Top 3 'Lack Mindset' Lies We Tell Ourselves (And How To Decondition Out Of Them)
- Sep 14, 2022
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 10, 2025
Written by: Bertilla Chow, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I grew up with an insight into the mindsets of people from extreme ends of the spectrum of privilege: as an immigrant ethnic woman from humble beginnings, I found myself at one of the most prestigious boarding schools in the Western world as 'the scholarship kid'. Perhaps that was your story too: being the proverbial thumb that sticks out, in the way you look, talk, or even think.
As a career coach, I have had the privilege of using my lived experiences as a springboard to train thousands of people who felt held back by an underprivileged or deprived background in some way. Many of my clients come from single-parent, impoverished households. Some have fled war and built a new life as a refugee. Still others recount the difficulties of holding on to their 'unrealistic' aspirations growing up among friends and family who 'thought small' and aspired only to survive, not thrive ‒ especially those surrounded by crime and violence as kids or adolescents.
Whatever the career goals of these high-potential individuals ‒ breaking into professional services such as the legal, banking or consulting professions, or having the courage to pursue the path of successful self-employment ‒ they often cite their lack of connections or generational wealth passed down from their families as the main reason they feel held back from realising their full potential.
While it's certainly helpful to be born with a silver spoon in your mouth, lamenting what you lack detracts you from the heart of the matter: what I call 'EXPECTATION DECONDITIONING'.
Specifically, this means deconditioning your beliefs and expectations from the shackles of what your upbringing has taught you to expect from yourself and the world.
While everybody's story is unique, aspiring high-achievers from underprivileged backgrounds are commonly conditioned to tell themselves these 3 lies.
1. "My dream employer/clients would be doing me a favour by hiring me"
I remember the first time I ever got a serious job offer which led me to the path of qualifying as a lawyer. When I told my dad, his first response was: "Have you signed the contract yet? You better do so soon in case they change their mind. After all, what benefit would you bring to them?"
If you come from a financially challenging upbringing, you may have inherited the mindset that money is hard to come by, and that anyone who presents you with a money-making opportunity is somehow doing you a favour.
The truth is…
Your unique blend of skills and experiences is an asset to your employer, and you deserve clients who not only are grateful to work with you, but are actively enthusiastic about paying you. Yes, I'm talking about those 'take my money' clients! This realisation that employment/client relationships are a 'two-way street' underlies the self-assured way in which 'wealthy' people carry themselves.
2. "I need to work harder than other people to get to the same place"
This one is a little more nuanced. On the one hand, myself and many of my clients have certainly felt the need to compensate for the cards we were dealt. There is, of course, much we have to do as a society to resolve socio-economic injustices.
On the other hand, the 'working harder = more earnings' mentality is something many struggles to decondition out of. After all, there is truth to it; if all your life you've witnessed your dad being paid hourly for manual labour at a factory, why wouldn't you believe that the more time and effort you put in, the more financial stability you get out?
The truth is…
You get paid for the VALUE you bring, not for the number of HOURS you spend (unless you're in a billables-based industry, such as law or accountancy). The sky's the limit when it comes to HOW you deliver this value: it could be 1:1 coaching sessions (where you might charge by the hour), live 1-to-many live workshops (where your live presence is still required), or even pre-recorded courses or trainings.
3. "Financial stability comes before my passions"
A family member once said to me: 'you can be whatever you want sweetie ‒ a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer!' Soon after selecting Option B (the lawyer route), I realised that the 'traditional' professions may appeal to the need for financial stability commonly stemming from a 'survival mindset', but there are much more joyful, abundant ways to live.
The truth is…
The key to your financial abundance lies in whatever sparks soul-deep joy in you! Whether it's cleaning homes or practising spirituality, there is a way to monetise (almost) everything. Your attention and energy are the most valuable commodities you own, and if you apply your gold dust to something that flows against your personal current, that's just like electricity flowing through a high-resistance wire. Why not switch out the tungsten bulb for an LED and shine brightly, sustainably and energy-efficiently?
Once you break free of the shackles of your conditioning, you will almost magically transcend any previous objections to the cards you were dealt. The real glass ceiling is what your upbringing has conditioned you to believe to be the boundaries of possibility!
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Bertilla Chow, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Bertilla Chow is a thought leader in Diversity & Inclusion, specialising in socio-economic mobility. She has over 5 years of experience helping thousands of high-potential individuals break free of the shackles which so often come from socio-economically challenging upbringings. Her work as a motivational speaker, lawyer, corporate D&I trainer, career coach and social entrepreneur is informed by her lived experiences - as the immigrant ethnic ‘scholarship kid’ ‒ on extreme ends of the spectrum of privilege.
