How the Practice of the “Triangle of the Three Selves” Can Guide You to the Path of Happiness
- 10 hours ago
- 10 min read
Written by Michal Ravid Vrabel, Lawyer & Life Coach
Michal is a lawyer and a life coach. A former criminal defense attorney, who spent the vast majority of her professional life in courtrooms, she has encountered all walks of life. The founder of Pathways Life Coaching, she now focuses extensively on success mindset coaching, personal and professional relationship coaching, and end-of-life coaching.
In the great journey and sometimes stormy seas of man’s life, perhaps the finest thing that we long and crave for is that eternal beauty that is happiness, forever calling our name, but seemingly a universe away.
We are all no strangers to this struggle. I, myself, have struggled throughout different junctures of my life with the pursuit of happiness.
As I spent the majority of my professional life as a lawyer, I faced the constant challenge of finding the ideal work-life balance, along with the guilt and unhappiness that sometimes arose as I had to prioritize and create harmony between the two. As a criminal defense attorney, there was always the chase after an acquittal or a better plea deal.
In my personal life, there were other struggles that threatened to hinder my sense of happiness, from challenging relationships, the transition to motherhood, dealing with aging parents, and the most challenging of all, the devastating diagnosis of my beloved husband, who is bravely fighting terminal cancer, a battle that my family and I live through to this day.
In my body of work, I do find a common desire amongst individuals from all walks and creeds of life, the desire to find happiness and joy, something that we all too often feel as though is missing from valuable avenues of our lives.
As a seeker of happiness, and one whose goal is to help others in their pursuit of it, I would like to open the window to some of the origins of human’s pursuit of happiness, the struggle that we face in navigating between the external and the internal forces that influence our state of happiness, and from there, I will give you a glimpse into a crucial component that I have developed with myself, as well as during my work with other a component that can serve as a pivotal catalyst in the pursuit of happiness the practice of what I refer to as “The Triangle of the Three Selves”.
A brief review of the pursuit of happiness throughout history
From the dawn of time, human beings have been pursuing happiness in different ways, shapes, and forms. While ancient Greek philosophers, such as Aristotle, viewed happiness as “Eudaimonia,” not a fleeting emotion, but a lifelong state of well-being, living a purposeful life and a flourishing one, Far Eastern philosophers, such as Confucius and Lao Tzu, focused on the cultivation of inner peace, contentment, and finding fulfillment from within, rather than from external pursuit.
Furthermore, the pursuit of happiness was also not lost on nations around the world, who recognized it as a value to pursue and protect.
While the United States 1776’ Declaration of Independence recognizes the unalienable rights of “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”, other countries followed suit, some within their constitutions such as South Korea’s article 10 of the amended constitution from 1987, which guarantees human dignity, worth and the right to pursue happiness for all citizens, or Japan’s article 13 of the 1946 constitution, which embraces the pursuit of happiness as a supreme consideration in legislation and in other governmental affairs while others, such as many European countries, have embraced the pursuit of happiness not through a single constitutional right, but rather by prioritizing holistic well-being, through robust welfare apparatuses, prioritizing work-life balance and well-being as a goal incorporated through other legislation and agendas.
Moving on to current modern times, as I ponder the concept of happiness, I cannot help but mention the renowned professor of psychology, Dr. Martin Seligman who is considered by many the founder of positive psychology whose “PERMA” model, expressed so eloquently in his 2011 Book “Flourish”, served as both an inspiration to me and many others, Seligman formulated the five core elements for a flourishing, fulfilling and happy life. These virtues were in this successive order and harmony: positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishments.
So, there is no doubt that happiness has been occupying the minds of humans for a long while, as it has been a goal and a marker for a well-balanced life and a satisfying existence. Nevertheless, if the concept of happiness has been around for as long as it has, I cannot help but wonder why so many of us proclaim not to be happy, or to not find happiness in our everyday lives? More so, where would be the best place to start our pursuit of happiness?
The “battle” between external & internal influences in the search for happiness
Throughout my life’s journey, and through the eyes of others, I have identified common threads that I believe hinder the desired outcome of happiness. One of these threads is the trend of people attaching their sense of happiness directly to external forces, rather than taking the time to examine their own state of mind, emotions, actions, and thoughts.
