How Over-Achieving Mommas Burnout Behind Their Own Success, and How to Come Home for the Holidays

Written by Melissa Barnes, Legacy & Leadership Mentor

I help ambitious moms in business break through chronic exhaustion & invisible barriers, reconnect to who they truly are and rebuild what matters most, so they can live, love, lead, and build a legacy with no regrets.

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You are the CEO of your life. You built the dream. You run the business. You manage the missions. You carry the entire emotional ecosystem of your home and your family. On paper, you are a portrait of success, power, and high-functioning excellence. You have everything you said you wanted.

But the holiday season? It’s not magical. For the high-achieving momma, Christmas is just one more project to execute flawlessly. It’s the final, impossible deadline in a year already running in the red. And the quiet, terrible truth this season reveals is this.

You are disappearing in plain sight. You don't just feel tired, you feel like a ghost haunting the beautiful life you built. You are present in the logistics, the gifts, the travel, the meals, but you are absent in the moments that matter. It’s not because you don't care. It’s because you have been caring for everyone and everything else so flawlessly, for so long, that there is nothing left for the one person who needs it most, you.

I’ve spent two decades in death care, sitting in rooms where families tell the truth they never said out loud until it was too late. And I’ve learned the saddest stories are never about business failure, they are about disconnection. And nothing exposes that profound internal and relational disconnection quite like the spotlight of the holidays.

When the holidays hurt more than they sparkle

For the ambitious woman who lives in survival mode, the holiday season simply becomes a massive, glittering mirror reflecting all the places she has gone missing.

It might look like:

• No energy for the small things: You want to care, but the thought of crafting the gingerbread house feels like running a marathon. The kids ask to watch a movie, and you’re “too tired.” You scroll instead of sitting with your spouse. Every festive activity feels like one more task to get through instead of a moment to drop into.

• Overcompensating with gifts: Another year, another 4-figure Christmas, because deep down, you hope something wrapped in pretty paper might make up for the fact that your presence has been thin all year. This isn’t love, it’s guilt wrapped with a bow.

• No imagination for family fun: Your brain is so overloaded with business decisions, household logistics, and emotional labour that you can’t even think of a festive activity. The woman who could solve ten problems before breakfast suddenly can’t come up with one simple idea for a connection.

• The endless hustle: While everyone else slows down, you speed up. The lists grow. The expectations rise. You work harder to “earn” the rest, you never allow yourself to have.

• The comparison trap: You see other families participating in winter activities, and you wonder why you can’t seem to create that magic (or the energy). You judge yourself so harshly that you miss the moments you are making without even noticing.

• Dreading the holiday parties: Not because you’re antisocial, but because you’re tired of performing the version of yourself the world expects. Smiling when you’re empty. Making small talk when your heart just wants silence. You judge yourself because you never used to be this way - you were always a social person and could network like a boss, now - drumming up a 3-minute conversation before awkwardly wandering off into the distance feels like an overwhelming task.
  

This is the unseen pressure of the overachieving momma, the woman who is extraordinary in every room except the one inside herself.

The real reason behind it all: You’re disappearing inside the life you built

This isn’t burnout. This isn’t ‘you’re not fun anymore.' This isn’t you “not being festive enough.” This is something deeper, something I call The Ghost Pattern™. A silent loop successful women fall into when they begin disappearing behind their own achievements.

You’re successful on paper. But internally? You feel like you’re fading, fragmented, exhausted, you feel like you’re there, but not really there. Running the motions of a beautiful life, you can barely feel anything anymore.

The holidays don’t create this. They simply expose it. Because this season asks you to slow down and be present, and presence requires emotional capacity. Many women don’t realize they’ve hit the wall until December hits.

What if this holiday season could become the turning point?

Not with more gifts, not with a colour-coordinated tree, not with a perfectly curated family calendar. But with one quiet decision, to stop disappearing. And start returning to your life, to yourself, your home, your loved ones, your legacy.

Imagine a holiday where you don’t numb your way through the moments that matter. Imagine being fully in the room when your child whispers, “Momma, come see this.” Imagine laughing with your spouse instead of passing each other like business partners. Imagine feeling alive again, not because life slowed down, but because you stopped abandoning yourself inside it.

This is the core of my work with women around the world. This is why I built The RISE Method™, because legacy is not built when life ends. Legacy is built now, in December mornings, in messy living rooms, in tired laughter around the table, in showing up not perfect, but present.

Your family doesn’t need a more organized Christmas, they need you. The real you. The human you. The woman who remembers that the point of the holiday season is not performance, it's connection. This season, I’m inviting every ambitious momma reading this to pause, not for the holiday, but for yourself.

Ask yourself:

• Where am I disappearing?

• Where am I performing instead of feeling?

• Where have I stopped letting myself be here?

And then, choose differently. It doesn’t need to be perfect, it doesn't have to be IG picture perfect, it just has to be you, raw, unapologetically you. Because when you remember who you really are, you come home to everyone you love. And that is the kind of legacy they remember.

