Is the Grass Always Greener on the Other Side? How to Break Free From FOMO
- Mar 16
- 9 min read
Written by Michal Ravid Vrabel, Lawyer & Life Coach
Michal is a lawyer and a life coach. A former criminal defense attorney, who spent the vast majority of her professional life in courtrooms, she has encountered all walks of life. The founder of Pathways Life Coaching, she now focuses extensively on success mindset coaching, personal and professional relationship coaching, and end-of-life coaching.
The allure of the unknown has been the driving force behind desires, cravings, romanticizing, and wishing for more in our pursuit of a better journey and existence.
As this beautiful force can catalyze to improve and enrich our everyday lives, it can also become a significant hurdle in our life’s journey. We shift our focus from the positive drive within us, from gratitude for all that we do have, to a negative, consuming vortex. This vortex stems mainly from external stimulations and often a distorted vision of reality.
If, in the ancient world, Roman poet Ovid wrote: “The harvest is always richer in another man’s field,” recognizing the human tendency to believe that other people’s lives are better than their own, it seems as though a similar notion, known today as the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO, as Patrick J. McGinnis coined the phrase), has continuously woven into the fabric of society. It covertly dominates far more decisions than we may consciously be aware of. This concept has become an obstacle to our acceptance, self-worth, and overall well-being. It creates a hurdle in our connections and relationships, both personal and professional, and even a barrier to our success in life.
As a romantic myself, who strives to touch the unknown and reach new peaks in life, whether it be through pursuing knowledge, advancing in my career, taking chances and stepping outside of my comfort zone, or bettering my personal relationships and experiences in life, just as we are all driven by the desire to seek greater heights and better outcomes, I am confident in saying that we have all experienced the consuming FOMO.
While FOMO can offer some positive aspects, motivating us to achieve more, it also creates a volatile dichotomy. Thus, we must assess the potential benefits of distancing ourselves not just from FOMO, but also from any life-changing decisions fueled by the main emotion that nourishes FOMO: fear itself.
What is FOMO, and why has it taken center stage in our modern life?
Although FOMO has been defined only in the last few decades, its impact on our everyday lives has been affecting humans for a long time.
Human beings, at their core, are social creatures who seek connections and relationships, a sense of community, and a sense of belonging.
While in ancient times, these fundamental needs stemmed from a primal survival necessity, there is no doubt that the wish to belong and be part of something bigger than oneself has remained a strong desire amongst a growing majority of people to this day.
Unfortunately, paralleled with the desire to belong, there is also the natural wish not to miss experiences that others might experience, not to miss out on having certain possessions that others acquire, or, in short, to make sure that our grass is as green, or even greener, than our neighbors’.
The rapid advancement of technology over the last few decades, specifically the influx of vast amounts of information into our everyday lives and the speed at which it comes to us, has significantly impacted FOMO among us and its spread, from young to old.
Indeed, FOMO has further entrenched itself in the current dialogue, as more people have been impacted by the never-ending flow of information, from news to currency, to different styles and opportunities, to different desirable posts and “shares,” published events, vacations, and interactions of others who broadcast their lives on digital platforms.
With so much information, it is harder to resist the lingering thoughts that arise, prompting us to question our place in this world, our life journey compared to others’, and whether we were left out or robbed of certain experiences.
Nevertheless, I do often wonder, is the FOMO truly justified? Is the picturesque life that is broadcast to us via the digital world real, or might it be an illusion? And even if some of the images that we are exposed to do reflect one’s reality, is this the kind of reality we should seek for ourselves?
And from one wonder to another, in the face of boundless data, images, and opportunities that are presented to us via the flow of information, are we asking ourselves the right questions, or are we the ones putting obstacles within our own paths?!
The correlation between negative questioning and FOMO
So often, we get caught up in the race of life that we lose sight of what really matters or how best to reach our goals. I strongly believe that taking a pause and asking the right questions will help us gain clarity, better vision, and a more successful approach across all aspects of our lives.
But beware, there is a crucial distinction between the healthy practice of questioning, whether it be ourselves, our reality, or others around us, as will be further discussed, and the negative side of questioning.
This side feeds the monster of FOMO, manifesting as second-guessing and negative criticism of our own feelings, thoughts, actions, and decisions. The questioning that leads to the glorification of others’ realities, without the assurance that those realities are, in fact, real.
In my personal journey, I have experienced both sides of the coin, and the results were astonishingly different.
Unfortunately, and as much as I hoped to avoid negative questioning, and even as I made a conscious decision for many years to avoid the social media circuit, I was no stranger to the struggle with negative questioning, which has led me to judge my own reality falsely and increased my feeling of FOMO.
As I was distracted at times by the flood of information and thoughts of others who were experiencing different journeys than mine, my focus shifted from my own journey, paths that I chose, priorities that I set for myself, my own convictions and decision-making process, to lingering self-doubt and decreasing confidence at times with my own self. Alas, perfection is unachievable. It is a mirage, and I, too, have fallen victim to its intoxicating allure.
The negative effects of FOMO
Much has been written about the negative effects of FOMO and the bleak impact of information flow and increased social media use in the modern world.
I would like to highlight the main negative implications of FOMO that I have witnessed firsthand in my work and personal experiences.
Increased anxiety, stress & emotional distress: As people’s eyes wander in the direction of others’ milestones, achievements, and life events, it can create an anxious feeling and growing doubt about one’s own life, direction, and fulfillment. Moreover, even though some of the people I have encountered have led fulfilling lives, the notion of boredom and loneliness often arose as they were entangled in others’ experiences, rather than finding conviction and happiness within their own.
