The NEST Model and How to Transform Your Thinking
Award-winning coach and multi-certified professional coach Catherine Finger contributes to the well-being of others by offering transformational coaching for leadership, health, and life.
I’ve been reflecting on a quote often attributed to Martin Luther, “I cannot stop a bird from flying over my head, but I can stop her from building a nest in my hair.” It is a simple image, yet a powerful one. In coaching, and in leadership, it captures something essential about how we relate to our own thinking in real time.
In the midst of a conversation, a thought arises. It may be a moment of self-doubt, an urge to fix, a quick judgment, or an assumption about what is happening. These thoughts often appear quietly and without invitation, yet they carry influence. They shape how we listen, how we interpret, and how we respond, sometimes before we even realize it. We may not be able to stop these thoughts from appearing. They are part of being human. But we can choose whether they stay and begin building nests of their own.
This distinction matters more than we might think. The quality of our presence is not determined solely by what we know or what we say. It is shaped by how we relate to what is happening within us in the moment. When we become aware of our internal responses, we create the possibility of choosing rather than reacting. Without that awareness, even the most skilled coach or leader can find themselves subtly driven by assumptions, judgments, or the need to resolve what feels uncomfortable.
Lately, I’ve been using a simple practice I call the NEST Model of Reflective Presence™. It offers a way to notice our thinking, gently examine it, and return to presence with greater intention. The model is straightforward, yet its impact can be profound.
The first step is "notice". At its core, this is about awareness, asking, “What am I aware of right now?” A thought, reaction, or emotional shift arises, and instead of immediately acting on it or accepting it as true, we pause just long enough to recognize it. This might show up as a subtle tightening in the body, a shift in attention, or the quiet beginning of an internal narrative. We are not trying to change anything yet, we are simply noticing what is present. Awareness creates space, and in that space, something important becomes possible.
The second step is "examine". Here we begin to explore the meaning we are making. We might ask, “What story am I telling myself right now?” or “What assumption might be shaping my response?” Perhaps we are interpreting a client’s words through our own lens of experience or holding an expectation about how the conversation should unfold. This step is not about judging the thought but about understanding it. When we examine our thinking, we begin to see that our thoughts are not fixed truths, they are interpretations. And interpretations can be reconsidered.
From there, we move to "shift". With greater awareness and clarity, we can begin to ask, “What else is possible?” This question opens the door to curiosity. What might I be missing? What other interpretations could be true? What if the opposite were also possible? Rather than narrowing into a single perspective, we allow the field to expand. In coaching, this helps us remain open to the client’s experience rather than imposing our own. In leadership, it supports more thoughtful and less reactive decision-making. Curiosity creates space for new insight.
The final step is "transform". At this point, we are no longer reacting automatically, we are choosing how to show up. The question becomes, “How will I respond from presence?” The response may be subtle, a more open question, a deeper level of listening, or a willingness to allow silence. Yet this is where the shift becomes embodied. It is the movement from habit to intention, from reaction to response, from thinking to presence.
Changing our thinking begins with noticing. It is often a small pause, a brief moment of awareness, yet it holds the power to transform how we listen, lead, and coach. Over time, these moments accumulate. They strengthen our capacity to remain present under pressure, to listen without attachment or agenda, and to respond with greater clarity and care.
Presence does not come from having the “right” thought. It comes from noticing the thought and choosing what happens next.
The bird may still fly by overhead, but we do not invite her in to begin building that nest.
Catherine Finger, Executive Coaching & Consulting
Award-winning coach and multi-certified professional coach Catherine Finger contributes to the well-being of others by offering transformational coaching for leadership, health, and life.
Her passion to instill hope and celebrate beauty, goodness, and truth in the lives of leaders led her to launch her executive coaching and consulting business in 2019. Her years of successful experience as an educational leader, board member, adjunct professor, award-winning author, law enforcement chaplain and community leader equip her with unique insights and deep intuition on both organizations and individuals.
