Written by: Caroline Holke, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We often hear, "there is no such thing as a dumb question," or "the only dumb question is the one that is not asked." The people who say these things mean well. They intend to put others at ease and feel comfortable asking whatever is on their minds. This fosters a culture of inclusion and keeps a discussion open. It also surfaces the overlooked topics or the ones deemed obvious. These are all important and add value.
However, it is important to acknowledge that there are dumb questions. These are the negative questions that we ask ourselves. What makes them dumb is that they do not serve us.
The first reason for this is the brain’s negativity bias. Negativity bias helped our ancestors survive. We do not have to worry about saber tooth tigers today, but the primitive brain has been working in this fashion for 200,000+ years. When normalized to a 100-year timeline, the wheel was first invented 3 years ago. The automobile, lightbulb, and telephone were introduced in the last month, and 9-11 was just 3 days ago. This perspective helps explain why the primitive brain has the power that it does over day-to-day life.
The other factor at play is that the human brain is literal. When we ask negative questions, we will get negative answers.
I work with women who want to learn how to drink less alcohol. The worst question that I come across is, “why do I drink too much?”
The question is bad because of the responses that it generates.
I have no willpower.
I am unsure of myself in social situations.
I do not care enough.
There must be something wrong with me.
The self-judgment landmines make it very difficult to get anything helpful in these responses. And unfortunately, it is very easy to wallow and stay stuck here.
Garbage in, garbage out, as the saying goes.
More high quality, empowering questions are:
How can I make better choices today?
What would drinking less look like if it were easy?
What can I do to address my underlying stress rather than a drink?
How can I end this struggle without feeling deprived?
The difference is night and day. The second batch of questions provides helpful responses. These will help you achieve your goal rather than giving you more reasons to feel terrible.
Bad questions are out there. Acknowledge this and stop wasting your time on them. Be purposeful with your questions so that you will get helpful answers.
Do you typically use empowering or disempowering questions? The next time you are trying to solve a problem, how can you reframe your questions to ensure that they are working for you? Do a gut check to ensure that they will solve the problem that you want to solve!
When we ask questions and seek quality answers, we ask more of ourselves. This is a critical part of achieving any goal.
Caroline Holke, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Caroline Holke coaches women who want to continue to drink alcohol without the downsides. Caroline’s unique approach is successful because it respects how the human brain works, is augmented with science and is tailored to each individual’s situation. By identifying and addressing what is holding each client back, Caroline is able to help her clients make sustainable change. At the end of her 12-week coaching program, her clients are happier and 100% in control of their relationship with alcohol.