Fun, fail-proof connection guide

If you are really struggling, you aren’t alone. I’ve compiled a list of things you can easily do at home with your kiddos to create some joy, laughter & connection.

Fun, fail-proof Christmas craft

“The Memory Ornament” A 10-minute connection craft

This isn’t about glitter explosions or Pinterest standards. This is about presence, and this tiny craft helps the overachieving momma feel like she actually created a moment.

What you need (super simple):

• Clear plastic ornaments (from Dollar Store or Michaels)

• A few markers (metallic permanent sharpies work beautifully)

• A small strip of paper for each family member

• Optional: tiny beads, fake snow, ribbon

How it works:

1. Everyone gets one ornament. The kids, your partner, you, grandma, grandpa (everyone in the house).

2. Each person writes ONE meaningful moment from the year. A victory, a memory, a silly moment, something they’re proud of, or something that meant a lot.

3. Roll the paper and slip it inside. Add a sprinkle of beads, glitter, or faux snow, creating a snowglobe effect.

4. Label the ornament with the year.

5. Hang them together on the tree.

This craft becomes a moment, and it gives you honest and valuable insight to what is truly important to the people you love the most, this is a beautiful activity, not a chore.

“No-fail” Christmas cookie recipe

The 3-ingredient snowball shortbread (kid-approved, zero stress)

This is the cookie you make when you want the feeling of Christmas without the overwhelm.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup softened butter

• ½ cup powdered sugar

• 2 cups all-purpose flour

• Optional: 1 tsp vanilla, Extra powdered sugar for rolling

Instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C).

2. Cream butter and powdered sugar until light and fluffy.

3. Add flour (and vanilla if using). The dough will look crumbly. Keep mixing until it comes together.

4. Roll into 1-inch balls (kids love this part).

5. Place on a baking sheet and bake for 10–12 minutes. They should look pale, not brown.

6. Roll warm cookies in powdered sugar for the “snowball” effect.

Why is this perfect?

• It’s literally impossible to mess up.

• Kids can do 90% of it.

• The house smells like Christmas with almost zero effort.

• It creates a cozy, nostalgic moment, without draining the tank of a woman who’s already stretched thin.
  

This recipe isn’t about baking. It’s about slowing down long enough to create one small memory with the people you love. If you’re reading this and whispering, “This is me.” If the pressure, the guilt, the snapping, the exhaustion, all of it feels too close to home.

If the snapping, the guilt, the overwhelm, the emotional volatility are creeping in, if you are tired of being the Ghost in your own beautiful life, it’s time to recalibrate.

The Executive Mom Meltdown™, The Short Fuse Fix is your structured 5-day emotional reset. It's time to stop disappearing and reclaim the emotional presence your family deserves. Because leaders don’t quit, they recalibrate. Secure your spot in the Meltdown

Next: Just for you, I’ve created a Holiday Presence Blueprint to keep you grounded and ready to show up, no matter what the holidays throw at you. You’ll be ready!

The holiday presence blueprint

For the ambitious momma who’s tired of disappearing behind success, and ready to actually feel her life again this season. The holidays aren’t about the checklist. They’re not about the perfect tree or the colour-coded wrapping paper. They’re not about the menu, the parties, or the line of Christmas concerts we end up sprinting to after the 12-hour workday.

They’re about presence. About the woman your family actually wants, the real you. Not the tired, stretched-thin version performing the holiday dream. But the woman who breathes, feels, laughs, and lives inside the one you built.

This guide offers simple, heart-centered ways to reconnect with yourself and your family, even during the most overwhelming time of the year.

1. Choose one memory to create (not ten)

Stop over-planning. Stop stacking pressure. Stop holding yourself to the “holiday highlight reel” families post on Instagram.

Pick one moment that will matter. Just one.

• Baking one simple recipe

• Driving around to see the lights with hot chocolate

• Reading one book by the tree

• One family craft

• One holiday movie you actually sit and watch.

• One meaningful memory outperforms ten forced ones.

2. The outfit rule: Wear something you actually feel beautiful in

Let’s be honest, Momma: There is nothing worse than standing in front of the mirror 20 minutes before a Christmas party. Half-dressed, half-irritated, deflated. And “I have NOTHING to wear.” (When your closet is full.)

And I don’t know about you, but once you hit your late 30s and early 40s? That extra 5 pounds doesn’t feel like 5, it feels like 50 inside your body. It’s like holiday bloat meets emotional exhaustion meets “why does nothing fit the same?”

So here’s your new holiday standard. Buy the outfit. The glamorous one. The comfortable one. The one that makes you feel like you again and not the tired version dragging herself to the party.

Get the dress with stretch, or the jumpsuit that hugs in the right places, and definitely get the sparkly top that hides the fact you haven’t slept in three weeks.

This is not vanity, this is emotional regulation, a necessary investment in your presence. Because when you feel comfortable and confident, you show up fully, not half-present and tense. Presence begins with how you feel in your own skin. And sometimes that means buying the damn outfit.

