Written by: Bernice Fabi, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You drag your feet out of bed every morning after hitting the snooze button on your phone alarm for the third time. Then you’re racing to get to work on time. You watch the clock all day every day and count the minutes until your “escape” time. You’re exhausted, frustrated, angry in the stop-and-go drive home rush hour traffic. When you get home you open the front door, throw your keys on the counter and mindlessly scroll social media all evening long with the tv playing in the background. You’re too exhausted to do anything socially yet you see all those perfect lives on social media and feel depressed. Supper is ordered in or consists of cold beans out of a can. You finally go to bed and can’t even sleep through the night only to start the same process all over the next day. Then you lie and complain that you don’t have time and you’re exhausted every day.
This scenario is likely an extreme and unrealistic case, but be honest, does any of this sound familiar? I know at least it was for me and I do remember eating beans out of a can, cold, not even scooped into a bowl. One less dish to wash I convinced myself. Life felt meaningless and empty. I had no direction in life. I felt alone. It can be so easy to fall into a trap of negativity and criticism especially after a life change such as a breakup, divorce, layoff, or the Covid pandemic which affected us all in one way or another. So, how do you create more of an upside to life?
Well, that last sentence is the first step toward positive change. It’s the concept that we are initiating a desire for change. It’s also absolutely necessary that the desire for change comes from within ourselves. I could honestly provide you with an entire list of things to consider and do. I won’t because I believe in simplicity. And face it, you’re very likely overwhelmed already so let’s not add to the stress. Here’s five simple-to-do and easy-to-remember ideas to help get you out of the “stuck syndrome” mindset trap:
Think of one small habit or change you can make in your life.
It might be our first inclination to think of grandiose changes and unrealistic timelines that require uncompromising commitment. When things don’t work out, we get easily discouraged and give up altogether only to fall into a deeper slump because we put in an effort, and feel we failed miserably. Choose one small change you can swap out for another that won’t disrupt your routine in any big way but that you would feel positive about. It could start as simple as warming up the beans and putting them on a plate. Maybe it’s listening to a podcast on your drive home rather than the intermittent traffic report. Enjoy the standstill moments listening to something inspiring. One little change will lead to another, and more and bigger changes over time.
Reach out for positive support.
Humans are social beings. We need each other. Seek out a friend, colleague, professional, or coach that can provide empathy, and support and challenge you in a positive way to move forward. Be wary of naysayers and critics that will bring you down. Also, be wary of any pity party network. Let me just take a sentence here to reinforce the words “positive support.”
Practice self-empathy, not self-pity.
I stumbled upon this definition of self-empathy in a recent Google search. “Self-empathy means that an aspect of yourself observes, in an empathic manner, the aspect of yourself that experiences. This is done with an attitude of suspended judgment and openness towards yourself (Jordan, 1994)”. In other words, self-empathy is simply being aware of our feelings as a result of what we experience. We give no judgment to those feelings. The world is full of critics. We don’t need to be one to ourselves as well.
Self-empathy enables inner confidence and strength, which also opens us up to connect with others and a common purpose.
Take time to explore life in a fun way.
Sorry, this does not include scrolling on social media. Take yourself outdoors, into a bookstore, or into a new interest or old hobby you once thought of revisiting. Volunteering, exercising, shopping or dancing are only a few examples that can take you to a new environment that energizes you and allows you to get lost in the moment of time in a productive and positive way.
Take up a practice of gratitude.
This can be as simple as acknowledging the grocery store clerk where you buy your cans of beans or a simple wave to the driver that let you into the condensed lane of traffic. It can be a note, a card, a text or a simple smile. You never know what kind of day someone else is having. Always, the giver and receiver will be touched by a “feel good feeling.”
Now, if you’re saying this is all still too overwhelming, let’s make it easier yet. Choose one item from the list above you can practice intentionally. Change it up daily for variety and to maintain interest. Every step in a positive direction is a step that will make a difference toward getting you unstuck.
Bernice Fabi, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Bernice Fabi is a certified Life and Empowerment Coach for women. She also applies mental fitness into her programs for a truly life changing experience. Always an eager life student, Bernice brings an array of experience to her coaching practice including a lengthy financial career and as an entrepreneur in real estate investment and management.
Bernice helps women overcome limiting beliefs and realize their potential. In doing so, they make choices to live an extraordinary and purposeful life.
