How To Manage a Toxic Manager In Sheep’s Clothing
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 11
- 10 min read
Written by Gareth Edward Jones, Visionary Technology Leader, Environmentalist, And Social Impact Advocate
Gareth Edward Jones is a visionary technology leader with 20+ year of digital success, CIO Times Top 5 Business Leader, Executive Contributor for Brainz Magazine, UN SDG Advocate and Co-Founder of Lightrise, and Trustee of the Lightrise Foundation

I haven't always been the lightest of people. Youthful foolishness meant I had my fair share of stories, mistakes, and adventures with friends. But I always knew right from wrong, and on the small number of occasions when I did wrong, I deeply felt it, made a correction in my course, and did not go back.

In the film Rob Roy, his son asks, "What is honor?" The reply: "It's a gift a person gives himself." To identify that feeling I had inside, let's call it honor
What is a toxic manager?
As I've grown in my journey as a manager and leader, I've encountered people who didn't seem to know the difference between right and wrong. "You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs," they'd say. But humans aren't eggs. They're people with families, hearts, and lives.
Some (not all) of those managers took delight in a number of nefarious practices, including mocking the disabled, the LGBTQ+ community, the neurodiverse, people of other religions, and cheating on their partners, all in the name of being what they thought a “strong manager” should be. With hindsight, I should have fought harder. People like that need to be challenged. Left unchecked, they rise to power, managing others without the ethics required to deserve that responsibility. Worse still, they become leaders. You know the type, the ones that cast long shadows, which others follow, believing that’s the path to success, and what a strong leader looks like.
4 signs to identify toxic managers?
1. Pathological narcissists
Individuals whose personalities are dominated by an extreme sense of self-importance, entitlement, and a relentless need for admiration. They are profoundly selfish, often prioritizing their own desires and ambitions at the expense of others, with little to no regard for the emotional or psychological impact of their actions. Their sense of entitlement manifests in the belief that they deserve special treatment, unquestioning loyalty, and constant validation regardless of their actual contributions or behavior.
They are frequently obsessed with power and control, seeking positions or dynamics where they can dominate others, manipulate outcomes, and reinforce their inflated self-image. This obsession is often accompanied by grandiose fantasies and visions of unlimited success, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love that serve to shield them from feelings of inadequacy or vulnerability.
Perhaps the most damaging and distinguishing feature compared to that of just a visionary leader is their lack of empathy. Pathological narcissists struggle, or outright refuse, to recognize or care about the feelings, needs, or perspectives of others. This emotional detachment allows them to exploit, belittle, or discard people without remorse, especially when those individuals no longer serve their self-enhancing agenda. Relationships with pathological narcissists are often marked by emotional volatility, manipulation, and a cycle of idealization followed by devaluation and rejection.
2. Manic depressives
Manic depressives, or sometimes individuals who need help experiencing bipolar disorder, often endure intense and unpredictable mood swings that can significantly impact their behavior, decision-making, and interpersonal relationships. These mood shifts typically alternate between manic (or hypomanic) episodes that are characterized by elevated energy, impulsivity, and inflated self-confidence. Depressive episodes are marked by fatigue, hopelessness, and withdrawal. In a workplace context, these fluctuations can create a sense of instability and emotional chaos, both for the individual and their colleagues.
During manic phases, the individual may appear highly energetic, overly ambitious, or even euphoric, often taking on unrealistic workloads, making impulsive decisions, or overstepping professional boundaries. While this can sometimes be mistaken for high productivity, it may lead to disorganization, conflict, or burnout. In contrast, depressive episodes may result in missed deadlines, disengagement, or emotional unavailability, which can be misinterpreted as a lack of motivation or commitment.
The unpredictability of these mood states can strain team dynamics, especially if coworkers are unaware of the underlying condition. Emotional outbursts, inconsistent communication, or erratic performance may cause confusion or tension, particularly in high-pressure environments. Without appropriate support or accommodations, the workplace may become a source of stress, misunderstanding, and stigma for both the individual and their peers.
However, it's important to note that with proper diagnosis, treatment, and workplace support, individuals with bipolar disorder can manage their symptoms effectively and contribute meaningfully to their teams. Awareness, empathy, and structured support systems such as flexible scheduling, mental health resources, and open communication are traits of psychological safety that are key to fostering a stable and inclusive work environment.
