Are You in a FONC or Fear of No Chaos?
Sarah Merron is an NLP Trainer and Self-Leadership Coach who has transformed mindsets since 2008. With her extensive experience, she has trained and coached individuals from all walks of life, including business leaders, entrepreneurs, parents, athletes, and more. Sarah's expertise lies in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis & Time Line Therapy® techniques. For 15 years, she has been helping people develop actionable self-insight and self-awareness and map their version of success. With her guidance, you can design an authentic life that truly feels like you.
One of my clients has completely transformed their life in the last three years. I mean, full-on transformation, from utter chaos to something that almost resembles peace. For 20 years, they had been in a perpetual state of madness, relationships that belonged in soap operas, financial decisions that made their accountant cry, and an ability to attract disaster like a magnet. And the last 18 months have been the chaos climax, the period where even the universe seemed to be throwing popcorn at the drama just to see what would happen next.
Even so, they continued to do the work. They made the tough decisions, let go of toxic patterns, faced everything head-on, and built something stable.
And then, they started feeling weird.
Not bad, exactly. But uneasy. As if something was off. They kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. In fact, they were staring at the sky, looking for shoes, convinced they must be up there somewhere.
One day, they asked me, “How do I feel better? I feel like I'm struggling.”
I said, “You’ve got Fake FOMO.”
But then I realized, no, this is bigger than that. This is Fear of No Chaos.
No blueprint for calm
And here’s the thing, this is completely normal.
When you’ve spent years in chaos, putting out fires, or just bracing for the next catastrophe, calm feels unnatural. You have no previous model for what it means to just be okay. No template. No emotional roadmap. Your brain, accustomed to constant movement, assumes that if things are still, something must be wrong.
This is why, when the calm finally arrives, it doesn’t necessarily feel like relief, it feels like something’s missing. Your nervous system, which has been operating at DEFCON 1 for years, doesn’t know how to downshift. Instead of accepting peace, your brain starts looking for problems.
Cue the FONC.
Warning: Do not create chaos again
And whatever you do, and I say this from experience, resist the urge to create chaos again.
Your patterns will want you to. Your nervous system will crave it. The familiar pull of an unnecessary argument, a reckless decision, or a sudden urge to quit your job and move to a remote island will feel so tempting.
Resist the urge.
FONC will pass as your brain gets used to peace and calm. You have to sit in the discomfort of not being in a constant state of crisis. (Yes, I know, wild concept.)
Wait, am I failing at life?
Here’s how FONC sneaks up on you. You finally have a stretch of days, maybe weeks, where nothing is on fire (literally or metaphorically). You don’t have any major crises, you’re not living paycheck to paycheck, and there are no high-stakes emotional battles in your group chat.
At first, this feels good. Then your brain, trained by years of adrenaline-fueled living, starts going:
"Shouldn’t I be doing more?"
"Is this too easy?"
"Am I underachieving?"
Cue the unnecessary anxiety spiral.
And if you’re not careful, this is when you hop on social media.
The social media smackdown
Social media is where FONC goes to thrive. You scroll, and suddenly:
Someone is in Bali, drinking a smoothie from a coconut, running a business that somehow involves zero stress and unlimited wealth.
Someone else is at a networking event, making serious eye contact while discussing “game-changing opportunities.”
Yet another person has become an expert in a new hobby overnight, pottery, salsa dancing, underwater basket weaving, and you’re just over here celebrating that you finally did your laundry.
And suddenly your well-earned peace starts feeling suspiciously like failure.
The crazy train leaves the station
This is when FONC kicks into high gear. Your brain, not content with mild self-doubt, decides to go full apocalypse mode:
"I'm not doing enough!"
"My career is stagnant!"
"I should probably invest in crypto!"
And just like that, the crazy train has left the station, with you as the only passenger.
Embracing the calm (Before you self-sabotage for no reason)
Here’s the reality check: calm is not failure.
You don’t have to be constantly hustling, grinding, achieving, or reinventing yourself to be doing “enough.” You’re allowed to:
Enjoy a quiet evening without wondering if you’re wasting time.
Have leisure time that is actually leisure (not a side hustle disguised as a hobby).
Feel happy that you’re no longer running around like a caffeinated squirrel.
Calm is earned. It’s the reward for all the hard work you’ve done to create a life that doesn’t feel like a never-ending soap opera.
So next time FONC kicks in, remind yourself:
Social media is not real life.
You don’t have to create chaos to feel alive.
Not everything needs to be a milestone, an accomplishment, or a monetizable skill.
Calmness and flow are a massive achievement.
Sometimes, just chilling in your quiet, well-balanced life is exactly where you’re meant to be. Now, put down your phone, take a deep breath, and enjoy the peace, you deserve it.
Read more from Sarah Merron
Sarah Merron, NLP Trainer & Self-Leadership Coach
Sarah Merron is an NLP Trainer and Self-Leadership Coach who has transformed mindsets since 2008. With her extensive experience, she has trained and coached individuals from all walks of life, including business leaders, entrepreneurs, parents, athletes, and more. Sarah's expertise lies in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis & Time Line Therapy® techniques. For 15 years, she has been helping people develop actionable self-insight and self-awareness and map their version of success. With her guidance, you can design an authentic life that truly feels like you.
