How to Set Boundaries in Relationships
- Brainz Magazine
- Nov 24
- 6 min read
Updated: Nov 25
A former lawyer turned mystic, Jessica Falcon is an International Soul Embodiment Guide & Relationship Expert. She guides you to embody your power, reclaim your sovereignty, and experience true freedom. Tune into her Soul Sovereignty & Sexuality Podcast.
Boundaries are essential if you want a healthy relationship. Boundaries help you create freedom in your relationships. Boundaries allow you to be seen and loved for who you actually are, not who others want you to be.
What are boundaries?
A true boundary isn't against another person, it is for you. It arises from a deep sense of self. You know who you are. You are your own person. You decide for yourself. A boundary is a choice.
A boundary is saying:
I choose what I will or will not tolerate.
I choose what I will or will not accept.
I choose based on my yes or my no.
That is why a boundary requires believing:
I am worthy of choosing for myself.
I am worthy of taking up space.
I am worthy of having what I want.
Many people, especially women, believe deep down that it is unloving to have a boundary because we have been taught for millennia that love is selfless, "If you love me, you won't say no." "If you love me, you will do this for me."
We have been led to believe that love demands self-sacrifice and self-denial, "I should do it, even though I don't want to." "I can't express my truth, they won't like it."
Part of reclaiming your sovereignty requires learning that love does not come from outside of you. It is accessed and sourced from a place deep within you. Thus, love does not come at the expense of the self. Rather, it overflows from the self.
You're not wrong for having a boundary. You're not selfish for having a boundary. You're not unloving for having a boundary. Sometimes deep emotional work is required to truly know and believe this, so you can show up fully expressed in your relationships.
Let's be clear, a boundary is not a demand. A boundary arises when you choose for yourself. When you demand that another person honor your boundary, you ignore that person's freedom to choose for themselves. They might choose to honor the boundary, but it's a choice.
In a healthy, intimate relationship, both people are worthy of being seen. Both people are worthy of being heard. Both people are worthy of being honored as equals. This requires good communication about what each person is willing or unwilling to do.
How do you know what your boundary is?
A boundary is something that rises up within you. It is based on a deep inner knowing. It is rooted in self-inquiry:
How am I feeling?
What is my body telling me?
What is my truth in this moment?
Am I feeling open and curious?
Am I feeling closed and contracted?
What am I leaning toward this or away from it?
Do I feel a yes or a no?
Does this feel good, safe, and trustworthy?
What is my discernment telling me?
These questions help you discover your boundary, which means you have to be in tune with your body. You have to listen to your heart. You have to be radically honest with yourself rather than adhering to old patterns of giving people what they want despite your inner no.
Why don't you honor your boundaries?
Let's say somebody asks you for something, and you feel an inner no.
Do you voice it?
Do you express it?
Do you silence it?
Do you stuff it down?
Do you get in your head with thoughts like, "Well, maybe," or "I should?"
It's easy to come up with reasons that you "should" do something despite your inner no, especially when you are operating according to deeply embedded subconscious beliefs that put other people above you.
Here are three main reasons that people do not honor their own boundaries
They focus more on what the other person wants or needs or feels than on their own inner experience. This is the direct result of placing other people above you, rather than equal to you.
They feel guilty when they say no or don't give others what they want. This is also rooted in a belief that the other person is more worthy than you.
They fear the (perceived) consequences of voicing or setting a boundary. This can be rooted in survival fears, depending on the situation. It may also be the result of an unhealthy attachment, in which you are sourcing your needs externally instead of internally.
When you identify these patterns, you have the choice to transform them. Looking at the beliefs underneath your responses is key. Ask yourself, "What am I feeling?" "What thought or belief is underneath this?" "Is it my truth? Is it what I choose to believe?" "If not, what do I choose to believe?"
Some of the widespread fears around setting a boundary are
Fear of the tension and conflict that might arise when you do
Fear that the other person will think you are selfish or that you don't love them
Fear they will leave, reject, or abandon you
Fear you will upset them or make them angry
Fear that you can't have what you really want, so you have to put up with less (this one is usually very unconscious)
The only way to dissolve fear is to stare straight at it. Get curious. Be willing to see what is underneath the fear. Self-inquiry brings choice. A boundary is a choice. It is you choosing for yourself, but you have to know yourself in order to fully choose for yourself.
What do you do when other people don't honor your (very clearly stated) boundaries?
How do you generally respond? What if they say that they will honor your boundary, but they don't change their behavior? When you say, "Please don't interrupt me," and the person continuously interrupts you, what do you do?
A mistake that I see a lot of people make is that they wait for other people to honor their boundaries. However, it is up to you to honor your own boundary.
Are you willing to enforce it even when the other person ignores it?
Are you willing to speak it when they don't want to hear it?
Are you willing to take whatever action is necessary, even if that means leaving the relationship?
A boundary is based on your honoring yourself. It is an act of love. It is not an act of opposition. The only real question, then, is, "Am I loving myself enough to honor my own choice?"
We are going to focus on how to embody your boundaries in the online Temple of Divine Feminine Power during December and January. In the Temple, you receive weekly support through embodiment practices, rituals, and wisdom teachings. We also have a monthly live call. You can learn more about joining the Temple of Divine Feminine Power to embody your boundaries and speak your truth here.
If you prefer individual support or relationship coaching, you can explore a 1:1 Divine Activation Portal here.
If you do not honor your yes or your no, then you do not give other people the opportunity to see you, the real you. The inner you. It means that you are stopping yourself from being loved for who you truly are. Why would you keep doing that?
Jessica Falcon, Soul Embodiment Guide & Relationship Expert
A former lawyer turned mystic, Jessica Falcon is an International Soul Embodiment Guide & Relationship Expert. She guides you to embody your power, reclaim your sovereignty, and experience true freedom.
Jessica spent years researching religious history, ancient civilizations, and mythology to get to the root of unequal power dynamics in relationships. She has identified the core beliefs and wounds that must be confronted to experience shared power and freedom in relationships.
She leads retreats, workshops, and online portals of transformation to help you embody your divinity, activate your sexual life force energy, and revolutionize your relationships. Tune into her Soul Sovereignty & Sexuality Podcast on all major platforms.
