Rethinking Dopamine and the Real Reason You’re Chasing That Next High
- May 14, 2025
- 4 min read
Debra Jane Wales is a coach, somatic and yoga movement educator who helps people live with more freedom and ease. Debbie's mission is clear as day: To help you move closer to yourself and to feeling UN-stuck, your way, the way it's supposed to be!
Dopamine is a hormone often called the pleasure/reward neurotransmitter. It affects our body, mind and behaviour and plays a big part in helping us think, plan and stay on track with our goals and agendas. Dopamine also helps us feel good. Yet here’s the thing: dopamine was never meant to be about pleasure; it evolved to help us meet our needs and help us survive.
In effect, it would be awesome to have Dopamine ‘on’ at all times, but if we did, we would never have an opportunity to reset and rise to deal with new challenges and goals. In reality, the rush is over when we reach X and now need to do something else to reach Y. So, essentially, you have to do more to keep getting more.
This can be challenging, especially if you need a constant high. However, if you understand that life is never going to be all pink and rosy and rising to the challenge, and completing a task is what keeps us growing and evolving as both an individual and a humanity, then we are better able to deal with the down times.
If we think about times in history, our ancestors didn’t have to worry about how many followers they had: They didn’t get distracted by online games, tweets, news, or someone else’s abs, food, or lives. We live such privileged lives compared to the days when our earlier ancestors lived in rock shelters or makeshift camps. They were foraging for food, or they were hunting and making tools, whilst modern humans are foraging for the next “Hit.”
In reality, we can’t know how our ancestors thought; it’s hard enough always knowing what the person in front of us is thinking. However, I think we can be assured they weren’t distracted by the latest feed on Insta, TikTok, or X.
Their brain was scanning the environment for threats and danger. Its intention was to stay safe and survive. (News flash, essentially so is ours.)
We were not meant to have dopamine ‘On’ at all times.
Once we got the thing we needed, it stops to then alert us what we needed to do again. Dopamine is intended to help us navigate threats by helping us decide where to place our energy in order to make good decisions, not sexy ones.
Essentially, there’s nothing wrong with chasing ‘sexy’ rewards. I intend sexy to be things like how many followers you have, how many likes you get, how many people admire you, your status, or role. That could all be part of your work success. For example, it may pay your wage, accumulate clients, or provide a service.
Feeling good after you’ve done something worthwhile is what drives us forward. But what if you get a good hit this time, but the next time the reward doesn’t work out? You chased a dream based on a past experience ( Because the neurons created a reward pathway built on the past one), you have a dopamine dream without any conscious awareness.
Dopamine does not live in the past, or at least it shouldn’t. Our ancestors didn’t get by chasing dreams; otherwise, we wouldn’t be here.
And here’s another thing: what if that chase is filling a deeper and darker hole? Sense of worth, low esteem, or wounded child? In fact, I’m going to stick my neck out and say most of our current search for dopamine highs is because we are chasing an unmet need as a humanity. From not having what others have, to trauma, inequality, discrimination, core wounds, overwhelm, chronic stress, all trying to run the show while seeking how to ‘Feel Good’.
So, where do we go from here? How can we make friends with dopamine when it’s taking a rest and not giving us that high?
Take steps to discover your unmet needs. Take small steps to meet those needs.
Have realistic expectations, life isn’t meant to be all ‘Pink and fluffy ( sigh.) Take responsibility for your choices/decisions/life.
Find ways to nurture yourself and your self-care. Find healthy ways to reward yourself.
If it doesn’t work out, try a new path and avoid beating yourself up.
Ask yourself who is in charge here? If it's the wounded child ( or adult), addictions, poor self-worth, shame, and guilt. Ask for support and guidance, and go deep and do the work.
Debra Jane Wales, Embodied Freedom and Life Coach
Debra Jane Wales is an embodied life coach, somatic movement and yoga educator who helps people dissolve the hard places or mental and cultural constructs that deter them from living a freer life. Diagnosed Autistic with ADHD and having overcome numerous horrific Traumas and a suicide attempt, Debs' mission became clear as day. To help you move closer to your True self and to feeling UN-stuck, your way. The way it's supposed to be!
