A Therapist’s Reflection on Healing from Parental Trauma
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 5
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 8
April Wazny specializes in trauma-informed, evidence-based therapy. Passionate about helping others heal, she works alongside individuals and families to process generational trauma and build lasting emotional resilience.
As a therapist, I have the privilege of sitting with people who carry stories that are sometimes too heavy to speak aloud. I listen to heartbreak, shame, and trauma. I witness tears, anger, and dissociation. This is a sacred space built on trust, compassion, and years of training. It is here, in the quiet presence of listening, that healing begins.
For many adults, the journey to therapy starts with memories of a parent who struggled to cope with their own past trauma. Often, these parents were emotionally numb or disconnected as a way to manage experiences that felt too painful. While this may have helped the parent survive, the children who watched experienced confusion, fear, and a sense of instability.
The hidden impact of a parent’s emotional numbing
Growing up in a home shadowed by unresolved trauma teaches lessons that are painful. Children quickly learn to anticipate their parent’s moods, hide emotions, and sometimes assume responsibility for their parent’s well-being. They often internalize shame or blame themselves for circumstances beyond their control.
Research on intergenerational trauma shows that these early experiences affect not only emotional health but also biological stress responses, potentially shaping patterns of coping, relationships, and emotional regulation throughout life (Yehuda & Lehrner, 2018).
How this impacts children
Growing up with a parent who is emotionally unavailable or numbed by trauma can shape a child’s sense of self and safety in profound ways.
Emotional development
Children often learn to suppress or hide their emotions to avoid triggering parental stress or anger. Over time, they may struggle to identify and express feelings, leading to difficulties with emotional regulation in adolescence and adulthood.
Attachment and relationships
Inconsistent emotional availability can interfere with secure attachment. Children may become anxious, constantly seeking reassurance, or avoidant, retreating from closeness to protect themselves. These patterns often carry into adult relationships, affecting trust, intimacy, and boundary setting.
Self-esteem and identity
When a parent’s needs dominate the emotional landscape, children may internalize feelings of responsibility for the parent’s emotional state. They might blame themselves for conflicts or parental distress, fostering guilt and low self-esteem, and making it difficult to develop a strong, autonomous sense of self.
Behavioral and cognitive effects
Chronic stress in childhood can affect brain development and executive functioning. Children may struggle with focus, decision-making, or impulse control. Some adopt perfectionism or people-pleasing behaviors to maintain stability, while others display heightened anxiety or hypervigilance.
Long-term health implications
Prolonged exposure to stress can impact both physical and mental health. Elevated stress hormones, difficulties in emotional regulation, and maladaptive coping strategies can persist into adulthood, influencing overall well-being and resilience (van der Kolk, 2014, Yehuda & Lehrner, 2018).
Despite these challenges, children are remarkably resilient. With supportive interventions, safe relationships, and therapy, they can learn to regulate emotions, form healthy attachments, and develop a stronger sense of self. Recognizing the roots of these struggles is the first step in breaking the cycle of trauma and fostering healing.
Bearing witness as a therapist
What I see in therapy is the ripple effect of these experiences, adults who struggle to feel safe in relationships, who disconnect from their emotions, or who wrestle with guilt and perfectionism. As van der Kolk (2014) emphasizes in The Body Keeps the Score, trauma is stored not only in memory but also in the body. The body “remembers” experiences through tension, hypervigilance, or dissociation, even when the mind cannot articulate the pain.
Witnessing these embodied responses, tears, anger, withdrawal, or dissociation, is a sacred responsibility. Sitting with a client in this state requires presence, empathy, and trust. Healing often begins not just with talking about trauma but with helping clients reconnect with their bodies, feel sensations safely, and learn that emotions, even intense ones, can be held without fear.
I often remind my clients, and myself, that sitting with these experiences is an act of courage. It is a privilege to witness someone giving voice to their pain and reclaiming their narrative.
Steps toward healing
Healing is rarely linear, but there are pathways forward:
Trauma-informed therapy: Helps adult children of emotionally unavailable or traumatized parents distinguish their parents’ pain from their own and develop healthy emotional regulation.
Support groups: Community or peer support can provide validation, connection, and shared understanding.
Self-compassion practices: Learning to treat oneself with kindness can counteract decades of internalized shame.
Mind-body approaches: Techniques such as mindfulness, yoga, or somatic therapy help regulate stress responses and reconnect with the body, echoing van der Kolk’s findings on embodied trauma.
Moving toward resilience
Every story I hear in my office reminds me of the human capacity for resilience. Adult children of parents affected by unresolved trauma often carry wounds that run deep, yet they also carry the seeds of strength, empathy, and growth. Therapy is not just about processing trauma, it is about reclaiming agency, building connection, and learning that feelings, even difficult ones, can be held safely.
The work of healing from parental trauma is ongoing, but it is also profoundly transformative. By witnessing, naming, and honoring their experiences, clients can begin to rewrite their stories, moving from a place of survival to one of empowerment, hope, and self-compassion.
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Read more from April Wazny LCPC
April Wazny LCPC, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
April Wazny is a trauma-informed therapist and founder of Winora’s Hope Counseling. She’s passionate about walking alongside those who are hurting, helping individuals and families heal from generational trauma and reclaim their wholeness. Currently pursuing a Ph.D. in Social Psychology at Liberty University, April’s work explores the lasting impact of inherited trauma and the power of safe, compassionate connection in the healing process. Through both her writing and clinical work, she creates space for people to feel seen, supported, and empowered in their journey.
References:
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.
Yehuda, R., & Lehrner, A. (2018). Intergenerational transmission of trauma effects: Putative role of epigenetic mechanisms. World Psychiatry, 17(3), 243–257.
