What is Good Girl Syndrome? – The Invisible Cage Holding Back Brilliant Women
- Brainz Magazine
- Mar 28
- 4 min read
Empowerment Coach and founder of Own Your Life, Julie Vander Meulen pioneers in researching and applying personal development strategies to help ambitious women overcome the good girl syndrome and become the powerful individuals they were always meant to be.
You know that quiet, gnawing frustration? The one that whispers “You’re made for more” right after you’ve just crushed a deadline, aced a meeting, or played the “perfect daughter, friend, partner” for the hundredth time that week?
That whisper isn’t your inner critic. It’s your inner truth.
And if you’re like the hundreds of wildly smart, talented, high-achieving women I’ve coached, there’s a high chance that what you’re actually feeling is the slow-burn of something I call Good Girl Syndrome™.
Let’s talk about it.
Meet good girl syndrome™
Good Girl Syndrome™ is the deeply ingrained pattern of being who you think you should be rather than who you truly are. It’s a subtle but powerful set of internalized rules: be nice, be agreeable, don’t take up too much space, keep everyone happy, perform perfectly, don’t make waves.
It’s not a diagnosis; it’s a social condition. One that’s rewarded, romanticized, and ruthlessly reinforced, especially in women who are already brilliant, capable, and ambitious.
In fact, Good Girl Syndrome often masks itself as success.
Your boss loves you because you always say yes. Your friends adore you because you’re endlessly supportive. Your clients trust you because you overdeliver every time.
And yet you’re exhausted, resentful, and weirdly invisible to yourself because you’ve built an identity on approval, not authenticity.
How it shows up (even in the most empowered women)
Good Girl Syndrome is a shapeshifter. Here’s how it may be playing out in your high-level, high-functioning life:
Career: You’re afraid to say no. You overprepare, overwork, and undercharge. You rarely advocate for yourself in meetings, and when you do, your voice trembles.
Relationships: You’re the emotional caretaker. You avoid conflict like the plague. You’d rather be liked than be honest.
Visibility: You tone yourself down. You avoid “bragging.” You wait until you're 100% ready before sharing your ideas.
Inner Dialogue: You’re plagued by guilt and second-guessing. You ask for permission more than you ask for what you want.
And the worst part?
Most women don’t realize they’re doing it because being a “good girl” is so deeply normalized. You’ve been praised for it your whole life.
It’s not your fault (but it is your time)
Let’s be crystal clear: You did not choose this. You were trained into it.
From the moment you were told to be a “good little girl,” society started shaping you. Schools rewarded obedience over originality. Workplaces praised likeability over leadership. Families often loved you more when you were easy, selfless, and sweet.
But here’s the thing: You can choose something else. You can wake up from the performance. You can reclaim your truth. You can build an identity that is rooted in freedom, not fear.
Who you become without it
When you shed the Good Girl mold, here’s what happens:
You stop apologizing for your brilliance.
You speak up without rehearsing every word.
You set boundaries without the guilt hangover.
You take up the exact amount of space your soul was designed for.
And yes, your life gets louder, bolder, and a hell of a lot more fun.
I've watched clients leave toxic jobs, triple their prices, walk into boardrooms with unshakeable power, fall in love with themselves for the first time, and finally feel free, not just successful.
Power moves to start breaking the pattern today
Here are three small-but-mighty moves you can take right now to loosen the grip of Good Girl Syndrome:
The truth bomb journal
Write a full page (unedited) on this question: “What do I want that I’m afraid to want?” Let yourself see what lives under the nice girl.
The sacred no
Pick one thing this week to say “no” to, even if you normally wouldn’t. Then sit with the discomfort without apologizing or overexplaining.
The mirror glance
Each morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud: “I am done being the good girl. I am ready to be me.” Bonus points if it gives you chills.
You were never meant to be a good girl. You were meant to be you
The truth is, the world doesn’t need another woman who plays small, overgives, and keeps the peace.
It needs you unfiltered, unapologetic, and fully expressed. And I’m here to walk beside you every step of the way.
Ready for more?
If this stirred something in you, it’s not random. It’s a remembering.
Here are 3 next steps to go deeper:
Join the Sunday Sanctuary Newsletter: A warm, loving space in your inbox every Sunday where we unpack the real stuff: identity, self-worth, freedom, and life beyond Good Girl Syndrome. It’s like a bubble bath for your brain and soul. And it’s free. Sign up here.
Take the Free Good Girl Syndrome Quiz: Want to know how GGS is showing up in your life? This 5-minute quiz will give you personalized insights (and a few loving wake-up calls). Take it here.
Book a Free Meet & Greet With Me: If you’re ready to start shedding GGS for good and want personal support, I offer free Meet & Greet sessions to explore working together. Book your session here, and let’s talk.
Julie Vander Meulen, Empowerment Coach for Ambitious Women
Julie Vander Meulen is an Empowerment Coach for ambitious women and the visionary founder of Own Your Life Academy, a premier coaching platform dedicated to personal and professional development. Through her innovative research and holistic coaching strategies, Julie specializes in guiding women to break free from the 'good girl syndrome,' empowering them to claim their worth and step into their power. Her work is rooted in the belief that every woman has an inner powerhouse waiting to be unleashed. With a vibrant community and a track record of transformative coaching experiences, Julie's mission is to inspire women worldwide to embrace their true selves and create lives they love.
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