How Families Can Heal Together After the Loss of a Child
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 20
- 6 min read
Bernadette Hall is a therapist, coach, and social worker with 15+ years of experience in grief, loss, intimacy, and mindset. Founder of Grief Warriors and host of Bernadette Hall Talks, she guides women through sacred 1:1 mentorships to transform pain into power through ritual, embodiment, and soul-led healing.
The heartbreaking loss of a child is an experience that no parent, sibling, or family member should ever have to endure. Yet, for those who face this unimaginable tragedy, the journey through grief can feel isolating and overwhelming. Understanding the profound emotional impact on families is essential not only for healing but also for fostering an environment of support and resilience.
The immediate aftermath: A family in crisis
When a child passes away, parents, regardless of their sexual orientation, often find themselves engulfed in a whirlwind of emotions, shock, disbelief, anger, guilt, and profound sorrow. Research by Worden indicates that parents experience grief in stages, yet this process is rarely linear.[4]
For mothers, especially, the grief can be particularly overwhelming. They may feel societal pressure to be the primary caregivers and emotional anchors of the family. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, as they grapple with the belief that they should have been able to protect their child. Mothers may also experience intense feelings of guilt, questioning their decisions and actions leading up to the loss.
Fathers, too, experience profound grief but may express it differently. Societal norms often compel men to remain stoic, leading to internalised emotions and a reluctance to seek help. This pressure can create a disconnect in communication between partners, whether in heterosexual or LGBTQ relationships, as each copes in their own way. In LGBTQ families, the dynamics may be further complicated by societal stigma or lack of support from extended family or community, making it even more critical for parents to openly communicate their feelings and support one another.
Siblings: The overlooked grievers
Siblings of the deceased child face their own set of challenges. Research shows that they may struggle with feelings of jealousy, guilt, or abandonment as the focus shifts to grieving parents.[1] This loss can trigger fears about their own safety and manifest in behavioural changes, such as aggression or withdrawal.
It is vital for parents and caregivers to recognise that siblings need support too. Here are several ways siblings can process their grief and feel included in the family narrative:
Open communication: Encouraging open dialogues about feelings can help siblings articulate their emotions. Parents should create a safe space where siblings can express their grief without fear of judgement.
Incorporate memories: Involving siblings in memorial activities, such as creating memory boxes or scrapbooks, can help them feel connected. Sharing stories and memories validates their emotions and reinforces their bond with the lost sibling.
Acknowledge their grief: Parents must recognise that siblings also grieve and may experience a range of emotions. Validating these feelings helps siblings understand that their grief is legitimate.
Encourage expression through art: Creative outlets, like drawing or writing, provide siblings with alternative ways to express their feelings. Art therapy can help them process emotions meaningfully.
Family therapy: Engaging in family therapy can facilitate structured discussions, allowing all members to share their experiences and feelings, making siblings feel heard and included.
Create rituals together: Establishing new family rituals that honour the lost child can help siblings feel involved in the family narrative. This could include lighting a candle on special occasions or sharing a meal to reflect on memories.
Peer support: Encouraging siblings to connect with peers who have experienced similar losses can help them feel understood. Support groups tailored for bereaved siblings can offer a platform for sharing experiences.
Involve them in decision-making: Involving siblings in decisions related to memorial services or family activities empowers them and reinforces their importance within the family structure.
Educate about grief: Providing age-appropriate resources about grief can help siblings understand what they are experiencing, normalising their feelings.
Quality time with parents: Spending one-on-one time with surviving parents can strengthen the sibling bond and provide a space for them to express their grief, reinforcing their importance in the family.
Extended family dynamics: A complex web of grief
The impact of losing a child extends beyond the immediate family unit. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and close friends often feel the weight of the tragedy, each experiencing grief in their unique way. This can lead to a complex web of emotions, where some family members may want to provide support but feel uncertain about how to do so, while others might withdraw, overwhelmed by their own sorrow. These dynamics can create tension and misunderstandings, highlighting the need for open communication and understanding within the family.
Challenging stereotypes: Societal responses and their impact
Society often holds stereotypical views about how grief should be expressed, complicating the healing process for families. Phrases like “time heals all wounds” or “you need to move on” can feel dismissive and invalidate the parents' pain. Additionally, societal pressure to maintain a façade of normalcy can prevent families from fully addressing their grief. Interventions that acknowledge these stereotypes and promote open dialogue are vital for healing.
Support groups for bereaved parents, facilitated by trained professionals, provide safe spaces for families to share their experiences without judgement. These gatherings foster a sense of community and understanding, helping families realise they are not alone in their grief. Research by Neimeyer emphasises the importance of meaning-making in the grieving process, suggesting that shared experiences can guide families toward healing.[3]
Therapeutic interventions: Building support systems
Professional counselling/therapy, such as nervous system interventions like breathwork, can play a pivotal role in helping families navigate their loss. Therapists can guide parents and siblings through their emotions, assisting them in articulating their feelings and working toward healing. Family therapy can bridge communication gaps that often arise after such a tragedy, encouraging members to support one another.
Additionally, creative therapies, such as art or music therapy, offer alternative avenues for expression, particularly for children who may struggle to articulate their feelings verbally. Research supports the effectiveness of these methods in promoting emotional processing and healing.[2]
Conclusion: A path toward healing
The loss of a child is a heart-wrenching experience that reshapes the dynamics of an entire family. While the journey through grief is deeply personal, understanding its wide-reaching impact is crucial for fostering a supportive environment. By challenging societal stereotypes, encouraging open communication, and utilising therapeutic interventions, families can navigate their grief together.
To support families on this journey, I invite you to explore my 76-page eBook, "Return to Love," which offers practical strategies tailored to all family members dealing with the loss of a child. This resource is designed to provide actionable guidance and comfort as families navigate their grief.
Moreover, I am creating an exclusive community for founding members, a space where individuals can connect, share experiences, and support one another through this challenging journey. Together, we can honour the memory of our lost children while fostering resilience and love within our families. Visit my Stan Store to learn more about "Return to Love" and become part of this healing community. Your journey towards healing begins here. It will go live on the 31st of October.
Read more from Bernadette Hall
Bernadette Hall, Grief, Loss, and Intimacy Specialist
Bernadette Hall is a qualified coach, therapist, and social worker with over 15 years of experience in grief, loss, intimacy, mindset, parenting, and mental health. She is the founder of Grief Warriors and creator of Grieve with the Goddess, a six-month 1:1 mentorship guiding women through sacred, embodied grief work. Holding a Master’s in Social Work and advanced training in therapeutic coaching and integrative psychotherapy, Bernadette blends psychology, ritual, and somatic healing to support deep transformation. She also hosts the Bernadette Hall Talks podcast, where she shares soulful reflections on emotional resilience, feminine healing, and the power of grief alchemy.
References:
[1] Balk, D. E., & Vesta, S. (2006). The Impact of Sibling Loss: A Review of the Literature. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 53(4), 317-331. doi:10.2190/OM.53.4.e
[2] Bradt, J., & Dileo, C. (2014). Music Interventions for Mechanically Ventilated Patients. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, (12). doi:10.1002/14651858.CD006902.pub3
[3] Neimeyer, R. A. (2000). Lessons of Loss: A Guide to Coping. In R. A. Neimeyer (Ed.), Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging the gap between theory and practice (pp. 115-130). Routledge.
[4] Worden, J. W. (1996). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner. 3rd ed. New York: Springer Publishing Company.
