How To Stop Comparisonitis And Be The Leader You Were Born To Be
- Jul 19, 2022
- 6 min read
Written by: Natalie Farrell, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Welcome to article 3. So great to meet you here on the page. Last month I published an article inviting you to consider how the tone of your voice is stopping you from getting clients in 2022 and today I want to investigate how the language of your past is inhibiting you from being the leader you were born to be.
In this article we will explore:
your usage of the word not within your sentences
the negative impact of not on your self-esteem
how to release the knots from your old language patterns
the negative impact of comparing ourselves to others
how to release these knots to create a free-flowing pipeline
Why do good opportunities always happen to other people and not me?
Many of my clients at the beginning of their business journey, experience overwhelming thoughts because they fall into the comparisonitis trap of comparing/marking their achievements with other people's progress and growth. This often leads to feelings of unworthiness which are less than helpful for us solopreneurs. These less than helpful feelings can manifest into their external world and get expressed through phrases such as:
Why do good opportunities always happen to other people and not me?
Why do they always get the promotion and not me?
My product has such worth and value to others why did it not get any sales?
Cultivating your difference - Time to let go of shame and untie the knots of blame
Each of the above sentences includes a not. I see these in a metaphorical sense of creating a knot within our own neurology. Language speaks to our unconscious mind. Neurological pathways are fired up each time we speak so let’s make the language we tell ourselves supersonic and power full.
If not, then…
The K(nots) from our past begin to transcribe themselves into the language of our present.
This creates language barriers within our own conscious and unconscious programming
The barriers attribute to us losing sight of the essence of our own incredible offerings as a Soulpreneur.
The restrictive conveyor belts of comparing ourselves to others
Here are three classic examples which keep people on their restrictive comparisonitis conveyor belts:
I have to earn money, or I will not be able to pay the bills/provide for my family.
I have to get my own home, or I will not be responsible for the future of my family.
I have to go to visit that friend even though I’m shattered, or she will not talk to me again.
Time to take responsibility.
To live a life fuelled by the soul, you need to begin to untie yourself from the stifling relationship known as comparisonitis.
He did it! She did it! They did it! He said! She said! Gets us nowhere quickly.
The (k)not of blame and shame plays out through comparing ourselves to others and judging others. When we blame others, it means we are attaching ourselves to an outcome.
Stop comparing yourself to others and start to respect the skin you are in
In this blame game, there is a perpetual push and pull energy between each party involved. The people involved are seeing one another as competition rather than equal beings with equal rights. This forms segregation both on an external and internal level.
The blame game has ruled our world now for centuries and it keeps people bound by a false identity driven by power and security. This false power feeds people into building a safety veil around them. This false veil of “conditioned” protection then builds around itself other protective layers of falsehood that act as a mirror for our behaviors, language, beliefs, and values.
Jo Gifford, content catalyst for change makers, author, poet, and podcaster in her article How To Grow Your Audience And Increase Connection (Without Algorithm Fatigue), offers us insight on how to find easy connections and delicious dialogue with the people we connect with.
How much more appealing does this sound? Rather than seeing people as competition, instead, we see them as co-creative partners?
She adds in regards to growing your audience, “One of the most cripplingly frustrating things you can do is to keep tying yourself in knots about how to keep up with the latest fads – how to do the best reels, how to get the most likes, how to increase engagement. But think about this: when was the last time you considered how much of this brings you joy? In fact, it's likely you've stopped connecting in a meaningful way at all, in search of the mirage of impact and influence.”
People Pleaser vs. Potent Partnership
When the conditioned behaviour escalates, we tend to become
detached from our soul’s purpose
disconnected from who we truly are
serve predominantly to please others
The above 3 behaviours of a people pleaser along with trying too hard and perfectionism traits, lead to one result. Disassociation through trying too hard to fit in. Or in severe cases of over-giving.
Burnout.
I know because I was this person. I worked myself to the bone. I very rarely went out with friends as I was so tired from working a 70-hour week.
I reached burnout. I had gifts to share with my friends. They wanted me out because I was playful and great to chat with. Yet I chose to work instead or crash alone from exhaustion. Until I asked myself these 3 questions:
Why was I denying myself this pleasure of connecting with others?
Where had my principles and values come from?
Where had I learned the behavior to work hard and then hide away harder in my beautiful flat, which I had bought myself at the age of 26?
This perpetual roundabout of working hard and hiding harder was making me miserable.
My ambitions were actually set so high that my own self-achievement perception was set at underachieving. This led to disappointment, which in turn fulfilled my self-fulfilling prophecy of feeling not worthy.
You are worthy without question.
Does the above belief sound familiar?
Are you aiming so high that you are hitting a brick wall and feeling like you are an underachiever?
Do you have a self-fulfilling prophecy you need to break through?
Is it time to identify the K(nots) within your language? And begin to lose the false attachment of comparing yourself to others? And untie those knots for your pipes and pipelines to flow freely?
Before article 4 comes out next month, I invite you to reflect upon the areas in your life where you may be stifling your gifts through comparing yourself to others. And turn the I am not worthy into I am worthy.
As you move through the next week, listen deeply to the way your internal dialogue leads you. No writing. Just listening. So you can begin to tune in to the inner dialogue and start to declutter and untie the knots within your own language patterns.
A simple exercise to untie the knots…
When you find a repeating not appearing in your language patterns catch it and begin to turn it around into a more useful self-talk behaviour.
I am not achieving the standard I thought I would be
Could change to
I am aware of my achievements this week and even though I wished for a different result I appreciate the learnings and efforts I made.
This way you can be proactive within your approach to changing what has and hasn’t worked for you and start to create a more free-flowing progression within your own self-assessment
OR
I am not good at that at all, and I feel I fail each time I try
Could change to
I am good at noticing where my skills need improving and love the principle that failure is feedback so am constantly learning from my own mistakes and happy to share this with my co-creative team
To find out more about how to grow rich through co-creation, visit my first article here and for those of you in need of some biz guidance seeking some answers to your Soulpreneur journey I have a delicious 3-minute quiz to help you on your way – take the quiz.
Follow me on Instagram, and visit my website for more info!
Natalie Farrell, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Natalie Farrell is a leader in voice activation, intuitive sound healing, and linguistic psychology. With an accomplished 20+ year background in singing, voice coaching, presenting, and writing her work with Solopreneurs acts as a catalyst for profound transformation guiding them to be fully visible within their field of expertise. In 2021, she published her first book, ‘Light The Way’ a powerful companion for modern-day change makers who are ready to go all-in and approach business and life in an unconventional way. Her mission: to release reverberant voices.
