Motherhood is the Ultimate Yoga Practice

Motherhood according to Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras 8 Limbs of Yoga

I thought of myself a yogi. And then I became a mother. Now I practice real yoga. The yoga of living. Becoming One With the exercise of day-to-day life. Simply being with my Little One; doing the daily life thing–this is real yoga. But I practice yoga with even more broadened awareness now. She is like my other set of eyes. Ears. Limbs. Emotions. Impulses. And it’s my job to be aware of them, soothe them, nurture them, and console them when needed. 

It’s easy to meditate in a cave. Can you meditate in the world? We need to give our brains a “bone to chew on,” as my Ayurveda Teacher Katie Silcox would say. 

Yoga comes from the sanskrit word yuj, meaning to yoke or join–like yoking two yaks together to pull a carriage with greater force. We live in a paradoxical world, a world of duality, of masculine/feminine, good/bad, right/wrong, student/teacher, love/hate, the list goes on. The yogi chooses the middle path. The yogi sees things from all sides. The yogi brings a world of duality into unity, oneness, samadhi. The yogi is both the student and the teacher. “I am the Sadhak (student),” as my great sutras teacher in India, Seema would say. 

As a mother, we are in the weeds every day, 24/7. If we’re lucky, we have supportive caregivers (dads, aunties, daycare, etc.). Ultimately, we are the heads of households. We set the tone for the family. We set the moral, ethical, integrous standard. I think the great Patanjali would be applauding all mothers. It’s like he wrote these sutras for us. (Or maybe we wrote them for him.) Either way there’s no denying, Motherhood is the ultimate yoga practice.

Here are the Yoga Sutras according to Patanjali, interpreted as a mother because I’ve been there

1. The first limb of yoga is called the Yamas, or restraints

Restrain from reaction. Restrain from anger. Restrain from frustration. Restrain from reacting when all the toilet paper got unrolled and put in the toilet one day. There are 5 kinds of Yamas according to Patanjali:

• Ahimsa (Non-violence): restrain from getting angry or lashing out, especially when the diaper blowout happens right as your boarding group is called to board the plane and your carry-on bag doesn’t fit in the overhead bin space, so all your spare clothes are now checked to the final destination.

• Satya (Non-lying): children are sponges and truly psychic. They know when something is wrong. There’s no hiding the truth. To embody truth is satya. Children will call you out on your BS. Own it. 

• Asteya (Non-stealing): This is the ethics of childrearing. Do not steal their youth. Let them flourish in their own way.

• Brahmacharya (Non-sex): Conserve your energy, so you can keep up with these kiddos! The goal is actually to build your energy back up, so you have the juice to enjoy sex again… and again and again!! It doesn’t happen right away. It might even take a year or longer. But trust the process. Nourish yourself, mama. This is how you build yourself up again. You gotta enjoy it.

• Aparigraha (Non-possessiveness): Let go of control. You will feel so much better (and so will your kids!) when you release the need to control or dominate everything and everyone around you. Let them. Let it be. Let them be free. Create a safe environment of course, and communicate when there is a real safety concern. Kids are smart. They need to explore the world. Our job is to welcome them into the world and let them live.

2. The second limb of yoga is called the Niyama, or non-restraints, aka things that need to get done

There are also 5 of them. Number one is take care of yourself, mama. Fill your cup. Put on your own mask first. If you aren’t healthy, then everyone around you suffers. Set yourself up for success. Give yourself permission. Self-care is not selfish. It is healthy. Eat a piece of chocolate. You deserve it.

1. Saucha (Purity + Cleanliness): Cultivating inner and outer cleanliness, both physically and mentally, by examining and eliminating habits that no longer serve us. Cleanse your system. Cleanse your mind. Take showers. Yoni steam. Sitz baths. Massage yourself and your baby with globs of fragrant oil. I looove to do this DAILY, sometimes twice.

2. Santosha (Contentment): Accepting and appreciating what we have, finding happiness in the present moment, and cultivating a sense of gratitude. You will never have a regret in your life. Love this precious time. “The nights are long. But the years are short,” said a man to me at the bus stop one day. I heard this in my bones.

3. Tapas (Self-Discipline): Developing discipline, persistence, and courage to overcome obstacles and challenges, both internally and externally. You need to have the austerity to put food on the table. Take radical responsibility and control your emotions. Process your emotions. Take care of yourself. Nourish yourself. Self-improve every day. Do it for you. Do it for your baby.

4. Svadhyaya (Self-Study): Engaging in self-reflection, studying oneself, and exploring the inner world to deepen understanding and wisdom. Our children are our Karma. They will trigger us. This is your opportunity for your baby (and your family) to reflect back to you your own issues and triggers, especially around parenting. What are your default patterns? 

5. Ishvara Pranidhana (Self-Surrender): Surrendering to a higher power or a higher self, letting go of attachments and expectations, and aligning oneself with a greater purpose. This is #1–surrender and self-care.. If childbirth teaches us anything, it is this. We are all doing our best. 

3. The third Sutra is Asana, or posture or bodily form

Practice the pose you want to take when preparing for birth, for giving birth, & toning after birth. Master the asana of the left-handed-toddler-hold while cooking, and you have my attention. Even if you have just 30 seconds, you can have a yoga practice. It might look like chair pose, actually sitting in a chair because you’ve been on your feet cleaning all damn day. I support that.

4. The fourth Sutra is Pranayama, or breath control

“As the breath so the mind,” as my former teacher Rod Stryker would say. Pro Tip: Left nostril breathing is so good for cooling the body, activating our feminine, staying in our feminine, and invoking the energy of the moon. There’s no need to control or get upset (even for good reason!). The Universe is unfolding perfectly. Take a deep breath. You’re doing a great job.

5. The 5th Sutra is Pratyahara, or sensory withdrawal

With so many emotions, stimulation, and exhaustion, this practice becomes ever more important. Take your focus inward. Your R&R time during nap time is paramount.

6. The 6th sutra is Dharana, or concentration

It’s divine focus. See the beauty in every single thing around you. Beauty is everywhere. Focus on it. Create your reality. Focus on the things that really matter. Like remembering to wear deodorant.

7. The 7th Sutra is Dhyana, or meditation

Not just like “ommmm, I’m zoning out the world,” It’s actually a living meditation. Living life in flow. The art of simply being One with everything, removing the separateness, blame, shame, guilt; getting out of your head, into the body, and seeing without seeing. Expanding your awareness. This can happen as readily as doing the dishes.

8. Lastly, Samadhi is complete absorption

Like the feeling of your body melting into the pillow. This is where the weight of the world gets dissolved. Trauma from our foremothers. From childhood. From birthing. From just LIFE! We dissolve into the soup of the universe, of oneness, and our tissues can let go of our past.

There you have it. The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali as a mother. If you can master this, you are one Divine Mother.