The Power of Knowing the Difference Between Discomfort and Danger
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 30
- 5 min read
Updated: Oct 31
Candace Davey, founder of Counselling with Candace, is a dedicated counsellor and empowerment coach. She supports individuals and couples through life's challenges with a tailored, judgement-free approach. Through counselling, seminars, and webinars, she equips and empowers people with the tools and confidence to thrive personally and professionally.
Curiosity is one of the most courageous forces within us. It is what moves us toward growth, even when fear stands in the doorway. Many people mistake courage for fearlessness, but the truth is, you can only be courageous when you feel fear. Fear is the companion of transformation. It arrives whenever we step beyond what is familiar. The key is learning to listen to it without letting it control you.
Every moment of growth comes with unease. That tightening in your chest, that hesitation before the next step, it does not always mean something is wrong. Sometimes it means you are standing at the edge of expansion. Learning to tell the difference between discomfort and danger allows you to move forward wisely instead of retreating out of habit.
Curiosity begins with awareness
Curiosity begins with the courage to pause. When fear rises, most of us rush to escape it. We distract ourselves, justify our hesitation, or talk ourselves out of change, but curiosity invites us to stay, to breathe, to observe what is really happening beneath the surface. Start by paying attention to your emotions, your body, your thoughts, and the stories you tell yourself. When you notice yourself tensing up or resisting something unfamiliar, pause. Take a breath. Instead of trying to make the feeling go away, turn toward it with genuine interest.
Ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? Is this fear trying to protect me from real harm, or is it because I am entering territory that is new and uncertain? The moment you start asking those questions, you have already taken the first courageous step. Awareness transforms fear from an obstacle into information.
The mind’s safety system
Our minds are wired to protect us, not to evolve us. The same system that once kept our ancestors safe from danger still responds to modern challenges, new jobs, endings and beginnings, and vulnerability with the same urgency. Your brain does not always know the difference between being unsafe and being uncomfortable.
When you face change, your body reacts. Your heart quickens, your breath shortens, your muscles tighten. It is easy to mistake these sensations for danger, but curiosity helps you pause long enough to see what is actually happening. You can ask yourself, Am I truly unsafe or just stretching into something new? That moment of curiosity is the bridge between fear and courage.
Discomfort is a signal for growth
Imagine slipping into your favourite pair of shoes, the ones that once fit you perfectly. You have walked countless miles in them, trusted them to take you anywhere, but lately, they have started to feel tight. At first, you ignore it. You love these shoes. They are familiar. They have carried you through so much, but as time passes, the discomfort grows.
Eventually, you realise the shoes have not changed, you have. Your feet are growing. You are evolving. The same shoes that once supported you are now holding you back. And yet, it is hard to let go. What if you never find another pair that feels as safe, as comfortable, as known? So you keep wearing them, hoping the discomfort will fade. It does not. Because it is not the shoes that need to change, it is you who has outgrown them.
This is what emotional growth feels like. These are your emotional growing pains, the ache of becoming. They show up when you have expanded beyond what used to fit you, old beliefs, old identities, old patterns. We accept physical growth as natural and normal, but when our inner world stretches, we often panic. We confuse discomfort with danger, believing something must be wrong, but what if nothing is wrong at all? What if this tightness is just the body and soul making space for who you are becoming? Discomfort does not mean stop, it means pay attention. It is your invitation to grow.
Danger is a signal for protection
Danger, on the other hand, is a very different kind of signal. If you were about to step on a nail, your body would instantly warn you. You would pull your foot back because you know that pain would mean harm. That is what your nervous system is built for, to alert you when your safety is truly at risk.
This is the distinction we need to relearn within our emotional lives. Physical danger is easy to spot, but emotional danger can be trickier. When your intuition says something is not right, when your body freezes, your breath shortens, and your sense of safety vanishes, that is not discomfort. That is danger, and it deserves to be honoured.
Curiosity does not mean ignoring those signals. It means listening deeply enough to tell whether your fear is warning you away from harm or inviting you to grow. True curiosity will never ask you to cross your boundaries. It will help you recognise and strengthen them.
The courage to stay curious
To live curiously is to trust yourself, to know that you can meet life’s uncertainty without losing your centre. It is about developing the wisdom to feel discomfort and say, I am growing, and to sense danger and say, I need to protect myself.
Growth will stretch you. It might feel tight, awkward, or unfamiliar, like a pair of shoes that no longer fits, but if you keep walking with awareness, if you allow curiosity to guide you, you will find the next pair that supports your stride.
Curiosity does not eliminate fear. It transforms it into understanding, and in that understanding, you will find the courage to keep growing, not because it is comfortable, but because it is who you are meant to become.
Step into your growth
You have already proven your strength by surviving everything that once made you afraid. Now, you have the chance to thrive, to step out of the old shoes that no longer fit, and walk toward the life that is waiting for you.
My counselling services are here to walk beside you as you explore that path with courage and curiosity. Together, we can untangle fear from danger, transform discomfort into growth, and turn the ache of emotional growing pains into a deeper sense of confidence, clarity, and peace.
You do not have to wait for the perfect moment. You only need to take one step, the step that says, I am ready to grow.
Reach out today, and begin the journey of stepping fully into who you choose to become.
Read more from Candace Davey
Candace Davey, Integrative Psychotherapist and Empowerment Coach
At the very core, the founder of Counselling with Candace, Candace Davey, believes that everyone has a unique story. By embracing each person's individuality and tailoring a therapeutic approach to their needs, she helps them heal, grow, and build resilience. Through counselling and empowerment coaching, she equips and empowers individuals to overcome challenges and thrive in all aspects of their personal and professional lives.
