When You Are Flat on Your Back, You Are Still Looking Up
- 4 hours ago
- 6 min read
Written by Jim Lutz, Confidence Coach
Jim Lutz earned his reputation over 37 years of coaching novice to elite swimmers. He has also been in finance and insurance for over 20 years. He has earned the Neuro-Linguistic Programming Master designation from ABNLP and is a certified Life Coach.
When we face struggles, we have difficult times in our lives, we get really frustrated and feel like, "Why is this happening to me?" I really believe that when we face the struggles and difficulties, it's not intended or by design that we'll get back to where we were. We are going to discover some of the incredible talents God has given us. Whether it's something we never thought of before, using parts of our mental or physical makeup we haven't used before, or just simple talents and skills we haven't really used to their fullest. Nothing is designed to get us back to where we were. Every difficulty human adversity is going to take us beyond where we were before.
Adversity loves to create havoc
The basis for adversity. It does not necessarily refer to the event but rather how we process and react. Adversity kindles the sparks that create our resolve. They could be personal tragedies, setbacks, or world events over which we have no control, yet they can dictate what lies ahead for us. Each setback stacks self-doubt, leading to anxiety, which often leads to fear. When we have reached the level that allows fear to control our every waking thought, we become emotionally disabled and then become unable to process rational thoughts and move forward in a positive way. No group is immune to adversity or collateral damage. It happens to all of us, but the difference occurs in how we respond, and life does not provide the perfect “one size fits all” playbook. The fear and anxiety are our awareness of going into the unknown.
Breathe. We can feel the gut punch and embarrassment. How do we face those who were counting on us without losing their belief in our ability to complete a similar task, while challenging and pursuing those that call for higher levels of competence? Relax, breathe, and, with a clear mind, assess the situation (damage done and salvageable pieces), then begin a rough draft of a new plan.
Facing the music. The sooner we admit that the desired outcome was not achieved, the easier it will be to move forward. You can learn from the past, just don’t change your address and have your mail sent there. As I told athletes after a disappointing performance, “See it. Face it. Get over it.” The setback often feels catastrophic at the time, but its impact diminishes if we let it. Don’t hold on to it, but rather acknowledge it for what it was, then let it go like a balloon in a windstorm, never to be seen again.
Reframing your game plan. Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck reframed the belief from “I failed” to “I haven’t succeeded yet.” That simple acceptance of a change in terminology can rewire our brains and help us recognize that success will happen, eventually. If your best-laid plans do not materialize, how do you reframe your position, mentally and physically? A cancelled appointment with an important client that you need to meet your objectives can either leave you immobilized or prompt you to use your free time to complete tasks further down your priority list.
Climbing mindset. Our initial reaction may be to a bulldozer rather than to a climber who scales the obstacle and lands on the other side with minimal setbacks or disappointments.
He’s the luckiest guy in the world
The easiest way to ease our minds and comfort our bruised ego is to deflect reality and point towards the perceived “breaks” others have received.
If you distract attention from your situation by focusing on others, this temporary solution will fester and become a rapidly growing cancer. The side effects of your avoidance of reality can become an all-consuming disease with one cure. Will you be willing to take the prescription?
The biggest misconception we can carry is thinking others have some secret method, or that they are just lucky. We think, “Obviously, they do not have it as difficult as we do.” “They have never faced adversity,” or “They have all the benefits and luxuries that I have never been granted.”
No, no, and hell no! We all have chances, and from them we create opportunities. The people who are “lucky” have a quicker response to the next step, and the setback is diminished because they have already moved on to “Plan B” and have pushed the previous setback aside, so it will not create a barrier going forward. I believe confident people have a level of “luck”, but it is no greater than what each of us has. It would be easy to think that he is either lucky, determined, or too stupid to understand the mistake he made and how it would have caused most people to stop and ultimately, give up.
Luck is not a pot of gold, but getting back on track is key
Create a plan and stick to it. Discipline yourself to stay the course until you reach the adjustment point. In all plans, we must have various checkpoints along the way to assess, adjust, and advance. Be flexible and give yourself grace.
Flexibility. A term often referred to when considering athletic or physical events, but you need to take the same approach mentally and emotionally. Changes happen, but you decide if they happen to you or for you. The latter is your strength.
Plan B. The first attempt fell short, so start with the next option. This should not be considered a fallback plan, but rather the next option. A fallback plan gives the perception that you are settling for a lesser product. Plan B was in place at the beginning of the process, but it should be your checkpoint for your second attempt, not an opportunity to justify changing to a lesser goal.
What does your team think? Do not hesitate to create a team to support or challenge your view. You need honesty, not a warm-and-fuzzy conversation. Ultimately, you will decide which direction to go, but encourage valued opinions.
Setback or Set up? Initially, we get frustrated or mad when our best laid plans go awry. But what is the real result? Can you really say that you learned nothing from the disappointment? Hardly. It simply moves your starting point(s). What caused the setback to happen, and what are your options?
Emotions without being emotional. Emotions are a great kick starter, but they are not sustainable for long-term endeavors. Trade the temporary euphoria for a temperament that will gain strength and stability over time. Enjoy the highs, and withstand the lows. Neither should cause you to stop nor rest on your laurels.
“The harder you work, the luckier you get.” Yogi Berra. Yogi had a grasp of the English language that few others possessed, but it is valid. Working harder is not about sweat equity. It is creating a durable system, maintaining its efficiency, and tweaking it when needed, but it should never require a complete overhaul.
Adjust, adapt, advance
Most situations in life are not about avoiding resistance or removing obstacles. They simply test your resolve and ability to adjust your situation. Luck is the elusive façade that others have control over and will not share in their good fortune. You cannot wish that others will fail. You cannot hope you are prepared to advance. You cannot deflect your reality for a dream. What you can do is perfect your skills. You can also handle failed attempts as growth steps. You can maintain a positive attitude and one that others feel you are an asset, not a liability. And you can feel grateful for each opportunity you have created or received.
If you are ready to break the barriers that bind you and achieve levels beyond your reach, book a coaching call today. Together, we can create a continued journey of success, and you can wipe your feet of doubt. Book a call. Want to know more? Click here. View and order published books by Jim Lutz.
Read more from Jim Lutz
Jim Lutz, Confidence Coach
Jim Lutz is a published writer with over 12 books and is currently working on a children's series focusing on ADHD characteristics. It is a fun reading experience. His life coaching has covered clients from world-ranked athletes to professionals and students. His program is designed for individuals to overcome self-doubt by breaking down limiting beliefs to achieve confidence. Jim empowers leaders who have experienced burnout, frustration, or a sense of "hitting the wall" to gain balance and achieve their highest global impact.
