What To Do When Self-Help Is Too Much
Written by Eric Burdon, Self-Help Guru
Eric S Burdon has been writing about the self-help industry for over 10 years. His weird experiences, refreshing perspective, and curiosity have culminated in the Eric S Burdon YouTube channel and writing on Medium.
With literally thousands of books published year after year in the self-help industry and even more articles that complement that, there is no shortage of advice offered on how to fix ourselves and be the best we can be. While a lot of it can certainly be well-meaning, a few things I’ve been noticing a lot of these days are something we can all relate to on a human level.
Utter exhaustion and strain. Whether it’s from the overwhelming barrage of information, aggressive marketing, weird AI chatbot coaching experiences, or just a desire for some inner peace, a lot of people are checking out from the industry. And frankly, I can’t blame people for wanting to do that.
At our core, we are flawed individuals, and so the race for constant improvement is never-ending. We’re all running on our own treadmills in the hopes that all of this spinning and improvement will culminate in something meaningful for us.
But it’s that very environment and mindset that can be so draining. Even if we don’t intend to, we can find ourselves slipping into that with even the habits that we pick up to soothe ourselves.
So here are some things that we can genuinely do to change that cycle around and give ourselves a genuine pause. To hop off the treadmill, as it were, and catch our breaths, even if it’s for a little while.
Take a deep breath and pause from self-help
The first tip is ironically what I’ve just suggested: lean into those sentiments of being overwhelmed or just done with it. The only difference is that you’re doing so deliberately rather than having those emotions spiral out of control.
Our emotions are powerful forces in our lives that can spur our actions and the decisions that we make. What’s also worth noting is that what we experience is, by extension, something that we experience for a specific reason.
As such, pausing and spending time figuring out why you feel this way, beyond just the surface-level feeling of being overwhelmed by self-help, can be a huge help. It can help you learn more about yourself and your core values.
It can even help you realign with what you truly value and approach the situation from another angle or a better pace than you are going in right now.
Or it can be the time you need to genuinely take a pause, put the project on the back burner, or never return to it again and try something else.
Focus on the good
Because there is always room for improvement, it’s easy for us to get into the cycle that whatever we’re doing is not good enough. This expectation of ourselves has even made its way into habits that were designed to be relaxing, like meditation.
We get so caught up in trying to have the best meditation session, pose, or sporting the proper outfit that we lose the plot on what meditation, or any other activity, for that matter, is meant to be like.
And so one of the other techniques is simply to recognize that and lean more into the latter half to focus on the good that picking up a certain habit is like, or being a beginner to something. To look at what you’ve genuinely gained rather than focusing purely on what you’re lacking.
And even in some cases, consider whether what you have gained thus far is good enough to warrant slowing down a little or settling with what you’ve got. After all, I know plenty of people have gone through a midlife crisis even when they’ve achieved some great things. Reminding yourself to slow down and simply be and enjoy life can be a stronger and better answer than rapidly looking for flaws or other things to improve in your life.
Get off your back
On that note, it also pays to not be on your case so much. As I’ve said, self-improvement is like a treadmill, it’ll never end, and you can keep on pushing for higher numbers and better results for as long as you like.
But the biggest problem is that the industry never tells us to be measured or to take a break. They’ve cultivated a mindset that culminates in our inner voice telling us we’re not good enough or that we can work on this area.
We never really experience true satisfaction after something is done. And if we ever achieve something that other people recognize us for, we downplay it.
Getting off our backs allows us to be more honest with ourselves and who we are. We learn to take a compliment, feel good about it, and know that we’re deserving of it based on the work that we’ve done. Going beyond that to say that we’re not always striving for more or that we’re sick of self-help can ease our tensions and those of others.
It results in this idea that not everything is a race and that we can be ourselves. It allows us to tap into what self-help is really about, incremental growth and a mentality that allows us to genuinely pause and enjoy the benefits.
Don’t be afraid to be laid back
There aren’t any secret strategies or techniques to really practice here. Our journey is our own, and we should have full agency over the direction and the pace that we’re going in.
What this looks like is giving ourselves the space we need to take a step back and to stand on firmer ground and take it all in. What you’ve achieved, what you’ve gained, what you’ve endured, everything.
Do that, and when you’re ready to jump back on, if at all, then you can do so with more purpose and vigor than ever.
Read more from Eric Burdon
Eric Burdon, Self-Help Guru
Eric S Burdon is a self-help writer and self-help guru. Having engaged with the self-help industry for over 10 years, Eric has created various strategies that weave through the multiple tropes of self-help to help people grow. Seeing how that has helped him grow, his mission is to spread what he's learned to others. His goal: change the self-help industry for the better, one person at a time.
