5 Doable Reframes to Get You Closer to Happy Today

Written by Joey Bothwell, Medicine Guide

Joey Bothwell is a veteran medicine guide, presence coach, and founder of Sentience. With over a decade worth of hands-on experience in addiction recovery and somatic therapies, Joey embodies the privilege of what it means to never abandon yourself.

Are you sick of seeing everyone else “living their best life” while just getting through your day feels like a win? You’ve done the therapy. Cold plunges don’t pack the same punch as they used to. And if one more podcast tells you to “just let them,” you might actually throw your phone. Same, friend. Same. Let’s make this simple and real. Here are five actually doable reframes to help you access joy that lasts.

1. If it’s not a “f*ck yes,” it’s a “no”

There’s no in-between. Indifference isn’t love. Your body already knows what’s right for you, but most of us are trained to override it. We listen to thoughts instead of sensations, familiar patterns instead of curious inquiry, logic instead of truth.

Start here, if your body says 'yes', trust it. Act on it. Even in the smallest ways.

Yes, even down to choosing your underwear. If it’s Tuesday and your whole being wants the Thursday pair, wear the damn underwear. That’s not chaos, that’s alignment over perceived safety through control.

Your joy, your peace, your purpose, they aren’t out there somewhere. They’re already in you. But like any relationship, they require attentive and consistent behaviors.

Your genuine needs don’t shout like your ego does. They whisper, then speak. Perhaps even scream violently if you’ve truly committed to ignoring them. But when listened to and valued, they are your single most powerful ally.

Learning to follow that internal “Fck yes” is how you stop just surviving and start thriving in the co-creation of your life. So, what else are you doing? Follow your Fck yes, wherever it may take you.

Prioritize your relationship to “self”

Like any good relationship, you have to be present and put in time. So, treat yourself and your practice of building a strong foundation with the same principles you would enter into any relationship that’s important to you. Develop the simple practice of:

• Listening

• Trust

• Follow-through

Seems super easy on paper, and yet we prioritize all of the other things before we actually get it on the calendar to spend quality time with ourselves. We’re funny creatures that way. The ego is insistent and consistently tries to get you to avoid the relationship with the Self. When that relationship with Self becomes valued, the relationship to the ego (buying all the stuff, the 401(k), the 2.5 children, the white picket fence, things that make us feel safe, momentarily) starts to dissolve and, by extension, loses its power over what is driving you.

To question what is driving you can be an upheaval of many years' worth of survival strategies that your ego doesn’t want you to look at because it’s scared. Scared that somehow, if it’s not in control, that could, and will, mean death. And in some ways, the death of the ego is mandatory. But only for a moment. Then the Self and Ego can coexist in a healthy, secure relationship. But that takes work. Deep work, friends.

And that work is worth every effort made.

2. Choose joy, full stop

Joy isn’t something you chase, it’s something you allow. Something to be received much like a good orgasm. You can’t chase it or control it. It’s something that comes to you, that you receive through vulnerability and surrender. And those are very scary words.

Here’s the catch, you don’t get joy by avoiding everything else. In fact, it’s the opposite. We have to be able to welcome ALL of the parts of Self fully and be able to build the capacity to hold those bigger feelings when they come, and then joy will inevitably bring up the rear of that magic feelings parade.

Your emotions are not here to ruin your life. They are here to help. Strong and subtle guidance systems escorting you towards your joy. When ignored, they don’t disappear, they get louder. Then they become stress. They become dis-ease because they matter. They are a vital part of the human experience that cannot be ignored.

So let’s reframe the obvious children that should not be ignored:

• Sadness isn’t weakness.

• Anger isn’t bad.

• Fear isn’t failure.

They are information, beautiful, generous information that is trying to help you and get your attention. And it’s your job to process them. Sit with them. No one can do that for you. But there are humans out there who want to and can help guide you through all of it. Use them.

So what can I do today? Choose the option that brings you more joy. Even if it’s only slightly more, choose that feeling. Then close your eyes, go inward, and ask:

• Where do I feel this in my body?

• What does real joy feel like for me?

• Is this coming from fear, or expansion?

Over time, you’ll learn to tell the difference between:

• Ego (familiar, protective, limiting)

• Self (expansive, aligned, curious, alive)

Warning! Ego can be a sneaky, slippery little sucker who likes to dress up in costumes that look a lot like Self. Get to know that part of you and the subtle dialects that morph. Hire a coach or a therapist to help you differentiate the parts of you and where they come from. These humans are incredibly helpful. Invest in them, and the investment in you will have guaranteed returns.

3. Separate ego from self (like church and state)

Your ego isn’t the enemy. It kept you alive. Give it a high five. Throw it a party and give it recognition for surviving your childhood because, let’s be honest, no one doing this human experience thing gets out of childhood unscathed.

However, what protected you at 5 years old might be the very thing that is sabotaging your relationships at 45. Nothing to shame here, just information to note and have compassion for. Our brain wires around survival. And those old patterns? They don’t just disappear because you “grew up.” They run in the background like outdated software, and we all know how great our computers run when there are 75 tabs open at once, complete with music we can’t find and clickbait that grates on the last exposed nerve. You have to deal with “what it means to be you.” It’s worth the investigation. Your joy is on the other side of the hard thing. Go do the hard thing.

It’s time for an upgrade, and you, my friend, already have the newest software. Here’s how to start using that upgrade and how to start noticing the difference:

Ego

• Rooted in fear and control

• Loud, urgent, reactive

• Seeks safety through repetition and familiarity

• Looks for scarcity and “not enough.”

