5 Steps to Being a Healthy Single Parent
- Brainz Magazine
- May 20
- 7 min read
Written by Maxine Smith, Life Coach
Maxine Smith is a renowned career coach and mentor, best known for her impactful work within the corporate world. As the founder of Spirit Soul Solutions, an online coaching platform, she offers a wide range of life coaching services aimed at personal and professional development.
Are you ready to be present, mentally and emotionally, or your child or children? Life is evolving, sometimes faster than we can keep up, and single parents need to move at the speed of light to stay on top of chores, finances, mental stability, work, and more. It's not easy, but it's doable and healthy!
1. Stop living in denial
As a single parent, I used to believe that I had to show the world I’m both a mom and a dad and that I could fulfill both roles effectively. I didn’t want to be perceived as less than, unaccomplished, or lacking in any way. I found myself depressed, burnt out, and merely surviving in autopilot mode. I asked myself three key questions to move from a state of denial to acceptance and healthy living as a single parent.
Why do I have to prove myself to the world?
Through asking this question, I realized I hadn’t truly embraced my reality for what it was, I had been holding onto an idealized version instead. But once I accepted that I am a single parent and that my journey is uniquely shaped to guide me toward a way of thinking, acting, and living that suits me, everything shifted. That realization transformed me entirely. I understood that I have nothing to prove to anyone, just as you don’t either.
What am I gaining from perceptions?
When examining how external influences may shape your perceptions, take a moment to reflect on how you truly see yourself.
Influences: The people in your life, whether caregivers, family, friends, or social circles, can impact your parenting style, your child’s environment, and the support systems you rely on. Be intentional about choosing influences that align with the parent you aspire to be.
Truth: Are your perceptions of others’ opinions based on reality, or are they shaped by assumptions? Take a step back and assess whether your decisions truly benefit both you and your children. Make sure they align with your values and create a positive, nurturing environment.
Boundaries: Not everyone offers advice from a place of love. Sometimes, their perspectives stem from personal experiences that may not align with your values. Be respectful when engaging with them, expressing gratitude for their input while firmly asserting that your parenting approach is unique to you and should be honoured by those around you.
2. Establish your individualism
Knowing who you are and your worth as a single parent is important. It's a role you take on, not your identity. We all wear many hats, mom, sister, daughter, friend, professional, etc. How do you want to show up for yourself first, and what standards do you want to set that provide you with peace and structure?
Identify your needs
What do you need to feel fulfilled, supported, healthy, and balanced? By identifying your own needs, you create space and clarity to be present as a person before any roles are assigned. Whether it’s quiet time for 10 minutes, a bath without being disturbed, a night out with your social circle, or time off from work to rest and recuperate, these are all key to being the best version of yourself and being a present parent. Unpack with a list of questions you can use as a guide. Refer to ‘Your Truth’.
Develop a routine
Having a routine builds structure in your everyday life and helps prevent burnout and overwhelm. The most important factor to remember when building a routine is this: do not fill your day with too many tasks that leave you feeling defeated, stressed, and out of touch with yourself and the world. Pinterest has dozens of schedules you can adopt and incorporate into your household, I used it, and it worked.
Identify healthy habits
We all have habits as individuals that are subconsciously adopted through our environments, media, and social circles, which are not necessarily healthy or helpful. You can change these to better support yourself and your family. Develop a sleep routine that keeps you energized and present. Work within your scheduled time. Preparing meals in advance allows more time for engaging with your kids and gives you a mental break as well.
3. Identify your support system
A good, healthy support system is essential during times of need. Who are the people and resources you can count on to help with school pick-ups, babysitting, household chores, financial aid, work obligations, healthcare, and spiritual growth, just to name a few? This will help you find and maintain your balance.
Decide on your parenting style
As parents, we often adopt the teachings and lifestyles of our own parents, the community around us, and sometimes Google. There is no shame in seeking professional help to identify what parenting style best suits you and your children. Doing so can help you build a healthy, loving, and supportive structure.