In the professional realm, happiness will often be measured by the position one holds, one’s compensation, the recognition at the workplace, or via one’s social standing amongst their peers.
In the personal realm, focusing on personal status, relationships with family members, friends, or significant others, and the state these relationships are in, will usually serve as a substantial indicator of one’s happiness, or lack thereof.
Another common thread I have identified in both the personal and professional realms is the noticeable trend of placing judgment on the external forces, including the people within them, as the grounds for unhappiness.
Furthermore, I found that people often mistakenly allocate their resources to the material realm, believing that expensive material possessions will elevate their happiness. Unfortunately, that is not usually the case, and in some instances, the dissonance between one’s possessions and their actual well-being will just intensify the notion of failure in the pursuit of happiness.
Living in our modern world, which offers so many external stimulations, attractions, and distractions, we often get caught up in this vicious cycle, convinced that the achievements and compensation attached to success will necessarily make us happier. In other words, we create a direct link between the external sphere and our inner happiness.
It did take me many years and life experiences to come to the conclusion, that happiness per se is not necessarily the end goal, but something that I wish to experience throughout my life journey, with the hope of making every moment count, I have also learned that I should not be shy in investing in my own self, recognizing my true authentic self, before I could reach this exhilarating feeling.
Therefore, I would suggest that before we strive to find happiness externally, and in order to be successful in our pursuit of happiness that will come to fruition in the external sphere of our life’s journey, one should find happiness internally, or more precisely, find happiness from within their own internal sphere, within their true, authentic selves.
What is the “Triangle of the Three Selves,” and how could it lead us closer to the path of happiness
During various interactions with people, I often offer to explore the practice of what I like to call the “Triangle of the Three Selves”, which is, in my humble opinion as I have seen many positive breakthroughs as it was embraced and practiced, a significant key to unlocking one’s true authentic self, one’s wisdom, potential and last but not least, one’s happiness from within.
The Three Selves are as follows: Self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-reflection.
The Three Selves do not stand alone but rather connect to each other and feed off each other. The Three Selves can serve as a crucial component in our search to not only better ourselves and our surroundings but also to better our life’s journey and get us one step closer to reaching our full potential, our goals, and dreams.
So, let’s dive into each of the Three Selves, explore their practice, and identify their relevance to gappiness.
How to reach self-awareness and why it is significant in our pursuit of happiness
Self-awareness is all about actively, yet quietly, observing and watching, examining one’s internal state, emotions, sensations, and thoughts. One must learn to look within themselves and truly understand their own strengths and weaknesses, beliefs, and values. One should also find out what brings them joy and happiness, and just as important, what does not.
It is a process, not an easy one at times, but a very rewarding one. It is an empowering method that will assist with the practice of self-reflection, lead to Self-Acceptance, and through that, improve one’s performance in all aspects of life, hence, getting one closer to the actual feeling of happiness, a better overall well-being, and leading one in the right paths towards reaching the desired destinations.
As I guide my clients in their practice of self-awareness, I explain that they should think about it as mapping out a road, their own personal road map. It is essential to identify the obstacles within oneself, as well as the qualities one can use to one’s advantage as they face life, their relationships, their work, and the people around them.
I can tell you that I came into my own authentic self, only as I dived into the practice of self-awareness, recognized my weaknesses, and acknowledged my strong suits. From there, it was easier for me to experience true joy and happiness, as this awareness also opened the door for self-growth and new opportunities.
I believe that this practice of self-awareness will lead to inner peace, help one find wisdom and strength within oneself, and, hence, enhance one’s sense of happiness.
On the practice of self-acceptance and the benefits that would follow
So, now that you have practiced self-awareness and acknowledged your emotions, thoughts, strengths, and weaknesses, it is time to work on self-acceptance.
I do find that this part of the triangle, the self-acceptance part, has significant importance and is a crucial key to one’s happiness and to one’s success in life.
During the practice of self-acceptance, we must embrace, accept, and appreciate all these aspects of our beings, including the qualities as well as the flaws, without judgment. An inability to do so might limit our growth, inner peace, and the happiness that we seek.
