The Real Reason Why You Ended Up In The Friend Zone – And How To Avoid This Trap Next Time
- Brainz Magazine
- Aug 23, 2021
- 5 min read
Updated: Aug 30, 2021
Written by: Oksana Irwin, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The ‘Friendzone’ is not an actual ‘space’ in the ethers like an imaginary ‘waiting room’ where you patiently sit and wait for things to get better and hope that the person you have an interest in will change their mind, come to their ‘senses’ and recognize that you are a prize to have.
That never happens!
The ‘Friendzone’ is a VIBE - a frequency you send out that is translated by the person you are interested in. It is a vibe that says he or she is a ‘nice’ person but I have is no romantic, sexual, or passionate pull towards them. It is a friendly, neutral, and ‘nice’ frequency, which leads you nowhere or at least not where you’d like to be. The worst part of it all is that once you get sent to that ‘friendly trap’, you are destined to stay there forever!
So many ‘nice’ people hang around in the Friendzone, waiting for the other person to recognize their values and to see how nice, smart, reliable, understanding, sincere, helpful, serious, and loyal (you name it!) they are. They hang around there hoping that the person they are attracted to will see all the ‘qualities’ they are bringing to the table and will give them the validation and recognition they deserve by falling romantically for them.
They are hoping that their qualities get recognized, that they will be given the keys to the Romantic Kingdom, and that the person of their admiration will ‘wake up’ and start feeling intense romantic feelings towards them.
All while the person of their admiration is actively dating others and looking for that intense feeling of attraction and desire elsewhere with someone else.
This misplaced hope and misinterpretation happen when people don’t understand where desire, attraction, and passion come from. This happens when they are trying to figure it out logically and provide logical reasons and solutions for an emotional situation.
Most people don’t know how to activate romantic feelings in their potential romantic partners and think that it ‘just happens’ with some but not others and leave their romantic endeavor up to luck and chance.
The reality is that they are not aware that they have the power to activate romantic feelings in those they are attracted to.
They don’t realize that some of their actions cause the person to fall romantically for them, be intrigued by them, and fall in love with them, while other actions turn those feelings off and catapult them straight into the Friendzone!
Instead of learning the cause and effects of their actions, they instead get frustrated and remain unsure about what happened and why they ended up in the Friendzone yet again.
They question if the other person is not serious or playing games.
They try to get answers from their friends who just give bromides like ‘Time to move on’ or ‘It’s ‘their’ loss’.
But deep down inside you know it’s your loss because you really like that person a lot. And your heart is breaking...
You want to fix things. You are tired of being ‘just a friend’. You want more out of a relationship. You want passion, romance, and connection, but you don’t know how to get there. So you go back into the dating marketplace and continue with the same old, same old pattern of being ‘nice’ and hoping to find romance and passion.
Well, the dating reality of today is that Quality People have options. They do not ‘settle’ for neutral feelings. They are looking for intense passion and a deep emotional connection with someone. Someone who is different, who is exciting, who stands out, who is fun to be around, who turns them on, who sets their soul on fire, and who gives them butterflies in their stomach over and over and over.
In today’s ‘sea of possibilities’ quality people are not just looking to be in a relationship. They want to feel intense emotions of attraction and desire for their partners. They want to feel desired by them. They want to feel the pull of I-want-to-be-with-him/her-no-matter-what and not just be in a relationship.
But the problem is, not many people know what actions to take to create that intense attraction and passion.
Most people are looking for certainty, direct answers to questions, instant gratification, a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’ while not understanding that attraction is created in mystery and requires uncertainty to grow and evolve. Intense closeness and desire are created in space and need room to ‘breathe’.
It’s time to take charge of your love life and understand how to activate romantic vibes and stay out of the friendly Friendzone trap.
Here are some dating Do’s and Don’ts to activate those romantic vibes and avoid wasting time, emotions and experiencing heartbreak in the dreaded Friendzone:
Don’t be ultra nice, extra-giving, super understanding, and overly accommodating. Do focus on being interesting, independent, confident, and fun to be around.
Don’t look for certainty and being attached to the outcome in the early stages of dating. Do provide variety by being an independent thinker, express your own perspectives and feel free to go against ‘popular opinion.’
Don’t turn a date into a job interview by asking direct questions. Do create an interesting conversation with flow and reciprocation where you share things about each other that you are passionate about and enjoy doing.
Don’t try to fit in and blend with the crowd. Do focus on standing out and owning yourself and your life accomplishments and being proud of them.
Don’t feel inferior to someone and start overcompensating by being ultra nice and overly accommodating. Do act like your time is valuable and that it is a privilege to spend time with you.
Don’t give your power away by waiting on ‘them’ to make a decision and provide you answers, validation, or acceptance. Do focus on leading yourself knowing that you are already enough and their validation is just a confirmation of what you already know - that you are a prize for someone to have!
You are meant to find the person of your dreams - everyone is!
Find that person by turning on your romantic vibe, be charming and flirty, laugh and smile and be interesting and fun to be around. Create a little mystery and mystique and most of all, have fun and enjoy yourself.
For romance and passion to blossom, be unique instead of blending in. Speak your mind and your truth and stand out. Make it easy for them to see your true values and how truly amazing you are.
If you want help powerfully articulating your values, projecting effortless confidence, activating your magnetic sex appeal, and positioning yourself as a prize for someone to have and avoid ending up in a friendzone, connect with me at my LinkedIn, Facebook Profile and connect with me on Instagram or visit my website. I look forward to sharing my zone of genius with you!
Oksana Irwin, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Oksana Irwin is a Certified Mars – Venus Life and Relationship Coach, trained by the legendary John Gray. She is on a continuing mission to change the world one love story at a time! Oksana is a leader in the dating and relationship coaching field. She equips her clients with powerful behaviors, winning mindsets, and gender intelligence knowledge that empowers them to unleash their mental and emotional constraints and achieve their very best in love, life, and career. Within 3 years of sadly losing both her long-term marriage and role in a thriving family business, Oksana has created a new loving, passionate relationship and built a successful coaching business. She turned her pain into passion, passion into purpose, and purpose into profit by helping many women along the way. She impacts her clients by unlocking access to feminine power, lowering stress, and skyrocketing confidence. Her clients learn effective and powerful gender dynamics, sufficient hormonal balance, and potent attraction and polarity techniques that produce outstanding results in creating loving and lasting passionate relationships and thriving successful and fulfilling lives.
