7 Invisible Forms of Career Grief, And How to Honor Them Without Burning It All Down
- Brainz Magazine
- Aug 6
- 7 min read
Written by Yolan Bedasse, Writer | Coach – Helping high-achieving women to exhale in the messy middle
Yolan is known for helping high-achieving women craving more than titles. Her coaching and writing are rooted in over a decade of corporate experience and a deep understanding of identity shifts, career transitions, and what comes after ambition.
Career transitions are often framed as bold leaps or empowered pivots, but beneath the surface, many carry a quiet grief that goes unnamed. In this piece, writer and coach Yolan Bedasse explores the emotional layers behind professional change and how honoring them can lead to deeper clarity, integrity, and self-trust.
Most career advice I’ve seen and previously covered myself focuses on the practical side of things when considering career changes. Finances. Don’t burn bridges. Continuously improving your skills to remain marketable. But what’s less talked about is the emotional unraveling that occurs when you make a huge change, such as quitting your job without immediately jumping to another one. Yes, the practical things are necessary to keep you afloat and your basic needs met. But what happens when the guilt from walking away creeps up? When does your identity crutch disappear? Or when it’s 2 AM and the fear of what you would do next takes hold in your mind?
Here's a list of 7 invisible but common forms of career grief we face when leaving stable jobs and how we can honor them in the process.
1. The gratitude guilt loop
Most people don’t leave their jobs; they leave because of toxic bosses, burnout, or unfulfillment. And when you leave, you feel an immediate sense of relief. But what often comes next? The guilt that comes with voluntarily walking away from something society tells you is good on paper. “You got what you prayed for, now you feel guilty for no longer wanting it”. The career blessing became a burden, but somehow you feel it’s your fault for not being grateful.
But the truth is, you can be grateful for what you once prayed for, honor the role it’s played in your journey, and still recognize when it’s served its purpose and no longer fits the version you’re becoming. When you realize this, the loop disappears.
2. The unraveling identity
This one will creep up on you quickly after you walk away. Initially, when I thought of a career identity crisis, I thought of the fancy job title from a reputable company that I’d no longer be able to relate to. You know what I mean. It’s the “I’m a x at x company” line we use at parties, brunches, and get-togethers. It often leads to a reaction of eyes gently glossing over and the quiet reverence that says, “this person must be someone important, someone deserving of my respect”.
Now you might be thinking, “yeah, this is not me, I rarely lead with what I do, and I never flaunt it around with pride”. Yes, that was my position too. Until I walked away from my “I am an x at x company” and started spiraling when my independence felt threatened. The identity I wore with pride was “Miss Independent,” and my career was a huge part of maintaining it. So while I didn’t care about the bragging rights that came with my work identity, dealing with the identity it supported was a surprise.
After the panic clears, though, you realize you’re still you, with the skills you’ve spent years building, and your independence isn’t tied to anything but your decisions and experiences.
3. Timeline grief
You mourn the versions of you that you never became. When you’re in a job that is mentally and emotionally exhausting, you operate in survival mode. Your body is a protective space and puts all its energy on constant alert to protect itself from this invisible threat. What that means is, anything else that’s going on gets suppressed until the main threat is dealt with.
When you decide to walk away from what’s no longer serving you, your body will start to play catch-up. This will lead to a feeling of safety, which means you stop bracing. Once that happens, everything you’ve ignored addressing starts creeping in, like “Hi, so now that you have time?”
Timeline grief is one of the creepers. You now have the space to think about all the things you wanted to accomplish but didn’t, and whether this decision was made from a place of purpose or fear. It’s part of the process. A rite of passage, per se.
It’s okay to honor the versions of yourself you never became while being grateful for the version you are.
4. Stable but suffocating
You know the feeling.
The job is “fine.” But your soul keeps whispering Leave.
The work environment isn’t toxic, but it feels stagnant.
You're great at your job, but you’re unfulfilled.
Everything looks good on paper, but something is off, and you can’t pinpoint what it is. Or maybe you can, maybe you know what your next step is, but you’re afraid to make it. That’s okay. I think this is one of the most common things people go through. To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with having a stable job where all you have to do is go along to get along. Some thrive in that space because it affords them the ability to do what fulfills them otherwise.
