Breaking Free from Self-Sabotage
- Brainz Magazine
- Feb 17
- 4 min read
Written by Jaskaran Soomal, Mental Health Mentor
Jaskaran Soomal is well-known in the realm of mental health and mindfulness. She is the founder of A Mindful Message, an online platform dedicated to mental wellness, the publisher well-being journals, and an advocate speaker for international students.
Strongholds are deep-rooted patterns and beliefs that keep us trapped in negative cycles. They can be powerful obstacles, but they also hold the potential to become our greatest strengths once we learn to overcome them. These strongholds can range from unhealthy relationships and negative thought patterns to addictions, illnesses, and attachments to material things.
Let’s explore how to identify these strongholds, break free from them, and use the experience to help others do the same. The fear that strongholds create affects neural pathways, the brain's cognitive functions, and moods. (A previous heartbreak may cause unhealthy defensive mechanisms that our ego masks as protection.)
What are strongholds?
Strongholds are negative patterns or beliefs that hold us back. They can stem from our self-perception, toxic relationships, or past experiences. Examples include fear of failure, self-doubt, or a limiting mindset about money. These strongholds influence our decisions, actions, and overall mindset.
Identifying your strongholds
Look at recurring negative patterns in your life. These might be areas where you feel stuck or unable to progress. To truly identify them, seek input from trusted friends or mentors who might notice patterns you don’t see.
For example: burning out frequently and resorting to escapism behaviors like drinking, smoking, or engaging in unhealthy relationships.
Strongholds often manifest as a sense of stagnation, frustration, and a lack of progress, where you feel stuck or unable to move forward. These feelings are often accompanied by emotions such as confusion, helplessness, anxiety, overwhelm, numbness, or a sense of isolation. A stronghold can affect you mentally, emotionally, or even physically, depending on its root cause.
Coach’s Instruction: Write down your thoughts and feelings about areas where you feel blocked or limited.
"I feel blocked when I think about ____. It makes me feel ____. In my body, I feel sensations of ____."
Steps to overcome and break free from strongholds
Admit to yourself that you have a stronghold holding you back.
Understand its origin.
Reflect on where this stronghold came from and how it developed.
For example: A stronghold of beauty insecurity caused by infidelity in a past relationship.
Question the beliefs
Ask yourself if the negative beliefs are truly accurate or if they are based on past experiences.
For example: “The belief that I am not beautiful because I wasn’t enough for him to cheat and leave.”
Coach’s instruction: Replace negative beliefs with positive affirmations or more realistic thoughts.
For example: “I am beautiful and enough. I am only in control of my own behaviors, not anyone else’s. My worth is not measured by how others see me.”
Set achievable goals: Set small, manageable goals to gradually overcome your stronghold. Acknowledge and celebrate each small victory along the way.
For example:
Saying “I love you” in the mirror.
Practicing affirmations in the morning.
Focusing on a stronger body and mind by consistently eating well and exercising.
Practicing self-compassion every week by having reset and recharge days.
Acknowledging love languages and establishing boundaries.
Working with a coach to develop self-awareness and growth.
Coach’s instruction: Professional help can provide guidance and tools for breaking strongholds. Connect with others who are working through similar issues for mutual support.
How to help others
Open up about how you recognized and overcame your stronghold. This can inspire and help others. Share the steps and strategies that worked for you.
Help others by offering advice and encouragement based on your experience
Create resources: Develop workshops, write articles, or create content that can guide others through similar struggles. For example: ex-prisoners, former domestic abuse survivors, and victims of sexual trauma.
Be a role model: Show how overcoming your stronghold has made you stronger and more capable by recording your journey, sharing what has helped you along the way, and acknowledging those who have supported you.
Lead by example: Exhibit the traits and behaviors that come from transforming strongholds into superpowers. For example: discipline, motivation, consistency, and leadership.
Develop a prayer life: Start writing down prayer requests and recording your dreams along the way.
Building resilience: Ongoing practices for maintaining growth
Embrace challenges: View obstacles as opportunities for growth rather than threats. Stress responses can change over time, so develop coping strategies as new challenges arise.
Learn continuously: Keep learning and adapting as you encounter new challenges. Read at least one self-development book a month.
Maintain balance: Ensure a healthy balance between work, rest, and play to avoid burnout. Develop a burnout prevention plan (support through mentoring here can help).
Build a support network: Surround yourself with supportive people who can help you stay motivated. The people in your old environment may not be able to support you in the new environments you are aligning with.
Participate in groups or activities that align with your values and goals (charity is the best form of gratitude, take a moment and be thankful for your position to help).
A psychological study summary
A recent study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology revealed that individuals who actively worked to overcome their personal strongholds experienced significant improvements in their overall well-being and productivity. The study found that those who shared their journey and helped others break their own negative cycles reported increased satisfaction and a stronger sense of purpose. Participants who engaged in this process experienced enhanced personal growth and developed a more positive outlook on life and business.
Remember, feeling deflated doesn’t mean you’re defeated. With resilience and support, you can turn your strongholds into powerful tools for growth and success.
Jaskaran Soomal, Mental Health Mentor
Jaskaran Soomal is a pioneer in the field of mental health, dedicated to breaking down language and cultural barriers in accessing healthcare. Utilizing self-awareness and Maslow's hierarchy of needs, she has developed a blueprint guide for achieving optimal health. She is the founder of A Mindful Message, an initiative aimed at promoting mental wellness through accessible and inclusive approaches. Her mission: to build the world's most human-centric multilingual mental health service.
References:
Johnson, R., Smith, A., & Lee, K. (2023). "Transforming Strongholds: The Impact of Overcoming Personal Obstacles on Well-being and Productivity." Journal of Positive Psychology, 18(2), 112-125.
