Learning to Forgive Those Who Have Backstabbed You
Lana Duncan-Hartgraves is an author, psychic medium, animal communicator, hypnotist, and Reiki master who integrates spirituality into daily life. Through her books, the 5D Pioneer podcast, retreats, and readings, she helps others achieve higher consciousness and healing.
There’s a unique kind of pain that comes from being betrayed by someone you trusted. It doesn’t matter whether it was a friend, family member, or coworker, the sting cuts deep because betrayal violates something sacred: your faith in another human being.
But here’s the truth, few people tell you, holding onto that pain only anchors you to the moment it happened. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the person who hurt you. It’s about freeing yourself from the emotional chains they left behind.
1. Acknowledge the wound without shame
When you’ve been backstabbed, it’s easy to question yourself. “How didn’t I see it coming?” or “Maybe I deserved it.” Stop right there. You didn’t deserve it. Recognizing that you were hurt is not weakness, it’s honesty. Healing starts with acknowledging what actually happened, without minimizing it or masking it with false positivity.
2. Understand that forgiveness is for you, not them
Many people think forgiveness means letting the other person “off the hook.” But it’s really about taking the hook out of your own heart. When you forgive, you’re saying, “I refuse to let your actions define my peace.” You can forgive and still choose to never trust that person again. You can forgive and still keep your distance. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two completely different things.
3. Feel the emotions fully
Anger, sadness, disbelief, grief, all of these emotions are valid and necessary. Don’t rush to forgive before you’ve processed the pain. Let yourself cry, journal, talk to someone you trust, or even scream into a pillow if you need to. Energy moves through acknowledgment, not suppression.
4. Step back and see the soul lesson
Every betrayal teaches something. Sometimes it’s discernment. Sometimes it’s self-worth. Sometimes it’s learning that your intuition was right all along. From a spiritual lens, those who hurt you may actually serve as catalysts for your growth. Their betrayal forces you to stand taller in your truth and set stronger energetic boundaries.
5. Release the need for closure
One of the hardest lessons is realizing you may never get an apology, explanation, or sense of justice. Closure rarely comes from others, it comes from within. When you say, “I release this situation, I no longer need answers,” you reclaim your energy and let the universe handle the rest.
6. Choose peace over bitterness
Bitterness may feel powerful at first, but it slowly poisons your joy. Peace, on the other hand, nourishes your spirit. You can still remember what happened without reliving it. You can acknowledge the betrayal without becoming defined by it.
7. Trust has been depleted, but not completely deleted
You also need to know when "not" to go back for more or when to give them a second chance. Use the “pit of the stomach” as your guide. Some things to ask yourself: How bad was the betrayal? How many more times are you allowing this betrayal? Are you done? As I said before, what are your boundaries?
The takeaway
Forgiving those who have backstabbed you doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise. You rise not by pretending it didn’t happen, but by refusing to let it darken your light. Every scar can become a symbol of strength, a reminder that even when others tried to break your spirit, you chose love, peace, and freedom instead.
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Lana Duncan-Hartgraves, Master Psychic Medium/Lifecoach
Lana Duncan-Hartgraves is an author, psychic medium, animal communicator, hypnotist, and Reiki master who integrates spirituality into daily life. Through her books, the 5D Pioneer podcast, retreats, and readings, she helps others achieve higher consciousness and healing. On her hobby farm in Wisconsin, she cultivates gardens, raises animals, and is developing an equine therapy and rescue center, creating a sanctuary where people and horses can heal together.
