How to Trust Life's Timing When You Can't Control the Outcome
- 15 hours ago
- 11 min read
Eeva Salvik is a former corporate lawyer turned coach, working with high-achievers who've built successful lives on achievement but sense their old way of living no longer fits, and are ready to move from internal pressure and self-doubt to clarity, self-trust, and a life that reflects who they're becoming.
Have you ever felt stuck waiting for something you deeply desire, trying to control every detail and timeline? When my fertility journey stretched longer than expected, I discovered the life-changing skill I'd been missing, learning how to trust the process of life. This shift from control to trust transformed not only my path to motherhood but also how I approach my business, relationships, and everyday life. In this article, I share the practices that are helping me shift from control to trust and how you can begin cultivating this shift in your own life.
When control stopped working for me
I remember September 2023 vividly. My partner and I were on a magical trip in Iceland when we decided to start trying for a baby. It was an exciting new chapter, and we couldn't wait for that positive news. But as each month passed and my period arrived again and again, the journey became long, heartbreaking, and obsessive. Yet it also became profoundly healing.
During our first year of trying to conceive, I became consumed with learning everything about fertility and what I could do to influence the outcome. While this obsession helped me understand my body and infertility, it also caused tremendous stress and anxiety. I thought I was in control.
Month after month, when I didn't get a positive pregnancy test, I started to believe that despite all my efforts, I was failing. I was to blame. My body had failed me. It was agonizing because I had done so much to influence the outcome.
After our first failed IVF cycle, through my grief and pain, came a lightbulb moment, "What if I had done enough? What if, instead of judgment, I could feel compassion toward myself for going through such a challenging process? What if timing wasn't mine to control?"
Something shifted in me after that realization. The obsessive grip started to loosen. I could finally breathe again.
My fertility journey taught me what my business struggles had been trying to show me all along, rationalizing and controlling can only get you so far. Eventually, I ran into a glass ceiling. You can't see it at first, but you feel the impact. You're doing everything right, and still, nothing shifts. That's when you realize the ceiling isn't external. It's the belief that effort guarantees outcome. When I saw this belief clearly, I began to open myself to a different way.
What I learned: Trust as preparation, not delay
What I initially perceived as delay or failure was actually preparation. During this waiting period, I was healing old wounds and learning to be comfortable with stillness, something my always-moving, achievement-driven self had never allowed. I opened up to new possibilities in my business, letting go of the timeline I'd imposed on my success and allowing things to unfold more organically. My relationship with my partner deepened as I learned to share what I was truly feeling, not just what I thought I should feel. For the first time, I could fully be myself and trust that I was enough, even without the outcome I'd been chasing.
Over the past two years, I experienced many moments of loss, one unsuccessful conception after another, each month carrying its own quiet heartbreak. When our first IVF cycle failed, after I had poured so much hope into it, the grief felt almost unbearable.
I felt sadness, yes. But I also witnessed how this raw feeling of loss softened my ego, quieted the noise, and shifted my perspective. Suddenly, the surface-level things no longer felt important. In that space, the things that really matter began to shine, the love I felt for something that didn't even exist yet, the privilege of caring so deeply that it hurts, the kindness and care of people simply holding space when I was grieving, and my own strength even through tears.
Sadness stripped away the illusion, and what remained was gratitude. I didn't get the ending I hoped for that time. But I got the chance to believe, to try, to connect to something bigger than myself, and to grow. This is what I believe surrender looks like, knowing that so little is within my control, but somehow, in that surrender, finding a doorway back to love, joy, and meaning. Could this be trust in its deepest form?
Understanding trust vs. control
Trust is more than simply believing things will work out or trying to stay positive. It's an active practice of releasing the need to control outcomes while remaining fully committed to your desires. This means allowing that desire to burn bright inside you while loosening your grip on exactly when and how it arrives.
Yet trust is often misunderstood as passivity or inaction. Trust doesn't mean doing nothing—it means taking inspired action rooted in your ‘why’ (the deep reason behind what you want).
Cultivating this trust transforms how we move through challenges, make decisions, and experience our lives. The practice begins with a simple check-in. Ask yourself regularly, "Is this desire or the action I'm about to take coming from fear and external expectations, or does it feel aligned with my deeper needs?" When your actions come from alignment rather than anxiety, you're leaning toward trust.
Why do we choose control?
