The Silent Struggle of High-Achieving Men and Why Success Doesn’t Silence Anxiety

Written by Roje Khalique, Founder of rkTherapy

Roje Khalique is a visionary clinical consultant with 20 years of experience in mental health. She is the founder of rkTherapy, a London-based bespoke psychology consultancy, and a specialist in culturally attuned Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

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High-achieving men often appear to embody success, confidence, and resilience. However, beneath the surface, many grapple with silent struggles, low self-worth, emotional suppression, and the weight of societal expectations. The relentless pursuit of achievement and external validation often masks deeper psychological distress, creating a disconnect between outward success and inner well-being.

When we think of success, we envision sharp suits, powerful roles, and impressive incomes. By these standards, high-achieving men seem to be thriving. But behind the polished image, many experience anxiety, burnout, depression, and chronic stress in silence.

The traits that drive their success, discipline, ambition, and the pressure to perform, can conceal profound struggles with vulnerability and identity. Despite their accomplishments, many feel they’re never quite enough. And because they appear to be coping, their suffering often goes unseen.

The inner critic behind the outer success

A common theme among high-achieving men in therapy is a persistent feeling of “not being good enough.” Their self-worth often hinges on external validation, grades, performance reviews, promotions, and material success.

This creates a damaging formula: “I am only worthy if I achieve.” As expectations rise, so does internal pressure. Even in the face of clear success, many feel like frauds, constantly fearing exposure. They compare themselves to peers and colleagues, often spiralling into self-doubt and despair. This pattern is widely recognised as imposter syndrome, especially prevalent among high performers.

For men from marginalised racial or ethnic backgrounds, these feelings often intensify. Research shows discrimination and microaggressions heighten social anxiety and compound a sense of not belonging (MacIntyre et al., 2023), further eroding self-worth.

From a young age, boys and girls are conditioned to link self-worth with achievement. Praise often goes to those who excel, compete, or appear strong, especially compared to peers. Meanwhile, emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and emotional expression are rarely encouraged, if not actively discouraged, in boys. This early conditioning fosters a silence that lingers into adulthood. Many men learn to present strength and composure, even while struggling privately with self-doubt and emotional pain.

Anxiety and depression disguised as drive

A University College London study found that individuals with persistently low self-esteem are over three times more likely to develop clinical depression and nearly three times more likely to experience anxiety disorders compared to those with healthy self-esteem. Among high-achieving men, these conditions often hide in plain sight, masked by perfectionism, overwork, restlessness, hyper-productivity, or relentless self-comparison.

Depression can manifest not as sadness, but as emotional numbness, irritability, withdrawal, or escapism through work, alcohol, or constant distraction. Yet many men don’t recognise these as symptoms of anxiety or depression. Instead, they say:

• “I’m just stressed.”

• “I can’t switch off mentally.”

• “I’m exhausted all the time.”

• “I don’t enjoy anything anymore.”

Behind these familiar phrases are signs of burnout and emotional distress, often ignored or downplayed.

For men raised with traditional masculine ideals, vulnerability equates with weakness. This belief fuels silence and delays help-seeking, allowing mental health issues to grow unnoticed and untreated.

Burnout is more than physical fatigue; it’s emotional depletion, a loss of meaning, and a chronic sense that no amount of effort is ever enough. It thrives where success is demanded, and rest is perceived as weakness.

Therapists often hear high-achieving men describe lives that appear full from the outside but feel hollow within. They meet their goals, receive accolades, yet remain disconnected from joy.

The constant pressure to maintain an image of success quietly erodes mental well-being. Burnout can spiral into cynicism, emotional detachment, and existential questioning: “If I’m doing everything right, why do I still feel so empty?”

Mental health in high-achieving men: Key challenges

• Perfectionism: The drive to perform at consistently high levels creates chronic stress and fear of failure.

• Imposter syndrome: Despite achievements, many feel like frauds and credit their success to luck rather than skill.

• Burnout: Long hours, emotional suppression, and unrealistic expectations lead to mental and physical collapse.

• Isolation: Success can bring social disconnection, where authenticity is sacrificed for image or status.

One of the most damaging myths is that success protects men from mental health struggles. In reality, it can deepen them. For many high-achieving men, identity becomes so entwined with accomplishment that any threat to their status feels like a threat to their very sense of self. They may appear composed in boardrooms yet lie awake at night with racing thoughts, dread, and doubt.

The masculinity confusion

Men face conflicting messages about masculinity:

• Should I protect and provide, or is that outdated?

• Should I lead with strength or show vulnerability?

• Am I expected to be emotionally open or stoically resilient?

This internal tug-of-war creates confusion and guilt. Some feel punished for embracing traditional roles; others feel emasculated when stepping back. Society sends mixed signals, leaving men unsure how to express male masculinity healthily.

This confusion is especially pronounced amid cultural shifts. In many Eastern cultures, traditional masculine roles of provider and protector remain expected and celebrated. Hofstede’s research shows collectivist societies rank higher on masculinity scales, valuing clear gender roles and sacrifice for family or nation. In contrast, Western, individualistic societies score lower, embracing fluid gender roles and emphasising quality of life over performance (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005). These shifts create identity confusion and psychological stress for men across cultures.

