The Good Girl Syndrome People-Pleasing Cure
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 17
- 4 min read
Updated: Oct 19
Empowerment Coach and founder of Own Your Life, Julie Vander Meulen, is a pioneer in researching and applying personal development strategies to help ambitious women overcome the good girl syndrome and become the powerful individuals they were always meant to be.
Good Girl Syndrome keeps women stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing, where worth feels tied to others’ approval. This article explores how to shift from self-sacrifice to self-honouring, helping you reconnect with your truth, set boundaries, and embrace the freedom of living authentically.
When your worth feels tied to making everyone else happy
There was a time when my default response to everything was yes. Yes, I can help. Yes, I’ll adjust. Yes, that’s fine. Yes, I understand. Even when it wasn’t fine. Even when I didn’t have the capacity. Even when my heart whispered no.
But my nervous system had been trained to believe that love and safety were earned through harmony, helpfulness, and being “the easy one.” So I kept giving attention, time, energy, pieces of myself, hoping that maybe, eventually, someone would offer me back the same kind of care.
This, my friend, is the root of people-pleasing. And it runs deep in women with Good Girl Syndrome.
Why good girls can’t stop people-pleasing
Good Girl Syndrome teaches you that being loved means being likable, and being likable means being pleasing. It rewards you for being non-confrontational. Predictable. Accommodating. It tells you that conflict is dangerous, that needs are burdensome, and that the best kind of woman is the one who requires the least.
So, of course, you don’t want to disappoint anyone. It feels unbearable to say no. Of course, setting boundaries makes you feel like a bad person. But here’s the truth I wish I’d realized earlier:
People-pleasing isn’t kindness. It’s fear in a costume. And it disconnects you from your true power.
What people-pleasing is actually costing you
Every time you say yes when you mean no, you’re teaching your body that other people’s comfort matters more than your own.
You’re reinforcing the belief that your safety lives outside of you, in how others perceive and approve of you.
And while this strategy may keep things peaceful on the surface, underneath, it’s wreaking havoc:
You start to feel resentful but blame yourself for it.
You lose track of what you actually want because you’re so used to adapting.
You overextend, overcommit, and override your own needs until your body burns out or your joy shuts down.
And worst of all? You become invisible to yourself.
The cure isn’t harshness, it’s self-honoring
The antidote to people-pleasing isn’t becoming cold or uncaring. It’s becoming radically self-honoring.
It means choosing truth over approval. It means learning to sit with the discomfort of not being liked by everyone and realizing that being liked and being loved are not the same thing.
It means trusting that the right people won’t need you to betray yourself to stay in relationship with them. And that your needs are not liabilities, they are invitations to intimacy.
How to begin healing your people-pleasing patterns
Start with one tiny, defiant act of truth.
Say “Let me get back to you” instead of answering immediately.
Practice telling the truth in low-stakes situations.
Check in with yourself before checking in with others.
You don’t need to bulldoze your way out of people-pleasing. You just need to keep choosing self-respect over self-sacrifice, one brave moment at a time.
Because the more you do, the more your nervous system recalibrates. And over time, it learns that you can belong without abandoning yourself.
You were never meant to be everyone’s favorite
You were meant to be yourself. Fully. Audaciously. Unapologetically. So let go of the exhausting dance of people-pleasing. Stop trying to be the woman who makes everyone else feel better at her own expense.
Instead, become the woman who makes herself feel safe. Who protects her peace like it's sacred. Who tells the truth even when it trembles. Because when you stop pleasing, you start living.
Want more?
Sunday Sanctuary Newsletter: Weekly love letters for high-achieving women who are done performing and ready to come home to themselves. Join here.
Take the Good Girl Syndrome Quiz: Identify how Good Girl Syndrome is fueling your burnout, and what to do next. Take the quiz here.
Book a Free Coaching Session: Ready to break the burnout pattern and lead from fullness, not fatigue? Let’s talk. Book your free meet & greet.
Julie Vander Meulen, Empowerment Coach for Ambitious Women
Julie Vander Meulen is an Empowerment Coach for ambitious women and the visionary founder of Own Your Life Academy, a premier coaching platform dedicated to personal and professional development. Through her innovative research and holistic coaching strategies, Julie specializes in guiding women to break free from the 'good girl syndrome,' empowering them to claim their worth and step into their power. Her work is rooted in the belief that every woman has an inner powerhouse waiting to be unleashed. With a vibrant community and a track record of transformative coaching experiences, Julie's mission is to inspire women worldwide to embrace their true selves and create lives they love.
