Written by: Malissa Veroni, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Welcome back to the third segment of my series that delves deeper into the intricate nuances of The Struggle and Hidden Costs of Being a "Good Daughter" to a Narcissistic Mother.
In my previous articles, I spoke about the detrimental effects of trying to please a narcissistic mother and offered 11 ways to Recognize "The Good Daughter Syndrome.” Now, that we know what the Good Daughter Syndrome is, how to recognize it in ourselves or those we care about, today, I will highlight practical things you can do to work towards your healing.
To recap “being a ‘good daughter’ to a narcissistic mother might seem like an admirable effort, but it often comes at a significant personal cost (Veroni, 2023). No child “owes it” to their parent for anything! My previous articles highlight the devastating effects it can have one one’s personal, emotional, relational and even professional lives. Reminisce, breaking free from such patterns requires self-compassion, openness, and a willingness to embrace change. While healing can seem like a daunting and never-ending task- do not worry- I will lay out 7 Ways to help you work towards your healing. You deserve it!
7 Ways to help you heal from "the good daughter syndrome"
Acknowledge the Nature of Emotional Abuse: Understand that this syndrome can manifest as a form of emotional abuse. Recognizing this truth is the initial step towards providing effective support.
Initiate Open Conversations: Encourage dialogue with someone trustworthy. Often, these behaviours are reinforced by societal norms, family dynamics, and cultural influences. Outside perspectives can help challenge these norms and provide an objective viewpoint. Be wary of what Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Ph.D) refers to as “flying monkeys," individuals who support the abuser's behaviour.
Self-Awareness: Reflect on your behaviours and emotions. Are you making decisions based on your true desires or to gain approval? This can be a sign of people pleasing. Understanding your motivations is the first step towards change.
Master the Art of Boundaries: Education about boundaries is vital! Try to learn about, set, and enforce boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Remember boundaries are for you and not for other people. Just because other people may not respect your boundaries it does not mean you are wrong or that you should not have them. A boundary is like putting a line in the sand.
Cultivate an Independent Identity: Empower yourself to build your own identity, distinct from your mother's influence. This process can enhance self-esteem and facilitate personal growth. While this part can also be scary it is essential to know what your own wants and needs are. A good trained therapist can help.
Professional Support Matters: Seek guidance from a certified specialist in the field. Professional counselling provides a safe space to explore emotions, build coping strategies, and foster healing. We at Keep’N It Real Solutions make getting specialized quality help easy.
Bonus Tip: Embrace Self-Compassion and Forgiveness: Practice self-compassion—a journey of understanding and treating yourself kindly. Please know that forgiveness does not mean acceptance. No one should tolerate or allow abuse. Learning to forgive things that we can, or even ourselves for that matter, can be liberating, and allow you to release the emotional burdens of the past.
Remember, the journey towards healing from "The Good Daughter Syndrome" is both personal and intricate. Your role involves compassion, patience, and non-judgmental understanding towards yourself. Always prioritize your well-being and your pace in addressing this challenging dynamic.
The Good Daughter Syndrome is a complex phenomenon that many daughters can relate to. Balancing the desire to be a responsible family member with the need for self-care is a journey that requires self-awareness, courage, and a willingness to prioritize one's own well-being. By recognizing the syndrome's influence and taking proactive steps to break free from its grip, daughters can create a healthier and more fulfilling life that aligns with their authentic selves.
Feeling alone? I got you covered. My next and final segment I will give you my open letter to you and all the clients I serve in coping with and healing from the devastating and often silent and multilayered effects of being a daughter of a narcissistic mother.
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Your well-being is at the heart of this comprehensive program, carefully designed to guide you through a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. It is an opportunity to break free from the shackles of narcissistic abuse and forge a new path toward the life you truly deserve.
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Malissa Veroni, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Malissa Veroni is the founding CEO and lead therapist at Keep’N It Real Solutions. For the past 15 years Malissa has been a foot soldier in the field of social work; teaching, and serving students and clients alike. She is a published author, mentor, and mental health therapist who focuses on combining theory, practical approach and individual quality holistic care to help clients heal and grow from a variety of concerns. Malissa is known as a specialist in the field of Narcissistic Abuse, Intimate Partner Violence, the LGBTQ2s Community, and in Sex Therapy. She is also a Designated Capacity Assessor and a mentor to several social workers worldwide.
