How to Be More Assertive
- Mar 25, 2025
- 3 min read
Empowerment Coach and founder of Own Your Life, Julie Vander Meulen pioneers in researching and applying personal development strategies to help ambitious women overcome the good girl syndrome and become the powerful individuals they were always meant to be.
You know what you want. You just can’t seem to say it. Not without overexplaining. Not without that tight-chested guilt. Not without wondering if you sounded too cold… too direct… too much.
If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. Assertiveness is one of the most essential leadership skills, and one of the most underdeveloped muscles in women with Good Girl Syndrome.
Here’s the truth: Assertiveness isn’t rudeness. It’s self-respect. And learning to be assertive might just be the skill that sets you free.
Why assertiveness feels so uncomfortable for good girls
Good Girl Conditioning trains women to be agreeable, adaptable, and “easy to work with.” You were rewarded for being helpful, not honest. For being polite, not powerful.
So when the moment comes to speak up at work, in relationships, even in a restaurant, you hesitate.
You worry:
Will I seem selfish?
Will I make them uncomfortable?
Will they think I’m difficult?
Because you were taught that assertiveness = conflict. But the truth is... assertiveness is clarity with compassion. It doesn’t create conflict; it prevents it.
What assertiveness actually looks like (spoiler: it’s not loud or bossy)
Let’s get one thing straight: Assertiveness isn’t about being forceful or aggressive. It’s about being rooted.
It sounds like:
“No, I’m not available for that.”
“I’m not comfortable with this deadline.”
“This matters to me, and I’d like to talk about it.”
It’s a tone. A posture. A quiet but unwavering sense of I trust myself.
And it’s built, not born.
The deeper shift: Why assertiveness = self-belonging
At its core, being assertive isn’t just about what you say. It’s about who you belong to.
When you prioritize other people’s comfort over your own truth, you abandon yourself.
But when you speak up, even if your voice shakes, you say: “I belong to me now.”
And that? That’s the beginning of everything changing.
Power moves to strengthen your assertiveness muscle
Start small. Be consistent. And don’t wait until it’s perfect
.
The one-sentence rule - When making a request or setting a boundary, use just one sentence. No justification. No sugar-coating. Say it once, clearly, and leave space for it to land.
The “discomfort ≠ danger” reframe - Next time you feel guilty after asserting yourself, repeat: “Discomfort is not danger. This is just new.” Your nervous system is catching up to your evolution.
The assertiveness mirror test - Each morning, stand in front of a mirror and say: “My needs are valid. My voice matters. My truth is enough.” Say it until your body believes you.
You’re allowed to speak up – You’re allowed to take up space
You don’t owe anyone your silence. You don’t owe anyone your compliance.
You’re not a bad person for having preferences. You’re not selfish for setting limits. You’re not “too much” for knowing your worth.
You’re powerful. You’re clear. You’re coming home to yourself.
And your voice?
It’s safe here now.
Want support in finding your voice?
Assertiveness is a skill, and you don’t have to build it alone. Here are 3 powerful next steps:
Join the Sunday Sanctuary Newsletter - A soulful, loving space in your inbox every Sunday, full of insights, reframes, and real talk about becoming the most expressed, free version of yourself. Sign up here.
Take the Free Good Girl Syndrome Quiz - Curious how deeply GGS is blocking your assertiveness? This quick quiz reveals your patterns, and where your personal power is waiting to be reclaimed. Take it here.
Book a Free Meet & Greet With Me - If you’re ready to start using your voice unapologetically and lead your life from truth, I’d love to support you. Book a free Meet & Greet session here and let’s talk.
Julie Vander Meulen, Empowerment Coach for Ambitious Women
Julie Vander Meulen is an Empowerment Coach for ambitious women and the visionary founder of Own Your Life Academy, a premier coaching platform dedicated to personal and professional development. Through her innovative research and holistic coaching strategies, Julie specializes in guiding women to break free from the 'good girl syndrome,' empowering them to claim their worth and step into their power. Her work is rooted in the belief that every woman has an inner powerhouse waiting to be unleashed. With a vibrant community and a track record of transformative coaching experiences, Julie's mission is to inspire women worldwide to embrace their true selves and create lives they love.