But then there’s the rest of us, suffocating. We want to be settled. But we’re frustrated and uncomfortable, and it’s a difficult place to be in. But the sooner we’re able to name this, the sooner we can process and work on our next.
This doesn’t have to be a big revelation. You just need a dedicated moment to breathe, process out loud, and see what comes up. I genuinely believe the answers we need live in the quiet. That’s why I created 75 +7 reset. 75 dedicated minutes +7 days to live in the quiet.
5. Fear of future regret
Deciding to leave your stable job is not for the faint of heart. So much of our life can be rooted in our work. Our ability to survive and keep a roof over our heads. But also culturally. If you live in a country like the United States, then you know we’re obsessed with what we do for a living. So much so, it’s what we ground our identity in. It’s the elevator pitch when we meet new people.
So, of course, choosing to walk away will undoubtedly bring the fear of regret. “Will I need to crawl back?” “What if I fail at starting my business?” “ What if I’m never able to find another job again?” Fear of failing after quitting is to be expected. These fears don’t always come from logic; they’re often rooted in emotional triggers we’ve inherited. Beliefs about stability, worthiness, and survival that whisper, “You’ll regret this. You’re being reckless.”
In the book “Offense Kills: Healing from the Emotional Triggers that Hold You Captive”, Dr. Charlotte Lawrence Bedasse explores how unresolved emotional pain can shape our decisions, especially in moments of transition. Her work reminds us that healing isn’t just personal, it’s professional, too.
It’s important to remember fear is not rooted in the future; it’s grounded in the unfamiliar. Which is a great thing because it means it has no control over what happens to you, unless you give it the power by focusing on it.
6. Performance residue
This one is just plain mean. It feels like comical karma. When you’ve spent so long grinding and operating from a place of urgency, it’s very difficult to shut that off. In this stage of burnout recovery, your nervous system is healing after the hustle. But it’s not easy getting rid of high-functioning fatigue. In the months after I left my corporate job, I went between holding on to my routine (waking up at 6, being “productive” from 9-5, etc) and being in my grandma era (the last time I napped this hard, I was probably two years old).
You’re no longer on the hamster wheel, but the hustle haunts your nervous system. And the only way is to go through it. Your body is playing catch-up; let it. You’ll feel guilty and unproductive at first. That’s okay. You’ve spent years in a routine, and it’s going to take you some time to get out of it.
7. The ache of reinvention
You’ll outgrow this version of yourself and will be forced to do some inner work. Rewriting your narrative is rewarding in the end, but the middle? It will be messy. You’re mourning the person you used to be, even if they were overextended, exhausted, misaligned, and unfulfilled.
Releasing this version may feel like a loss. Your former identity was tied to achievements and belonging. You’ll miss the validation that came with the job title, the rhythm of structured days, and that sense of belonging that comes with working in a team environment. Even if having all these things comes at the cost of your sanity.
But this ache you’re feeling means you’re awake. It signals your awareness of the tides changing and letting go of this version. Grieving means you’re paying respect and making space for something new. You’re acknowledging when something has served its purpose and is no longer in alignment.
So honor the version of you that got you this far. This was never a failure; it’s building the foundation for your next.
This article is part of a larger conversation I’m exploring in my Ache Series. For a deeper dive into the emotional layers of career transition, you can follow the full Ache Series in my newsletter, where I share personal essays and reflections on identity, longing, and reinvention.
If you’re navigating a career shift that feels more emotional than strategic, I offer coaching containers designed for high-achieving women in transition. Whether you’re grieving a former identity or building a new one, I hold space for clarity, sustainability, and self-trust. Learn more here.
Yolan Bedasse, Writer | Coach – Helping high-achieving women to exhale in the messy middle
Yolan is a writer and coach for high-achieving women who are ready for more than titles. After a decade in corporate, she now guides women through career transitions, identity shifts, and emotional sustainability with clarity and care. Through coaching containers and writing spaces, she invites readers into a life that invites an exhale you didn’t know you were holding. One shaped by resonance and honest reflection.
