What High-Achieving Women Can Learn About Intimacy From the Divine Feminine
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 1
- 8 min read
Written by Deonesea La Fey, Relationship and Intimacy Coach
Deonesea is a Relationship and Intimacy Coach who helps driven, high-powered women bring themselves out of the burn-out of masculine overdrive into the relaxed lusciousness of feminine receptivity. She guides women to embody their own personal pleasure and to create deeper connections. As a result of working with her, women learn how to embrace their feminine energy, reclaim their sexuality, and receive the love they long for.
There’s a quiet truth many high-achieving women carry but rarely speak aloud: the more competent, efficient, and “in control” we become, the more elusive intimacy can feel. Not just sexual intimacy, but the deeper kind, where we feel held, safe, open, and truly connected. We get praised for how well we perform, how much we produce, and how seamlessly we juggle everything. But rarely are we encouraged to rest, to receive, to soften. And yet, it’s in that very softening where the intimacy we long for lives.
Reclaiming the feminine wisdom within when success disconnects you
If you’ve ever felt like your success came at the cost of the softer parts of yourself, you’re not alone. Many high-achieving women are deeply in tune with their goals, their calendars, and their responsibilities, but feel totally disconnected from their sensuality, their softness, and their inner life. And when it comes to intimacy, whether emotional, physical, or spiritual, this disconnection can show up as numbness, pressure, or completely avoiding it altogether.
That’s where teachings on the Divine Feminine come in. Not as a spiritual buzzword, not as another expectation to live up to, but as an invitation to come back to yourself.
Especially to the parts of you that may have been buried under years of striving, achieving, and surviving.
As author Amber Wardell, Ph.D., writes in Psychology Today, “Perhaps the resurgence of the Divine Feminine is spirituality arriving to meet a psychological need. As women realize the damage that comes from being pushed too far into hypermasculinity, they feel an instinctive, ancestral ache to return to their femininity. As such, the ancient rebirths itself in the modern age.”
You weren’t meant to function only from the neck up. You weren’t built to survive solely on logic, lists, and late-night adrenaline. There’s another way, one that doesn’t ask you to abandon your ambition but instead invites you to integrate it with your inner wisdom, your body, and your heart. That’s the offering of the Divine Feminine: not a rejection of your power, but a reunion with the fullness of it.
The divine feminine: Not one more task, a return to your true self
Let’s be super clear here: the Divine Feminine is not about being passive, submissive, or overly emotional. It’s not about floating around your house in silk robes or being fed grapes by cabana boys (unless that’s your thing). The Divine Feminine is the archetypal energy of creation, sensuality, intuition, and connection.
These are qualities that often live quietly beneath the surface of the "do-it-all" woman
When we over-identify with the masculine traits of logic, action, control, and independence, which, as we all know, society rewards, we slowly lose our connection to our feminine depth. The very parts of us that allow us to experience beauty, pleasure, softness, and vulnerability begin to seem out of our reach. That disconnection doesn’t just affect us at a feeling level; it shows up in our relationships, our sex lives, and even our health.
Why ambitious women struggle with intimacy and emotional connection
Many tribal societies and ancient cultures recognized that women are uniquely built to lead, and professional women are some of the most gifted people in society in terms of doing, planning, fixing, and calling the shots. But when it comes to intimacy, to truly being seen, touched, understood, or held, many high-achieving women hit a wall. Why? Because the feminine thrives in receiving. And receiving requires surrender.
Often, women equate surrender with submission (and not the fun, kinky kind!). They think of submission as letting go of the powerful aspects of themselves to be subjugated to someone else’s will. What’s true is that the ability to surrender does require a kind of letting go. But it’s not the letting go of personal power. Rather, it is letting go of being in hyper-masculine drive power, to allow the emergence of true, feminine, receptive power.
This is not the kind of surrender that means giving up. It’s the kind of surrender that says, “I trust. I soften. I let myself be felt and seen.”
For women who’ve spent years perfecting independence, asking for nothing, and expecting everything from themselves, this level of vulnerability can feel foreign, boring, or even terrifying. But it’s in that space of softness that intimacy actually has room to grow.
The Divine Feminine approach to real, lasting intimacy
The Divine Feminine invites you to slow down, soften, and truly feel not just your pleasure, but your longing, your fears, your tenderness, and your truth. Real intimacy, as the feminine understands it, begins with presence: the willingness to be fully seen and to fully see another without performance, control, or pretense. It’s not about perfect timing, perfect bodies, or perfect technique; it’s about emotional attunement, deep listening, and the courage to stay open when it would be easier to close. The Divine Feminine teaches us that intimacy isn’t something you achieve; it’s something you allow.
It’s something you cultivate. It’s a sacred space you create through vulnerability, trust, and the embodied knowing that you are already enough.
The Divine Feminine invites you to:
Feel rather than perform
Intimacy isn’t a performance or a checklist. It’s a presence. Your presence. Slow down and feel before you “do.”
Lead from your heart, not your head
We’re taught to negotiate and plan our way through relationships. But intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, asks something else of us. It asks for heart, emotion, surrender, and embodiment.
