Forgiving Others Doesn’t Mean Forgetting What They Did To You
- Sep 27, 2024
- 5 min read
Kim Constantineau is a strategic life coach and leader specializing in helping beauty professionals and entrepreneurs. A tragic childhood left her in a victim mentality for too long. However, becoming a business owner was a turning point that led her towards growth and change
I know I always ask you to embrace forgiveness because it allows you to be free from emotional trauma. But I see many people misunderstand forgiveness and practice it the wrong way.
For example, I got an interesting question the other day from one of my friends. She asked, “If I forgive my Ex, doesn’t that mean I’m allowing him to hurt me again? If this is the case, then why am I forgiving?”
Then it hit me. Just like her, a lot of people have the same wrong notion about forgiveness.
They all think forgiving means forgetting what happened and moving on. That’s why many of you are finding it hard to forgive and heal.
Because your wounds are so deep, you can’t forgive. Instead, you are choosing to suffer by holding grudges.
That’s not any good. Wanna know why?
Because if you are holding a grudge against people, that means you have surrendered your powers to them, and now they are controlling you.
They are manipulating your view of the world. Because you can’t think straight now. They are in your head, all the time, in disguise of negative emotions such as anger, resentment, hatred, etc.
Let me simplify this with an example.
Has anybody said to you recently that you've become ‘rude’, ‘mean’, or ‘silent’, all of a sudden?
Or something similar, which is not your nature, in general?
What they have noticed in your behavior are the negative emotional triggers that you’ve collected with every hurtful experience in your life so far.
They are stuck in your emotional system because you have not yet forgiven those people. They become big blocks to your happiness.
That’s why they still have so much hold on you, and they are making your life more and more bitter, sadder, and lonely.
Learning to not look back will create quantum leaps in your emotions!
It’s about letting go of what emotions don’t serve you anymore, like 'Fear' – False evidence appearing real. Or we can change that to Face Everything And Rise.
It’s all about perception. “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” By Wayne Dyer.
Some studies show that these types of mismanaged negative emotions and hostility lead to serious mental and physical health problems. They could go to the level of becoming a possible risk factor for cardiovascular disease! You don’t want to go to that level.
That’s why I always advise all of my clients to never ever hold grudges. I ask them when I see them, do you feel fat? The first time I ask they give me that look! I quickly explain 'Fat' means; Forgiving, Adaptable, and Teachable.
Because a simple act of forgiveness has tremendous power to change your life in ways you never thought possible.
Here’s a solid proof.
There is a famous scientific study known as The Stanford Forgiveness Project, which is the largest intervention study on forgiveness. It has shown how forgiveness reduces all these negative emotions in no time.
They did demonstrations with college students who go through a lot of emotional distress at such a delicate age. And they found out that those young adults reduced their hatred, anger, and hurt significantly within just 6 hours of forgiveness training.
Not just that, It made them feel more hopeful about life and spiritually content.
They realized that when you forgive others, you become more hopeful, optimistic, and compassionate. Because forgiveness is essential for our health and wellness and overall growth as humans.
All this in just 6 hours of forgiveness training.
Isn’t that fascinating? It will free you from the self-imposed prison that is created because of unforgiveness.
I’m not saying that you have to like that person or be near that person ever again. I’m just saying it’s so important to forgive others so that WE are free from that prison. If this is hard for you to do, then this is more in-depth. If you need help figuring out how to forgive, how to let go, and how to push forward. I highly recommend taking this course.
It's an 8-week training to you via course: “A Complete Emotional Breakthrough”
You can imagine the benefits to your mental, psychological, and physical health, they are limitless and truly miraculous.
Now coming back to our original question, which my friend asked. When I ask you to forgive others, I don’t ask you to forget everything that happened to you and allow others to harm you again the same way they did in the past.
Forgiveness is not that. Forgiveness is all about managing your painful memories and emotions in a way that allows you to heal yourself.
It means, letting go of all the burden of those negative emotions associated with the painful events in your life and allowing yourself to become free.
And this has to be your conscious choice. Not a forceful decision. Because you come first in the whole forgiving process. It’s for your own emotional well-being. Not theirs.
This course will teach you step-by-step actions to take and use practical worksheets.
Instead of trying to forget what happened to you, It will help you to focus on learning and growing from bad experiences.
You can reflect on those life experiences, find out the lessons that will make you stronger once you make the shift in your perception, and use them to become 'strong', more resilient, and wise. So you can prevent such things from happening in future.
That’s the right way of practicing forgiveness. This leads me to ask you my final question? What happens if you don’t solve this problem that’s been hurting and harming you emotionally and mentally? Where will you be in a year from now or two years from now?
Nothing changes if nothing changes. You have nothing to lose to push yourself forward to know that you’re worthy of so much more you are wonderfully made, and you deserve a lifetime of joy, happiness, and peace.
Check out this course here for more details: "Complete Emotional Breakthrough" Course
If you want to learn more about this course, book your free consultation now.
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Kimberly Constantineau, Strategic Life Coach & Beauty Professional
Kim Constantineau is a strategic life coach and leader specializing in helping beauty professionals and entrepreneurs. A tragic childhood left her in a victim mentality for too long. However, becoming a business owner was a turning point that led her towards growth and change. She joined the John Maxwell Group to expand her leadership skills and became proficient in Disc assessment training and communication to manage people with a servant's heart. Her goal is to help others unleash their true potential and discover their passion and superhero powers. Kim's mission is to transform people's thinking and lives forever.