In therapy, men from ethnic backgrounds express frustration about upholding provider roles while being judged by Western norms, labelling these roles as outdated. European men describe a lack of clarity on what masculinity means today. This confusion fuels anxiety, guilt, and fear of criticism or shame, no matter which path they take.

When success doesn’t equal safety

Modern definitions of success, money, power, and status create a narrow and unforgiving framework for male identity. From a young age, boys are taught to prove their worth through achievement. But what happens when meeting these expectations becomes a struggle? Other markers looks, strength, wealth are limited and fleeting. This raises a deeper question: if a man’s worth must always be earned or displayed, when does he ever feel enough?

Status-based self-esteem is inherently fragile. It depends on external forces beyond one’s control market shifts, job security, ageing, and others’ approval. When identity is built solely on achievement, every setback feels like a personal failure, fuelling anxiety and self-doubt.

Many high-achieving men lack safe spaces to express emotions. Friendships can be competitive or superficial, while partners often rely on them for stability, leaving little room for vulnerability.

Culturally, the outdated ideal persists that men must be stoic providers who don’t need support, an ideal that only deepens isolation and emotional strain.

Shifts to break the silence and restore well-being in high-achieving men

To truly transform men’s mental health, we must redefine the narratives around masculinity and success:

1. Honour the emotional reality of high achievers: Success on the outside doesn’t guarantee wellness within. We must recognise and validate the hidden emotional struggles that drive even the most accomplished men and women. Emotional truth is essential.

2. Dismantle status-driven self-worth: Men need to hear this loud and clear: your value is not defined by your job title, income, or accolades. True worth is cultivated from within, independent of external achievements.

3. Reframe help-seeking as a sign of strength: Therapy is not a last resort for weakness; it’s a powerful, proactive tool for self-mastery and growth. Seeking support is a strategic choice that high performers should embrace unapologetically.

4. Expand and evolve the definition of masculinity: Masculinity must move beyond stereotypes to include vulnerability, empathy, rest, and self-acceptance alongside strength. Men should freely choose what masculinity means to them, including traditional roles if they wish.

5. Raise boys to lead with emotional intelligence: Emotional literacy should be foundational, taught early and everywhere. Schools and communities must model that vulnerability is courage, and strength includes kindness, reliability, and integrity. Success is about character as much as achievement.

Final thoughts

Research shows a powerful connection between self-esteem and mental health. To nurture genuine self-worth, we must challenge harmful norms of masculinity, normalise vulnerability, and prioritise internal validation over external achievements. Only then can we break the cycle of inadequacy and support men’s mental well-being.

High-achieving men carry heavy burdens. Celebrated for their drive and discipline, they are seldom asked how they truly feel. Society benefits from their contributions, but often overlooks their emotional struggles. It’s time to create space for these inner experiences. Anxiety, burnout, and low self-worth are not signs of failure; they are signals demanding attention.

Men don’t need to be fixed; they need understanding and the freedom to define their identity and success on their own terms, rooted in self-awareness, emotional honesty, and spiritual wholeness.

Author’s note

This article draws on clinical insights from therapeutic work with high-achieving men, exploring themes of identity, self-worth, emotional regulation, success, and masculinity. While it reflects common patterns, it does not provide a comprehensive account of men’s mental health. Topics such as trauma, adverse childhood experiences, socioeconomic challenges, and experiences of men outside high-achieving roles fall beyond its scope.

As a heterosexual female therapist, I acknowledge that my perspective is shaped by my positionality and cultural lens. These narratives may not capture the full diversity of male experiences across different backgrounds. All client information shared in therapy is treated with strict confidentiality and respect.

For a more nuanced and culturally informed approach to men’s mental health, further research and dialogue are essential.

For a deeper, culturally informed understanding of men’s mental health, explore resources here or reach out to us here.

Follow me on Linkedin and visit my website for more info!

Read more from Roje Khalique

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Roje Khalique, Founder of rkTherapy

Roje is a clinical practitioner for a wide range of anxiety disorders and depression. She is dedicated to making quality psychological support accessible to high-achieving professionals in the legal and finance industries in London's high-stakes corporate world. During COVID-19 she recognised a global and increasing need for evidence-based support and developed a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) online, virtual platform and a mobile app. Designed to fit the demanding schedules of professionals not only in London but across Europe, the US, the Middle East, and Asia.

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References:

• Chatmon B. N. (2020). Males and Mental Health Stigma. American journal of men's health, 14(4).

• Connell, R. W., & Messerschmidt, J. W. (2005). Hegemonic masculinity: Rethinking the concept. Gender & Society, 19(6), 829-859.

• Hofstede, G. (2001). Culture's consequences: Comparing values, behaviours, institutions and organizations across nations (2nd ed.). Sage Publications. Macintyre,

• M. M., Zare, M., & Williams, M. T. (2023). Anxiety-related disorders in the context of racism. Current Psychiatry Reports, 25(2), 31-43.