How Alcohol Affects Midlife Women and the Hidden Impact on Health, Relationships and Confidence
- Brainz Magazine
- Aug 29
- 9 min read
Written by Joanne Pagett, Midlife Mentor & Strategist
Joanne Pagett is a Life Evolution Guide, empowering women to make life changes, recognise what is holding them back and overcome burnout to build powerful, aligned lives through mindset, wellness, and strategic clarity.
Have you ever told yourself, “It’s just one glass”, only to notice it’s become a nightly habit? What starts as a way to unwind can quietly chip away at your health, your relationships, and your confidence. Keep reading to uncover the hidden costs of drinking too much in midlife, and the signs it might be time to take back control.
A personal wake-up call
Lately, I found myself navigating moments where alcohol made emotional boundaries feel blurred, where saying “I’ll just have one more” didn’t feel like a choice anymore.
However, on a recent holiday, I realised just how easily toxic behaviour can slip in, not always loud or dramatic, but quietly corrosive, impacting relationships, career, health and the way we feel in our own skin.
So, let’s jump into this article and take a look at the hidden toll of toxic behaviour and alcohol in midlife.
Why alcohol becomes a quiet companion
For many midlife women, alcohol slips into life quietly. A glass of wine to soften the edges of a long day, a Gin and Tonic to ease the tension before dinner, a “just one more” at the end of a night out. It feels normal, even deserved.
After all, midlife is often a heavy load to carry with demanding careers, family responsibilities, shifting hormones, changing bodies, and the loneliness that can creep in once children grow up, leave home, or relationships feel strained.
In those moments, alcohol seems like the easiest way to cope. It’s socially acceptable, widely available, and for a short while, it delivers the relief we crave. But beneath the surface, what starts as a coping mechanism can spiral into something toxic, impacting not only our health but also our closest relationships, our careers, and even how we see ourselves.
The numbers we can’t ignore
Around 79% of women in England drank alcohol in the past year, with one in seven regularly exceeding the UK’s low-risk guideline of 14 units per week.
Women now account for 39% of alcohol-related hospital admissions, a figure that has steadily grown over the past decade.
In 2023, there were 10,473 alcohol-specific deaths in the UK. For women, the rate was 10.3 deaths per 100,000 population.
More details on these 3 points can be found here (Institute of Alcohol Studies).
Alcohol harm costs England £27.4 billion annually, with the NHS carrying £4.9 billion of that burden. (British Liver Trust).
These aren’t just statistics. They reflect a rising reality: alcohol is costing us far more than we realise.
Why midlife women might reach for a drink
Alcohol often becomes the release valve when the pressures of life collide. Between work demands, family transitions, peri & menopause symptoms, and the search for purpose, many women quietly reach for a drink to soothe the overwhelm whilst trying to restore calm and clarity.
It may begin as a simple way to unwind, but “just one more” can easily become a habitual permission slip. Soon, that chilled glass of Rosé becomes a bottle as you tell yourself, “You can’t leave an open bottle, it’ll go off”. What feels like a moment of relief often leaves behind a trail of guilt, strained conversations, the WhatsApp message in the cold light of day, you know you shouldn’t have sent and emotional disconnection.
The ripple effect is profound. Partners may feel shut out, hurt, or resentful, potentially leading to relationship breakdown or worse, separation. Tension builds in households where alcohol fuels arguments or emotional withdrawal. And children, no matter their age, notice more than we think. They see the mood shifts, hear the conflict, and sometimes carry that unspoken weight into their own adult relationships.
Alcohol doesn’t just dull our senses; it erodes our presence. The very people who need us most, our partners, our children, our friends, are often the ones most impacted when we can’t say no. But in the moment, you don’t see it, you have the belief that everyone loves you, you’re wonderful, and you're amazing. But in reality, it’s very different. People start to move away from you, no longer wanting to be around you.
The hidden costs: Health, career, and body image
The toll alcohol takes isn’t limited to relationships. Its effects seep into every part of life, often in ways women don’t recognise until the damage is already done.
