You're Not Stuck Because You're Not Working Hard Enough
- 8 hours ago
- 6 min read
Jessica Lindfield is a career strategist, speaker, and author of Play the Game. She supports ambitious women to build confidence, set boundaries, and pursue sustainable success through practical frameworks, workshops, and speaking.
Let me say the thing that nobody will say to your face. You are probably working incredibly hard. You are showing up, delivering, going above and beyond, and doing all the things you were told would lead to progression. Yet something still feels off. The promotion hasn't come. The recognition hasn't landed. The career you pictured when you were starting out still feels just slightly out of reach. So you do what most high-achieving women do: you work harder. Here's the problem with that.
Hard work is the entry point, not the strategy
For a long time, I genuinely believed that if I was good enough at my job, someone would notice. That effort was currency. That eventually, the right person would tap me on the shoulder and hand me the next opportunity.
Actually, the first time, that's exactly what happened. I was five months into a call centre sales role when a manager asked me to cover while they were away. I hadn't asked for it. I hadn't positioned for it. It just happened. So I assumed that was how it worked. It is not how it works.
Every single opportunity after that, I had to fight for. I had to make myself visible, advocate for myself, seek out mentors, ask for things I wasn't sure I deserved yet, and push back against the boxes people tried to put me in. The shoulder tap was an anomaly one I'm genuinely grateful for, but an anomaly nonetheless. The moment I understood that was the moment everything changed.
The passenger vs. The driver
There are two ways to move through a career. You can be a passenger sitting in the seat, doing the work, hoping the vehicle takes you somewhere good. Or you can be the driver, hands on the wheel, clear on the destination, making active decisions about the route.
The women I meet through my work are some of the most capable people I've ever come across. Unintentionally, brilliant passengers. Reliable, high-performing, and still somehow overlooked. And it's not because they lack talent. They are waiting. Waiting to feel ready. Waiting for the right moment. Waiting for someone else to see what they're capable of and act on it. We change that.
Let me tell it to you straight, the people who get ahead are not always the most talented people in the room. They are the people who make it impossible to overlook them. They seek out opportunities rather than waiting for them. They articulate what they want clearly and without apology. They build relationships with intention. They make bold moves, even when they're not entirely sure the move will pay off. That is not arrogance. That is ownership.
But let's be honest about why this is so much harder for us
Here's what I want to be clear about when I talk about stepping into the driver's seat: I am not glossing over how genuinely difficult that is. Especially for women. Especially when you understand the full weight of what you are being asked to go against.
From the moment we are born, we are taught (explicitly and implicitly) to be digestible. To be nice, agreeable, and accommodating. To not take up too much space, ask for too much, or want to be too visible. We learn early that being liked and being ambitious are somehow in tension with each other, and so we manage that tension by shrinking. By softening our edges. By making ourselves easier to be around, even when what we really need is to be heard.
That conditioning doesn't disappear when you walk into a boardroom or sit across from someone who holds the decision about your next step. It follows you in. It shows up as the voice that says, "Maybe now isn't the right time," or "I don't want to seem too pushy," or "I'll wait until I'm more ready." It shows up as the habit of over-preparing, over-delivering, and under-asking, because if you are exceptional enough, surely you won't have to advocate for yourself at all.
Taking ownership isn't just a strategy shift. It is an identity shift. Identity shifts are uncomfortable because they require you to be truly seen. Not the palatable, agreeable version of you, but the version that knows what she wants and is willing to say it out loud. That version is vulnerable. She might be told no. She might be perceived as difficult, or too much, or not quite what they were looking for.
That fear is not weakness. It is the completely logical result of a lifetime of being rewarded for making other people comfortable. But here is the thing about staying comfortable: it keeps you exactly where you are.
The women I have watched build careers that genuinely excite them are not the ones who had it easy or who found self-advocacy effortless. They are the ones who got comfortable being uncomfortable. Who decided that the discomfort of being seen was worth more than
the safety of staying invisible. Who chose, over and over again, to go against the grain of what was expected of them, not because it stopped being scary, but because they stopped letting the fear make the decision. That is the real work and it is harder than any skill you will ever have to learn.
What taking ownership actually looks like
I want to be specific here, because "take ownership of your career" is one of those phrases that sounds meaningful but means nothing without context.
Taking ownership looks like asking for the opportunity before you feel fully ready for it. It looks like having the conversation about progression that you have been putting off for six months. It looks like identifying the one bold move that would genuinely shift your trajectory (the one that makes you a little nervous) and committing to it rather than choosing the safer, tidier version.
It also looks like an honest assessment of where you actually are right now. Not where you want to be, not where you think you should be, but where you are. That means being honest about what you are doing consistently and what you are avoiding. What you are waiting for. What story you have been telling yourself about why now isn't the right time. That kind of honesty is uncomfortable. It is also the only starting point that leads to anywhere real.
The gap is usually not what you think it is
When women come to me feeling stuck, the gap is almost never a skills gap. It is almost always one of two things: a self-belief gap or a decision gap.
A self-belief gap means you have the capability, but you do not yet back yourself enough to act on it. You are waiting until you feel certain before you move, which means you are waiting indefinitely, because certainty rarely arrives before the action.
A decision gap means you know what you need to do, but you have been actively choosing not to do it. Maybe because it feels risky. Maybe because it requires a difficult conversation. Maybe because doing nothing feels safer than doing something that might not work.
Both are solvable. But you cannot solve either of them by working harder at the things you are already doing.
One bold move
The simplest reframe I can offer is this: instead of asking "what do I need to do more of," ask "what is the one bold move I have been avoiding?"
It might be reaching out to someone who intimidates you. Applying for the role you think you are not quite ready for. Asking for the salary you actually want. Starting the thing you have been thinking about for two years.
Whatever it is, write it down. Name the first concrete step you could take in the next seven days. Not eventually. Seven days. Then tell someone, because saying it out loud changes your relationship to it. It stops being an abstract intention and becomes a real thing.
That is where progress starts. Not in working harder. In deciding to drive. Yes, getting behind the wheel will feel uncomfortable at first. It is supposed to. You are going against years of conditioning that told you to stay in your lane, be patient, and wait your turn. Feeling exposed is not a sign that you are doing it wrong. It is a sign that you are finally doing it.
I'm bringing this conversation into a room very soon, live, practical, and nothing like your average career event. If you want to be in that room, keep an eye on my socials.
Read more from Jessica Lindfield
Jessica Lindfield, Founder & Corporate Leader
Jess Lindfield is a career strategist, speaker, and author of Play the Game. She helps ambitious women build confidence, clarity, and sustainable success through practical frameworks, workshops, and speaking. Alongside her work with Embrace Her, she works in commercial enablement at the Financial Times and is Co-Chair of FT Women. Her work blends lived experience with strategic insight, supporting women to pursue big goals without burning themselves out.
