Why it’s Dangerous to Label your Partner a Narcissist
- Brainz Magazine
- 6 days ago
- 6 min read
A former lawyer turned mystic, Jessica Falcon is an International Soul Embodiment Guide & Relationship Expert. She guides you to embody your power, reclaim your sovereignty, and experience true freedom. Tune into her Soul Sovereignty & Sexuality Podcast.
Labeling your partner a narcissist can be an empowering step if it helps you leave a toxic, abusive, or codependent relationship. However, doing so can also keep you from discovering the very thing that will set you free.
The word "narcissist" has become widely used over the past few years. It has enabled many to identify toxic or abusive patterns in relationships. Recognizing that your partner, family member, or close friend is incapable of truly seeing you can prevent years of banging your head against the wall in despair.
How do you know if your partner is a narcissist?
Before we dive into why labeling your partner a narcissist can be both helpful and dangerous, let's get clear on what narcissism truly means. It is not a commonly diagnosed disorder. Many people who are referred to as narcissistic are not actually textbook narcissists, they just have narcissistic tendencies.
We tend to think of a narcissist as "full of themselves," but the truth is they lack a sense of self. Their identity is based exclusively on what other people think of them. Rather than loving themselves, they have very low self-worth. This is why they seek so much love and attention from others. It feeds them since they do not know how to source love internally.
External sources of love are never enough. They always want more and more. They need to be liked. They need to be agreed with. They need your praise. They want you to hear them even though they do not want to hear you.
A narcissist does not have the capacity to genuinely love others. They think only of themselves. They do not recognize the impact their actions have on others (even when faced with it directly, they still often minimize or diminish the impact). They do not understand why you are upset or why you can't just "get over it."
Relationships with narcissists can be confusing. Everything flows smoothly when you are who they want you to be. Their mood can change quickly when:
You choose for you
You have your own opinion
You tell them how their behavior affects you or try to hold them accountable
You disagree with them
You threaten or intimidate them
Due to the up-and-down nature of the relationship, some people feel as if they are walking on eggshells. They fear the reaction of their partner and begin to mute themselves or hide parts that the other person does not like. All of the focus in the relationship is on the other person who has narcissistic tendencies, how they feel, what they need, and how to make them happy.
Why it is good to label your partner a narcissist
It can be good to label your partner a narcissist for the following reasons:
You see your partner's behavior and actions more clearly
You no longer hold on to false hope, hoping they will change despite all evidence to the contrary
You can stop the "I am wrong," or "I have done something wrong" spiral of thinking
You recognize the danger of staying with them (continued loss of self-esteem, tumultuous relationship dynamics, never being fully loved, not being able to trust them, feeling invisible, unheard, and misunderstood)
You give yourself permission to feel and express the pent-up rage, resentment, and frustration
Relationships always take two people. Each person contributes to a relationship dynamic. While one person may be the original culprit, the other is responsible for how they respond to that behavior.
Do you tolerate it? Do you ignore it? Do you pretend it never happened? Do you minimize its impact? Do you diminish your own feelings? Do you express how the other person's behavior affected you? Do you hold them accountable for their actions? Do you express your boundaries and honor them even if they do not? (To learn how to set boundaries in relationships, I recommend you read this article.)
Most people are not mind readers. They cannot know how you feel or what you are thinking unless you verbalize it. When you let your partner know you are hurt by their words or actions, do you speak from your heart? Do you blame or demonize them? Do you stop as soon as they get angry or defensive? Can you sit through the discomfort that arises? Are you willing to give them time to reflect and respond?
There's a big difference between recognizing your partner may be a narcissist a month into the relationship versus 20 years into it. The earlier your spot narcissistic tendencies, the easier it is to unravel yourself from their grip. The more a partner has been able to "get away with" their behavior, the more problematic it can become.
Why it is dangerous to label your partner a narcissist
The problem with simply calling your partner a narcissist is:
It keeps all of your focus on them - understanding their behavior, why they are the way they are, or how to help them - not on yourself (which is where your focus needs to be to get out)
You don't recognize your own patterns and behavior that allowed their behavior to continue
It can create feelings of victimhood rather than empowerment, and often results in blame
You make them "the problem" rather than recognizing that there is a bigger reason they appeared in your life, which can prevent you from doing deeper soul healing
You might miss out on the opportunity to end karmic patterns within yourself (see this article on What are Karmic Relationships?)
The only way out of a relationship with a narcissist is to focus on yourself, not the other person. It requires coming into deep connection with your own inner experience, your own needs, feelings, and desires. The more you see yourself, the more other people can see you. Rather than hiding, you reveal more of your truth.
Boundaries naturally arise as you deepen into self. You decide what you will or will not tolerate. You stop waiting for your partner's permission or validation. People often make the mistake of trying to get the narcissist to "understand" how they feel or agree with their boundaries.
When you are in your power, you do not need them to understand you. You trust yourself, and you act on your own behalf. Labeling a partner a narcissist without doing the inner work leaves you locked into the same patterns of self-abandonment, self-betrayal, and self-rejection.
Getting out of a relationship with a narcissist requires that you:
Anchor your heart back into yourself so that "love" no longer comes at your own expense
Connect with and express your inner needs, feelings, and desires
Take up space and honor your boundaries
Place yourself equal to others (not above or underneath)
Reclaim your sovereignty so you source love, worth, and safety from within
Don't miss the crucial step of self-awareness that will truly set you free. Stop trying to figure out your partner's why and start looking at your own:
Why are you in this relationship?
Are you experiencing what you want to in the relationship?
Does the relationship expand you or drain you?
Can you stay in the relationship and love yourself at the same time?
If you desire to reclaim your sovereignty and release old, limiting patterns in relationships to experience true freedom, I offer a private 1:1 Divine Activation Portal. You may also enjoy the monthly online Temple of Divine Feminine Power, in which we dive deep into how to embody your boundaries, how to speak your truth, and self-empowerment.
Read more from Jessica Falcon
Jessica Falcon, Soul Embodiment Guide & Relationship Expert
A former lawyer turned mystic, Jessica Falcon is an International Soul Embodiment Guide & Relationship Expert. She guides you to embody your power, reclaim your sovereignty, and experience true freedom. Jessica spent years researching religious history, ancient civilizations, and mythology to get to the root of unequal power dynamics in relationships. She has identified the core beliefs and wounds that must be confronted to experience shared power and freedom in relationships. She leads retreats, workshops, and online portals of transformation to help you embody your divinity, activate your sexual life force energy, and revolutionize your relationships. Tune into her Soul Sovereignty & Sexuality Podcast on all major platforms.
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