Come back to your body
Your body is sacred, not as an idea, but as a lived reality. The way you breathe, move, touch, and allow yourself to be touched, that’s where intimacy lives. Divine feminine energy honors this as a practice, as a way of being, not as a performance.
Feminine practices to reclaim your sensual and emotional power
You don’t have to disappear into the jungle for ten days or make a bed of rose petals in your living room to begin this work (unless, of course, you want to). Here are three practices you can begin to explore right away to cultivate more of the Divine Feminine presence in your life:
Breathe into your hips
Most of us live from the neck up. Start consciously bringing your attention to your belly and hips. This is a woman’s center of power, and it’s where your sensuality lives. Stand with your eyes closed and with your feet directly underneath your hips, slowly moving your hands all around your pelvis while you breathe deeply into your belly. Then try moving your hips in slow, rhythmic hip circles to bring your awareness out of your head down into your pelvis.
Speak your desires, even when it feels edgy
Whether it’s “I want more slowness” or “I want to be kissed like you mean it,” using your voice in the realm of intimacy is deeply vulnerable and deeply feminine. It takes courage to reveal the longing, desires, and needs that we often keep covered up. Getting into the practice of being brave enough to allow another person to really see you develops one of the most misunderstood and underutilized aspects of your true feminine power.
Let yourself be led
Especially if you’re the leader all day, everywhere else, let your partner plan the night, or let a trusted friend take the reins for an afternoon. Attend an ecstatic dance and let yourself be wild. Take yourself into spaces where you’ll be following instructions given by someone else. Practice releasing control. Practice allowing. Let it be okay for it to be uncomfortable until you get in touch with the part of you who thrives when she allows herself to be led, to be held.
Related Article: What Feminine Embodiment Is and Why You Need It
Coming home to yourself: The power of softness in a high-pressure world
The Divine Feminine isn’t something you earn, learn, or force. It’s a part of you that you return to. It’s who you were before the world told you to be something else. It’s who you still are at your core. When we allow ourselves to soften into it, we don’t lose power; we reclaim a kind of power that’s ancient, magnetic, and nourishing, and completely natural for a feminine essence being.
You’re still the CEO, the boss, the coach, the mother, the leader. But you’re also more than that. You’re a woman who feels deeply, who softens, who receives, who is in touch with her deepest longings and desires. And that’s where your intimacy, your magnetism, and your freedom live.
As Tantra Coach and Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Paul Field, writes in lifesexsplicit, “As you continue to awaken and embrace your Divine Feminine, you may notice profound changes in your life. Many women report: Increased self-confidence and self-worth, more fulfilling relationships and deeper intimacy, enhanced creativity and expression, and a greater sense of purpose and connection to something larger than themselves.”
Reclaiming the missing half
You don’t have to choose between being powerful and being soft. You don’t have to give up your edge to gain intimacy. What the Divine Feminine teaches is that your depth, your sensuality, your emotional intelligence, these aren’t weaknesses. They're strengths. Forgotten, neglected, undernourished strengths that are aching to be remembered.
When you reclaim this part of yourself, you don’t become less; you become whole. And it’s from this wholeness that intimacy stops feeling like a puzzle you can’t solve and starts feeling like a welcoming space you can relax into.
Related Article: 5 Simple Tips On How to Become More Feminine
Intimacy begins within
At the heart of it, real intimacy starts with your relationship to yourself. Can you feel what you’re feeling without judging it? Can you listen to your body without overriding it? Can you receive love, care, and pleasure without deflecting or performing? These are the quiet, radical acts of feminine leadership that no spreadsheet can track. But they change everything. Because when you stop striving to be enough and begin simply allowing yourself to feel enough, you create the space for true intimacy not only with others, but with the most essential parts of yourself.
Meeting the Divine Feminine in you
Finding your own personal connection to the Divine Feminine can be a rewarding exploration that will serve you throughout your lifetime. Learning to shift from your masculine in business to your feminine in relationships is a highly sought-after skill that you can learn to develop.
If you're craving a deeper connection to your divine feminine energy, my Embody Your Feminine program is a high level immersion in feminine embodiment, spiritual awakening, and soul-led living. This transformational program is designed for women ready to return to their sensual power. Learn more about Embody Your Feminine here.
Feel like you’d prefer a more personal exploration? Let's work together to create a personalized roadmap tailored to your unique desires and to overcome the obstacles standing in your way. With my expertise and support, you'll embark on a transformative journey toward an embodied way of being, one that brings you into the fulfillment of living in your greatest pleasure.
Book a complimentary Nurture Your Feminine call to discuss whether coaching with me would be a good fit for you. Women empowering women to be in our feminine fullness is the leading edge of our times.
Read more from Deonesea La Fey
Deonesea La Fey, Relationship and Intimacy Coach
Known as an insightful mentor, a potent ceremonialist, and an inspirational speaker, Deonesea is a recognized expert in teaching women how to improve the quality of their intimate relationships and to enhance their sense of pleasure in their day-to-day lives. As a result of 20 years of teaching women how to restore their natural femininity, Deonesea has developed a unique approach that combines practical principles, feminine wisdom teachings, and empowering techniques to guide her clients through a transformational journey of restoration and reconnection to themselves and to their intimate others.
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