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Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who Is The Barest Of Them All?

Written by: Dr. Jackie Lau, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


Projection is one of the commonest psychic phenomena…Everything that is unconscious in ourselves we discover in our neighbour, and we treat him accordingly…. Not that these others are wholly without blame, for even the worst projection is at least hung on a hook, perhaps a very small one, but still a hook offered by the other person.” ― Carl Jung

What we see in others often serves as a reflection of our relationship with ourselves ‒ the way we connect with others starts with connectedness within.

Let’s suspend any resistance and skepticism for a moment, and be open to the idea that, given the same life experiences, past conditioning, core values, level of consciousness, we would all do exactly the same as another.

To be more specific, what if our tendency to externalize our source of discomfort is the cause AND result of emotions that have been repressed, suppressed and avoided? And the resistance to look within is putting us at a default state of heightened involuntary reactivity? Hence more vulnerable to the temptations of separateness and further externalization?

We therefore see the world through the lens of our unresolved emotions, and are ready to identify anything as triggers for us to react to, as means to release some of the constant tension that we feel. This projection mechanism is often manifested as externalization of the disconnection we feel with ourselves on the inside – subconsciously or unconsciously, we set heavy boundaries with others in order to normalize a sense of disintegration with ourselves.

When you squeeze an orange, you'll always get orange juice to come out. It doesn’t matter who does the squeezing. What comes out is what's inside.” ― Wayne Dyer

Here is an example of a common pattern we go into for nursing our sense of otherness: in order to avoid confronting our inner issues, we create mental scenarios where we conclude another’s identity through selectively labeling their momentary expressions, to which we felt victimized. We then get fixated on our version of the story through perpetually casting ourselves as the victim and avoidance of confrontation with another, for consideration and understanding of another’s perspectives in a real conversation may threaten the sense of significance we get from blaming. In time, to stay in the “at effect” position and escape from external and internal confrontation, we go into false acceptance and generalize this projection as the nature of the world.

We have all heard “It is what it is. I have tried and some people are just like this. I pick my battles…with some people, you just have no control.”

What if, as the law of attraction puts simply, because we reject and avoid ourselves, we perceive others as rejecting and avoiding us. We are then triggered to reject and avoid others first before feeling our own rejection and avoidance. It is almost like a “self”-regulating feedback loop.

Eventually, the progressive externalization of our feelings and experiences becomes some type of social conditioning in our society ― we all live in a big bubble of choppy connections derived from self-denial packaged as political correctness, comprising smaller isolated bubbles of individuals tiptoeing around shinny mirrors of self-reflection.

Expanding awareness to the impersonal oneness

When I stop believing in opposites, I see myself in all.

Have you ever wondered, that everything we say, know and do is picked up from someone and somewhere else, in order to socialize and be socialized, to condition and re-condition, to learn and unlearn? There is no such actual thing as “my” rituals, “my” ways, “my” life. We all exist in relation and connection to the ever-evolving everything else.

There come to the questions “Must I fear what others fear?” “Are my fears even mine?” “If not, where did I pick them up and when do I put them down?”

Consider that – change is natural. There is actually immense energy going into staying the same in stagnation, into resisting the natural waves of change and the rhythm of nature.

Perhaps, ‘I invented nothing’ is a helpful reminder for an ongoing return to flexibility and sensitivity to life.

Since all human experience comes from within, what if we can turn our strength and effort for self-protection and survival reinforcement into power for Self-awareness and unity?

First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.” ― Donovan Leitch, inspired by Qingyuan Weixin

Unity and oneness are not defined or potentiated by the lack of diversity, or fear of differences, it is an innate place of raw peace and creation that we spontaneously return to, where ego dances, openness and love shines ― all part of the divine play.

Through profound introspection on the paths to inner freedom, one can realize the kind of transcendent connection with the infinite oneness that is within all of us, through which we can connect with each other in a different way, collectively we can have a different kind of power.

With great power comes great responsibility.” ― François-Marie Arouet (or Uncle Ben in Spider-Man)

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Dr. Jackie Lau, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Dr. Jackie Lau is a neuroscientist and an experienced international life coach, who is fascinated with human behaviors and the mechanisms underlying our mental and emotional states. With a deep appreciation for the integrative approach of modern psychology, neuroscience and spirituality, Jackie is a top life coach in Australia and has co-created with people all over the world to radically transform into more self-awareness, sense of purpose and inner freedom.

Jackie is trained as a strategic interventionist and breakthrough specialist with Robbins-Madanes Training directed by Tony Robbins, which combines effective techniques evolved from neurolinguistic, psychological, and therapeutic inter-disciplines. As a curious researcher, Jackie completed her Ph.D. in neuroscience at the Garvan Institute of Medical Research, Sydney Australia, studying the neural circuits governing motivation and reward. She is currently researching on neurodegenerative diseases, with a focus on Alzheimer’s disease, investigating the molecular basis relating neuroplasticity to cognition.

Leveraging her diverse cultural background, Jackie is profoundly devoted to studying Eastern and Western philosophy and literatures, learning transformative wisdom from influential life strategists and spiritual teachers. In the fervency of her gratitude, for over a decade, she earnestly empowers people from all walks of life to live our authentic virtuous Self and commit to becoming love. Through ingenious modalities including mindset transformation and meditation, Jackie is inspired to cultivate our connection to a deeper world, one that nourishes our spiritual heart rather than feeds our time-bound predicament of patterns, one that channels our fear of pain into lasting pull to joy, appreciation, and peaceful presence.

Jackie loves the art of music and dance. She is trained as a classical violinist from a young age, later on discovered her passion in classical guitar, and has also been a dedicated hip-hop dancer and instructor since her college years. Her creative journey has never ceased to open doors for the extraordinary in the ordinariness of life.

Jackie’s vision is to co-create with the human family, as part of nature, to tune in consciously and align with our thoughts, emotions, actions, to live passionately and playfully with full presence.



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