Health
Women’s bodies are biologically more vulnerable to alcohol. Because we metabolise it more slowly, even smaller amounts linger longer in the bloodstream, placing more strain on vital organs. Over time, this increases the risk of:
Breast cancer: Just a few drinks a week can raise the risk significantly. For midlife women already navigating hormonal shifts, this is a silent but serious threat.
Liver disease: Once considered more of a “male problem”, alcohol-related liver disease is now rising sharply among women.
Cognitive decline: Regular drinking accelerates memory issues, brain fog, and reduced concentration, symptoms that many women already struggle with in menopause.
Picture this: you wake up at 3am, heart racing, drenched in night sweats. Your mind won’t stop spinning, and the sleep you desperately need refuses to return. By morning, you’re exhausted, snapping at those you love, running on coffee, and wondering why you feel so depleted.
That glass of wine, the one that was meant to help you relax, has now left your body and mind more fragile. You’re struggling!
Career
Alcohol doesn’t just stay at home. It follows you into the workplace. The “wine to unwind” ritual often leads to restless nights and foggy mornings, where you’re operating at half-capacity. That lack of focus and energy chips away at your confidence and credibility. You might find yourself:
Missing deadlines or second-guessing decisions.
Speaking less in meetings because you don’t feel sharp enough.
Turning down opportunities because you don’t have the energy to show up fully.
Now imagine this: you’re preparing for an important presentation. Your head aches, your thoughts feel scattered, the focus you normally have has disappeared, and you’re secretly terrified you’ll lose your train of thought halfway through. You deliver the slides, but you’re just going through the motions, knowing you weren’t at your best.
Colleagues notice. Opportunities slip by. And deep down, you feel the sting of knowing you let yourself down, not because you aren’t capable, but because of last night’s “just one more.”
Body image
Midlife already brings enough changes, fluctuating hormones, shifts in weight distribution, thinning skin, and a metabolism that no longer forgives like it once did. Alcohol amplifies every single one of these challenges:
It’s calorie-dense with no nutritional value, fuelling weight gain that clings stubbornly around the midsection.
It dehydrates the skin, worsening wrinkles, puffiness, and dullness, making you look more tired than you feel.
It contributes to bloating and inflammation, leaving you uncomfortable in your clothes and frustrated by the reflection in the mirror.
Think about this: you slip into your favourite dress for a night out, only to tug at the zip that won’t quite close. Your skin looks tired, your eyes puffy, and instead of feeling excited, you feel deflated, almost to the point you’re thinking about not going.
You paste on a smile, but inside you’re carrying the quiet ache of not recognising the woman in the mirror anymore.
The hard truth is this: what begins as comfort slowly becomes a thief. It steals your health, chips away at your career, and erodes the confidence you have in your own body. Left unchecked, alcohol doesn’t just take the edge off your stress; it adds to it and takes the shine off your life.
How to break the cycle and reclaim control
The good news is this: toxic patterns don’t define you. They are behaviours, not your identity. And behaviours can be changed.
Breaking the cycle doesn’t have to mean swearing off alcohol forever. For many women, it starts with making an “Agreement with yourself”. A quiet commitment that says: “I choose clarity over chaos. I choose presence over numbness. I choose me.”
Practical steps to begin:
Bring awareness to the “Why.” Notice the trigger behind each drink: stress, boredom, loneliness, or habit.
Redefine what “No” means. Saying no isn’t deprivation; it’s protection, for your health, your relationships, and your peace of mind.
Replace the ritual. Swap the glass of wine with a calming alternative: herbal tea, sparkling water with fruit, or an evening walk.
Change the drink, not the glass. For some, there is an affiliation with the glass. A nice wine glass and the feel of the stem. Continue to use the glass, just change the content.
Share your agreement. Let loved ones know your boundaries. This not only adds accountability but also models self-respect to children.
Get curious, not critical. If you slip, ask, “What can I learn from this?” instead of criticising yourself.
Reconnect with your purpose. Often, the real craving isn’t for alcohol, it’s for meaning, connection, or joy. Rediscovering what lights you up makes alcohol less relevant.
Let’s bust some myths
10 myths about alcohol and drinking for women in midlife
1. “A glass of wine a night is harmless.”