3. Get off the stage and into the room

The holidays trigger “performing mode” for high-achieving women:

• You do the meal

• You do the gifts

• You do the plans

• You do the logistics

• You do the emotional labour

• You do the organizing

• And somehow you’re also expected to sparkle

What if you simply stepped off the stage? Let the house be loud. Let the cookies burn. Let the tree lean a little. Let the schedule breathe. Let the house get messy. Presence is not perfection, it’s permission to be imperfect and participate.

4. Practice the 10-second pause

Here’s a simple tool I teach inside The RISE Method™, A 10-second presence reset.

When you feel that negative vibe come over you, you know the one. Everything is getting under your skin, you feel panicked, you want to know what everyone is talking about, you get the feeling like you’re seen and unheard.

Wherever you are, in the kitchen, the car, the bathroom, pause for 10 seconds and notice:

• What am I feeling?

• What are the automatic thoughts running right now?

• What really matters right now?

Ten seconds can shift an entire evening, ten seconds can bring you out of performance and back into your life again. This short pause becomes your lifeline by fostering awareness. It's about recognizing the internal negative thoughts you are having and deliberately switching that negativity into mindful presence. This is the moment when you consciously unclench your jaw, become more forgiving of yourself and others, and, most importantly, you reclaim the authority of your own mind to say, "We don't think this way anymore.

5. Stop overcompensating with gifts

When you feel emotionally absent, the guilt creeps in, guilt turns women into over-givers, buying more, adding more, filling the void with the Visa card. We’ve been here before, right?? So many gifts that even the kids are tired of opening them? And never mind your hubby’s comments. Your people don’t want “more stuff.” They want you.

Set a boundary for yourself. As you buy your gifts and keep a list of who and what you have already purchased (this avoids the “oh my gosh, I forgot I had all of this”). Set a limit, how many gifts does each of your children really need? Each gets (insert your number here, ex, 5) from you? Plus Stockings, Santa, and other family members who might buy? Set your limit and stick to it!!

You’re not buying affection, you’re building a connection. Make them meaningful, spend more time on the wrapping, ribbons, bows, glitter. You’re not buying affection anymore, you’re building a genuine connection.

6. Create a moment of your own

Even the strongest woman needs one moment for herself, especially during the holidays. Choose one:

• A bath with the door locked

• A 30-minute coffee in silence

• A drive alone

• A walk

• A journal session

• A nap, yes, a nap counts as spiritual healing

This isn’t selfish. This is leadership because an emotionally regulated mother sets the emotional temperature for the entire home.

7. Don’t go numb – Get honest

If you’re tired, say so. If you need help, ask. If you’re overwhelmed, whisper it to someone safe. You don’t have to hold everything. You’re not a Christmas miracle worker, you’re a human woman with a beating heart and a family that needs it beating softly, not erratically. Honesty is presence. Presence is connection. Connection is legacy.

8. Capture one “golden moment”

Not a posed photo. Not a perfect setup. A real moment. Your child is laughing. Your partner is spilling cocoa on themself. You are sitting by the tree, hair messy, heart soft. These become the photos your family holds onto long after the decorations come down. This is your living legacy.

9. Turn one event into a tradition

Tradition is what children remember, not performance. Pick one thing you can do every year that feels authentic:

• Matching pajamas

• The memory ornament craft

• Snowball cookies

• A family selfie in front of the tree

• A gratitude circle

• A Christmas Eve walk
  

These anchor your family, and they anchor you.

10. Be the woman who’s actually in the room

Presence doesn’t require energy. It requires permission to slow down, soften, and let yourself feel again. Your family doesn’t need a holiday hero. They need a momma who laughs. A wife who touches her husband’s hand instead of passing him like a roommate. A woman who remembers she’s allowed to exist outside the responsibilities she carries. This is how you stop disappearing. This is how you build a legacy. Not in the gifts. Not in the parties. Not in the Instagram posts. But in the moments where you choose actually to be here.

You can build your business. You can run your home. You can carry the schedule, the mental load, and the emotions of everyone around you. But you can’t outrun yourself. If the snapping, the guilt, the overwhelm, the emotional volatility are creeping in, and if you are tired of being the Ghost in your own beautiful life, it’s time to recalibrate.

The Executive Mom Meltdown™, The Short Fuse Fix is your structured 5-day emotional reset. It's time to stop disappearing and reclaim the emotional presence your family deserves. Because leaders don’t quit, they recalibrate.

Secure your spot in the Meltdown.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info!

Read more from Melissa Barnes

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Melissa Barnes, Legacy & Leadership Mentor

Melissa Barnes is a Legacy & Leadership Mentor for entrepreneurial mothers who refuse to live with regrets. After two decades in grief and end-of-life care, she created The RISE Method™ to help women break through exhaustion and disconnection, reconnect to who they truly are, and lead powerful, purpose-driven lives. Her mission is that no woman’s legacy left unlived.