Self

• Rooted in trust and ease

• Calm, grounded, clear

• Invites growth and relationship to the unknown

• Sees abundance and possibility

Your body knows the difference, even when your mind doesn’t. When something expands you, softens you, or excites you in a grounded way? That’s Self. When something constricts, loops, invokes fear, or panics? That’s Ego.

You are not broken. You’re just running old code that’s trying to keep you alive. It just doesn’t totally understand what a Trader Joe’s is or that a sabre-tooth tiger is no longer trying to kill you.

4. Practice stillness, softness, and move your body

The ego loves noise, speed, and distraction. More goals. More validation. More everything.

Because if you slow down, you might hear something deeper, something more connected to something bigger, and that threatens its control. But here’s the truth, you can’t control life. And staying busy to avoid that reality? Exhausting. Stillness is where your inner wisdom lives.

Start small:

• Sit in silence for a few minutes. Fine, seconds, start with 30 seconds.

• Focus on your breath. This needs to become your most cherished bestie. Spend time with it, please!

• Let things be quiet without needing to fix them. Be curious about what you can receive in the quiet.

And then, move your body. Not for aesthetics. Not for optimization. For participation. For co-creation. For love. For gratitude. For joy.

Why dancing works (even badly):

• Boosts endorphins and dopamine (hello, mood lift)

• Lowers cortisol (goodbye, stress overload)

• Enhances brain connectivity and neuroplasticity

• Improves emotional processing and resilience

• Builds connection and shared experience when done with others

Dance is one of the most integrated healing tools we have, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially. So, yes. Dance in your kitchen like no one is watching. In the dark or under the stars. With people, or plants, or pets, or completely alone. Shut up and dance and watch your joy find you. It will not miss you. Your destiny will hunt you.

Yoga (or whatever feels like a moving meditation)

A yoga practice is where the rubber meets the road. Developing a safe, consistent place where your brain and body can commune with your inner knowing, wisdom, or self is incredibly helpful as you cultivate your own joy. This can be long walks, golfing, running, Qi gong, whatever, just a moving practice that confronts you with the challenge of being completely present.

The yoga mat teaches you what to do when things get uncomfortable. How do you avoid yourself or lean into your strengths when faced with stillness and tedious effort? It can be the best place to witness yourself fully and reflect on how you interact with the world around you, and how often all you need to do to persevere to the next moment is to go to your own breath for guidance. That badass bestie will never leave you. Learn places where you spend time prioritizing yourself and your breath.

5. Stop abandoning yourself to take care of everyone else

Let’s be honest, this one hits. You matter. Your needs matter. And unfortunately, this concept generally doesn’t really hit until it’s already a problem that keeps showing up in our day-to-day, and we can’t understand why.

Most of us were taught (directly or indirectly) that ignoring our needs makes us:

• More lovable

• More acceptable

• More “good”

It doesn’t. It just makes you resentful.

Here’s a real-life example, it’s 2pm. You’re hungry. Your body wants food, specifically spinach and artichoke dip. Then comes the override of the adaptation, “I’ll just wait until my partner gets here.” “Oh, and they don’t like that, so I’ll make something else.”

Four hours later, you’re eating soggy gluten-free pasta, irritated, and wondering why the sound of their chewing makes you want to scream. That’s not on them. That’s your own self-abandonment. That’s ignoring the very clear communication of hunger and desire for spinach and artichoke dip that was trying to get you to take action just hours earlier. And now, instead, your partner is on the receiving end of your resentment for something they had no participation in. How dare they?

There is no award for needing the least. There is only resentment when you continue to ignore yourself and accept the breadcrumbs of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich of life when you deserve a big-ass plate from the whole freaking buffet.

Let’s reframe:

• Caring for others is not equal abandoning yourself

• Giving should be a conscious choice, not a subconscious survival pattern

• Your needs deserve the same respect you give everyone else, if not more so.

Start honoring them. Immediately. Clearly. Consistently. You’ll be a much better version of you, and people you love will want to connect. Connection is so much easier to maintain when all parties are aware of their own patterns, adaptations, and take accountability. That’s where joy can emerge out of love and authentic safety. Be the safe place for your feelings. Just by slowing down enough to hear them.

Seek mentorship and coaching

This human experience thing is not a completely solo mission. We are communal animals that thrive in communities. We are designed to help one another and to support each other's success. Lean on experienced coaches and mentors that you admire. The ones who walk the walk in their own lives. Love those humans. And if you are choosing between one coach versus another, always choose the coach who feels like more joy.

Joy isn’t something you earn. It’s something you allow by:

• Listening to yourself

• Feeling your feelings

• Trusting your body and learning how it communicates its needs

• Updating and extracting old patterns

• And above all, choosing your Self, over and over again

You don’t need another hack or test to tell you something you already know. You need a prioritized relationship with your joy and to remember how valuable a gift it is to truly feel. If you would like help with any of these big conversions or have a curiosity about medicine-guided wellness retreats, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’d love to hear from you and get started on the greatest love affair of your lifetime. This is what it truly means to be human. This is what it means to be sentient. Lucky you.

Follow me on Instagram, and visit my website for more info!

Read more from Joey Bothwell

Joey Bothwell, Medicine Guide

Joey Bothwell is a leader in consciousness cultivation and aligned living. After experiencing a life-changing bicycle accident at the height of her dance and acting career, she was left with no choice but to engage with her healing from the inside out. Presented with an opportunity to follow Western medicine's traditional therapeutic practices, Joey decided to take a more unconventional approach and carved her own path for healing with the assistance of plant medicines, self-regulation therapies, and Eastern practices, including breath work, meditation, and yoga. Joey continues to dance with life and embraces helping others find their own individual alignment to reach their most authentic and fulfilled version of themselves.