Earning Your Wrinkles & Grey Hair – The Challenges & Triumphs Of Overcoming Perfectionism As You Age
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 7, 2023
- 5 min read
Written by: Michele Molitor, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The wisdom that comes with age is a beautiful thing—much like the wrinkles that map your experiences or the grey hairs that signify your years. Yet, as we pass the milestone age of 50 and are *rich* with life experiences, we often find ourselves in a tug-of-war with perfectionism which can negatively impact your mental well-being.
How do we embrace our perfectly imperfect selves while navigating a culture obsessed with youth and flawlessness? I’ve had the joy of working with clients from around the globe of all ages from 7 to 75, so let's explore some client stories* of the challenges and triumphs of overcoming perfectionism as we grow older, earning every wrinkle and grey hair along the way. Clients have given permission to share their stories while their names have been changed to protect their privacy.
The mirror doesn't lie, or does it?
Meet Susan, a vibrant 59-year-old woman who used to dread her morning routine. Getting up, getting ready for work, she couldn’t help but notice each line and wrinkle on her face as she looked in the mirror. To her they seemed like a ticking time bomb, eroding her confidence. This less than perfect perspective was triggering a free-fall of her self-esteem. She found herself avoiding social gatherings and even virtual meetings, fearing judgment for her aging appearance. However, once she started viewing each wrinkle as a badge of wisdom and experience, her perspective shifted dramatically. She no longer avoided her reflection or social situations; instead, she felt empowered with greater emotional resilience. This newfound acceptance not only elevated her self-esteem but also improved her professional interactions, as she carried herself with more confidence, poise, and grace as she embraced all of her flaw someness.
The dilemma of unrealistic social standards
John is a handsome and successful consultant by many standards, yet he found himself constantly scrolling through social media, comparing his 55-year-old self to pictures of his 30-year-old self and the celebrities his age who seem to defy aging. He was almost too embarrassed to admit this to me in our initial coaching session. Yet he couldn’t deny the cycle of anxiety and depression that it was causing for him. These emotional triggers were negatively affecting his mental health and relationships, not to mention his productivity at work. Together we did some Rapid Rewiring™ of his mindset and perspectives which enabled John to appreciate the resilience and wisdom that come with age. Helping him feel more at home in his current skin, improving his mental well-being and even rejuvenating his relationship with his spouse, who had been affected by his constant self-criticism and depressive episodes. He even started working out again and is in the best shape of his life!
The job market's obsession with youth
Robert, a 52-year-old tech executive, felt insecure competing for promotions against younger professionals in their 30s and 40s. This created a damaging cascade of second-guessing himself and his abilities which then negatively impacted his job performance as he grew increasingly disengaged from work. By refocusing Robert on his strengths and the decades of experience and leadership skills that he had earned along the way, he realized he had knowledge that couldn't be learned overnight. This mindset shift increased his self-confidence and self-awareness, helping him secure a promotion. Improving not just his professional life but also boosting his self-worth and mental attitude, as well as his financial security.
The struggle with imposter syndrome
Despite a successful career, Lisa, a 58-year-old senior director, grappled with self-doubt and Imposter Syndrome, affecting her performance and health. These anxieties even led to significant sleep issues and Inflammatory Bowel Syndrome (IBS). Through our Rapid Rewiring work together, she gained new self-awareness and a boost in confidence, earning her a mentoring role at her global firm. This new responsibility solidified her self-image as an expert. Mentoring also brought unexpected joys, as she thrived on the exchange of fresh ideas with younger colleagues. Her newfound confidence alleviated her stress levels, improving both her professional relationships and health challenges, even completely resolving her IBS.
The "do-it-all" trap
At 61, Mona relished being a doting grandmother but faced friction with her new, narcissistic daughter-in-law. Despite striving to be the perfect grandma, Mona's people-pleasing tendencies caused stress, high blood pressure, and burnout.
With life coaching and self-refection, she identified the root triggers of her constant need to people-please. Learning to assert boundaries and say 'No,' Mona improved her self-care and well-being routines as she uncovered her blind spots once and for all. This also paved the way for a healthier relationship with her daughter-in-law, alleviating the emotional and physical toll she'd been experiencing for far too long.
Perfectionism in relationships
Raised in a strict household with constant high expectations, at 54, Bill realized he was projecting these unattainable standards onto his adult children, straining their relationship, and affecting his mental well-being. Seeking positive change, he worked on altering his old mental programming, the emotional residue carried forward from his upbringing. By learning to appreciate his children as they are, he found renewed closeness with them and improved family dynamics and communications. This shift not only bettered his relationships but also significantly uplifted his mental well-being, allowing him to find joy in his family's unique, imperfect beauty.
The myth of the golden years
Sarah envisioned her 50s as a golden era filled with travel and leisure, only to face her own unexpected health issues and caregiving responsibilities for her aging parents. Juggling parental care with her own physical challenges, like worsening arthritis and psoriasis, led to further stress and emotional drain. Through our coaching, she redefined her "perfect life" by embracing the role of a caregiver. This shift led to improved self-care habits and emotional resilience, allowing her to see this stage as a unique, enriching chapter in her life's journey. Sarah now tackles challenges with newfound peace and compassion, finding her own redefined golden years.
Overcoming perfectionism as we age
As the saying goes, time waits for no one. And since we haven’t discovered the fountain of youth (yet), overcoming perfectionism as we age isn't about denying our flaws or wishing away our grey hairs and wrinkles. It's about embracing them as tokens of a life well-lived.
It's the wrinkles of laughter, the silver strands of wisdom, and our imperfections that make us uniquely wonderful. As you practice mastering your mindset, managing your stress levels, and develop new self-awareness around your expectations of yourself and others, life becomes more joyful.
So, let's celebrate every chapter of our lives!
You’ve worked hard to earn each wrinkle and silver strand of grey hair as badges of your
enduring resilience, wisdom, and beauty – no matter how old you are!
Feeling like you're battling with imposter syndrome or struggling with low self-worth as you age? Download my free eBook, "What’s Causing Your Imposter Syndrome? 6 Triggers Crushing Your Confidence," to regain your footing in the perfectly imperfect journey of life.
Michele Molitor, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Michele Molitor is a trailblazer in personal transformation. Utilizing her expertise as a coach, hypnotherapist, speaker, and author, her work intentionally addresses the pervasive mental health crisis we face today. As CEO of Nectar Consulting, Inc., a certified B Corporation, her mission is to empower busy professionals to conquer anxiety, self-doubt, and toxic stress, paving the way for fulfilling lives and careers. Dubbed “The Mind Detective” by her clients, Michele’s innovative healing approach masterfully fuses scientific, somatic, and energetic principles for holistic transformation. Her vision is to help create thriving work cultures where emotional well-being is cultivated through acceptance.