Most of my life, I've been a controller. Going to law school, building my career as a lawyer, climbing the ladder in the corporate world, and even in my romantic relationships. If I worked hard enough, planned well enough, and optimized enough, results followed.
It was my truth and reality that only through controlling every step could progress happen, and results be achieved. I also believed things were only working when I could see immediate results. The idea of releasing control and trusting felt naive, even dangerous, to my logical mind.
Control feels safer because it creates the illusion that we're in charge. But control also keeps us trapped in limitation, anxiety, and exhaustion.
Control is actually one way our nervous system tries to keep us safe. When we're stressed or triggered, whether by external circumstances or old wounds that haven't fully healed, our nervous system shifts into survival mode, we push harder, micromanage, try to force outcomes, believing that if we work hard enough or plan perfectly enough, we can prevent bad things from happening. And when we've experienced repeated disappointments or painful outcomes in the past, our minds double down on control as a way to shield us from more pain.
Control often feels more familiar because it's what our minds learned to do to feel safe. These aren't character flaws, they're protective patterns. Understanding this was crucial for me to move from self-judgment to self-compassion, and from there, to choosing differently.
What does trust offer?
In our modern world, we've been conditioned to believe that progress only counts if we can see it and measure it. We cannot tolerate the unknown or be patient with what we cannot yet see. This creates a constant state of stress and resistance. But trust offers a different path.
Imagine you've just launched a new business or started a career transition. You're doing the work, networking, building your skills, putting yourself out there, but you haven't landed that first client or job offer yet. Control says, "Nothing is working. I need to do more, work harder, prove myself faster." Trust says, "I'm planting seeds. Connections are forming, my reputation is building, opportunities are aligning, even though I can't see them yet."
Trust means believing that progress is happening even when you can't see evidence yet, that deep transformation happens even in moments that feel like stillness, that what looks like a delay might actually be perfect preparation, and that you don't have to force or hustle your way to every goal.
Trust changes everything, the energy we attract, the perspectives we see things from, the ease and peace we feel. When we trust in the unfolding, our hearts are open, and we can experience more joy and possibility rather than fear and limitation.
The choice is always yours
Every day, you're presented with a choice. In fact, multiple times a day, you reach a crossroads where the path divides into two distinct roads ahead of you.
One path is control, living from fear, letting your logical mind dominate, resisting what is, and not allowing your heart and body to process and feel. You'll work harder, stress more, feel more disconnected from your emotions, and often feel exhausted even when you achieve your goals.
The other path is trust, living from gratitude, joy, peace, and a deep knowing that anything is possible. You'll experience more ease, synchronicities, and fulfillment, even before your desires manifest.
This choice point isn't a one-time decision. It's a daily practice, sometimes even moment by moment.
Next time you're stuck in traffic on your way to an important meeting, notice what happens. Your control mind kicks in, “Should I take a different route? Why didn't I leave earlier? I'm going to be late.” You feel your shoulders tense, your jaw clench. The cars don't move faster because you're gripping the wheel. That's the moment to pause, take a breath, and choose again, “I'll get there when I get there. I’ll send a message if needed.” That's the practice, letting go instead of exhausting yourself.
When I found out that our second IVF cycle had failed, I cried, spiraling into trying to understand why this kept happening. Control would have had me immediately searching for answers, trying to understand what I had done wrong and what I could do differently, planning my next steps, and optimizing. Instead, I paused, allowed myself to fully feel the grief, the anger, the confusion, and then asked myself, "What if this timing is perfect in ways I can't yet see?" That shift, from grasping to allowing, gave me peace and comfort, even in the midst of profound disappointment.
This doesn't mean the trust path is always easy. I still catch myself falling back into control, sometimes daily. But now I have practices to guide me back. It requires courage to release control. It requires challenging your mind when it spirals into fear-based narratives. Be open to the possibility that you're exactly where you need to be, that you don’t need to force anything. It's a skill that, once developed, transforms everything.
4 practices to cultivate trust in your own life
My fertility journey didn’t just change my perspective, it taught me practices I continue to return to and rely on in every area of my life.
Learning to trust is a practice, not a destination. The following four practices are helping me move from control toward trust, and they may support you on your own journey as well. Think of them as invitations you can explore and experiment with in your own way. Over time, you may notice that you naturally sense which practice supports you in the moment.