Truth: Even moderate drinking increases risks of breast cancer, high blood pressure, and poor sleep. The body metabolises alcohol more slowly in midlife, so the impact is stronger than it used to be.
2. “Alcohol helps me sleep better.”
Truth: Alcohol may make you fall asleep faster, but it disrupts REM cycles, leading to fragmented sleep, night sweats, and fatigue the next day.
3. “Everyone drinks this much.”
Truth: Many women overestimate how much others drink. In fact, most UK women do not exceed the recommended 14 units a week, but the social normalisation of drinking makes overconsumption seem common.
4. “It’s just empty calories, nothing more.”
Truth: Alcohol isn’t only about calories. It disrupts hormones, slows metabolism, and can increase fat storage around the midsection, particularly challenging during peri- and post-menopause.
5. “Alcohol makes me more confident and fun.”
Truth: While it may feel like a temporary boost, alcohol actually reduces serotonin, increases anxiety, and lowers confidence in the long run. What feels like confidence is often just inhibition loss.
6. “Drinking helps me cope with stress.”
Truth: Alcohol numbs stress in the moment but magnifies it later. It disrupts cortisol levels, increases anxiety, and leaves you less resilient to life’s challenges.
7. “Red wine is good for my heart.”
Truth: The so-called benefits of red wine come from antioxidants like resveratrol, which you can also get from grapes, blueberries, and other foods. Any heart benefit is outweighed by the risks of cancer and liver damage.
8. “It doesn’t affect my relationships.”
Truth: Alcohol can quietly erode trust and connection. Arguments, mood swings, or emotional distance. Under the influence often leaves lasting scars on partners and children.
9. “I can handle it, I’ve been drinking for years.”
Truth: Midlife changes how your body processes alcohol. Lower muscle mass, hormonal shifts, and slower metabolism mean your tolerance is not the same as it once was. What you “handled” in your 30s can have a far greater impact now.
10. “Saying no makes me boring or antisocial.”
Truth: Boundaries don’t make you boring; they make you powerful. Choosing clarity and presence inspires others and models strength, especially for children who are watching.
The bottom line: Many of the stories we’ve been told about alcohol are myths that keep us stuck in patterns that don’t serve us. Midlife can be the time to rewrite that story, to make an agreement with yourself that saying “no” is saying “yes” to health, wealth, connection, and confidence.
The P.O.W.E.R.™ perspective
When I mentor women, I use a framework called The Pathway to Midlife P.O.W.E.R.™. It’s designed to help women move from cycles of survival into clarity and strength:
Purpose: Reconnect with who you are beyond the labels and the wine glass.
Opportunities: Replace destructive habits with choices that energise and expand your world.
Wellness: Rebuild your health, energy, and confidence without leaning on alcohol to get through.
Engagement: Heal communication and strengthen relationships so connection replaces conflict.
Reignite: Rediscover passions, joy, and identity that alcohol often masks.
It’s not about restriction or punishment. It’s about saying “yes” to the life you want, one “no” at a time. Get more clarity back in your day. Drop me a message and let’s chat. Click here.
Where to find support
If you’re recognising yourself in these words, you’re not alone. Here are some helpful resources:
Drinkaware: Practical tools and information
Alcohol Change UK: Support and advice
NHS Live Well: Guidance on drinking less
Final thoughts
Midlife is often painted as a crisis, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be a powerful turning point, the moment you choose to stop numbing and start living. Saying “no more for now” isn’t about willpower; it’s about self-respect.
Because the truth is, every time you set that boundary, you’re not just protecting yourself. You’re protecting your relationships, your health, your future, and the example you set for those who are watching.
Read more from Joanne Pagett
Joanne Pagett, Midlife Mentor & Strategist
Joanne Pagett is a Transformational Midlife Mentor and Strategist for women in their Prime who are ready to reclaim their purpose, energy, and confidence. Following a serious case of Burnout in 2021 and over 25 years of experience in corporate leadership and entrepreneurship, she helps female business owners shift from burnout to bold clarity. Through her signature Pathway to Midlife P.O.W.E.R.™ framework, Joanne empowers women to realign their mindset, wellness, and life strategy so they can lead their next chapter on their terms.
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