paths toward reaching a better relationship with ourselves:
Balance and re-prioritize
First and foremost, a new balance between external and internal relationships must be reached. In reality, we cannot pause our external relationships. Yet, we can consciously choose to dedicate more time, energy, and effort to ourselves, understanding that this process will improve our external relationships in the long run.
Practice self-acceptance
During the practice of self-acceptance, embrace, accept, and appreciate all aspects of your being, including both your qualities and flaws, without judgment. As you do so, be very compassionate with yourself and avoid any negative self-talk. Through this process, you will foster a healthier self-image and build emotional resilience that will play a vital role as you approach the different relationships in your life.
As you work on self-acceptance, you will also recognize your flaws. But remember, no one is perfect! It is the imperfections, along with our qualities, that make us beautiful, whole, and unique.
Practice self-gratitude
You should actively acknowledge your own strength and worth, rather than focus only on external factors for which you are grateful. You can choose to keep a self-gratitude journal to track your personal achievements, celebrate small wins, and acknowledge your positive qualities and actions. Another option is to write a letter to yourself or leave post-it notes on your mirror or desk, where you can express gratitude to yourself.
If you are not into writing, you can use the practice of mindfulness and self-reflection to recognize your efforts and your appreciation for yourself.
Practice self-love & invest in yourself
Start by setting aside time dedicated to you and you only. Ask yourself, what makes you happy? Tend to your physical needs by eating well, sleeping, and exercising. Nourish your body and soul. Dedicate time to your hobbies and passions. Cultivate positive affirmations and celebrate your accomplishments, big or small. Be proud of your journey!
It is important to note that our relationship with ourselves, and a flourishing one at that, will serve as a rising tide. And remember, a rising tide lifts all ships. By putting in the work and strengthening our relationship with ourselves, we will see positive effects not only across our external relationships but throughout our life journey as a whole.
I always like to remind myself of the words of Oscar Wilde, who said, “To love yourself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
As one learns to love themselves, there is no doubt that they will project their true, authentic self and confidence toward others, which will lead to a better foundation in relationships. More importantly, it will bring one closer to achieving their goals and finding success throughout their life’s journey.
I always wish my loved ones, as well as my clients, to live a life that they love. Today, I will add to that, live a life that you love, while loving and accepting yourself!
Should you need more guidance and coaching, and if you are looking to dive deeper into your true self and find a better relationship with yourself, contact me today and book your free initial consultation with me here, or contact me directly via my email here.
Read more from Michal Ravid Vrabel
Michal Ravid Vrabel, Lawyer & Life Coach
Michal is a life coach with an integrated approach, guiding clients towards discovering their true, authentic self, including bringing their true inner strength and wisdom to fruition. The founder of Pathways Life Coaching, she has a professional background in criminal, public, and international law, with extensive experience as a criminal defense attorney. Michal's mission is to guide her clients into a successful path in their life's journey, thus creating a unique, tailored coaching plan for every client, from CEOs of hedge funds, corporate group coaching, personal coaching, with a focus on success mindset, improving and enhancing personal and professional relationship,s and end-of-life coaching, for terminally ill patients and caregivers.