Decreased life satisfaction: If one is constantly convinced that their neighbors’ grass is greener, can one truly enjoy their own piece of land? In other words, when one is constantly driven to compare their authentic reality with what they believe others’ reality is, or when one is entangled in the modern consumer marketplace, which is designed to drive this fear of missing out, reduced enjoyment of one’s current choices and present reality will increase.
Sleep disturbances: As someone who had insomnia for a great part of their life, and as I have experienced the negative side effects of it in my overall well-being, I have noticed time and time again this common and bothersome side effect amongst people whose FOMO has taken over them. The compulsive use of digital devices and “doomscrolling” has literally crept into their bedrooms, disrupting their sleep. This, combined with the emotional side effects of FOMO, as mentioned above, has been directly correlated with their declining emotional state, with all that it encompasses.
Productivity decline: The more one gets preoccupied with FOMO, the less present and mindful one will be in their own pathway of life. Thus, a notable decline in productivity will follow; instead of channeling focus and energy on the tasks ahead, giving our own thoughts, values, and decisions the center stage, whether it be work-related or within our personal realm, we find ourselves consumed by the speed of information, which catalyzes the fear that we allow entering the equation.
Digital addiction: FOMO can create a vicious cycle that, ironically enough, draws one back to the exact catalyst that initiated this feeling originally, the constant search in the external sphere, instead of shifting the focus to the internal sphere of one’s own life and pathways.
Remember, we can be our own harshest critics! While self-observation and self-criticism, when done mindfully and non-judgmentally, can be a positive force in our self-growth and development, when FOMO dominates our landscape, the negative effects can hinder our state of mind and our belief in ourselves, and sabotage our life journey.
How to break free from FOMO
Breaking free from FOMO is not easy and will require time and adjustment. Still, it is worth it, as you should notice improvements in your overall well-being, sense of fulfillment, happiness, and gratitude in your own reality and life.
As I recommend to my clients as well as my personal circle, I strongly believe we should direct our attention, energy, and focus on the following: How can we find peace with who we are, the choices we make, and the life we lead?
Here are a few steps that should lead you in the right direction:
Minimize and eliminate the triggers
As one practices awareness, a sense of recognition should follow, and one should recognize the triggers to FOMO. The main goal should be to minimize or set boundaries on “screen” time and external information consumption while shifting focus and energy to one’s own journey, milestones, and achievements.
Practice mindfulness & self-acceptance
Try to be present in the moment, accept your reality, your own journey, values, and choices, and find a sense of appreciation and confidence in your own path.
On that note, I would strongly recommend adopting the practice of the three selves: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-reflection, daily (as described in my article: “How the Practice of the ‘Triangle of the Three Selves’ Can Guide You to the Path of Happiness”).
This practice can promote lasting inner stability and strengthen the belief in yourself and your journey, which should help in the fight against FOMO.
Practice healthy questioning
During the practice of “healthy” questioning, which should be done in an introspective, non-judgmental way, the focus should be on values and growth, on learning and promoting oneself, rather than blame or nurturing doubt. One can grow and advance, in both their professional career, and personal life, and eliminate FOMO through this practice.
I can attest that in the professional arena, healthy questioning has led me to improve my workspace, my relationships with peers, colleagues, and clients, and to develop my skills, take chances I might not have, and strive to achieve new heights on a meaningful, constructive path.
Within my personal sphere, I noticed significant self-growth, emotional awareness, and improvement in my relationships with my life partner, my kids, family members, and friends as I practiced healthy questioning and focused on my journey, my pathways, and not others’.
Practice gratitude
At the end of the day, this specific practice, which I encourage everyone to do daily, will not only break the ties from FOMO, but should improve one’s mood, increase happiness and joy, enhance one’s relationships, and even promote better physical health.
As gratitude is all about being thankful and appreciative of all that we do have, I found inspiration in the words of Greek philosopher Epictetus: “He is a wise man who does not grieve for things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”
On a personal note, as I mentioned in my last article, as my husband has been battling terminal cancer in the last two years, this practice of gratitude, which we have all adopted and implemented in our daily routines, has been a game-changer in our perspective and our overall well-being, as we all are fighting this great battle for life.
Not only did it help us cope with this harsh reality, but it has also helped us eliminate FOMO from our thoughts and feelings, especially as we had to change our everyday lives and avoid or adjust certain activities and experiences.
With a whole heart, through the practice of gratitude, we have learned to appreciate every moment, be grateful for the little joys in life, and disconnect from the search outward and find peace and happiness from within.
Do not waste your life feeling as if you are missing out! Instead, live, love, carve your own path with your own goals and desires in mind, and be grateful for every moment and for all that you do have.
You will gain a sense of power, confidence, joy, and satisfaction with your own choices, and you will be able to focus on your own journey and goals.
Should you need more guidance and coaching, schedule your free initial consultation with me today here. Or contact me directly via my email.
Read more from Michal Ravid Vrabel
Michal Ravid Vrabel, Lawyer & Life Coach
Michal is a life coach with an integrated approach, guiding clients towards discovering their true, authentic self, including bringing their true inner strength and wisdom to fruition. The founder of Pathways Life Coaching, she has a professional background in criminal, public, and international law, with extensive experience as a criminal defense attorney. Michal's mission is to guide her clients into a successful path in their life's journey, thus creating a unique, tailored coaching plan for every client, from CEOs of hedge funds, corporate group coaching, personal coaching, with a focus on success mindset, improving and enhancing personal and professional relationship,s and end-of-life coaching, for terminally ill patients and caregivers.
