Do You Give Away Your Power When You Speak?
- Nov 23, 2021
- 4 min read
Written by: Sarah Needham, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
‘I WANT, doesn’t get!…. Or does it?
How many times have we heard this in our lifetimes... Well damn it, it is time to unlearn it! So here goes!
I want everyone to own their human power to make choice!
I want everyone to be proud of who they are & their ability to make their own choices.
As humans, we can make choices & we cannot stop anyone else from thinking & feeling how they do & making their own choices.
We do not have to like what others think, feel or choose; we are only responsible for ourselves!
I work with leaders, I work with people who most people would describe as successful & they make these mistakes in giving away their power as much as anyone else!
So it is time to shine a light on a couple of simple ways to own your power when you speak!
Tip one: Own what you think & feel!
Tip two: Own the decisions you make based on what you think & feel!
Sounds simple but how to implement it? Well, let’s go into a bit more detail.
Tip one: Own what you think & feel!
Rather than speaking about what you think or feel by saying "I think..", "I feel..." many people use "we feel..", "we think.." or "you think..:"
This dilutes your statement AND this is confusing to others because the first thought then is not on the content of what you said but on who is 'we'?
Who are you talking on behalf of, the team, you & your partner ...WHO?!
You can take a big step in helping others understand you by talking for yourself!
Take back ownership of your thoughts & your feelings - this is your power! Use “I think/ feel/ want…” at the start of your sentences.
Explain why something is important to you! This builds relationships, it builds trust because it helps others get to know YOU!
Yes, it can be uncomfortable at first because it makes it personal AND just try it out a few times & see how you get on.
You can also ask others to clarify when they say 'we' now so you understand better what they are trying to say.
Tip two: Own the decisions you make based on what you think & feel!
I hear so many people giving their power to make choices away by using the wording:
"I must..."
"I should..."
"I ought to..."
"I need to.."
These phrases mean "I don't really want to do this but..."! You are in effect saying you are letting someone else decide something for you!
The one thing we all have the same amount of each day is time.
How we choose to spend that time & what we choose to do is our choice - therefore our choice is our power!
Become aware;
notice how often you are using phrases like this, how often you are giving away your power to decide;
look behind the action to what is it you want.
There is no right or wrong with what you want it is just your choice. It helps yourself & others to understand your choice when you can explain why making that choice is important to you.
A couple of simple examples:
"I need to cycle the kids to school!" Turns into "I want to cycle the kids to school because I feel happier knowing they made it to school safely."
"I must do my tax return this weekend!" Turns into "I want to do my tax return because it is important for me that I complete it on time."
"I have to go to work today!" Turns into perhaps "I want to go to work today because I like the financial security my job gives me & I am saving for a house!"
If you can start recognising the choices we have & owning them then you also start seeing where you have the opportunity to make a different decision!
Perhaps you even recognise you DO NOT want to do something you are doing & it is time to make a change!
Communication is complicated & we have a better chance to understand others & to be understood (the most fundamental of all human needs) when we talk clearly & own our human power to think, to feel & to decide!
Can these ideas be used in the workplace?
Definitely!
Some people would disagree! That’s ok.
In my view, it is time to re-humanise work.
We are not robots, we are humans & we still have the power to think, feel & make choices! There may be instances when you talk on behalf of the company for example then use the company name instead of ‘we’ to make it clear you are talking on behalf of the company (in a Customer meeting for example).
I believe that unless we bring more of ourselves to work & start talking clearly about what matters then we are not making the most of ourselves & creating the most value for our teams!
Yes, it might bring up some difficult discussions but we are not going to make the world a better place unless we can learn to have courageous conversations about what matters in all parts of our lives, even at work!
Sarah Needham, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sarah Needham is a coach with an extraordinary vision: “To create a world where everyone feels they can stand up and engage in discussion about what matters most.” She wants us all to take off our invisibility cloaks and share courageously what we think and feel.
Sarah believes that we are all unique for a reason, and we should challenge ourselves to step proudly into our uniqueness, our own SUPERPOWER!
As a coach, she challenges herself to inspire people by holding regular sessions on this topic. Sarah’s work brings together her three core values: technology, sustainability, and challenging others to embrace their uniqueness. She helps tech founders and leaders unleash their impact in creating a more sustainable life on earth whilst prioritizing their own self-care, and in doing so, creating a more sustainable business.
Sarah is an engineer with many years as a leader at one of the world's leading global engineering corporations. She is British, living in Potsdam, Germany, with her husband, two adopted daughters, and two cats.