3. Passive aggressive
Passive-aggressive individuals are often characterized by their avoidance of direct confrontation, yet they express their underlying resentment, anger, or resistance through indirect, obstructive, or subtly hostile behavior. Rather than openly voicing disagreement or dissatisfaction, they may malignly engage in behaviors that undermine others or sabotage outcomes in covert ways.
This can manifest as intentional procrastination, deliberate inefficiency, or withholding information or cooperation, all while maintaining a façade of compliance or politeness. For example, they might agree to complete a task but deliberately consistently miss deadlines, deliver subpar work, or “forget” critical details, creating frustration and confusion for colleagues or supervisors.
Their communication style is often marked by sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or veiled criticism, which allows them to express hostility while maintaining plausible deniability. Positioned in a dark way, this indirectness can erode trust and morale, as others may feel manipulated or gaslighted but struggle to pinpoint the source of the tension.
In group settings, passive-aggressives may resist authority or change by quietly undermining initiatives, spreading subtle negativity, or aligning with others in ways that create division. Their behavior can be particularly damaging in environments that rely on collaboration, transparency, and mutual accountability.
Importantly, passive-aggressive behavior often stems from deep-seated fear of conflict, low self-esteem, or a learned belief that direct expression of needs or emotions is unsafe or unacceptable. Addressing it effectively requires a combination of clear boundaries, assertive communication, and, when appropriate, supportive intervention or coaching to encourage healthier expression of emotions and needs.
4. Emotionally disconnected individuals
Emotionally disconnected individuals often struggle to recognize, understand, or express their own emotions, which can significantly impair their ability to form and maintain healthy interpersonal relationships. This emotional detachment may stem from a variety of factors, including early life experiences, trauma, cultural conditioning, or certain psychological conditions such as alexithymia. Regardless of the cause, the result is persistent difficulty in connecting with others on an emotional level.
In communication, these individuals may come across as cold, indifferent, or overly rational, even in situations that typically call for empathy or emotional sensitivity. They may avoid discussing feelings, dismiss emotional cues from others, or respond in ways that seem out of sync with the emotional tone of a conversation. This can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and a breakdown in trust, especially in environments where emotional intelligence is key to collaboration and leadership.
Their inability to express vulnerability or emotional nuance can also create barriers to intimacy and authenticity, both personally and professionally. Colleagues or loved ones may feel unheard, invalidated, or emotionally isolated, which can erode relationships over time. In group settings, emotionally disconnected individuals may struggle with conflict resolution, team cohesion, or providing meaningful support to others.
However, it's important to recognize that emotional disconnection is not always a deliberate choice. With self-awareness, therapeutic support, and emotional skills training, individuals can learn to better identify and articulate their feelings, develop empathy, and build more fulfilling connections. In the workplace, again, fostering a culture of psychological safety and emotional literacy can help bridge these gaps and support more inclusive, emotionally intelligent teams.
How does the toxic manager still thrive?
While I haven't fought every battle, I've maintained my integrity across careers in policing, education, and technology. Vocations that are sadly not untouched by such characters, as evidenced by stories in the news each year detailing how organizations are getting to grips with moving these types of people out of their employment. Sadly, in some cases, these individuals are rewarded and promoted for their behavior.
Chris Cancialosi writes in Forbes that while it's important to support underperformers, leaders must also balance their attention as focusing too much. Or worse still rewarding underperforming team members can demoralize high performers. Particularly true high performers feel their efforts are overlooked or unrewarded which will lead to you’re “A players” leaving.
I left multiple companies, as I'm sure many others have across the world. I didn't have the energy to fight against what I perceived as a violation of values important to me. That's not to say these organizations were wholly malign, as they weren't. On the front lines, they were often run by amazing, compassionate people. But those with ill intent sometimes had the loudest voices and stayed in post. Treating people as you want to be treated yourself is something that aligns with many of the world's beliefs and religions. Yet, simple as it is, it is often forgotten.
In environments where standards and values are not measured at an individual behavioral level, it's easy to see how underperformers can remain untouched. Even in organizations that shine brightly and aim to make a difference in this world, toxic managers still exist.
I’ve spent most of my career in, or around Human Resources (HR), and the reality is that HR, like most departments, is a process engine. Without the right values and frameworks, those supporting a company and its people are limited in making it as strong as it could be.
HR protects the organization, but that doesn't always include defending the vulnerable. Toxic managers sometimes remain protected through Non-disclosure agreements and other mechanisms. When this happens, those violators in post can feel emboldened by the process, while their low-grade actions continue to harm others.