1. Spend time in nature to observe trust in action
The easiest way to experience trust is to observe the natural world. Go outside and watch how trust operates in nature. A tree trusts its roots to keep it stable even during storms. In winter, it lets go of its leaves without knowing exactly when spring will return, yet every year new leaves emerge again. Birds migrate thousands of kilometers each year without a map or a guarantee of what they will find at the end of the journey. Yet the instinct to move when the season changes guides them forward.
Nature doesn't question its unfolding, it follows cycles and rhythms that existed long before us and continues to grow, adapt, and renew itself. By immersing yourself in natural environments, you surround yourself with living examples of trust in action.
My invitation is simple:
Spend 20 minutes a day (or even a couple of times a week to begin), simply being present in a natural environment. Turn off your phone and any distractions.
Notice what you see, smell, hear, and touch. Observe with curiosity rather than judgment.
You might feel your shoulders soften, your breathing deepen, or emotions surface. This is what trust can feel like in the body, a settling, a release, a quiet sense that things are allowed to unfold.
2. Focus on your deeper ‘why’ rather than the ‘how’
One thing that supported me throughout my fertility journey was staying connected to my vision of motherhood each day, imagining the feeling of holding our baby and seeing myself in the role of a mother.
This wasn't about creating a detailed plan or timeline. It was about staying connected to why this mattered to me and how it would feel in my life.
Returning to your ‘why’ shifts your attention back to what truly matters to you, the meaning, the feeling, and the deeper intention behind your desire. From that place, it becomes easier to stay open, patient, and trusting as life unfolds.
Practice: When you notice yourself spiraling into ‘how’ questions ("How will this happen? When? What if it doesn't?"), pause and shift to ‘why’.
Ask: "Why do I want this?"
Then feel: Close your eyes. Imagine you already have it. What does that feel like in your chest? Your body? Stay with that feeling for three breaths.
This practice moves you from control (in your head) to trust (in your heart). For a deeper exploration of visualization practices, this article offers additional techniques.
3. Tune into your body's signals of trust and control
Your body knows the difference between trust and control before your mind does.
Trust feels like:
Relaxation in your chest and shoulders
Deeper, easier breathing
A sense of groundedness and openness
Spaciousness in your body
Control feels like:
Tension and tightness
Shallow breathing
Racing thoughts
A sense of urgency or panic
Practice: Throughout your day, pause and check in with your body. Ask, "Am I in trust or control right now?" Use your body's signals as your compass. If you notice control, take three deep breaths. Place one hand on your heart and soften your shoulders. That's the practice, catching yourself and choosing again.
4. Challenge your control stories with compassion
Your logical mind is brilliant at creating urgent, convincing stories based on past experiences. "This always happens to me." "I'm running out of time." "If I don't do something now, I'll miss my chance." When these stories arise, pause and ask, "Is this really true? What else is possible?"
This isn't about positive thinking or denying reality. It's about questioning whether your mind's narrative is the only truth, or if there's space for something different to unfold.
Practice: Write down the story your mind is telling you. Then ask, "What evidence do I have that contradicts this story? What examples in my life show me that things can work out differently?" The more you notice evidence for trust, the more you shift your own belief.
The more you practice these shifts by pausing, feeling, reconnecting with your why, and noticing what is already present, the more trust becomes something you experience in your body, not just something you try to think your way into.
Start your trust practice today
Learning to trust is a journey, and you don't have to walk it alone. Start by choosing one practice from this article and trying it this week.
Whether you're navigating fertility challenges, major life or identity transitions, relationship uncertainty, or any area where control has stopped working, know that choosing trust is always possible. And you already carry the wisdom within you to begin.
Trust doesn't mean the absence of uncertainty. It means learning to walk through uncertainty with an open heart.
If you're ready to go deeper and learn how to trust yourself, your body, and your path, I would be honored to guide you. Book your free clarity call.
Read more from Eeva Salvik
Eeva Salvik, Coach, Forest Therapy Practitioner
Eeva Salvik is a former corporate lawyer who walked away from a successful legal career to build her own coaching practice because she knew from the inside that success without wellbeing is not success at all. Certified as a Holistic Health Coach, Forest Therapy Practitioner, and Forest Bathing Guide, she brings both professional depth and deep lived experience to her work. That experience includes her own journey through burnout and fertility challenge that taught her to feel again, trust, and let life unfold. Today she works with professionals guiding them through the transition from achievement-driven living to self-trust, clarity and a life that feels like their own. Her mission remains simple, success should not cost your peace.
