Understanding Matresence – The Process of Becoming a Mother
- Jan 27
- 4 min read
Isabel Theissen is an ICF-accredited motherhood & leadership coach with a background in digital marketing at leading global fashion brands. She supports modern mothers in navigating career and motherhood with more clarity, confidence, and compassion so they can thrive, personally and professionally.
Motherhood is one of the most profound transformations a woman can experience. Beyond the visible changes to daily life, it initiates a deep internal shift. One that reshapes identity, priorities, and our relationship with ambition, purpose, and self-worth.
For many modern mothers, especially those balancing ambitious careers and family life, this transition can feel both expansive and destabilizing. It is not simply about adding a new role. It is about becoming someone new.
When the old identity no longer fits
Before motherhood, my identity was strongly anchored in my career. I worked as a senior digital marketing manager for global fashion brands such as Tommy Hilfiger, Farfetch, and H&M. My life was fast-paced and achievement-driven, filled with travel, long hours, and clearly defined professional goals.
After the birth of my son, I returned to work after five months of maternity leave, stepping into a new corporate marketing role. I believed I could simply resume my previous rhythm and expectations. Yet internally, something had shifted.
At work, I felt motivated and capable, yet guilty for being away. At home, I felt deeply connected to my son, yet mentally preoccupied. I moved constantly between roles, but felt fully present in neither. What once felt fulfilling now felt fragmented. The life I had carefully built no longer fit who I was becoming.
At the time, I didn’t realize that this sense of disorientation was not a personal failure, but part of a larger, and largely unspoken, transformation.
Understanding matresence
Later, I learned that this experience has a name, matresence. Matresence describes the ongoing psychological, emotional, and identity transformation that occurs as a woman becomes a mother. Much like adolescence, it is not a single event, but a process that unfolds over time and continues long after pregnancy and birth.
Philosopher Osho captured this shift succinctly, “When a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother never.”
This resonated deeply. I had not lost myself. I had become someone new. My sense of meaning, my priorities, and even my internal compass had reorganized.
Understanding matresence offers relief. It validates what many mothers struggle to articulate. You feel changed because you are changed, physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
During the first postpartum year, the body undergoes one of the most dramatic hormonal shifts of adult life. At the same time, the brain rewires itself to support caregiving, strengthening areas linked to empathy, vigilance, and emotional connection. While adaptive, this neurological reorganization can temporarily affect focus, memory, and cognitive clarity, which is often experienced as brain fog and belittled as ‘mommy brain’. For high-achieving women accustomed to mental sharpness and productivity, this can be particularly confronting.
To help make sense of this transition, the matresence change curve traces the different stages many women move through in the first year postpartum, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Each stage is fluid and nonlinear, and understanding this can help normalize challenges rather than internalize them.
Letting go of who you were
What is rarely acknowledged is that matresence also involves loss. Not loss as in losing yourself, but the necessary letting go of a former version of yourself.
For women who have built their lives around independence, ambition, and high standards, motherhood can feel like a rupture. The transition from autonomy to responsibility, from control to uncertainty, from personal goals to shared priorities can trigger deeply personal questions:
Who am I now?
What do I want my life to be like?
How do I integrate who I was with who I am becoming?
This in-between phase can feel uncomfortable and overwhelming. Yet it is also where growth begins.
Reconnecting with who you are, beyond your roles
Motherhood does not erase ambition or individuality. It calls for integration.
Reconnecting with yourself during this phase often begins by separating identity from roles, or who you are from what you do. Reflecting on the qualities that define you at your core, beyond job titles and achievements, can be grounding. Traits such as creativity, curiosity, compassion, resilience, or humor often remain constant. They shape how you do things, even as what you do evolves.
Inviting reflection from close friends can also offer clarity. Others often see our strengths more clearly than we do, especially during periods of self-doubt. Combining self-reflection with outside perspective can help rebuild a sense of self that feels both familiar and newly aligned.
Becoming a new version of yourself
Motherhood expands us. It deepens our capacity for empathy, presence, and purpose. Over time, many women feel a growing desire to live more intentionally. Not only for their children, but for themselves.
This transformation is not about returning to who you were before motherhood. It is about consciously shaping the next version of yourself. A version that integrates ambition with meaning, achievement with alignment, and success with fulfillment.
When we release the expectation of “bouncing back” and allow ourselves to evolve, we reconnect with our inner authority. We remember that we are capable of creating lives that reflect who we truly are now.
A new chapter
If you are feeling disconnected, uncertain, or in transition, know that this phase is a chance to realign.
Matresence invites you to redefine success, reprioritize what matters, and meet yourself with more compassion during one of life’s most formative transitions. The transformation you are experiencing is not just about becoming a mother. It is about becoming more fully yourself.
Read more from Isabel Theissen
Isabel Theissen, Motherhood & Leadership Coach
Isabel Theissen is an ICF-accredited Motherhood & Leadership Coach dedicated to empowering women through one of life’s most transformative chapters: motherhood. Before coaching, Isabel built a career in digital marketing at global fashion brands including Tommy Hilfiger, H&M, Farfetch, and Ecco. Her experience in these fast-paced environments gives her firsthand insight into the challenges women face when juggling ambition with motherhood. Today, Isabel supports modern mothers in navigating career and motherhood with greater clarity, confidence, and compassion. Through her work, she supports mothers in creating space to thrive, both personally and professionally.
