Written by: Stephanie Booth, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
This past year has been emotionally exhausting. But each of the challenging, sad, shocking, outrageous, scary, and angering circumstances supports us in our ability to thrive. If you're feeling down, I'll bet that you are doing so much better than you thought. Keep reading through to see my six signs that you've got what it takes to thrive during the tough times.
Emotional Resilience | The Key to Thriving
The actual key to thriving during challenging times isn’t buying the right stocks when they’re low, pivoting your business in just the right way, or having enough experience navigating difficult circumstances to know how to rise above them. All actions result from feelings or emotions.
Thoughts trigger emotions. So, working on your mindset is vital. But, working on your feelings is also incredibly important to your success.
What is Emotional Resilience?
Your ability to bounce back from, move on from, or make the best of tough times. Think about it, does it matter what you do during tough times if you’re doing it with a terrible attitude? If you’re mad at the world? If you are outraged that people don’t feel the same as you? Those emotions will have a far more significant impact than your actions will.
So, if you’d like to build your emotional resilience, here are the signs to look for, 6 Signs That You Can Thrive During Hard Times:
Emotional Resilience Sign No. 1
You accept unwanted feelings instead of suppressing, numbing, or projecting them. For me, this one was my biggest step. I felt profoundly unsafe experiencing unwanted emotions like, say, anger. For most of my life, anger was only talked about in a negative context, and so I avoided any experience where I knew I might feel it.
As I began clearing my blocks, I started recognizing that emotions don’t last forever. I began accepting whatever I was feeling, and I noticed that I experienced it less as I did. I didn’t need to feel a surge of anger because I’d feel angry when I needed to, and it would subside in less than a minute.
If you’re avoiding your emotions, know that recognizing them and choosing not to change them is a great first step. You’ve got this!
Acceptance is an inside job.
Emotional Resilience Sign No.2
This one might be my favorite and the most relevant to current events right now:
You don't need to convince others around you to feel the same way you do to be "right." You honor your own experience.
I used to feel bewildered and upset at how people were calling out influencers for not posting a specific opinion at a particular time. Terms like virtue signaling suddenly became common jargon as those influencers tried to make up for the backlash. I thought to myself, "why force something if it’s not genuine care? Why not educate them and watch them learn how to care about this issue?"
The more I see people shaming others for not expressing a specific opinion at a particular time, the more I realize that often, shamers need others to validate their feelings. And I feel sad that they can’t do that on their own.
We all deserve to self-validate our emotions. We all deserve to say, "no matter what anyone
else is feeling, this is what I feel. I love and accept myself right now."
Respect is an inside job.
Emotional Resilience Sign No. 3
You've created resources that you use to support yourself when you're feeling unwanted solid emotions. (A self-care menu, a mental health toolkit, etc.)
I’ve been open on social media about my journey with anxiety and depression and how I’ve supported myself during those states. I am firmly committed to mastering my form and believe that doing so is a hallmark of excellence and success. The other day, I woke up with a familiar tightness in my chest and immediately asked myself, "how can I support myself right now?"
I chose a few of my favorite resources from what I call my Mindset toolkit did them, and immediately felt peaceful, grateful, and that tightness in my chest is replaced with an open,
the swelling feeling of love.
Love is an inside job.
Emotional Resilience Sign No.4
You can see and respect another person's perspective without feeling triggered, pressured to agree, or to try to change it.
This has been such a gift from the events of 2020. I’ve started learning how to understand someone without any need to participate in their point of view. This is emotional intelligence and leadership.
Leadership is an inside job.
Emotional Resilience Sign No.5
You can find silver linings or even have a sense of humor during difficult times. My husband has a unique ability to joke in almost any circumstance. For most of our relationship, if I were pretty upset at something and made a joke, I would get mad at him. And honestly, it felt confusing because his jokes were hilarious to me-well-timed and just genuinely funny. (I love his sense of humor.)
Do I laugh? I could feel the sides of my mouth turning up into a smile, nooo! But I'm so mad at him. So I’d shove my mouth back down into a frown. But dang, that was a good one, and now my mouth was a mangled, confused mix of laughter and anger.
Ugh. I didn’t have the resilience to see the big picture, see positives, and even crack a joke. A few days ago, amid more national turbulence and my feelings of fear, I cracked a few jokes. My husband stopped and said, "Babe! Do you know how big a deal this is?" It was a huge deal.
Perspective is an inside job.
Emotional Resilience Sign No.6
You have clear and loving boundaries. You understand that people's words say more about them than you. When people use angry words or attacks, criticize or come at you, that only speaks to their wounds, not yours.
I used to believe everything people said about me. If I learned that someone thought something negative about me, I’d work to change how they saw me. I had to! I wasn’t the person they thought I was! (duh) Most people show up this way-operating from a need to prove themselves to others. And I’m here to say it’s not needed if you approve of you.
Fast forward: I recently received an angry message from someone. Her message to me was filled with anger, conspiracies, and accusations. I would have felt triggered by the past's intense emotions, and I would have believed what she said about me, entering the conversation to prove myself to her.
However, this time, I knew that what she said came from her wounds and insecurities, not mine. This is always true. When someone comes to you with solid emotions that say more about them than you, this point of view allowed me to release triggered feelings, feel compassion toward her, and then quickly resolve the conflict and move on.
I felt utterly unphased by her opinions of me. And that rocked my world! Yes! This is one of the most prominent signs of compassion-understanding: someone speaks from their own wounds and not into yours. They can’t. This perspective opens us to feel deep compassion for them and a desire to feel healed and whole.
Compassion is an inside job.
Stephanie Booth, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Stephanie Booth is an NLP practitioner & success coach for online entrepreneurs who is most known for her theories and work around breakthroughs. She has been named a Yahoo Finance top success coach to follow and has had her work featured on top podcasts in the business and coaching spaces. Stephanie believes that breaking through limitations follows a natural pattern. The most important personal growth work we can do is learn to allow a breakthrough, where we would naturally self-sabotage. Stephanie hosts mentorships, masterminds, and signature programs, such as her popular program, Magnetic Minds, to help entrepreneurs harness the mind's power in creating their success.