As we do so, we should be very compassionate with ourselves and avoid any negative self-talk. Through this process, one will foster a healthier self-image and build emotional resilience that will play a vital role as they approach life and its various encounters.
Note that, as flaws will also be acknowledged through this process, a path towards betterment of oneself will be carved, as the acknowledgement and acceptance of the flaws will exist alongside, in harmony, with one’s acknowledgement and acceptance of their qualities, which will assist one in the pursuit of self-growth, development, and improvement.
It is important to remember that no one is perfect, but it is also the imperfections, along with our qualities, that make us beautiful, whole, and unique!
I have no doubt, as I often remind not only my clients but also my loved ones, that only when we are able to be acceptable to ourselves will we be acceptable to others.
This self-acceptance will make a huge difference in the very way we carry ourselves through the different pathways of life, our professional lives as well as our personal lives.
When one learns to feel whole and accept oneself for who one really is, one can walk tall with confidence, a sense of peace and pride, and thus joy and happiness can follow.
On self-reflection and how it completes the “Triangle of the Three Selves”
Self-reflection is about taking the time to meditate, evaluate, and reflect on our own characteristics, actions, and behavior. As we do so, clarity and better vision should follow, and from there, we can tap into the desired happiness that we are seeking.
As I think of self-reflection, I cannot help but remember something that I was told years ago. It goes like this: “When you point a finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing right back at you.” Think about it, visualize it.
So often, in our pursuit of happiness, and as we feel as though we are failing to reach it, we tend to point the finger immediately at someone else, or something else that is happening in the external sphere of our lives.
What I have learned throughout my life experience, and even my pursuit of happiness, is that truth is imperative! One must be honest with themselves, take accountability, and not forget the three fingers pointing back at them. I can say that this practice has helped me significantly in multiple encounters, particularly when parenting teenagers. As I reflected on my own actions & emotions, I learned to handle trying situations with greater patience and understanding, thus, logical resolutions became easier to achieve.
Once one recognizes their own actions, reactions, and true emotions, clarity about the situation and a better understanding of the obstacles to happiness could follow, and so a path to happiness and better results in experiencing it should be within reach.
How will internal happiness impact the external sphere of our lives
As I have experienced it myself, I have also seen the quantum leaps that individuals experience, as well as cooperations that try to enhance their employees’ experiences, productivity, and happiness in the form of a better work environment and wellbeing of staff members, as the practice of the “Triangle of the Three Selves” is adopted and internalized.
I believe that the practices of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-reflection, which do require honesty, deep thinking, compassion, and understanding, can bring each and every one of us one step closer to finding the desired happiness, first and foremost, from within!
I maintain that the ripple effect of this newfound happiness from within extends to the external sphere of our lives, thereby enhancing our journey as a whole and our sense of happiness, specifically.
Remember, knowing oneself is wisdom! Accepting oneself is empowering! Reflecting on oneself and the different encounters in our everyday life is eye-opening and a way to master the best version of who we desire to be, how we want to view ourselves, and how we wish to be seen amongst others!
If you are ready to dive deeper into the practice of the “Triangle of the Three Selves,” If you are ready to explore the happiness from within, and let it shine into all the external avenues of life, I invite you to reach out for a one-on-one guidance, coaching and support, as a unique plan will be tailored according to your specific needs.
You can contact me directly via my email, michal@pathwayslifecoaching.com, or schedule your consultation with me here.
Read more from Michal Ravid Vrabel
Michal Ravid Vrabel, Lawyer & Life Coach
Michal is a life coach with an integrated approach, guiding clients towards discovering their true, authentic self, including bringing their true inner strength and wisdom to fruition. The founder of Pathways Life Coaching, she has a professional background in criminal, public, and international law, with extensive experience as a criminal defense attorney. Michal's mission is to guide her clients into a successful path in their life's journey, thus creating a unique, tailored coaching plan for every client, from CEOs of hedge funds, corporate group coaching, personal coaching, with a focus on success mindset, improving and enhancing personal and professional relationship,s and end-of-life coaching, for terminally ill patients and caregivers.
