A Simple Practice to Keep Your Relationship Alive When Date Night Just Isn't Happening
Written by Angela Dawn, Sex, Love & Relationship Coach
Angela Dawn is a Certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach and a Certified Tantric Sex Coach whose mission is to empower you to find fulfillment in love & life, enrich your intimate relationships, and help couples "get closer."
A while back, I wrote an article on fostering deeper intimacy in your relationship, sharing my go to formula for couples who want to stay connected, a weekly date night, a seasonal weekend away, and a week together once a year. If you haven't read it, I suggest you take a look. It lays the foundation for what I'm about to share. But today, I want to talk about something different. Something a little more realistic for the season of life so many of my clients are in.
As a Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, I work with individuals and couples, and right now, a lot of the couples in my practice have young kids. Getting out for a proper date night isn't always possible. Sometimes there's no family nearby to help. Sometimes a babysitter isn't in the budget. Sometimes life is just plain busy, and the idea of finding a free evening feels laughable.
So date night falls off the calendar. Then a few weeks go by, and then a few more. The connection starts to feel a little thinner.
Here's the thing, though, your relationship still needs tending. That doesn't change just because the logistics got harder. So I want to offer you a new concept that I've been sharing with my clients, Two Sacred Hours.
What is "Two Sacred Hours"?
Two Sacred Hours is exactly what it sounds like, two hours set aside on your calendar that belong only to the two of you. No kids. No phones, unless you're using one to play music. No screens. No multitasking. Just you and your partner, intentionally connecting.
It's not a replacement for date night. If you're already managing a weekly date, be sure to keep that going. But for the weeks when getting out the door just isn't happening, Two Sacred Hours is your fallback.
Before I go any further, this isn't just for parents of young children. Plenty of couples without kids at home have fallen off the wagon, too. Work schedules, caregiving for aging parents, side hustles, separate hobbies. There are a thousand reasons couples drift. Two Sacred Hours is a plan for everyone.
How to make it work
Here's how I suggest setting it up. Put it on your calendars and make it truly sacred. Any week you're not going to have a one-on-one date night, schedule your Two Sacred Hours. Treat it the way you'd treat a doctor's appointment or a work meeting, something that doesn't get bumped. (You could even play with a “missed appointment fee.” What would make it really painful to miss? That's your fee.)
Pick a time that works for both of you and your life. Some options:
Weekend nap time
After the kids go to bed
During a playdate or while the kids are at an activity
Swap with neighbors, you watch their kids for two hours one week, they watch yours the next, and each couple gets their sacred time
Alternate who plans it. Agree on a time to meet, then take turns deciding what you'll actually do. This keeps it fresh and makes sure both of you feel cared for.
What to actually do during your Two Sacred Hours
This is the question people always ask. Honestly, it depends on where you are as a couple. If you haven't had a date night in weeks, you probably haven't been having much sex either. So yes, maybe your Two Sacred Hours becomes sexy time. That's a wonderful use of it.
But sometimes there's relationship cultivation that needs to happen first. Sometimes you need to reconnect emotionally before the physical feels natural. So here are some other ideas:
Exchange massages
Play a card game or a game of questions
Try my Intimacy Bingo (three levels of play, from beginner to wild)
Practice belly to belly breathing
Reminisce, talk about music you used to listen to together, early dates, shared memories
Hold hands and walk around the block or in a nearby park
Cook something together with no phones in the kitchen
The activity itself isn't the point. The point is that you're looking at each other, not at a screen.
Why this matters
Whether your Two Sacred Hours becomes a board game, a snuggle session, a deep conversation, or lovemaking, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you carved out the time and that you keep doing it.
We nurture so many other things in our lives. Our businesses. Our health. Our kids. Our homes. But our intimate relationships often get whatever scraps of energy are left over at the end of the day, and over time, the things we don't tend to fall apart.
Don't let that be your relationship.
Two Sacred Hours is a small, doable practice. It doesn't require a babysitter, a reservation, or a big budget. It just requires that you and your partner agree that this matters, and that you show up for it.
If you're interested in deeper support for your relationship, you can fill out my couples interest form or explore my couples Tantra coaching on my website.
Angela Dawn, Sex, Love & Relationship Coach
Angela (she/her) is a Certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach and a Certified Tantric Sex Coach, dedicated to helping couples get closer. With a wealth of experience in yoga and Tibetan Buddhism, she brings a holistic approach to her coaching. Angela's mission is to empower clients to find fulfillment in love and life, free from societal taboos. Based in Annapolis, Maryland, her unique perspective and extensive training in tantric practices make her the ideal guide for enriching your intimate relationships. Don't wait, the time for the best version of yourself in love and intimacy is now!
