Breaking Control Cycles and Rediscovering Wisdom in Leadership and Life – An Interview with Kate Adey
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Kate Adey has always been curious about what makes people thrive, what makes us truly alive. That curiosity guided her from management consulting at Accenture, through specialist leadership development, to founding her practice twenty years ago.
Kate Adey, Business Founder
Who is Kate Adey?
I'm someone who's become fascinated by what happens when we stop trying so hard to control everything. I work with professional women navigating major transitions: motherhood, career shifts, and menopause, as well as with leaders in law and consulting firms who know the traditional playbook isn't working anymore.
What connects all of this? The discovery that the wisdom we're searching for isn't out there. It's already here to be seen. My work is about helping people access what's already present when the noise of overthinking isn't in the way.
What inspired you to start your coaching journey, and how has it shaped your approach today?
I came from Big Four consulting, so I know what it feels like to operate in cultures where back-to-back meetings are the norm. I know what it's like to believe that working harder, longer hours, and being constantly available equals better performance.
The inspiration came when I started questioning that entire model. What if exhaustion isn't a badge of honour? What if our bodies are sources of information to be listened to? That questioning led me to develop what I now call The Other Way Method – starting with inquiry rather than answers, with presence rather than productivity metrics.
Can you share the most common challenge your clients face, and how you help them overcome it?
The control paradox. Whether it's a woman returning from maternity leave or a senior partner leading a team, the pattern is the same: working 70-hour weeks, always being available, never switching off, prioritising tasks over wellbeing, and ignoring personal needs. (Women at Work: New report finds UK women juggling the return-to-office and unequal burden at home, 2024.) They believe this equals better performance.
But these are signs of losing control. Poor sleep quality, strained relationships, physical tension, team burnout, and increased stress levels – all of which tell us the control strategy isn't working!
I help them see this through their own data first. We start with the mind and the noise of it that they haven’t looked at before. They begin to see how it takes them away from living in the present and accessing the wisdom that’s already there. We might look at what their body is telling them to see where depletion is showing up. Then we work with what they can influence but not control, looking at their nervous system, their natural rhythms at work, health, relationships, and self-care.
How do you tailor your coaching methods to fit the unique needs of each individual?
I start with what's happening right now. Where are you? What are you navigating? What are your desires, and what’s getting in the way?
For women in transitions, we're working through The Triskele framework: MotherWise for navigating motherhood and career, CareerFlow when it's time to stop surviving and start leading with meaning, or MenoPower when menopause becomes a source of clarity rather than something to manage.
For leaders, we address specific leadership challenges through partner coaching, work together in breaking control cycle masterclasses, or workshops on how to support team members through parental transitions and flexible working.
The method stays consistent: inquiry, presence, working with what's already there. And the doorway we enter through is completely individual.
What sets your coaching apart from others in the field of personal development?
I work with what's already there.
Most coaching adds more, such as more strategies, goals, or pressure on an already exhausted system. My work points you back to the wisdom you already are. Your body knows things your mind has been too busy to hear.
We start with what your body is telling you. What natural rhythms have you been working against? What happens when you stop arguing with reality?
I introduce nervous system regulation through breathwork, such as light, slow, deep breathing. You can't think your way out of a dysregulated nervous system. You must work with the body.
And here's what matters: nervous system work compounds. The work you do today becomes the floor you start from tomorrow. You build capacity without adding more to do.
The wisdom is there to be felt. My work helps you access it.
How can someone identify when they are ready for transformational coaching with you?
You're ready when you know something must change, you're done with surface solutions that you’ve tried and found don’t work.
Maybe you're spinning all the plates in motherhood, career, and menopause. Perhaps rest feels like something to earn rather than a basic human need. The person you were before feels increasingly distant.
Or maybe you're leading in an environment where the pressure is relentless, you're watching brilliant people leave or disengage, and you know the way you're leading is burning you out along with your team.
You're ready when you're willing to question the beliefs driving your exhaustion. When you can ask, "What if there's another way?"
Can you walk us through a success story of one of your clients who experienced significant change through your coaching?
