How a Morning Commute Changed My View of Home and Belonging
Written by Julie Farnsworth, Trauma-Informed Grief Coach
Julie Farnsworth has spent her life helping others to live better lives. After 30 years working as a social worker, she founded "One Free Soul Grief Journey, LLC" in honor of her sister, Erica, who lost her life to cancer at the age of 40.
A routine drive to work and a passing glance at a house for sale lead to a deeper reflection on comfort, community, and the invisible influence of where we grow up. Through an unexpected moment of connection with a stranger, this article explores how geography, opportunity, and experience shape our perspectives and our lives.
Driving to work today, I was doing my usual routine of easing into my day while sipping my coffee in the car. I typically think about the day ahead and zone out a bit on the actual drive in, but I have been paying attention more to any house that has a for-sale sign, as I am looking to move. Since I have been focused on this, I noticed a new house for sale. The house looked like one that I usually like, older with some character and a front porch, but perhaps not in the location that I would like it to be in. I started to ask myself why this might matter to me. Growing up in suburbia and continuing to live in suburban areas has always been my comfort zone.
Essentially, it is what I have been used to since birth. Driving further away from my neck of the woods and into the city where I work, I continued to ponder this. I was really paying attention now to the row homes and diverse area, with fast food restaurants and small businesses popping up. At the next stoplight, I saw a woman around my age on the front porch, drinking her coffee and smoking a cigarette. Here we both were, sipping our coffee side by side for a brief moment at the light.
As my mind often does, it started to change gears, and I was thinking about this woman and wondering what her life was like. What might her story have been? Did she grow up in the city, did she move there, or maybe just happen to end up there due to life circumstances? Was she divorced at some point and displaced, too, like me? Did she have children? I began to think of all the possible similarities between the two of us. This led me to circle back to my initial train of thought about the house that was outside of suburbia and my little bubble. Sometimes, we do not stop to think about why something feels comfortable to us.
We do not stop to question and challenge our thoughts and perhaps some stereotypes that we have. The answer I came to was the fact that no matter where we live now, or where we can maybe choose to live as adults, we are influenced in some way by where we grew up. Where we grew up was not a choice that any of us had. I did not choose to be born into a lower-middle-class family in the suburbs. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a place with opportunities that were easily accessible to me just because of where my family lived.
As a social worker, I see how this plays out for many children and families who did not choose the life that they were born into. When you live somewhere that does not have as many opportunities that are easily accessible, you are at a disadvantage solely because of this. It takes more perseverance and strength to find the opportunities that many of us who grew up in middle-class suburban areas take for granted. I am not saying that this seals your fate, but what I am saying is that, in the end, where you live does play a crucial role in your life, especially as a child. This is a fact that we need to recognize, especially if we were fortunate enough to be born and grow up somewhere with these easily accessible opportunities.
I realize that I really like the house that I drove past and that it would only be a block away from the woman on her front porch. I think that if I were to buy the house, I could potentially invite her over for coffee. I think that at our ages, we would have lots of things to talk about. We might not have common upbringings or have shared the same demographic or geographical locations, but I think we could learn a lot from each other. I already know that we both enjoy sipping coffee in the morning and easing into our days. This might be the best common denominator that any of us has with one another, but it is a start.
Visit my website for more info!
Read more from Julie Farnsworth
Julie Farnsworth, Trauma-Informed Grief Coach
Julie Farnsworth is a Certified Trauma-Informed Grief Coach, Neuro-Change and Mind-Body Medicine Practitioner, Social Worker, and Mental Health Therapist. Since the age of 12, as a volunteer with the Red Cross, Julie has been called to help as many people as she can. She is the founder of "One Free Soul Grief Journey," which provides 1:1 healing journeys for anyone who needs help navigating the intricacies of grief and loss. Julie brings her years of experience walking alongside fellow grievers, as well as her own personal experience with grief and loss, to ignite her passion to help others to go from surviving to thriving.
