From Good Girl to Whole Woman, or How to Reclaim Your Complexity
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 11, 2025
- 3 min read
Empowerment Coach and founder of Own Your Life, Julie Vander Meulen pioneers in researching and applying personal development strategies to help ambitious women overcome the good girl syndrome and become the powerful individuals they were always meant to be.
In a world that often celebrates perfection and predictability, many women find themselves shrinking to fit the mold of the "Good Girl", polished, responsible, and always accommodating. But beneath this surface lies a deeper truth: complexity, contradiction, and a fullness of self that’s often hidden away. In this article, Julie Vander Meulen explores the journey from living as a "Good Girl" to embracing the wholeness of who you truly are. It’s time to stop shrinking and start living fully, embracing all the layers of your being.
When you’re tired of being just one thing
There was a time in my life when I only let the world see my best angles, my polished, thoughtful, responsible self. The version of me who always followed through, always knew what to say, and never made anyone uncomfortable. But beneath the surface lived a much wilder truth: I was also angry, tender, curious, insecure, confused, and messy. And I was terrified that if anyone saw those parts, they’d stop loving me.
So I made myself digestible, safe, and predictable. I became the Good Girl everyone could admire. And in doing so, I slowly disappeared.
Until one day I realized: I wasn’t burnt out because I was doing too much. I was burnt out because I was being too little of myself.
Good girl syndrome flattens your depth
Good Girl Syndrome isn’t just about people-pleasing; it’s about identity reduction. It trains you to split off the parts of yourself that don’t match the performance of “perfect.” The assertive part? Too much. The needy part? Too weak. The intuitive part? Too airy. The sexual part? Too risky.
Little by little, you become a highlight reel. You shrink your personality to fit a role. And while the world may applaud you for being “together,” you know, deep down, that something essential has gone missing.
What’s missing is wholeness.
The power of reclaiming your full self
Wholeness means becoming someone who can hold many truths at once. You can be driven and tired. Confident and unsure. Soft and fierce. You don’t have to choose. You get to be layered, contradictory, evolving.
When you reclaim your complexity, you stop asking, “Who do I need to be in this room?” and start asking, “Who am I, really?” And then, you bring her with you.
This is the deepest rebellion against Good Girl conditioning. Not perfection. Not performance. But presence.
Letting your complexity lead
When women reclaim their wholeness, everything changes. You stop over-explaining. You trust your "no." You take up more space, not to dominate, but to exist fully. You stop contorting yourself to match people’s comfort levels; instead, you choose relationships, careers, and communities where your full self is welcome.
It’s not always smooth. Complexity can be confronting. Some people will miss the version of you who made everything easy. But the ones who matter, they’ll rise to meet you.
And you? You’ll breathe deeper than you ever have.
Because you’ll no longer be trying to earn your right to exist.
You’ll just be you.
Want more?
Sunday Sanctuary Newsletter: A weekly letter to the woman becoming her fullest self, raw reflections, deep empowerment, and tiny revolutions, straight to your inbox. Join here.
Take the Good Girl Syndrome Quiz: Explore how Good Girl Syndrome has shaped your identity, and what it would feel like to reclaim all of you. Take the quiz.
Book a Free Coaching Session: Ready to break out of the role and become your whole, magnetic self? Let’s meet. Book your free Meet & Greet.
Julie Vander Meulen, Empowerment Coach for Ambitious Women
Julie Vander Meulen is an Empowerment Coach for ambitious women and the visionary founder of Own Your Life Academy, a premier coaching platform dedicated to personal and professional development. Through her innovative research and holistic coaching strategies, Julie specializes in guiding women to break free from the 'good girl syndrome,' empowering them to claim their worth and step into their power. Her work is rooted in the belief that every woman has an inner powerhouse waiting to be unleashed. With a vibrant community and a track record of transformative coaching experiences, Julie's mission is to inspire women worldwide to embrace their true selves and create lives they love.