Caregivers
These are people with whom you build a relationship. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have parents who can take care of their children. There is hired help, a kindergarten, or a trusted friend you can rely on to assist when you cannot. We would love to be with our kids and see them grow, but we are not always able to, so seeking help is a good thing.
Financial support
Whether you receive financial support from the absent parent or not, there are other ways to provide for yourself and your kids. If you're in a situation where your income cannot support your household, seek financial assistance. If you can afford to, seek out a financial advisor, you might just need to restructure your finances. If you're not working, consider child grants (this may differ depending on the country you’re located in). Some schools offer exemptions from fees, discounts, and other aids to help you still provide the best for your child(ren). Talk to your organization’s Human Resources partner, as some offer financial assistance for child(ren) with special needs.
4. Well-being support system
When you are a single parent, you take on so many tasks and tend to neglect your health, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically, because you want to ensure your family is well taken care of and that you are performing at your peak professionally. However, not taking care of your well-being can be costly to yourself and your kids.
Planned breaks
Planning your breaks gives you time to rest, figure out what your next move will be, be a happy, healthy, present parent, and allow space to reconnect socially. We all need people in our lives we can unwind with, talk to, vent to, and learn from. Scheduled breaks with your kids create a bond where they feel heard and seen, whether it's watching a movie together, playing in the yard, going to the park, or having a picnic. These moments are necessary as you create balance for you and them. Booking.com offers affordable breaks and amazing places to unwind on a budget.
Make time for playing
We often feel that playtime is only for the kids, but we, as parents, need it too, to let go of our seriousness and invest in what’s important to our children. It relieves you from the stress of your daily routine and gives you the pleasure of experiencing life through their eyes.
Seek professional support
Life doesn’t always deal us the easiest hand, and navigating its challenges, especially as a single parent, can be tough. There will be times when everything feels overwhelming, but you don’t have to face it alone. Seek guidance from counsellors through your church or from professional therapists who can help you work through your struggles. Support groups are also available, offering connection and encouragement from those who understand your journey. Find the resources that resonate with you, because you deserve support along the way.
5. Work-life balance
We all want to provide for our kids’ education, well-being, and future. As the sole provider, we are also the solo decision-makers and risk-takers, and we must be cautious about the steps we take toward the future we envision. Plan and decide what your vision is for your family. Invest in yourself first by mapping out what job, role, or business you would like to venture into next. Find a career coach or mentor to work on your training and educational needs.
Career change
Assess whether your current job or work schedule provides you with a healthy work-life balance. If you need to take a break before advancing in your career to spend more time with your kids, you can do that. You are doing what is best for your family. If you want to further your studies, there are short courses available online that allow you to study at your own pace. If you want to take on a role that is less demanding and still financially supports your current lifestyle, then do that. Do what works for you. It’s not anyone else’s life you are living.
Find a mentor or coach
Whether you're just beginning your career or making a fresh start, focus on finding a path that meets your needs, supports your family, and offers the flexibility you require. Explore roles that align with your skills, pursue the necessary qualifications, or seek opportunities that facilitate a smooth transition. Remember, this stage isn’t permanent. Your children will grow, circumstances will evolve, and you’ll always have the freedom to adjust your course when the time is right.
Navigating the change
Now that you have identified what your ideal career path looks like, take the next step. If your company provides online courses, take advantage of them and start your learning journey. Remember to adjust your plan as needed. That includes taking care of your household and your well-being.
Support structures
Know this: we are all living our lives for the first time and figuring out how to single-parent along the way. You do have support, and help is readily available. All you need to do is make the decision and reach out. Be proud that you are willing to change today and reap the rewards of life. You don’t have to do it by yourself. Book a free 30-minute discovery call today.
Read more from Maxine Smith
Maxine Smith, Life Coach
Maxine Smith is the inspiring leader of Spirit Soul Solutions, an online coaching platform. Her own career challenges and the search for a place where she could thrive and grow led her to this path. Maxine's work is deeply rooted in transforming limiting beliefs and changing patterns that no longer serve her in all areas of life. She believes in continuous self-improvement and views herself as a work in progress, constantly evolving to help others do the same.
