We Have Been Sold a Lie – The Struggle Is Real and Necessary
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 27
- 4 min read
Candace Davey, founder of Counselling with Candace, is a dedicated counsellor and empowerment coach. She supports individuals and couples through life's challenges with a tailored, judgement-free approach. Through counselling, seminars and webinars, she equips and empowers people with the tools and confidence to thrive personally and professionally.
For decades, we’ve been fed a comforting illusion that happiness is a destination, success is a straight line, and life should be easy if we’re doing it “right.” From glossy magazine covers to influencer-curated feeds, the message has been loud and clear, if you're struggling, you're doing something wrong. This is the lie.
In my previous article, “Fail, Be Messy, and Make Mistakes – Building Resilience From the Inside Out,” I explored how embracing imperfection is not only healing but essential for personal growth. That piece focused on the inner journey, how our messiness can become the raw material for resilience.
Now, let’s zoom out. While we wrestle with our inner critic and fear of failure, there’s a bigger lie lurking in the background: that life is meant to be easy, linear, and tidy. We have been sold a vision of life scrubbed clean of hardship, uncertainty, and effort. We’re told that if we follow the right steps, go to school, get the dream job, find the perfect partner, buy the big house, we’ll arrive at contentment, security, and meaning. However, when the real world doesn’t match this sanitised script, many of us are left feeling confused, ashamed, and alone. The truth is harder to swallow, but infinitely more liberating: the struggle is real, and it is necessary.
The myth of effortless success
Modern culture worships ease. Overnight success stories, “get rich quick” schemes, and the endless pursuit of life hacks all point to one dangerous narrative: that greatness is effortless. However, what we’re not shown are the years of invisible labour behind those rare moments of triumph. We’re not told about the nights of doubt, the repeated failures, or the relentless self-discipline that true growth requires.
This myth doesn't just distort our perception of others; it erodes our ability to accept ourselves. When we experience hardship, we assume something is broken within us, rather than recognising struggle as a natural, even vital, part of the human journey.
There’s another quiet lie we’ve absorbed over time: that good things come to those who wait. As if patience alone were the key to success. In reality, waiting without action leads to stagnation. Good things come to those who show up, risk, try, fail, and keep going. Growth doesn’t arrive passively. It must be pursued, intentionally and consistently, often through discomfort and effort.
Discomfort is the furnace of growth
As I’ve said before, failing and being messy are not flaws; they're indicators that we’re in motion. Building on that idea, it's time we also acknowledge that struggle itself is not just unavoidable; it’s necessary.
Nothing worthwhile comes without effort. Growth is forged in discomfort. Transformation demands pressure. Whether you're building a business, healing from trauma, learning a skill, or simply trying to become a better version of yourself, it takes work. Hard, slow, often painful work.
The struggle forces us to confront who we are; our fears, weaknesses, and limits, and then demands we rise above them. That’s not failure. That’s the process.
Why the lie persists
The lie persists because it’s profitable. A culture that sells ease will always have something to sell: shortcuts, distractions, dopamine hits. If we believe our lives should be painless, we’ll pay dearly to avoid pain, even if that means avoiding growth.
It also persists because it feeds and fuels our anxiety. The lie whispers that struggle is failure, doubt is weakness, and if something is hard, we must be doing it wrong. Anxiety latches onto this message, reinforcing our fear of trying, failing, or stepping outside the known. It tells us to wait until we feel ready, until we’re certain, until the risk disappears. In this way, the cultural myth of ease doesn't just comfort us, it paralyses us.
What we don’t realise is that by fleeing the struggle, we also miss out on the depth and resilience that make life meaningful. There is no strength without resistance. No wisdom without experience. No joy without the capacity to endure sorrow.
Reclaiming the struggle
We need to stop pathologising difficulty. Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or uncertain isn’t a malfunction; it’s evidence that you're alive and engaging with reality. The discomfort you feel is not proof that you're broken. It's proof that you're in motion, that you're trying, that you're alive enough to care.
Anxiety often tells us to wait. It urges caution, promising safety through stillness and avoidance. It convinces us that we must be fully ready, certain, or healed before we take the next step. However, the truth is, you don’t need to be fearless to begin; you just need to be willing.
Let us reject the lie of the effortless life.
Let us normalise the real work of becoming whole, work that includes fear, setbacks, and getting it wrong. Let us embrace the messy, imperfect, complicated journey of real human living. Struggle may challenge us, but it also shapes us. In facing it, we don’t just get through life, we discover who we are and begin to truly live!
The struggle isn’t the obstacle. It is the path.
Ready to begin?
Choosing growth isn’t easy. It takes courage to face the struggle, to risk failure, and to keep going when the path feels uncertain. But you don’t have to do it alone.
If anxiety has been holding you back, or if you're simply ready to move forward, however imperfectly, I’m here to walk beside you. My counselling services are built to support you through the discomfort, doubt, and resilience-building moments that shape true transformation.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to be willing to start.
Let’s turn struggle into strength, together. Reach out today to book your first session.
Read more from Candace Davey
Candace Davey, Integrative Psychotherapist and Empowerment Coach
At the very core, the founder of Counselling with Candace, Candace Davey, believes that everyone has a unique story. By embracing each person's individuality and tailoring a therapeutic approach to their needs, she helps them heal, grow, and build resilience. Through counselling and empowerment coaching, she equips and empowers individuals to overcome challenges and thrive in all aspects of their personal and professional lives.