Hopefully, somewhere along their path, they reflect on whether their choices were right or wrong, and whether their personal gift of honor and integrity remain intact.
Why are organizations still getting it wrong?
When I started my own company, I reflected deeply on why organizations so often fail on the people management front. I thought back over 20+ years of HR case management and the characters I'd encountered. I'd seen it in politics, the public sector, and business. It became clear: the Wolves of Wall Street didn't just live on Wall Street.
Some organizations have thought this through and embedded the right values at the heart of their mission. Take the United Nations and its values as an example, which also articulates the behaviors it looks for in individuals to support its values of Inclusion, Integrity, Humanity, and Humility.
However, when things go wrong, if an organization lacks a moral compass, HR doesn't know which way to turn. It just follows policy and the process plays out on repeat.
Thanks to my Mother’s diligent work on our family ancestry, I’m proud that somewhere tucked away in my family tree is George Loveless, one of the six Tolpuddle Martyrs. I spent some time this Spring understanding how he and his friends revolted against the inhumane treatment of workers at a time of starvation and destitution in the UK in the 1830s. These actions helped spark the Union movement. A movement that continues globally to this day to protect values and rights in workforces around the world.
To me, the missing piece was values with depth and humanity. Values that could serve as a moral compass from the start of a worker’s journey to their end.
It's well known that if you don't manage your organization's finances or culture, then things go awry. The same is true of your company values. Management of anything requires rules, boundaries, and the right people and processes to uphold them. We admire institutions like the Police, the Army, the Fire service, and Unions because we believe they maintain the highest standards of decency. We perceive them as organizations and institutions with a code and of honor. When we observe self-interest taking precedence and rules and values being broken, then trust erodes fast.
Why wolves are not a helpful comparison for toxic people
Wolves have long been used as metaphors in literature, folklore, and psychology—sometimes positively, but often negatively when describing toxic or negative people.
Organizations often do amazing work. But that work is eroded by toxic individuals. Calling them “wolves” does a disservice to the animal. As David Mech identified in his Book The Ecology of the Wolf in 1981. Real wolves care for their pack, including the vulnerable. They are loyal, entrepreneurial, and opportunistic. They show resilience, adapt to their environment, and solve problems with intelligence (Mech, 1981). Canis Lupus is a creature to be revered, and I've always held it close to my heart
I’ve been a toxic manager and want to change
In a world of wannabe wolves, be someone who embodies what a real wolf represents. Remember, your actions will be felt by your pack. Think about your institutional and personal values. Make them the essence of your surroundings. Build mechanisms to defend and uphold them, just like the people and organizations you most admire. Fight when your energy is well placed. Walk away when it's not. Treat yourself with the same self-love, compassion, and understanding that you would offer to a close friend who is in a similar situation and is trying to improve themselves When I was ten my Grandmother gave me this advice: Now that you are 10, you are like Big Ben, so before you say anything count to 10. Keep that in mind before responding.
What to do about your culture?
Raising awareness is the first step. This can be driven by managers individually, but it's more constructive to have a company approach where it's clear the importance of communication and dialogue in these areas is supported by top-level leadership.
People will need to consistently understand what being your best self looks like, with an equal measure of reward mechanisms for good behaviors and 'stick' mechanisms for those that consistently violate them, There is no quick fix to help bridge these gaps immediately, and one team away day is not going to fix things, this will require a concerted and applied systemic effort across a culture.
In conclusion, being able to recognize that your organization has a challenge is the first step, but it does need support from the top of the metaphorical pack.
Understand, together through worker engagement and consensus, what values are important to your organizational culture. Reflect on what makes a psychologically safe place for people to thrive, and engineer frameworks that identify what good behaviors look like to support these values, and what the systems, processes, and policies look like to defend them. Reach out to us for guidance and support in building a stronger tomorrow with an institutional culture driven by positive impacts.
Read more from Gareth Edward Jones
Gareth Edward Jones, Visionary Technology Leader, Environmentalist, And Social Impact Advocate
Gareth Edward Jones is a visionary technology leader, environmentalist, and social impact advocate with over two decades of experience at the intersection of people, purpose, and digital transformation. A CIO Times Top 5 Business Leader (2024–25), and Executive Contributor for Brainz Magazine. Gareth is the founder and CEO of Lightrise, where he champions ethical innovation, ESG-driven strategy, and inclusive technology solutions.