I worked with a senior associate at a law firm who came to me eight weeks before her maternity leave. She was terrified of losing career momentum, of being forgotten, of returning to find everything had changed.
We worked through what I call MotherWise, through the practical transition planning, and the deeper work of recognising that becoming a mother wasn't an interruption to her career. It was bringing a new dimension of leadership capability.
We identified her four anchor points before she left: what she needed to protect in work, relationships, health, and self-care. We practised nervous system regulation, so she had tools for when overwhelm hit. We mapped out her return not as getting back to how things were, but as stepping into how they could be.
She came back more present, more decisive, and with clearer boundaries. Her team became more effective because she'd stopped trying to control everything. Eighteen months later, she made partner. But what she tells me matters most is that she's genuinely alive in the work she does, and fully present with her daughter.
What do you believe is the key to lasting change for someone working with a coach?
Recognition that it is not you who can control life!
Lasting change comes from seeing the natural rhythms of life, how it always is until it isn’t, in that the mind can resist what’s happening, hence taking you away from the flow. See this happen, feeling the resistance when trying to make what is happening different.
It's the practice of noticing when you slip back into old patterns, because you will, and using your breathing practice to interrupt rather than judging yourself for it. Progress rather than perfection.
And it requires accountability that goes beyond your own assessment, as what matters is whether your team is experiencing that change.
How do you help clients navigate life transitions with confidence and clarity?
By reframing what transition is. We've been taught to see transitions as hard, difficult, a change we don’t want, with obstacles to overcome.
I work with the Triskele framework, which is three doorways into the same discovery. Whether you're navigating motherhood, a career transition, or menopause, the wisdom is the same. They're invitations to reconnect with something profound.
The confidence comes from recognising your body's signals as information rather than seeing them as problems. The clarity emerges when you stop trying to figure everything out mentally and start listening to what you already know.
We work with the seasons metaphor because it's true. You can't force bloom in winter. January is for composting and clarity, not for massive growth targets. When you align with actual rhythm instead of the Gregorian calendar's relentless productivity demands, everything shifts.
What are the most important steps for anyone looking to get started on their personal growth journey?
First, take the Reality Check. Look honestly at where depletion is showing up across work, health, relationships, and self-care. Your highest score shows where you've been losing control while trying to gain it.
Second, start with your breath. Learn light, slow, deep breathing. It's the most accessible tool you have for nervous system regulation, and you can do it anywhere.
Third, identify your four anchor points. What must you protect to do your best work? To stay connected in relationships? To sustain your energy? To resource yourself? Write them down. Then each evening, ask yourself if you honoured them.
And fourth, find support that starts with curiosity rather than solutions. The question isn't "How do I fix this?" It's "What's actually happening here?"
How do you use your coaching platform to build a supportive community for your clients?
I create spaces where honesty is valued over performance. Whether that's in leadership masterclasses where we use anonymous aggregate data to show patterns across the group, or in The Other Way Community, where women can say what it's really like to navigate motherhood and career without pretending it's all seamless.
The community aspect comes from shared recognition. When you realise you're not the only one experiencing this, when you see the pattern is systemic rather than personal failure, everything starts to change.
I also work with organisations to create Parent Transition Coaching Programmes that support new parents on their journey through leave and then preparing for their return to the workplace. I support the leaders in this journey, providing focused support sessions so they can understand the parents' journey and know how best to support them.
In what ways does your work align with your personal values, and why is that important for your clients?
The work I do isn’t about asking people to perform a version of themselves. It’s about recognising that there is no separate self in the first place. This is something I have realised along my journey, and the question I keep returning to is: when did being yourself become something you save for rare moments?
My work is grounded in the knowing that professional excellence and human wholeness aren't in opposition. That you don't have to choose between being fully present as a mother and fully capable as a professional. That sustainable high performance comes from honouring natural rhythms, not overriding them.
This matters for clients because they can feel when someone is living their values versus teaching theory. I know what it costs to operate as a floating head, and I know what becomes possible when you reconnect with your body's wisdom.
The work I do with women in transition is the same work I do with senior leaders. It's all about reconnecting with what's already there, what's already true, when we stop performing and start being genuinely present.
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