The Tender Middle Is Where Life Truly Happens
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 24
- 4 min read
Carmela is an internationally recognised yoga educator and movement specialist with over 25 years of experience. She is the founder of Yoga Rhyth’OM and leads teacher trainings, retreats, and wellness programs that blend traditional wisdom with modern science.
The Tender Middle speaks to the raw, vulnerable space between resistance and release, the liminal place where transformation quietly begins. Between the rising inhale and the falling exhale. Between endings and beginnings, heartbreak and healing. It’s a place I’ve come to know intimately as a yoga teacher, a mother, a partner, a student of life, and as a human who has loved, lost, stretched, and softened again.
The tender middle is where we meet the truth, not in triumph or defeat, but the trembling in-between. It’s not the extreme highs or the devastating lows, but that unpolished place in between –the one we often try to skip or rush, that quiet, bittersweet ache in the middle.
"I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being." Hafiz
This quote speaks to the often-hidden strength and beauty that lies in our softest, most uncertain moments.
The myth of constant bliss
Life is rarely black or white. Yoga has provided me the opportunity to rest in the grey space, the space of sensation, discomfort, surrender and deep listening. Modern culture is obsessed with the pursuit of happiness and contentment, as if it were a destination and anything less is a letdown. Social media rewards the highlight reel. High productivity is praised, even demanded no matter what the consequences. Constant smiles are expected. But life is more nuanced than that. More real. And far more sacred.
Yoga philosophy states that suffering, discomfort (Duhkha) and joy, ease (Sukha) are part of the same wheel. They arise; they pass. But neither must define who we are.
Do you find yourself resisting the in-between? The uncertainty? The slow grief of change? The gentle ache of nostalgia? The complex, contradictory emotions that don't fit neatly into an Instagram quote?
I have found that trying to bypass these experiences, we bypass ourselves.
Sarah Blondin (from her Live Awake writings):
"Your tenderness is not your weakness. It is your greatest power. It is what opens you to life." This beautifully captures the essence of leaning into the tender middle, rather than armouring against it.
Yoga: A practice of staying
One of the most powerful teachings of yoga is staying. Staying in the posture when it gets uncomfortable. Staying with the breath when the mind wanders. Staying with your own tenderness instead of running from it.
When practicing Yin yoga, I linger in long supported holds. Not to “stretch more,” but to feel more. To make space for sensation, emotion, memory, whatever bubbles to the surface when I stop doing and start tuning in and listening.
Tenderness contains its own kind of strength, the courage to stay, the softness to feel, the wisdom not to rush.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you”Rumi
Grief and gratitude: Sacred siblings
It’s taken me many years to understand that grief and gratitude often walk hand-in-hand. When we feel the depth of our love for something, we also open ourselves to the ache of its impermanence.
Losing someone. Moving countries. Watching a child grow up. Saying goodbye to a season of life. These moments are not failures—they are evidence of a life lived with open eyes and a willing heart.
In fact, some of my most joyful moments have had tears quietly stitched into their edges. It is not a weakness to feel this depth.
It is what makes us human and beautifully so.
Practicing presence in the in-between
The more I teach, practice, and the more I live, the more I believe the greatest transformation happens not in the peaks or valleys, but in the thresholds—the spaces between what was and what will be.
We live in a world that encourages us to rush from one thing to the next. But what if we gave ourselves permission to linger in the pause? What if we honoured the tender middle as a sacred space, instead of something to get over? By resting in the sacred pause, we let stillness be the comfort for the spaces that feel raw or uncertain.
On the mat, we do this every time we lie down after our practice in Savasana. We let go of the pose, but we linger in tender present awareness. Off the mat, we do this when we choose to slow down instead of speed up, when we sit with our emotions rather than distract from them, when we witness life unfolding rather than force it to conform.
It is in these moments – small, quiet, often overlooked – that our hearts are reshaped. Not by control, but by surrender and vulnerability. Not by certainty, but by presence.
Why the middle matters
It’s tempting to wait for life to be more sorted, shinier, easier before we call it beautiful. But beauty can be found in the in-between – the undone, the evolving, the raw and real. That’s where connection lives. That’s where growth happens. That’s where we become. The tender middle isn’t something to escape – it’s something to honour.
And when you meet someone else in their own tender middle, your presence becomes the
medicine. That’s Sangha. That’s love.
So, if you find yourself in a moment that’s not quite joyful but not quite broken either, pause. You’re in the tender middle, where you don’t have to be healed to be whole.
Read more from Carmela Lacey
Carmela Lacey, Yoga Teacher, Movement Educator, Wellness Advocate
Carmela is a highly regarded yoga and movement educator with over 25 years of teaching experience. As the founder of Yoga Rhyth’OM, she combines traditional yogic philosophy with modern movement science to create transformative experiences for her students. Her work spans yoga teacher trainings, women's wellness retreats, and educational programs/classes focused on functional movement, breathwork, and cyclical living. Known for her grounded wisdom and heartfelt teaching style, Carmela empowers others to move with awareness, age with grace, and live in rhythm with nature. Learn more about her offerings and articles through her Brainz profile.
Photo Credits:
Chloe Merid
